do i have what it takes

clarke.david21

this is a poem i wrote lately... i was wondering if i have what it takes to make it as a professional poet.... if not say why... any advice would be great .... thanks...

the moment
in life there's a moment for love
thats not from the man above
purly the love your sweetheart can give
remains with you until the grave
love allows you to forgive and forget
to muse life like romeo and juliet

Grievous

clarke.david21 wrote: »

this is a poem i wrote lately... i was wondering if i have what it takes to make it as a professional poet.... if not say why... any advice would be great .... thanks...

the moment
in life there's a moment for love
thats not from the man above
purly the love your sweetheart can give
remains with you until the grave
love allows you to forgive and forget
to muse life like romeo and juliet

Hey. I always preffered writing short stories and other bits and bobs than writing poetry (I understand Poetry is a form of story telling in and of itself.)

I wrote some poetry in college when I was younger. But I always found it's such a personal thing to do so your question about do you have what it takes to become a proffessional poet? I honestly don't know that answer.

I could joke and say unless your name is seamus heany or wb yeats don't bother But I am only kidding.

About your peice:

I put the first words in the sentences in caps. Unless you left them the way they are intentionally? You were missing a comma or two as well. Presentation is important.

Purly? I checked this website and you might mean another word? As this one does not exsist.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/purly

I don't like the last sentence. Love and romeo and juliet mentioned might make it seem a bit cliched and cheesy.

Hope I was helpful.



In life there's a moment for love
That's not from the man above
Purly the love your sweetheart can give
Remains with you until the grave
Love allows you to forgive and forget
To muse life like romeo and juliet

partyatmygaff

It sounds pretty good but heres a few edits I made, maybe you might like it?



In life, there is but only a moment for love
That's not from the man above
Purely the love a sweet lover can give
Remains with you until grey and grave
Love allows you to forgive, to forget
And to muse life like romeo and juliet.
What more can love bring?

weiming

First and foremost, I would have to ask: clarke.david21, how old are you? That would be a huge factor in my equation.

Secondly, I dislike the idea that anyone either "has what it takes" to become something, or doesn't. It seems to imply that either you can, or you can't, when in fact any number of amazing things can be accomplished by people who stick with what they like or love to do.

I would say if you enjoyed writing your piece, and if you're willing to keep reading and learning and working at your craft then of course you have what it takes.

pickarooney

clarke.david21 wrote: »

this is a poem i wrote lately... i was wondering if i have what it takes to make it as a professional poet.... if not say why... any advice would be great .... thanks...

the moment
in life there's a moment for love
thats not from the man above
purly the love your sweetheart can give
remains with you until the grave
love allows you to forgive and forget
to muse life like romeo and juliet

On the evidence presented, I would say no. Professional poets are a rare species and it takes an exceptional talent (or extensive marketing) to mark yourself out. Then again, the greetings card industry is alive and well...

Sorry if this sounds arseholey but this is as honest as I can be.

lmtduffy

clarke.david21 wrote: »

this is a poem i wrote lately... i was wondering if i have what it takes to make it as a professional poet.... if not say why... any advice would be great .... thanks...

the moment
in life there's a moment for love
thats not from the man above
purly the love your sweetheart can give
remains with you until the grave
love allows you to forgive and forget
to muse life like romeo and juliet

The poem is a terrible hash of clichés.

There is no element of having what it takes really, its a matter or working at it, learning the difference between a personal poem and one intended for an audience and their respective uses.

Try and read some contemporary poetry look at what they write about and how they write. Look at what interests you and how they get your interest and then consider how you could put yourself forward as interesting.

An most importantly work at things over and over, never throw anything away and take criticism as its meant to be taken; constructively.

weiming

In an attempt to..."redress" previous comments, I strongly recommend the OP check out this page about ridiculously famous authors who's work was rejected repeatedly (J.K. Rowling--that's right, "Harry Potter" author--among them):

http://www.examiner.com/x-562-Book-Examiner~y2009m3d20-20-famous-authors-who-were-rejected-repeatedly-and-sometimes-rudely-by-publishers

Do I think the OP's work qualifies him/her as a professional poet now? No. Do I think the OP's obvious interest in poetry and willingness to have their work reviewed shows potential to become a professional poet? Absolutely.

Also, I think opinions that are based on a person's single work, which may also be one of their first attempts are unqualified and can be safely ignored, as evidenced in the link.

PurpleBee

This is a ridiculous thread though. Why not just put the poem up and ask what people think? If you want to be a professional, I suggest you go try being a professional something else. If you want to be a poet I'd suggest you stop asking questions like this.

clarke.david21

weiming, i am 16 years old... yes i truely love what i do... i started at the age of 10 and haven't stopped... i don't think i will either.... i'm in TY so i have a good bit to go yet until collage

clarke.david21

partyatmygaff, i like it ... after all poetry is an art form and an artist once said " a painting is never finished" ... thanks every much...

weiming

clarke.david21, I think PurpleBee has made an interesting point. With writers and painters and poets, what makes them "professional"? Generally, if someone is paying them to do what they do. But then again another standard may be whether their work is read and appreciated or not. Yet another standard might be someone who on one level or another has dedicated their lives to their art, however it is received.

