modern footballers

major bill

This was posted on a football forum years ago by a sheffield wednesday fan, makes for a good read

"I'm feeling all angry about these modern day footballers, I know why they have gone all soft - It's because of poncy names. That's what it is.

Remember in the old days, when footy players kicked a ****ing ball made out of ten pound of clay stitched inside a steel-reinforced leather shell with laces made out of piano wire?
Well, in them days players could only survive the rigours of the game because they were called things like Albert, Arthur, Bert, Harry, Bill, Eddie, Bob, Jack and Tommy.****ing tough names for tough men, them was.
And what do we have now? Jason, Wayne, Dean, Ryan, Jamie, Robbie. ****ing tarts' names, they are. Great big ****ing puffs.

No wonder the ball's like a ****ing balloon and shin pads is like slices of bread. In the old days you never saw a Len Shackleton or a Billy Wright with a puffy little Sondico piece of paper down his little thin socks. Fuking shinpads in them days was made out of library books, and socks was like sackcloth.

Same with the jerseys. ****ing shirts with holes in now so they can breathe. Yes, so that little Jody's hairless chest can breathe and he doesn't get a chill. **** off. Stanley Matthews used to dribble round Europe's finest wearing a ****ing tent and shorts cobbled together from the jacket of his de-mob suit. Aye, he ****ing did. No wonder players fall
over all the time whenever an opponent comes anywhere near them.

And they never used to show their arses at one another either. Can you imagine what might have happened if Don Revie had flashed his ring at Nat Lofthouse during a City-Bolton Wanderers game? He'd have got one of them size- hobnail ****ers up his bastard chuff.

****ing therapy for stress my arse! Stan Collymore slaps his missus about and he takes three seasons off with stress counselling. What the **** is that all about? In the old
days it was expected for footballers to belt the old sow about a bit, specially after a bad defeat. And the women used to expect it, and so they should have. They was lucky to be married to footballers.

Ha! Trevor Morley got a kitchen knife in his back off his wife and was out of action for three month. Soft twat. Archie Mc****t of Port Vale got run over with horse and cart one Friday night and he still turned out against Bradford the following day. And he scored two goals. That's cos his name wasn't "Trevor". Good old Archie. Broke his hip, both his legs, murdered his wife and buried her under the patio and still made the England team for the Home Internationals. Did he have any "stress counselling"? Did he
bollocks!

And drugs? There was none of that in the old days. Oh, no. In them days it was a quick shot of morphine before kick-off and you was lucky if you got that. By half-time it had all but wore off so they pumped you full of laudanum. None of this cocaine sniffing and shooting up class A narcotics.

Goal celebrations? Don't talk to me about goal celebrations. Crawling on the floor and thrusting their hips at the crowd. Huh! I'd like to have seen Cliff Bastin do that after a run down the left flank and crossing for Alex James to fire home a winner. Handshakes...and that was all you got. That and a **** in the showers afterwards. But it was a proper ****...all man stuff. None of these puffy **** between blokes that you get nowadays with players like Greame Le Saux and Stephen Gerrard. Allegedly.

In them days, there was nowt wrong with it cos it didn't mean nowt. They used to say there was a "gay atmosphere" in the dressing room after the match. But it didn't mean owt mucky. Just a bit of harmless spanking the plank among healthy young sportsmen. Aye. I know. Me dad told me.

Sixty grand a ****ing week! Ha! I wouldn't pay 'em tuppence. Two bob Tommy Lawton used to get...a month! And Tom Finney still worked as a plumber four days a week when he was playing for England. It's true, you know. ****ing is.

Players had to work them days just to make up their money. Not like today. Stan Pearson had to clean sewers and doubled up as Old Trafford ****house cleaner. He had to go off during one game because some c*nt had built a log cabin and blocked the U-bend. And that Eddie Hapgood was a male
model...though he never liked to talk about it.

