baby daddy darma-child support

sec1307

i have a 10 month old son and about4 months ago her father stopped calling to see her we were always on good terms untill then. i get one parent family allowance and we decided not to put his name on the birth cert and my one parent family form. he sometimes would pay 30 euro aweek when he would come to see her but now i havent got anything in 4months. his family contacted me wanting to see my son, i gave his name to social welfare so they could get child support off him. when i told him he said he would give me 30euro aweek from now on and that he now wants to be involved but i dont no how thats goin to affect my lone parent money and rent allowance if i tell the social that ive contacted him again and that hes willing to give me money? also will they go after him for more money since 30 isnt much? hes not on the birth cert eithr and the social only have his name not his address or phone number. dose anyone no wat i should do??

metrovelvet

The HSE will take all of the maintenance and deduct it from their contribution to housing.

Put his name on the birthcert. For Christs sake your child deserves that.

Nevyn

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/social-welfare/irish-social-welfare-system/means-test-for-social-welfare-payments/maintenance-and-social-welfare-payments

Maintenance will be assessed as means if you apply for one of the following payments:

* Jobseeker's Allowance (JA)
* State Pension (Non-Contributory)
* Widow's/Widower's (Non-Contributory) Pension
* Disability Allowance (DA)
* Blind Pension (BP)
* Pre-Retirement Allowance (PRETA)
* Farm Assist (FA)
* Guardian's Payment (Non-Contributory)
* One-Parent Family Payment (OFP)

All income from maintenance is assessed as means. This includes both maintenance for you and maintenance to you for any of your children. If you are getting maintenance from more than one person it will be added together and the total will be assessed as means.

However, if you are cohabiting and your partner is getting maintenance, payments made specifically for the maintenance of children are not assessable as means. All the maintenance is taken into account if there is no breakdown in the payment specified.
Maintenance not taken into account

Your rent or mortgage repayment up to a maximum of €95.23 per week can be offset against maintenance payments. Half the balance of maintenance is then assessed as means and your social welfare payment will be reduced by that amount. You must provide proof of rent or mortgage payments.
Example

A single parent with one child is getting maintenance of €150. The maintenance order specifies €50 for the parent and €100 for the child. Rent is €100 per week.

Maintenance €150.00
Minus Rent €95.23
Total €54.77
(Only half assessed as means)
Total means €27.38

Total One-Parent Family Payment €210.03
(One Parent Family Payment rates 2009: €184.30 including €26 for child dependant)

sec1307

ive asked him to go on the birth cert but he has said no.:mad: i think he thinks that if he goes on it hell have to pay more

eviltwin

sec1307 wrote: »

ive asked him to go on the birth cert but he has said no.:mad: i think he thinks that if he goes on it hell have to pay more

Its not really about what he wants though is it? Its about whats best for your child. Do the right thing and put his name on the birth cert.

metrovelvet

eviltwin wrote: »

Its not really about what he wants though is it? Its about whats best for your child. Do the right thing and put his name on the birth cert.

To do that she is going to need a court order.

Nevyn

sec1307 wrote: »

ive asked him to go on the birth cert but he has said no.:mad: i think he thinks that if he goes on it hell have to pay more

If you have an address for him I suggest you get a few of treior's publications and send them to him. Seems he has no idea of what his rights and responsibilities are.

http://www.treoir.ie/

http://www.treoir.ie/pdfs/birth_reg.pdf

Klingon Hamlet

What a horrible, horrible father:mad:

katieboo84

im so on the single womans side, i think our stories mirror each other, same thing, no name on birth cert, not a penny from him and hes absent with seeing her, then when he does he gets on to me for the child not wantin to go to him, ohh the stories i cud tell, and its very easy for the other people to just say oh how bad he wont sign it bla dee bla bla, its very hard to get a man to do something he dont want to do, we as the motheres and sole carers of the child or children must just get on with it as best we can and make sure that our babies know they are loved and cared for. So the next time someone says to u, oh just get him to sign it, dont listen to them, u know whats realy going on and it is very hard to explain something u dont realy understant yourself, y he wont sign the birth cert,
just take care of your child and yourself and everything and everyone else can fall to the sides.
take care
kate



i wanted to put his name on the birth cert, he didnt, i begged, pleaded and bargened with him, im a workin full time, single mother so i wouldnt be houndin him for "a few euros a week" as cookie jar stated, not all single parents are out to srew the government and see what they can get from themselves, my child knows who her father is and every year around her birthday i branch the subject of him signin the birth cert, he says cos he got "stung" before by someone who he had a child with and sees often that he dont want to go down that road again, and as long as the child knows who its father is it shudnt matter wats on a piece of paper, i cant say i havent tried.

