Heavily pregnant and still smoking and drinking

cbyrd

Ditto the last poster

I'm an ex-smoker too i gave up 7 years ago and you know something.. i'm one cigarette away from going back on them.. at least i know this.. those tv ads that show the brain monsters... it's true i turned into an anti-christ when i gave them up.. for about 3 months.. which i think given my stress levels would have been worse if i was pregnant :eek: i did smoke on my other 2 pregnancies.. i managed to cut down to 5 a day and this was a huge thing for me.. non smokers really can't comment.. it is an overwhelming need. the difference in pregnancies.. this baby is huge!!!!!!!!! the others were 5 lbs 8ozs and 6lbs 10ozs this one they reckon about 8lbs on the scan last week.. it'll walk out were the consultants words... :eek::D holy god but there are still nights where i dream about smoking and enjoy it wake up devastated that i've gone back on them and then realise it was a dream... 7 YEARS ON!!!
it's the drinking i can't understand.. unless alcohol is a problem for her too, personally i had the very odd drink when i was pregnant with my second on my first and this one i can't stand the smell of it..!! My doctor says everything in moderation.. but if you can give up all the better, i try not to judge until i have all the facts but it really is very irreponsible on the drinking side.. although maybe being a cancer nurse seeing so much suffering she's kinda going to hell with it we're all dying anyway... who knows??:eek:

The Big Red Button

smelltheglove wrote: »

I was going to post on this last night but thought better of it. But I actually think I will now.

I smoked throughout both of my prenancies. I tried to quit on the second but could not bring myself to do it. Yes smoking is an addiction and a very strong one for me. I didnt like it, I was ashamed of it, but I could nto stop doing it. Even without being pregnant I never liked the fact that I smoked, somethign stupid I started when I was young but I could never quit. I tried everything. Most recently after my second baby was born the guilt was killing me, I went to my doctor who prescribed me medcation tog et off smokes. It worked, it still took a lot of will power but it worked, I would neevr have been able to take that whilst pregnant. Unfortunately after my husband losing his job a few months back I started again, yes I hate it, I really do but I am caught up in the addiction. I think I will be going back to the doctor for those tablets again as I cant afford to smoke either never mind the fact that I hate it. I was lucky enough that my babies suffered no affect from my smoking thankfully but knowing the power of the addiction I could never tell someone to quit smoking.

As for the drinking, my first pregnancy was a crisis pregnancy, I was young, I couldnt handle what was happening to me and I felt so alone, the only time I felt normal was when I was out with my friends having drinks. Again, I would be ashamed of it, I never did it on my second. The first pregnancy nobody ever confronted me, nobody ever told me to calm down, asked me why I was rebelling like that, why wasnt I thinking of my baby etc etc and in actual fact I think if someone had have confronted me about my drinking it may actually have helped. People didnt want to ask me how I felt so they just offered me a drink instead wishing me well.

I am sure there are people out there that do go out knowingly drinking and not being in a depressed state, yes it is disregard for their child to drink excessively and I know of someone who did it in marriage, no crisis, who was confronted by a friend, the confrontation caused a rift in the friendship that lasted several years. Many people do not like to be told what to do or not do and sometimes you can take a gamble on whether you are going to lose a friend or help a friend by confronting them, I just regret that I didnt have any friends or family that would confront me. Thankfully my child was healthy and still is to this day but I cringe when I think of how I was when she was pregnant.

Thank you for telling your story. It's really good to hear an honest opinion from someone who has actually been through it personally and knows what they're talking about! And it's really brave of you to share your experiences.

Personally I don't smoke, and amn't a particularly heavy drinker - I'd like to think that, if I became pregnant, I would give it up for the duration of the pregnancy.

But at the same time, I don't think I'd judge what other people are doing while pregnant. I mean, you never do know what else is going on in their lives. It's easy to say, as in the first post, "Does the woman not care at all?" - for all you know, she may hate herself and judge herself as much as you hate and judge her, if not a hell of a lot more.

It's not logical, at all, but sometimes people are just not logical!

smelltheglove

chatterpillar wrote: »

Thank you for telling your story. It's really good to hear an honest opinion from someone who has actually been through it personally and knows what they're talking about! And it's really brave of you to share your experiences.

You're welcome, I think some people need to forget where they are now and get off their high horses and think about the past. I know plenty of people who will lecture on this that and the other but forget they did those things once too.

Demonique

Noffles wrote: »

Careful you don't fall off that horse now, looks quite high.....

Feel free to use my high horse picture next time

http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x260/GrainneG/pester.jpg

username123

smelltheglove wrote: »

I was going to post on this last night but thought better of it. But I actually think I will now.

