Anembryonic Pregnancy - Nearly a Dad, just not yet.

LegacyUser

Hi all. Myself and my wife just got news after an 8 week scan that our baby didnt develop and there was an anembryonic pregnancy. This is otherwise known as a blighted ovum.

We're both devastated. In tears one minute, laughing about the future the next. We're 28 & 29 and this was to be our first child.

Has anyone else here ever had a miscarriage of this kind on their first baby? We're both very frightened I think. As bad as any miscarriage can be, if you already have a child/children then you know you have the capacity to do it. The girl doing the scan did say that it shows that biologically we can have children but you read things like the cause of it was poor quality sperm/ovum and you wonder do they mean a poor quality sperm, or poor quality in general etc. At least thats whats frightening me anyway.

I'd love to hear from someone who went through this particular case and managed to have a healthy child afterwards.

Its shattering though. We've spent weeks talking about nothing else, and last night told our parents we were going to have a baby in June and that today was the scan. We had to go and tell them today then that the news was bad. Hindsight being 20/20 says we should have kept our mouths shut. I feel awful for getting their hopes up.

Me, I'm a fixer. I fix problems.. and I feel completely useless today.

Nevyn

Sorry for your loss and when that subsides a little you can start the journey of trying to figure out what may have went wrong and what you can do to increase your chances and the qualtiy of your reproductive cells.

There is a fair bit that can be done esp for dads to be via diet.

As for telling family, at least if they know they can try and be suportive of you both over the next while.

~me~

I don't have any advice to offer, just my sincere condolences.
afaik, these things just happen, as awful as it is its just one of those things, not a sign of a problem.
this site might be helpful to you both if you've any questions or problems dealing with things- http://www.miscarriagesupport.org.uk/
try not to worry about the future, just take it one day at a time and deal with any problems if they do arise.

Nevyn

http://www.miscarriage.ie/

crazy cat lady

We had our miscarriage a year ago on the 5th November. Like you we had told people the day before the scan just to have to tell everyone the bad news a day later. It would have been our first baby too.

Its just one of those awful things that happens. You'll probably never know why it happened, and its highly unlikely that its anything you or your OH did or didn't do that caused the miscarriage.

The odds are also in your favour that on your next pregnancy, everything will be fine. Unfortunately it happens in many first time pregnancies, and the reason is never known. A problem is only really suspected if three miscarriages occur.

For us, we were lucky enough to conceive again 3 cycles after the miscarriage, and our baby is now due in 7 weeks. So far we haven't had any problems, and please god it will continue this way. We didn't change our lifestyles in any way.

I was working as a midwife when I had my miscarriage. I didn't go back to work for 2 months after. On my first day back I was assigned 9 women to take care of on the antenatal ward. Of these 9 women, 7 had had MC's in the past, and of those 7, 5 had conceived again within 3 months and were at the end of healthy pregnancies. Its like the body is super fertile after being pregnant, even if that pregnancy was only very short.

I know its very hard to cope with, especially the 'not knowing' why it happened, but just take every day as it comes, take comfort and support from the people around you, and be confident that in the future you will have a baby

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the advice and support everyone. I really get the sense that because usually things like this are kept very quiet, when it does happen to you, you feel like you're the only ones.

We've got confidence now I think that we can get over this enough to try again when we're ready. Its not easy though.

All of the websites are directed at what the woman needs and should do. Thats fair enough I suppose but its a lonely place being a man when this happened. I want a child equally as much as my wife.

If this cruel episode has done anything positive, its seeing how strong she is and 100% confirming that we'll make good parents, not that I felt it needed confirming before. My life would be worthless without her and I cant wait til we get to bring a child into the world.

I think I need to take a day or two off from work because my head is in a daze. Im going to go to the doctor with herself tomorrow and see can I get a cert too. I cant fix the situation but I want to be near my wife for another few days. It feels like the right thing to do. I'm not even sure if its normal for the man (I almost typed Dad..) to take time off but Im exhausted from the disappointment and I think I need it.

I fell asleep again this morning and started having mad dreams that someone was saying "How could you be asleep when this is happening??!".. I woke up feeling guilty that I'd nodded off again. Only for my wife, I'd be in a worse state. As usual, she's holding things together for both of us.

Sorry also for going unregged posting this. Im actually a moderator elsewhere on the site but people I know also use boards and for now we're just telling the close few who's support we know and trust.

Thanks again for the kind support. It changed my day to read that someone had a first miscarriage and went on to have another pregnancy thats going really well. My hopes and thoughts are with you crazy cat lady.. enjoy it all.

CathyMoran

I have a history of multiple miscarriages but have a very complex medical history. I am now 16.5 weeks pregnant. I do know of at least one couple who had the same type of miscarriage as you and went on to have a healthy child. There is no gain in looking up the web, it will only make you feel worse and in most cases is innacurate in any case.

In terms of telling people, it is hard not to get excited when you have a much wanted pregnancy, do not feel bad. Also you will need their support now.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Unregistered20

Hi,
I too had a miscarriage as a result of a blighted ovum. This was a long time ago & it was to be our first pregnancy. We were both devastated & I still think about what might have been . . . .

It's a very sad time for both of you, but you will get through it.
At the time, we planted a little shrub which flowers each year at around the time our baby would have been born.


The good news is that we went on to have three beautiful daughters, so please don't feel that all is lost.


Don't be afraid to cry, don't be afraid to talk. Be together.
Good luck

CathyMoran

As the dad you are just as much involved in this baby and its loss as your wife - the miscarriage association are really good at helping both parents with their loss. I would have been totally lost without my husband but it has been very much our loss.

If you want to talk to my husband about the issue he is smccarrick and would be glad to talk if you wish.

GalwayDub2

Hi,

I'm so sorry for what has happend to you. I cant offer any advice as we are just trying for our 1st baby. I know how stressful that can be without something as awful as that happening.

Please dont feel guilty about not been able to fix things that are totally out of your control.

Take care.