Cookie Jar

katieboo84 wrote: »

im so on the single womans side, i think our stories mirror each other, same thing, no name on birth cert, not a penny from him and hes absent with seeing her, then when he does he gets on to me for the child not wantin to go to him, ohh the stories i cud tell, and its very easy for the other people to just say oh how bad he wont sign it bla dee bla bla, its very hard to get a man to do something he dont want to do, we as the motheres and sole carers of the child or children must just get on with it as best we can and make sure that our babies know they are loved and cared for. So the next time someone says to u, oh just get him to sign it, dont listen to them, u know whats realy going on and it is very hard to explain something u dont realy understant yourself, y he wont sign the birth cert,
just take care of your child and yourself and everything and everyone else can fall to the sides.
take care
kate

I am also a single mother, who could also tell you "some stories".
But not only does her father have rights, so does your child.
Put the father on the birth cert.
TBH it really irritates me to see parents not putting the fathers name on the birth cert to save a couple of euros a week.
I wouldn't like to be in your childs shoes when she wonders why her daddys name is not on the birth cert, "Sorry kid, I was trying to get out of paying maintenance"
Im not sure of the law but if you know he is the father surely his name can be put on the birthcert.

sec1307

i know ive gone about this totally the wrong way but when i was in the hospital the social worker told me that the best thing was not to put him on the birth cert if i was applying for lone parent. ive done my best by going into the dole office and telling them that i know who my childs father is and giving his contact information even though im loosing out on my lone parent money. i really wanted to know what my options are regarding putting him on the birth cert because i need his permission or it goes to the courts im assuming. i couldnt care less about him paying child support its about him taking responabilty for his actions. i love my child and if i didnt then i wouldnt bother trying to get him on the birth cert would i?:mad:

Cookie Jar

sec1307 wrote: »

i know ive gone about this totally the wrong way but when i was in the hospital the social worker told me that the best thing was not to put him on the birth cert if i was applying for lone parent. ive done my best by going into the dole office and telling them that i know who my childs father is and giving his contact information even though im loosing out on my lone parent money. i really wanted to know what my options are regarding putting him on the birth cert because i need his permission or it goes to the courts im assuming. i couldnt care less about him paying child support its about him taking responabilty for his actions. i love my child and if i didnt then i wouldnt bother trying to get him on the birth cert would i?:mad:

Just to let you know I was more responding at Katies post then yours. Im glad you are looking to do the right thing. I have no idea about how to go about changing birthcert.
Maybe contact these
http://www.treoir.ie/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=8

MojoMaker

Name on the birth cert has NO connection to maintenance. It's startling to read how misinformed some people choose to be. OP, have you had proper professional (non-Internet forum) advice on any subject relating to your parenting position?

sec1307

i know the birth cert has nothing to do with child support but i think my childs father dose and that why he dosent want to go on the birth cert. i get on with his family and there very good 2me and my child but i really want to avoid going to court incase it causes trouble with the family. they had no idea he stoped being involved or wasnt paying child support theyve told me their embarrased about what hes done but at the end of the day hes still their son so i dont want to loose my childs grandparents over this issue. hes a 21 year old fool who spends all his money on his car drink and drugs.....and before anyone asks...no i did not know he was like this when i was with him and whenever he did spend time with the child i supervised. in some ways it would be better not to have him involved but before he got involved in drugs he was he nicest guy ever and would be a great dad. i knew him from school and im hoping hell grow out of it. most people from my area take drugs just for fun but most of them get sense. and before anyone leaves a smart comment about being foolish and a pushover...he gets away with nothing

smelltheglove

sec I think its great you have hope for him. I really do. I think putting pressure on him in anyway may not be the right way to do things honestly. I have a great relationship with my eldests father, yes he made some mistakes early on, although I actually feel kinda lucky too in some ways as I havent too much hassle.

He didnt bond straight away and their were times when he seemed to distance himself slightly but each time I noticed a difference I would say it to him, I would tell him how much she loved him and wanted to see him and that he was upsetting her etc etc. I firmly believe this is the way to go about it.