I smoked throughout both of my prenancies. I tried to quit on the second but could not bring myself to do it. Yes smoking is an addiction and a very strong one for me. I didnt like it, I was ashamed of it, but I could nto stop doing it. Even without being pregnant I never liked the fact that I smoked, somethign stupid I started when I was young but I could never quit. I tried everything. Most recently after my second baby was born the guilt was killing me, I went to my doctor who prescribed me medcation tog et off smokes. It worked, it still took a lot of will power but it worked, I would neevr have been able to take that whilst pregnant. Unfortunately after my husband losing his job a few months back I started again, yes I hate it, I really do but I am caught up in the addiction. I think I will be going back to the doctor for those tablets again as I cant afford to smoke either never mind the fact that I hate it. I was lucky enough that my babies suffered no affect from my smoking thankfully but knowing the power of the addiction I could never tell someone to quit smoking.

As for the drinking, my first pregnancy was a crisis pregnancy, I was young, I couldnt handle what was happening to me and I felt so alone, the only time I felt normal was when I was out with my friends having drinks. Again, I would be ashamed of it, I never did it on my second. The first pregnancy nobody ever confronted me, nobody ever told me to calm down, asked me why I was rebelling like that, why wasnt I thinking of my baby etc etc and in actual fact I think if someone had have confronted me about my drinking it may actually have helped. People didnt want to ask me how I felt so they just offered me a drink instead wishing me well.

I am sure there are people out there that do go out knowingly drinking and not being in a depressed state, yes it is disregard for their child to drink excessively and I know of someone who did it in marriage, no crisis, who was confronted by a friend, the confrontation caused a rift in the friendship that lasted several years. Many people do not like to be told what to do or not do and sometimes you can take a gamble on whether you are going to lose a friend or help a friend by confronting them, I just regret that I didnt have any friends or family that would confront me. Thankfully my child was healthy and still is to this day but I cringe when I think of how I was when she was pregnant.

A number of things come to mind here.

Its an addiction.
You say you cringe when you look back showing that you are capable of reflecting on your actions and drawing a positive conclusion from them (positive in that you are not afraid to cringe at yourself, its a strong person who judges themselves and finds their actions wanting).
Its your body, and much as anyone may want to judge, no one can judge you until they have walked a day in your shoes.

So my take on it would be, dont feel bad for past actions, look forward to future actions where you can use experiences you have learned from.

+ a million on the strength of the nicotine addiction. Its horrendously strong and part of the difficulty of giving up is the idea of 'just one more wont kill me'. Im sure this is what many pregnant women think while they are smoking, 'just one wont hurt the baby'.

Besides, there are many things that women do while pregnant that may not be good for the baby, ingest junk foods, breathe dirty city air, experience stress, risk catching a communicable disease just by being out in public etc...

While I dont agree with smoking while pregnant, I would not like to live in a nanny state where what people are allowed eat and drink are controlled by the law.

Nor would I judge someone for being caught in the addiction of smoking. Pregnant or not.

Cabaal

Its and addiction alright but its also down to how strong or weak willed you are,

few cases:
- I know a women who was pregnant and before it she smoked however during it she stepped up her smoking to chain smoking style and was never not smoking, its clear that she's weak willed as she made no decent attempts to cut down or stop

- I knew of another person, they smoked 60 a day and were told for health reasons to stop to which they did cold turkey. This suggests a very stronge will, to this day they'll say that you have to want to quit otherwise you won't be able to and in this case they wanted to quit.

- Another person smoked about 50 a day and once was in a pub back in the 80's and somebody bet them IR£100 that they wouldn't quit smoking for a year. They stopped the very next day and got their money the following year. They never started smoking again. This suggests a very strong willed person and a person thats stubborn

So in short you need to be strong willed and/or stubborn and you have to really want to quit, yes its an addition but like any addictions you can stop.

Even my wife who loved smoking was able to stop smoking and I have loads of respect for her for being able to do it.

Ickle Magoo

I stopped smoking the day I found out I was pregnant, it was really hard & I struggled but I made a pact with myself not to smoke another one, to go cold turkey & I stuck to it.

My friend tried everything & couldn't give up, patches, a holder that looked like a cigarette, hypnosis, you name it she tried it. Everyone is different. Some people do not have addictive personalities or have a will of iron - or a combination. It's not fair to assume that what is easy for one person must automatically be easy for everyone.

Cabaal

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I Everyone is different. Some people do not have addictive personalities or have a will of iron - or a combination. It's not fair to assume that what is easy for one person must automatically be easy for everyone.

