A question for the gents

FishFood

Fellow gents, I have had this debate/argument with others and there seem to be mixed responses to this.

Basically, if you were interested in someone say around your work/group of friends etc, and subsequently found out they had a partner would that immediately put a halt to any pursuit of said person?

Obviously it's a no brainer if the partner is a friend of yours, but to use this example, say you get chatting to a girl at work, friendly emails back and forth and you get some signs etc but find out that she has a boyfriend, I would be the type to not chase anyone in that situation as I wouldn't want to be taking someone away from another guy, having been on the receiving end before.

However some other gents have told me to stop being an honourable fool and that if the person doesn't tell you to bugger off themselves then any pursuit is fair game.

Any opinions?

venividivici

Chase chase chase my man!!
All's fair in love n all that...!!

actuallylike

Back off, just because you don't know the man does not give you the right to treat him like this. It's not been honourable backing down, it's called been a decent human being.

maherro

Well for me I'd back right off it's like theres a switch in my head telling me Im not allowed

keane2097

I personally would be reluctant to pursue as well...

Fago!

Hmmm. That's a di'lly of a pickle.

I wouldn't completely give up. Just ease up a tad. Flirt a wee bit, but never make a move so that when/if she broke it off with him, she'd know I'm interested.

I'd never ever make a move on a taken gal, regardless of if I knew her or not... ...or if I knew the guy.

L31mr0d

Well by all means keep up the chase, although if she does cave and dumps her boyfriend for you expect to never be able to trust her again while you are dating. How will you know she won't pull the same wool over your eyes when the next prospective suiter appears on the scene?

OldGoat

Pee or get off the pot OP.
Ask the girly out on a date and forget all this flirting stuff. Enough is enough, make a move and let her tell you what she thinks.

Fago!

L31mr0d wrote: »

Well by all means keep up the chase, although if she does cave and dumps her boyfriend for you expect to never be able to trust her again while you are dating. How will you know she won't pull the same wool over your eyes when the next prospective suiter appears on the scene?

Ooh that guy makes a good point.

What if that does happen and then you catch her flirting with some guy.

"Stop flirting with him"
"Oh I'm not, I love you"
"I bet you said that to (INSERT EXES NAME), remember what happened there huh?"

You'd be jolly rodgered there wouldn't ya?

Dayum sun. Dat **** is whack. Y'naw mean?

DM_7

I would leave well alone.

If she aint that into the other guy she will leave him anyway.

Then you can do what you want.

Dord

For me once I found out someone has a boyfriend then I wouldn't push it. Who knows when you'll be the boyfriend in this situation and end up single!

Otis Driftwood

FishFood wrote: »

Basically, if you were interested in someone say around your work/group of friends etc, and subsequently found out they had a partner would that immediately put a halt to any pursuit of said person?

Yes for 2 main reasons.

1.If its a case something happened while she was with her BF,and we subsequently got together,I would have it in my mind that she has done it once so whats to stop her doing it again to me.No thanks.

2.In alot of instances like this (IMO) the female (or bloke if the genders are reversed) enjoys having someone to pay attention to them and the person - in this case you,can end up looking like a dope when the object of your affection tells you to sling your hook after getting their ego stroked for a while.No thanks.

Snowie

my view is walk.... away find something else to interest your time no point peeing in the wind, some people would say aww yeah keep trying to get into her but to be honest I would bother i think it can solidfy things further.

yourdeadwright

id just leave it be, u dont want it to et messy,because if she is a friend or work mate your going to see her around and it wont be worth the hassel,

Handsome Bob

I would back off. I try to think about these things by putting myself in the shoes of the boyfriend, how would I feel if I knew that there was someone constantly in the ear of my girlfriend trying to undermine me and my relationship? The answer is that I'd be thinking "WTF did I ever do to this guy?" Have some respect, have some class. Even if she's using you as a shoulder to cry on, that doesn't mean you have the right to move in on someone else's girlfriend.

FishFood

Seems to be a lean towards the leave it alone side here. I would just point out that I haven't done anything and I did mention I was on the receiving end of someone chatting up and stealing my gf before so :rolleyes:

I was just asking whether my approach of not pursuing was outdated like some had said to me, glad to see that it is not. There are some who would agressively chase anyone after all, especially if they don't know the girl/guys partner at all, again i point out that this is not me!

Handsome Bob

FishFood wrote: »

Seems to be a lean towards the leave it alone side here. I would just point out that I haven't done anything and I did mention I was on the receiving end of someone chatting up and stealing my gf before so :rolleyes:

I was just asking whether my approach of not pursuing was outdated like some had said to me, glad to see that it is not. There are some who would agressively chase anyone after all, especially if they don't know the girl/guys partner at all, again i point out that this is not me!

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do when some guys do this, all one can do is put your faith and trust in your girlfriend.