Few quick ones

RoadKillTs

I'm not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack.....she hasn't even got a car!!


I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.


Matt Lucas's ex-partner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be distraught but on a lighter note, is now the only gay in the village.



A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!!


Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now."




Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that?



I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"




Man lost in a hot air ballon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b ' stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

entropi

Hah nice ones there

GiftofGab

Haha i like those