I have experience in the issue in a few ways and I base my decisions on my own experience as a child and that of my family. I think the most important thing is to settle the relationship first and foremost. When the bond is built then there is less chance of him losing interest, and as time goes on you may find he is offering to do more. Yes the maintenance will have to be mentioned but based on what you have said I think you are best to focus on building the relationship first. My childs dad didnt turn up to put his name on the birth cert, he asked after 4 yrs, although it wasnt his request really it was his mothers, I told him I would be happy to when he wanted to himself, and honestly reading this forum over the last few days I think its about time I talk to him and ask him if he wants to go on it now, although I seriously doubt he would say no.

sec1307

well he was very good for the first 4 months so he bonded with the baby. then when he met his new girlfriend he stoped coming to see her and paying child support. i didnt hear from him in over 3 months and he changed his number so i couldnt contact him, his sister contacted me asking me what was going on because the family had no idea what was going on.i visit them every week with the baby and bring them photos. its not their fault hes retarded. the baby calls my father "da da" and it nearly has me in tears when i think about it. the longer he acts like this the harder its gonna be for me to forgive him for treating our child like a mistake or in the way of him having fun

smelltheglove

Your child is still young enough at this stage that there is no real damage done. I would sugest to ask his family to co-operate with you in encouraging him to have a relationship with the child. Men often find it harder to bond with babies, they feel like their putting time and energy in but not necessarily getting much back. You have to bear in mind if he sees the child once or twice a week he would be missing theexcitement of the first tooth first clap first word etc etc and often for 'away' fathers it isnt until their is real interaction that they can actually really bond, you know when they see the excitement on the childs face when they walk in the door etc.

You have to imagine yourself in the situation too, I mean you could have a best friend with a baby that you see once a week for 2 or 3 hours, natirally you are going to notice that child has a much stronger bond with his parents than you, and for a father that is not around that often it would most likely give them the feeling that they arent required, their presence doesnt make a difference to the child. Fast forward a couple of years and the child would enjoy the time spent with the father, look forward to outings or sleep overs etc etc, the hard part is helping the bond nurture, something a lot of single mothers do not actually think about, not saying you though.

I did this in a few ways, I kept constant contact with my daughters father, I text him whenever there was anything new, a new tooth etc etc, I encouraged him when he was acting perfectly with her, when I felt he needed a bit of a stir in the right direction I did that, I showed him how to change her nappy when she was born, change her clothes, bath her, I showed her how to wind her best, how to help her sleep, her favourite toys etc etc, we as mothers know these things when we are with the child daily, theri fathers dont when they are not and the only way they will learn is by us telling them.

I hope you dont have a hard time trying to reconnect with him, if you explain to his family that it is important to you that he has a relationship with his child they will help you along the way, as soon as you do get in the door then encouragement is the key, make sure you portray him as a friend, try get along with him, try get along with his girlfriend, shes not yoru enemy and it is most likely going to be as awkward for her as it is for you, make her feel included and you will enhance the chances of a good relationship with the father.

All of this may sound like its favouring the father, its not, its favouring the child, and as soon as the father has built a relationship with the child it is unlikely that he is going to refuse to help maintain the child either. Kepp us updated in how you get along, put these points to his family and ensure they are on your side and they understand that the most important thing to you is your child building a relationship with his father.

ElectraBlue

A child that has no father's name on the birth certificate should be challenging their parents and the system that allows this to happen! :mad:

Granted there are men who bend over backwards to be a good father (Real Dads) and there are men who don't care, don't give a damn about and want nothing to do with, the child (Sperm Donors/SD)... I've one of each.

I gave up a long time ago begging the SD to sign the birth certificate, so I used our maintenance court order to put his details on under Status of Children Act. He got a letter from the Registar stating my intention to add his details and the fecker had the cheek to get a legal injunction to halt it! :rolleyes: I could tell you a lot of stories (LOL!) and its not me being bitter my youngest sees older sibling going to their Dad every other weekend and feels very left out. But is SD interested? Not a bit... God knows I've tried, and get the standard reply for every request - 'lets reduce the maintenance and I'll consider it.' Muggins here has allowed the maintenance to be reduced to a paltry €40pw... and still no sign of him to date. Then out of the blue I get summon for guardianship(!) And from what I am told - he will get it. :mad: I just foresee countless future court dates for me asking courts to allow me permission to: enroll child in schools, get medical treatments, trips abroad; passport... and so on.

I am a firm believer in father's rights, that every child has the right to know and develop a relationship with his/her father. But Guardianship should not be automatic, not without access/establishing a relationship with the child first.

Especially not to Sperm Donors.

metrovelvet

smelltheglove wrote: »

Your child is still young enough at this stage that there is no real damage done. I would sugest to ask his family to co-operate with you in encouraging him to have a relationship with the child. Men often find it harder to bond with babies, they feel like their putting time and energy in but not necessarily getting much back. You have to bear in mind if he sees the child once or twice a week he would be missing theexcitement of the first tooth first clap first word etc etc and often for 'away' fathers it isnt until their is real interaction that they can actually really bond, you know when they see the excitement on the childs face when they walk in the door etc.

So do a lot of mothers.

smelltheglove wrote: »

I did this in a few ways, I kept constant contact with my daughters father, I text him whenever there was anything new, a new tooth etc etc, I encouraged him when he was acting perfectly with her, when I felt he needed a bit of a stir in the right direction I did that, I showed him how to change her nappy when she was born, change her clothes, bath her, I showed her how to wind her best, how to help her sleep, her favourite toys etc etc, we as mothers know these things when we are with the child daily, theri fathers dont when they are not and the only way they will learn is by us telling them.

Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesnt. If he doesnt want to be involved he might hear this as pressure.

I have in the past sent the odd photo and been accused of trying to cause upset and distress.

Sometimes yes they are scared and feel imcompetent but sometimes they just dont want to.

You know what, I was not shown how to change a nappy or bath my son, or shown anything. I had to figure it all out on my own, and I was scared and felt imcompetant, but that did not stop me from not running away.

smelltheglove wrote: »

All of this may sound like its favouring the father, its not, its favouring the child, and as soon as the father has built a relationship with the child it is unlikely that he is going to refuse to help maintain the child either. Kepp us updated in how you get along, put these points to his family and ensure they are on your side and they understand that the most important thing to you is your child building a relationship with his father.

What you are describing is facilitation. The problem with this is that facilitation requires both leadership on the part of the mother, but then an agremeent from the father implicitily that he is willing to cooperate.

Where there is a will there is a way. Where there is no will, there is no way.

smelltheglove

metrovelvet wrote: »

So do a lot of mothers.



Where there is a will there is a way. Where there is no will, there is no way.

You have made a lot of valid points, starting off, a lot of mothers dont know how to do the siple things until the baby is born and they do it out of necessity, as is the same with fathers, but when the father is not living with the child the necessity is not there, therefor he may feel surplus to requirements, not knowing how to do these things, inclusion is the key in this situation.

As with the pressure, yes that can come up also, again though he needs to be included, if he was to say he felt pressurised fair enough but I would be more inclined to explain that as a mother I was trying to include him, to ensure he didnt feel left out.

As I have quoted above if he simply doesnt care then there is no way, and it is unfortunate that there are men who do not care about their children, as there are mothers, but without an attemopt of inclusion and as you say facilitation then how are you to know what could have been, or accept the situation knowing you have tried.

All I can advise on is what worked for me, and although it was a hard time for a while we cam out the other end, now I am married with another child my first daughter still has a great relationship with her father, as he does with our whole family, at this stage even my youngest daughter has a relationship with him, we may not have a conventional family but we are a happy with our situation, everyone knows where they stand, everyone is included, we often hear people express surprise at how good our situation is but it was not easy but it works now.

K-9

ElectraBlue wrote: »

A child that has no father's name on the birth certificate should be challenging their parents and the system that allows this to happen! :mad:

Granted there are men who bend over backwards to be a good father (Real Dads) and there are men who don't care, don't give a damn about and want nothing to do with, the child (Sperm Donors/SD)... I've one of each.

I gave up a long time ago begging the SD to sign the birth certificate, so I used our maintenance court order to put his details on under Status of Children Act. He got a letter from the Registar stating my intention to add his details and the fecker had the cheek to get a legal injunction to halt it! :rolleyes: I could tell you a lot of stories (LOL!) and its not me being bitter my youngest sees older sibling going to their Dad every other weekend and feels very left out. But is SD interested? Not a bit... God knows I've tried, and get the standard reply for every request - 'lets reduce the maintenance and I'll consider it.' Muggins here has allowed the maintenance to be reduced to a paltry €40pw... and still no sign of him to date. Then out of the blue I get summon for guardianship(!) And from what I am told - he will get it. :mad: I just foresee countless future court dates for me asking courts to allow me permission to: enroll child in schools, get medical treatments, trips abroad; passport... and so on.

I am a firm believer in father's rights, that every child has the right to know and develop a relationship with his/her father. But Guardianship should not be automatic, not without access/establishing a relationship with the child first.

Especially not to Sperm Donors.

Was just going to post that information. The court order is the only way really if he isn't going to sign. As for his parents, they should understand you are getting no maintenance and you want a court order. Also explain about the name on the birth cert.

metrovelvet

K-9 wrote: »

Was just going to post that information. The court order is the only way really if he isn't going to sign. As for his parents, they should understand you are getting no maintenance and you want a court order. Also explain about the name on the birth cert.

Thats right. And then he will use the excuse that you took him to court to never get involved with his child.

sec1307

at the weeked i keep all the reciepts on what i brought for the baby eg. food, nappies, wipes it was 70euro:eek: and for clothes it was another 100euro so i texted him today and asked him would he be able to pay 50euro child support instead of 30euro i also told him that i had a form from the dole office regarding my lone parent for him to fill in he told me to make do with the 30 euro and that he wasnt going to fill in or sign any form.if i was to tell the dole office that he isnt paying child support would they go after him for it and how much whould they ask him for? its really funny because he hasnt giving anything to me except 100euro in 4months. am i being unreasonable? hes being living at home all this time and suddenly decided to move out last week not because he had a row with his family or anything just for the sake of it.he must have extra money for throwing away that he hasnt being paying in child support.:mad:

K-9

metrovelvet wrote: »

Thats right. And then he will use the excuse that you took him to court to never get involved with his child.

Exactly, it's a no win situation anyway, so she might as well get something out of it.

sec1307 wrote: »

at the weeked i keep all the reciepts on what i brought for the baby eg. food, nappies, wipes it was 70euro:eek: and for clothes it was another 100euro so i texted him today and asked him would he be able to pay 50euro child support instead of 30euro i also told him that i had a form from the dole office regarding my lone parent for him to fill in he told me to make do with the 30 euro and that he wasnt going to fill in or sign any form.if i was to tell the dole office that he isnt paying child support would they go after him for it and how much whould they ask him for? its really funny because he hasnt giving anything to me except 100euro in 4months. am i being unreasonable? hes being living at home all this time and suddenly decided to move out last week not because he had a row with his family or anything just for the sake of it.he must have extra money for throwing away that he hasnt being paying in child support.:mad:

There is a Govt. department that may write to him about maintenance. That has got nothing to do with you and is his problem.

The problem with them though is they can keep any extra maintenance they assess rather than you getting it.

sec1307

to be completly honest i dont care if i never see a penny from him ill survive iv alot of family support. i just want him to take responsibly or be made take responsibly. should i leave it to the gov. to get the money or take him to court for it.?????

K-9

sec1307 wrote: »

to be completly honest i dont care if i never see a penny from him ill survive iv alot of family support. i just want him to take responsibly or be made take responsibly. should i leave it to the gov. to get the money or take him to court for it.?????

I think you should. He needs to be shown that it isn't an optional extra.

sec1307

update time!!:pac: he called over this evening and asked if we could compromise with 40 euro aweek. i told him how much everything was costing me but i said 40 euro would be ok untill feb and then we could speak about it then. i then said that if he didnt fill out the form from the dole office i would bring him to court for child support and that he had a simple choice whether to agree to go on the birth cert or i would simply bring him to court and get him put on it. he then asked me if the only reason i wanted him onthe birth cert after 10 months was so that i was really going to go after him with the child support. he said the same about the dole form but i just want to do everything the right way. i dont like having to pretend that i dont know who got me pregnant. i was made to feel like a right whore when i had my assesment for lone parent allowance. hes goin signing the form. i didnt get an answer about the birth cert but im 99% sure he'll sign it himself. i was a bit soft with him today but the baby was very sick today:(, was at the doctor twice today and was very worried so the last thing i wanted was to fight about was money.

also i told the soial welfare that im just after contacting him after 10 months but the truth is that he was involved from the start and used to give me 30 euro a week( but i didnt get it every week) till the baby was 5months. should i tell them to truth?? or just keep with my story?? and would they make me pay back money since he used to give me money???

