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Thoughts On Marriage And My Wife

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  • 02-12-2009 8:49pm
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭


    I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.
    If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

    I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

    We always hold hands.
    If I let go, she shops.

    My wife will buy anything marked down.
    Last year she bought an escalator.

    All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three
    stores went under.

    She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker.
    Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So
    what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.

    My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's.
    I bring her mail there twice a week.

    My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
    Only this time, "I" stayed in the bathroom and cried.

    My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street.
    The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?"
    My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

    My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight,
    but can she climb a tree!

    She was at the beauty shop for two hours.
    That was only for the estimate.

    She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
    Then the mud fell off.

    She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
    Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

    Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive.
    Last week she learned how to aim it.

    I came home, the car was in the dining room.
    "How did you get the car in here?"
    "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

    While driving the car on a cross country trip I decided to lose 120 pounds
    of ugly fat... I left my wife at a rest stop...

    BaddTeddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He
    says "the wedding rings look too much like minature handcuffs....."


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  • Options
    #2
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."


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