Art is a creative process, but that doesn't mean it's completely creative. Architecture requires a lot of creativity as well, but that alone won't take you very far in that field.

I would suggest that while continuing to write poems in a way you enjoy that you also read as much poetry as you can get your hands on and try to understand why people think it is good. If you keep at it you'll be just fine.

mantom

The fact that alot of you are correcting clarke.david21 on his grammar is unimportant, in my opinion. It is not the spelling that matters. It is what he is putting into his poems, the emotions and feelings as he writes them.

He has his own style of writing poetry, aswell as maybe using other styles. I don't really think that there is any such thing as a 'professional poet'. You either like writing poetry, or you don't, it's that simple.

clarke.david 21, I think that the poem is short and sweet. I don't write poetry myself, but you said yourself you truly love what you do, and that's all that matters.

lmtduffy

mantom wrote: »

The fact that alot of you are correcting clarke.david21 on his grammar is unimportant, in my opinion. It is not the spelling that matters. It is what he is putting into his poems, the emotions and feelings as he writes them.

It is important, if he expects people to read it, its acceptable that he should at least spell check it. And if hes looking for critique then grammar is a very basic point to start.

And no, his emotions and feelings have nothing to do with the poem, what matters is what is written and how the reader interprets that.

He has his own style of writing poetry, aswell as maybe using other styles. I don't really think that there is any such thing as a 'professional poet'. You either like writing poetry, or you don't, it's that simple.

He does not have his own style yet, it was a clichéd piece but that is how everyone starts.
A professional poet is some one who earns a living or is at least involved to some extent in the "Business" of poetry, contributing to magazines, reading in public, getting published...

[

I]clarke.david 21, I think that the poem is short and sweet. I don't write poetry myself, but you said yourself you truly love what you do, and that's all that matters. [/I]

[/QUOTE]

I agree, but it changes when you want to share your work with an audience or want to be professional.

clarke.david21

well i agree with imtduffy, about the professional poet remark... that is what i was referring to in my post...
but i don't agree with the remark about my feelings.... of course they matter... i could be wrong but , isn't poetry ment to be about expressing feeling through discriptive language....

lmtduffy

clarke.david21 wrote: »

well i agree with imtduffy, about the professional poet remark... that is what i was referring to in my post...
but i don't agree with the remark about my feelings.... of course they matter... i could be wrong but , isn't poetry ment to be about expressing feeling through discriptive language....

Poetry is about what ever you like really it can do lots of things,
I was just disagreeing with the last poster that what matters(to the exclusion of grammar and spelling) is how emotionally charged a poem is.

how emotionally involved or personal a poem is has nothing to do with it being a good poem. You have to offer people something more than a page from your diary with stanzas.

But as I said earlier that is how most be poets begin, the next step is to start writing poetry that is relate-able and interesting, as words on a page being read by any person in the world.

I dont mean to seem harsh Im just weary of people crediting poetry just because its heartfelt, such advice will only impede your development.

PurpleBee

You seem to have a VERY clear idea of what poetry is, I don't...

clarke.david21

i was just thinking if this is more along the lines of what your talking about imtduffy...
The Sunflower
I was traveling home from a dreary day,
with a lazy gaze out the window.
There radiantly rose a sun flower,
silenty sturcturing like a tower.
The bold flower brought joy from top to bottom,
striking attitude in the epicentre of abusive autumn.
Emerging elgantly seemed easy for it to do,
a revelation accured, that i could do it too.

this is one i wrote a month or two ago...

lmtduffy

clarke.david21 wrote: »

i was just thinking if this is more along the lines of what your talking about imtduffy...
The Sunflower
I was traveling home from a dreary day,
with a lazy gaze out the window.
There radiantly rose a sun flower,
silenty sturcturing like a tower.
The bold flower brought joy from top to bottom,
striking attitude in the epicentre of abusive autumn.
Emerging elgantly seemed easy for it to do,
a revelation accured, that i could do it too.

this is one i wrote a month or two ago...

This appears much maturer, but try writing about things, reflective writing is all well and good, but its limited in the sence that they are your reflections and only so relatable or interstign to a reader. Im not saying you should write in a certain way, but try some different approaches and see what you think yourself.

You are able, its just your approach and focus you need to look at more critically.

BEAT

to the OP,
everyone here has offered excellent criticism,
a professional poet in today's world would be hard to find, instead try expanding your writing to short stories and then novels.. after your a published author THEN your poetry would be more noticed, just the way it is anymore.
That being said, I like your second piece, the first didn't quite flow.
Good luck!

Grievous

Poetry vexes me. I would like to understand and appreciate it better.

My main problem with it is it reminds me of abstract art. Some find merit in it and others won't/don't.

With novels: I can go to my book and pick up James Patterson's kiss the girls and tell it's popcorn. At the same time I can look up higher on my shelf and find atlas shrugged by ayn rand and see it's of a higher calibre.

