Gift wrap

coldfire1x

Gift-wrap

A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing.

He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.

In due time, he received a note: "thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."

Under age

A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates.

When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "Don’t pay for me, Daddy. I’m under five."

Hair problem

Lanahan’s hair kept falling out and he complained to his barber.`A0 "That stuff you gave me," he cried, "is terrible.`A0You said two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing’s happened."

"I don’t understand it," said the barber. "That’s the best hair restorer made."

"Well," said Lanahan, "I don’t mind drinking another bottle, but it better work."

Dream game

Teacher: "Michael, why are you late for school"?

Michael: "Well, teacher, I was dreaming about a football game, and it went into extra time — so I had to see the finish".

Art attack

A husband and wife were watching and appreciating the paintings in a museum. The wife would not let her husband win the battles of wits.

When they came across a painting of a beautiful girl with just three leaves to cover the privates, the husband stood in front of it for a long time admiring it. The irritated wife retorted: "Marvellous, but really darling there is not much to appreciate here. What are you waiting for?"

The husband said, "Autumn".

Well done

John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.

"Waiter," he shouted, "Didn’t you hear me say, ‘well done’?"

"Oh, thank you, sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment."