"Single" mother woes

LegacyUser

I'll try to keep a long story short. Was with my partner 5 years. After he had an affair and I left him I found out I was pregnant. My partner worked all the time, abroad mainly. I am studying for a profession that is hard to get into. I had the baby on my own, have been struggling a lot. No maintenance paid since the birth ( 10 months) and I feel like a welfare scrounge. Now I have been offerered my dream job in london he says I can't go. I will still struggle there as it is a study-work programme and I will have very little money, but I want to go. He says legally I cant. He is not a guardian officially, and only sees his child on the weekends he does not have some party organised, which is about once a month. Can he really stop me leaving?

Sleepy

I'm not a lawyer but if he hasn't got guardianship, he's got no say in the matter to my knowledge.

Morally, if he's not been paying maintenance as far as I'm concerned you'd be fully within your rights to move away, particularly since he's working and you're surviving on single parents allowance. The one thing I would say is that you should try to facilitate him (and his parents/family) in seeing your child by coming home as often as possible (might be something he can pay for?)/ making it easy for them to visit you.

smelltheglove

Its a hard one, but no I dont think he has a right, you need to get a passport for the child eventually, when I did this with my first born all I needed was a document from a solicitor saying I was the sole guardian, although her daddy did see her he never signed the birthcert, failed to show on the day, and I did not feel he should be given the right to stop me taking her on holidays so I got the passport with just myself as guardian. It cost €15 for the solicitor. I think by your ex not seeing the child or refusing to pay maintenance he is in effect claiming no interest. I would question is it him who does not want you to go to London or is it his mammy putting words in his mouth? Grown men listen a lot to their mothers.

Best port of call is to have a proper discussion abotu it, I grew up in a broken family and always maintain that parents should get along as much as possible, I knwo the feeling of being child caught in the middle and for that reason I get along with my childs father, I know its hard but I recommend to everyone to put past mistakes behind them and move forward as parents and not ex partners. An adult discussion on exactly what you each expect going forward, if he wants you to stay int he country what is his input going to be, if he wants weekend visitation or every second weekend you can work on that even if you are in london, you come back with the child one time he goes over the next time etc etc etc, I know its hard to get him in the same frame of mind as you but you have to be the higher person and not lower yourself to squabbles, rise above insults and just address what needs to be addressed.

Hope this helps.

wolfpawnat

Sadly if his name is on the birth cert he has some rights, but not having guardianship, not paying mainteance and being a fair weather father are not in his favour, threaten to go to court, no judge would make you stay! Jobs are rare and you have to do what is right for you and your baby!

mumto3

As far as im aware,his name on the birth cert doesnt make a difference.If he does not have gaurdianship,he can not make you stay,but you will need a passport for your baby,which will meen either getting his signature,or if he is not involved,you can get a form from the court,to get signed by the gaurds,to state you are the sole career of the child.
good luck:)

metrovelvet

If he is seeing him on the weekend, then do you really want to cut off everything?

Is the father based in Dublin? If so flights are often very cheap. Maybe ask him if you could work out someway where visitation could be preserved as much as possible?

Legally you can go but he may apply and get guardianship before you have a chance to.

Sleepy

You don't even need to go to the court for the form, they'll give you a copy in the passport office and you can get it witnessed by a solicitor around the corner for €20 in about 15 minutes. Had a similar situation recently where my partners ex had signed the passport forms for their son but because his name wasn't on the birth cert she had to end up claiming sole guardianship in order to get the passport issued.

eviltwin

It seems a bit rich of him to not bother paying you and maintanance or give you any support during the 10 months of your child's life and then try and put the breaks on your chance to make a decent life not just for you but for his child too. Does he want his kid to have a life on welfare?

I think once you are the sole guardian you can do what you want. My husband wasnt my daughters legal guardian for a good few years and I know that I had no problem taking her outside the country. Granted it was only for holidays but no one ever asked me any questions.

Normally I'm against the idea of parents taking kids overseas away from other parents but in this instance I find it hard not to agree with you going. Its only the UK after all, not the other side of the world and as he isnt seeing the child on a daily basis anyway I think you should think of yourself and your childs future and do what feels right.

deisemum

Wouldn't a birth cert be enough for moving to the UK? For normal travel between Ireland and the UK you do not need a passport. I used to travel on a regular basis between UK and Ireland with my son and never needed a passport.