ElectraBlue

sec1307 wrote: »

update time!!:pac: he called over this evening and asked if we could compromise with 40 euro aweek. i told him how much everything was costing me but i said 40 euro would be ok untill feb and then we could speak about it then. i then said that if he didnt fill out the form from the dole office i would bring him to court for child support and that he had a simple choice whether to agree to go on the birth cert or i would simply bring him to court and get him put on it. he then asked me if the only reason i wanted him onthe birth cert after 10 months was so that i was really going to go after him with the child support. he said the same about the dole form but i just want to do everything the right way. i dont like having to pretend that i dont know who got me pregnant. i was made to feel like a right whore when i had my assesment for lone parent allowance. hes goin signing the form. i didnt get an answer about the birth cert but im 99% sure he'll sign it himself. i was a bit soft with him today but the baby was very sick today:(, was at the doctor twice today and was very worried so the last thing i wanted was to fight about was money.

also i told the soial welfare that im just after contacting him after 10 months but the truth is that he was involved from the start and used to give me 30 euro a week( but i didnt get it every week) till the baby was 5months. should i tell them to truth?? or just keep with my story?? and would they make me pay back money since he used to give me money???

You are allowed to get X amount of maintenance and still get full mainteance. Check www.welfare.ie for correct amount. Do you pay any rent at all? If you pay rent the money will be allowed against it. You can also ring SW office and ask a general Q without giving your info, your on full LPA will accepting €30pw maintenance affect your payments?

smelltheglove

sec1307 wrote: »

update time!!:pac: he called over this evening and asked if we could compromise with 40 euro aweek. i told him how much everything was costing me but i said 40 euro would be ok untill feb and then we could speak about it then. i then said that if he didnt fill out the form from the dole office i would bring him to court for child support and that he had a simple choice whether to agree to go on the birth cert or i would simply bring him to court and get him put on it. he then asked me if the only reason i wanted him onthe birth cert after 10 months was so that i was really going to go after him with the child support. he said the same about the dole form but i just want to do everything the right way. i dont like having to pretend that i dont know who got me pregnant. i was made to feel like a right whore when i had my assesment for lone parent allowance. hes goin signing the form. i didnt get an answer about the birth cert but im 99% sure he'll sign it himself. i was a bit soft with him today but the baby was very sick today:(, was at the doctor twice today and was very worried so the last thing i wanted was to fight about was money.

also i told the soial welfare that im just after contacting him after 10 months but the truth is that he was involved from the start and used to give me 30 euro a week( but i didnt get it every week) till the baby was 5months. should i tell them to truth?? or just keep with my story?? and would they make me pay back money since he used to give me money???

Seems like an improvement on your situation. I wonder did you try any of the things I said above, tell him you wanted him to have a relationship with the child? Just curious, I'd love to see it work in your favour.

sec1307

i get rent allowance and i pay 30euro rent along with it. when i was in the dole office i was told that if i got maintenance i would loose a small amount for my lone parent but i was wondering if they would dock me if i have taken money from him in the early months???
smelltheglove...... hes calling around every tuesday evening to see the baby and i will still go to his parents every week or every second week so he family can bond aswell.
im worried aswell incase the social welfare start asking him for extra money (ive heard theyve being writing to the fathers, whos ex's get lone parent asking for 100 euro) because ill surely be blamed for that

so hopefully he'l be on the birth cert by christmas and eveything might settle down:D

smelltheglove

sec1307 wrote: »

i
im worried aswell incase the social welfare start asking him for extra money (ive heard theyve being writing to the fathers, whos ex's get lone parent asking for 100 euro) because ill surely be blamed for that

so hopefully he'l be on the birth cert by christmas and eveything might settle down:D

Thats great news sec, and hopefully just the start of it, this is the stage where you're child will start to respond to people and hopefully will build a nice bond with your ex. If all goes well he may be happy to help out more.

If I was you I wouldnt mention what you have gotten previously, not that I am saying deny it, but if you got 30 a week for 2 months over the course of 10 months its not going to make any difference, focus on the future. I would explain to the social welfare that you are receiving 40 now and you are trying to encourage a bond between father and child, that you will be looking for more but situations are tender and you do not want to put too much pressure on him for fear of him running again. I think if you put it truthfully they may accept it and give you time to deal with the situation, remember as much as some may make you feel worthless, they are there to work alongside you, not against you and remind them of this if needs be, you are trying to do whats best for your child.