5 year old saying she is fat and ugly

mezzdon

I recently moved to a new area with my 5 year old daughter. Since moving she has been saying the most terrible things like "I'm fat and ugly" and "I'm going to die". I don't even know where she is getting this from. She has said it in school and the teacher has said it to me. I tell her every day so many times that she is so beautiful and smart and funny. She is anything but over weight, she is a tiny little thing. I can't seem to control her either, she gets so angry and won't listin to me. She is extremely strong minded and loves attention, I think this could be part of the problem, she has realised that when she says these things it gets so much attention from all the adults. I was thinking of putting her in for some therapy. I don't know if I am over reacting or if I am doing something wrong.... Help Need advice....:(

Nevyn

Have you considered taking her to the dr and getting the dr to weigh her and pronouce
her the prefect weight for her height and age?

I would suggest having a good look at what she is reading/watching and who her new 'friends' are, cos kids can be cruel.

I would suggest doing things to build up her confiedence in herself with has nothing to do with her appearance, arts and crafts reading, sports, cooking, things which will build her confidence and don't let her use such statements to press your emotional buttons.

we'llallhavetea_old

mezzdon wrote: »

I recently moved to a new area with my 5 year old daughter. Since moving she has been saying the most terrible things like "I'm fat and ugly" and "I'm going to die". I don't even know where she is getting this from. She has said it in school and the teacher has said it to me. I tell her every day so many times that she is so beautiful and smart and funny. She is anything but over weight, she is a tiny little thing. I can't seem to control her either, she gets so angry and won't listin to me. She is extremely strong minded and loves attention, I think this could be part of the problem, she has realised that when she says these things it gets so much attention from all the adults. I was thinking of putting her in for some therapy. I don't know if I am over reacting or if I am doing something wrong.... Help Need advice....:(

i have a five year old daughter and if she started saying those things i would have a freak attack, but in saying that, maybe you should try not to react in a big way when she says these things. also be careful about what you say infront of her, they dont lick these things off the floor.
make sure she's not watching unsuitable things on the telly, even cartoons and childrens programmes can be full of crap and warp their mind.

lazygal

Hi OP,
I work with children of the same age as your daughter and as any childcare person/teacher will tell you any major change in a child's life can have profound affects on a child. We might think they are insignificant changes but they have clearly caused huge strife in your child's life.
I can recommend that you spend as much time as possible with her and reassure her that the new things in her life will be familiar soon. I would not get her weighed, children don't need to know how much they weigh and a visit to the doctor may stress her out even more. I would involve her in you life as much as possible and tell her how beautiful she is, how lovely it is to have her to help you etc. Constant reassurance can be an amazing way to deal with unheaval.
I don't know if this helps, but I started weighing myself at six and became a bit obesessed with how much I weighed. My mum's solution was to get rid of the scales and involve me in cooking, telling me about healthy eating etc. I'm much older now, and still don't know what caused me to do that at the time, but I think it might have been some upheavel in my little six year old world that my cuddly mum put to rights!

LeoB

What is she watching on T.V.? There is some muck that pass as kids programmes. My daughter has picked up a lot of rubbish from American programmes and we have had to work hard to pull her back to her old self.

LadyJ

Talk to her about this. If this is just something she's saying but not really feeling or believing then it's probably something from tv or new friends she's made. However, if she is acting in a way that leads you to believe that she feels ugly or disgusting etc. then I'd take her to see a therapist because that would indicate that something a lot more serious is going on.

mezzdon

I had a talk with her about what she was saying and was shocked for her to reply that she got the "fat and ugly" thing from Brats!!!!!! She told me "all the girls in Brats say it mammy"... You can guess what went striaght in the bin, every Brats dvd she has got.. She also said that she heard the "I want to die" on tv too. I only let her watch an hour of tv a day and it is usually Cartoon Network so the other day I sat down with her and watched it. I couldn't believe what I was watching, all the cartoons were so violent and the characters are so angry and hostile.

From now on if she is good during the day she gets to pick a dvd and I sit down and watch it with her... It just shows the impact tv has on a child, I just thought that with it being a network for children it would be ok... how wrong was I!!!

LeoB

Its sad to think what we now call childrens T.V can have such an effect. When you look at the sterotypes being created by some of these "T.V" programmes it probably explains quite a bit about some of the attidtudes some of our teenagers have today.

We have basically banned most of the American crap and it has made a difference. We could not blame our child we just were not watching close enough. Oh and if your child is into music wait till they explain some of the videos.!!!

Bring back Wonderly Wagon, Zig and Zag, The magic roundabout and Jackanory

littlebug

Oh lordy those bloomin' bratz :mad: I've seen a couple of episodes... one where they decided that the plain girl needed a makeover and once she looked just like the rest of them she got the boy :rolleyes: and another where they punished a girl by making her eat carbs :eek: :eek: duly barred from our house. Honestly it has to contain the worst messages to little girls. Thankfully my daughter isn't in to them at all. That said she's complaining about her new nice warm padded coat as she thinks it makes her look fat She's a real skinny minny.

AcePuppetMaster

My daughter started saying the same things and again she was just a waife of a girl, no fat at all. She watches a lot of american programs (which I won't mention here) but I can't help but think they play a role in this. I also think they hear it from other kids in the street and let's face it, I'm sure we as parents have said something like: "No thanks, I'm watching what I eat" which naturaly translates to: "You're fat, eat less like me!" to an innocent child. (please note the sarcasm).

I agree that if you build up your child's confidence it is a great help. Also, it never hurts to let them know the benefits of eating a balanced diet as opposed to starving themselves. This nips the problem in the butt.

My daughter won't eat sweets now, but I try to tell her it is ok now and again but offer her fruit, raw veg like carrots are a favourite.

Best of luck, and don't be too alarmed. Be proactive! Use this as an opportunity to teach something positive.