Physical Exam

coldfire1x

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"115," she says.

The nurse puts her on the scale.

It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 foot 8," she says.

The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure.

And tells the woman it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams: "When I came in here I was tall and slender!

Now I'm short and fat!"

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A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. the circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After a lot of wheeling and dealing they settled for US$ 10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back into the bar in anger,"Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the duck's former owner, "Did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

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"my wife's expecting." A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting." "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck." The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting." The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off." When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed. "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting." "What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer. "Me." said the soldier simply. ********