I do like yeat's "The second coming " all the same. I just wish Sci Fi writers would stop using quotes out of it for the start of their dystopian novels.

PurpleBee

I think the worst thing you can do is approach poetry as though you have some sort of literary obligation to understand and appreciate it. Just read it, and don't give up if it says nothing to you the first time.

dublinario

lmtduffy wrote: »

It is important, if he expects people to read it, its acceptable that he should at least spell check it. And if hes looking for critique then grammar is a very basic point to start.

I have to weigh in here, because this is a pet hate. I never criticise anybody -- on any forum -- for poor spelling or grammar, unless that person is pontificating to someone else about theirs.

lmtduffy, I have read through this thread, and could randomly pick any of your postings as a representative master class in poor spelling and dire grammar, so get off your high horse. And don't come back with the stock reply: "these are only postings, not work submitted for critique".

It's as easy to spell check a forum posting as anything else. You either understand grammar and spelling, or you don't. If you don't, fine, but don't lecture others on a topic you yourself are patently ignorant of.

Dishing edicts for others to go learn fundamentals which you yourself demonstratively lack, is an especially arrogant and delusional strand of hypocrisy.

lmtduffy

dublinario wrote: »

I have to weigh in here, because this is a pet hate. I never criticise anybody -- on any forum -- for poor spelling or grammar, unless that person is pontificating to someone else about theirs.

recommending that some one spell checks and has a look at the grammar of their work, if they wish to someday be a professional is hardly pontificating.

lmtduffy, I have read through this thread, and could randomly pick any of your postings as a representative master class in poor spelling and dire grammar, so get off your high horse. And don't come back with the stock reply: "these are only postings, not work submitted for critique".

yes, I am the one on a high horse. I dont correct peoples grammar or spelling on forums either, but the writer presented us with a poem he wanted feedback on, spelling and grammar help is a part of that.

It's as easy to spell check a forum posting as anything else. You either understand grammar and spelling, or you don't. If you don't, fine, but don't lecture others on a topic you yourself are patently ignorant of.

I spell check my posts. Get over yourself, grammar might not be my strongest point but I have an idea about poetry and how to establish yourself, and spell checking is not a complicated part of that.

Dishing edicts for others to go learn fundamentals which you yourself demonstratively lack, is an especially arrogant and delusional strand of hypocrisy.

arrogant, delusional, hypocrisy....there's certainly some of that here all right.

pickarooney

Enough squabbling. Take it to Spell Czechs or PM.

FishFingers

clarke.david21,

Poetry is in no way an interest to me - but I am a writer, so I can empathise with you staring out - we were all there once, no matter what field!

I won't comment on your poem, as I wouldn't be able to give you much of a fair criticism or analysis (poetry has never interested me...and college made the interest lessen more!!!), but I would suggest you read up on punctuation and the effect/importance of it - "Panda Eats Shoots And Leaves" is a great book for it!

My five biggest suggestions to you would be to read lots of other poetry (if poetry is the only thing you're interested in, that is) starting with some greats like Blake and Chaucer - you'll do them in college anyway, so get the jump on it now!

Secondly, get talking to lots of other writers and share your material with them - and ask to read theirs!! Try get into writing groups and workshops. Because when you hit your twenties and you've not been in any groups, the hardest thing to do is step out there and intergrate with them!

Thirdly, DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY NEGATIVE COMMENTS! The poeple who are happiest to hand out negative words are the people who've not made it and are jealous that you're young and appear to have some talent - or perhaps have made it and don't want any future competition! People are ever so willing to tell you something is rubbish, yet they are never able to tell you how to improve! So, no point in listening to it! The main thing you have to realise about this writing lark' is that rejection and negativity goes hand in hand with it, so don't lose the ambition in you! Brilliant to see other budding writers coming up!

Fourthly, take constant notes! Just don't stop writing (keep a pen and pad beside your bed)!!!

Fifth, and foremost, enjoy what you do!!!


Best of luck!


-Fish Fingers

carlinftw

I must admit and concede with the others that, this poem is a little bit of a cliche.

But rome wasn't built in a day, you need to keep at it, and keep practicing. With time you'll improve!

So I wish you well in your future endeavors.

Halla Basin

clarke.david21 wrote: »

this is a poem i wrote lately... i was wondering if i have what it takes to make it as a professional poet.... if not say why... any advice would be great .... thanks...

the moment
in life there's a moment for love
thats not from the man above
purly the love your sweetheart can give
remains with you until the grave
love allows you to forgive and forget
to muse life like romeo and juliet

Why hasn't anyone else mentioned how very poor this poem is?

lmtduffy

Halla Basin wrote: »

Why hasn't anyone else mentioned how very poor this poem is?

Because more constructive criticism is more constructive.

And very few people are good at something from the start, and too much negatvity can discourage them from workin at getting better.

partyatmygaff

Theres too much emphasis on rhyme that the words just don't seem to flow naturally.

PatrickD32

Have what it takes to what, I can only assume you mean a professional poet?


By what Ive read, No!

Also the answers about the cliches, grammer, wording etc, If i was you Id make note of.