This is correct, whats very concerning is the people that don't even try atleast more then once to give them up for the sake of their unborn child.

smelltheglove

Cabaal wrote: »

This is correct, whats very concerning is the people that don't even try atleast more then once to give them up for the sake of their unborn child.

But Cabaal how do you know they havent tried????? Have you been with them every minute of every day?????? I tried and tried and tried but couldnt do it. At my best I got down to maybe 6 or 7 a day but I could not go without, I tried for years beforehand. Yes I have an addictive personality, I am not strong willed but I tried, however neighbours and strangers would not have known if I had tried no matter how hard it was for me they probablky made assumptions like you, that I couldnt have been bothered.

I was out last night and thought of this thread, a girl sitting close to us was obviously pregnant and hammered. Whilst out in the smoking area we got talking and she said to me that people probably thought she was a state smoking and drinking pregnant, I relaly thought of this straight away. I explained to her that I thought it was her decision, that i had been there before and if anyone judged her without knowing her they werent worth it.

The girl went on to tell me that it is her first baby, she is waiting for her scan next week to find out if she is having twins, with 5 sets of twins in her mothers family and generations before and twins in her fiances family she was obviously stressed by it. Now the lads at my table didnt now that info when they were judging her saying jaysis look at your one, hammered and pregnant.

Ickle Magoo

Cabaal wrote: »

This is correct, whats very concerning is the people that don't even try atleast more then once to give them up for the sake of their unborn child.

I don't know how you can possibly know that, there are people who smoke & drink and don't care - there are plenty of others who care very much. Now, I'm not advocating smoking or drinking while pregnant, I really don't agree with either - I was just pointing out that you can't assume the woman involved doesn't care or hasn't/isn't trying to quit.

Sorry smelltheglove, I don't think awaiting a scan to see whether you are carrying twins excuses getting drunk while pregnant! :eek: I can empathise with an addicted smoker who cannot quit completely while pregnant but unless someone is an alcoholic, there is no excuse for getting drunk.

Cabaal

My problems is continuing to smoke to a high amount (not even cutting down) and going out getting pissed shows a complete disregard for your unborn baby and your partner as there is no way you could ever be 100% sure that your actions are not the cause of problems your child could have at birth and/or later life.

I honestly don't see how anyone would choose to have this doubt in their mind, atleast if they gave up these things (especially drink for feck sake) they can say to themselfs that they did their best but if they are going out getting sh*tfaced on drink and their expecting they only have themselfs to blame if they have complications later on as its evident they don't really truly care.

Ickle Magoo

Well, yeah, I have to kind of agree with that.

Cabaal

smelltheglove wrote: »

I was out last night and thought of this thread, a girl sitting close to us was obviously pregnant and hammered. Whilst out in the smoking area we got talking and she said to me that people probably thought she was a state smoking and drinking pregnant, I relaly thought of this straight away. I explained to her that I thought it was her decision, that i had been there before and if anyone judged her without knowing her they werent worth it.

The girl went on to tell me that it is her first baby, she is waiting for her scan next week to find out if she is having twins, with 5 sets of twins in her mothers family and generations before and twins in her fiances family she was obviously stressed by it. Now the lads at my table didnt now that info when they were judging her saying jaysis look at your one, hammered and pregnant.

Ok fair enough she's stressed and I could understand smoking perhaps but drinking there is no excuse for, she's still putting her unborn baby at risk with no thoughts for the baby or the father who is also entitled to be sure his baby is health and kept health

nesf

Cabaal wrote: »

Its and addiction alright but its also down to how strong or weak willed you are

I'm strong willed and stubborn but can't quit them. I haven't smoked indoors since my wife got pregnant 5 years back. I only smoke outside where the damage is (for the most part) limited to myself. I've been trying to quit for 8 or 9 years at this point and hopefully at some point I'll succeed but right not it's not happened. I smoke less than I did in the past, but I'm still a pretty heavy smoker.

smelltheglove

Whilst I see where Ickle is coming from awaiting a scan is not an excuse but my point is that this girl was obviously quite stressed about it. Now we can all say well she should have done this that or the other but come one people, do you guys know whats going on inside these girls heads???? because seriously when I was in that position there was a huge amount of terrible things going on inside my head with all the stress I was under worrying about my situation etc, dont judge if you are unawares and judge only aware that you yourself will be judged.

I just dont personally hold a lot of respect for people who go about 'bitching' unknowingly but neither do I condone the situation here either I am just of the belief that without knowing all the details of anyone persons life none of us are entitled to slate their life choices.

sold

The mother obviously does not care about her baby's health. No real mother would subject their child to any "possible" side effects of smoking, no matter how slight. I have only known 2 pregnant women who smoke any both were to a***h**s. Both happen to be divorced now, but the kids seem ok.