So I say we start calling kids real male names again. If you're having a kid, don't even consider puffy names and ****e names like what people call their kids these days. Otherwise what we gonna get in twenty years' time?
The England team full of players called Keanu, Ronan, Ashley and ****ing Chesney. **** that! Call your kids Alf, Herbert, Len, Frank, Fred and Wilf.
And let's get the puffs out of the game once and for all.

tdv

Sounds like Johnny Giles.

orourkeda

I bet his name is Julian or Brad or something like that

tdv

tdv wrote: »

Sounds like Johnny Giles.

honesty of effort

keane2097

Meh, it's a bit contrived for me...

Not particularly funny.

Mars Bar

Might have been grand only for the cursing and for this part:

In the old
days it was expected for footballers to belt the old sow about a bit, specially after a bad defeat. And the women used to expect it, and so they should have. They was lucky to be married to footballers.

Never should a woman be expected to be hit by a man, be he a footballer, a world superstar or a peasent.

He needs to get with the times.

Kirnsy

he sounds like a bit of a prick looking for attention. its mainly a crap attempt at humour and sounds fake and put on for show..


















i do agree about eradicating 'Ashleys' from the game.

mayordenis

keane2097 wrote: »

Meh, it's a bit contrived for me...

Not particularly funny.

mars bar wrote: »

Might have been grand only for the cursing and for this part:



Never should a woman be expected to be hit by a man, be he a footballer, a world superstar or a peasent.

He needs to get with the times.

Kirnsy wrote: »

he sounds like a bit of a prick looking for attention. its mainly a crap attempt at humour and sounds fake and put on for show..[/SIZE]

Oh come on, I don't think there was a single serious thing about this fair enough if you just don't find it funny.

But there is no need to be so PC.

Kirnsy

mayordenis wrote: »

Oh come on, I don't think there was a single serious thing about this fair enough if you just don't find it funny.

But there is no need to be so PC.

i thought the OP was being serious when he described it as a "good read".

therefore i was under the impression that the chap who wrote it was serious(ly insane:) )

if the whole thing was a joke ... which in all fairness, at a second glance it does look like a piss take......then you got me

major bill

Kirnsy wrote: »

i thought the OP was being serious when he described it as a "good read".

therefore i was under the impression that the chap who wrote it was serious(ly insane:) )

if the whole thing was a joke ... which in all fairness, at a second glance it does look like a piss take......then you got me

The article is a p1ss take, it featured on the main sheffield wednesday site a few years back:D i thought it was funny especially when u read it with a yorkshire accent

mayordenis

Aye I think when it gets into the thing about the odd **** it stepped over the line Kirnsy :pac:

Kirnsy

mayordenis wrote: »

Aye I think when it gets into the thing about the odd **** it stepped over the line Kirnsy :pac:

feck it serves me right for not reading after the stan collymore bit tbh

Reganio 2

That bloke is actually quite sad to be honest. Surprised he knows how to use a computer in that cave.

major bill

Reganio 2 wrote: »

That bloke is actually quite sad to be honest. Surprised he knows how to use a computer in that cave.

PC brigade out in force lighten up ffs its a clear piss take at the modern game and there's a few points there that are right. could you honestly imagine nat lofthouse diving around the box like a sissy? he was one of the infamous players known for man handling keepers into their own net!!!!!

Paul Tergat

major bill wrote: »

especially when u read it with a yorkshire accent

OI!

didnt find the thing particularly funny to be honest. meh

Helix

some of the responses in this thread are hilarious, and yet a sad indication of the world we live in

Mr. Frost

major bill wrote: »

PC brigade out in force lighten up ffs its a clear piss take at the modern game and there's a few points there that are right. could you honestly imagine nat lofthouse diving around the box like a sissy? he was one of the infamous players known for man handling keepers into their own net!!!!!

Piss takes are usually funny! Heard it all before. Yawn. And as a previous poster put it: contrived.

Disclaimer: Definitely not one of the PC brigade!

starbelgrade

I've seen funnier episodes of Oireachtas Report.

keane2097

mayordenis wrote: »

Oh come on, I don't think there was a single serious thing about this fair enough if you just don't find it funny.

But there is no need to be so PC.

What did I say that's PC?

The article just isn't funny.

And by the way, the whole pretext for it (the sissy names thing) is stolen from a George Carlin sketch from the 70s anyway.

Sheepy99

a fine article i must say.:D