Ickle Magoo

smelltheglove wrote: »

...but my point is that this girl was obviously quite stressed about it.

I don't get the link tbh. I don't know many people who aren't stressed about pregnancy and the life changing implications that brings. I still think going out & getting pissed is wholly irresponsible. It differs to smoking in that women who are pregnant and stressed have the choice of a million other things to do (massage, yoga, etc) to de-stress that doesn't involve alcohol. While I agree that it's not good to judge without knowing the full story in the vast majority of things we see happening around us & we disapprove of, drinking to excess while pregnant is one I just can't get my head around.

EDITED TO ADD:

The other bit I'm not following is that you say she was obviously pregnant & that was because she was stressed she may be carrying twins...if she was clearly showing then she would already know how many babies she was carrying, that is usually deduced in the the first scan at around 10-14wks...?

smelltheglove

That was what she was getting worked up over, she hadnt had the first scan, she was just hitting 3 mths and her tummy was quite large, why I said obviously pregnant. I would be of the opinion if she started a conversation with a stranger about her drinking and being stressed about twins etc there most likely would be a lot more to it also.

As for the above, sold, seriously, in your theory I am an arsehole yet you have never met me yet or walked a day in my shoes.

Originally Posted by Sold
I have only known 2 pregnant women who smoke any both were to a***h**s. Both happen to be divorced now, but the kids seem ok.

Ickle Magoo

I never called anyone an @rsehole, I just can't get my head around getting pissed while pregnant.

None of my business what anyone else does & tbh, as long as me & mine are safe & I'm doing the best I can, I don't really care what choices other people make, they are the ones that will have to live with them - my point was when there are so many alternatives; and drinking to excess while pregnant is neither down to addiction nor ignorance about the harm it can do, it's easy to see why people do judge.

smelltheglove

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I never called anyone an @rsehole, I just can't get my head around getting pissed while pregnant.

None of my business what anyone else does & tbh, as long as me & mine are safe & I'm doing the best I can, I don't really care what choices other people make, they are the ones that will have to live with them - my point was when there are so many alternatives; and drinking to excess while pregnant is neither down to addiction nor ignorance about the harm it can do, it's easy to see why people do judge.

I didnt say you ickle, sold as posted above you, sorry I should have quoted....

Ickle Magoo

Ah, sold, I get it - missed that post, sorry StG :o:o

Johnnio13

Point taken about it being her own choice.

Personally think it is wrong though. But that is just my opinion.

neeb

Lots of people don't do the best thing for their children look at the breastfeeding stats in Ireland.

Ickle Magoo

neeb wrote: »

Lots of people don't do the best thing for their children look at the breastfeeding stats in Ireland.

Not doing the best thing is not the same as doing something which is harmful.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

It is "our" business as a society though. She is actively endangering her child through this behaviour and morally people should be interested in the situation. Also any defects, health issues or learning difficulties will ultimately cost the tax payer down the line.

What a load of rubbish... morals... lol...

It's none of your business, simple as. Stay out of it.

neeb

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Not doing the best thing is not the same as doing something which is harmful.

I think formula is harmful when there is an option of breastfeeding

smelltheglove

neeb wrote: »

I think formula is harmful when there is an option of breastfeeding

But some people just can't breastfeed, not an option. Also if it was harmful to the child it would not be legal.

cbyrd

neeb wrote: »

I think formula is harmful when there is an option of breastfeeding

Harmful????? :eek: and what would you recommend if there is not an option of breastfeeding??? it's not just a lifestyle choice for some.. some women just can't. i think a statement like that is silly. there's enough pressure on new mothers without the breastfeeding nazi brigade getting on they're case too. I've breastfed 2 girls one for 9 months and one for 7 weeks because she was too hungry and wasn't thriving i had to switch to bottle and breast and wean her fully by 12 weeks. without formula what would you have me do?? watch her starve??

Nevyn

neeb I suggest you learn to phrase you posts better as inflammatory posting is not allowed on this forum.

neeb

cbyrd wrote: »

Harmful????? :eek: and what would you recommend if there is not an option of breastfeeding??? it's not just a lifestyle choice for some.. some women just can't. i think a statement like that is silly. there's enough pressure on new mothers without the breastfeeding nazi brigade getting on they're case too. I've breastfed 2 girls one for 9 months and one for 7 weeks because she was too hungry and wasn't thriving i had to switch to bottle and breast and wean her fully by 12 weeks. without formula what would you have me do?? watch her starve??

The WHO says the mother milk in a bottle or doner milk should be used before formula.

I can't believe that I got a warning for saying that formula is harmful to babies. Could you point me to some scientific references to support that please