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Maintenance Nightmare - Any Advice?

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  • 07-12-2009 4:51pm
    #1
    MelissaLahive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭


    My brothers girlfriend has walked out on him and his daughter as well as their lovely new home. Things have settled down a bit and she is still paying her share of the mortgage and has my niece 3 to 4 days a week.

    She is now seeking €100 per week in maintenance money from him which neither of us can frankly understand. When the 3 of them were living together the entire weeks food budget was just €50 so now she is looking for twice that despite only being with the child 3 to 4 days a week.

    My brother really is as good a parent as you would find out there and he dotes on his daughter who is never left wanting for anything. He pays for things like school books, her health care and is even paying into a savings fund for her to access when she is older.

    His ex on the other is extremely fond of the drink (amongst other substances) and we all fully believe that if he gives her that amount she will just use it for partying. On the nights he has been with his daughter he has asked her if she had a good night with mummy, his daughter has often told him, "Mummy went out". They have both been means tested and her earnings as a part time hair dresser are quite low. Yet we both know that she is earning in excess of €300 per week extra from doing out of hours hair dressing work on the side. This did not show up in the means test.

    Now he must go to court and by he has been advised by his solicitor that she will probably get what she wants (or slightly less) based on her means test. He has also been advised that the extra income and her fondness of the drink can only be classed as hearsay and can not be used.

    I am really worried that she is going to get her way and really break the last fibres of my brothers morale. He is a fantastic father and never laid a finger on his ex or even raised his voice. She walked out simply because she wanted to party more and now he is going to end up paying for it.

    Any advice?????


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Are they married?
    Who has custody?


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    #3
    MelissaLahive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭MelissaLahive


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Are they married?
    Who has custody?

    No, not married. At the moment they have dual custody although nothing in writing. He has his daughter 3 to 4 days per week and so does his ex. She is refusing now to let him have guardianship unless he pays up.


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    #4
    smelltheglove
    Registered Users Posts: 4,503 ✭✭✭smelltheglove


    Its a bad situation, I remember my dad calling his payments to my mam babysitting money, we were with her at most 2 days a week and he was to pay for those days even though he had us Monday to Friday.

    Fair play to your brother though, my dad earned a lot of respect raising all of us and I am sure you are all very proud of your brother and one day he will be very proud of himself as will his daughter.


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    #5
    Wookster76
    Registered Users Posts: 110 ✭✭Wookster76


    MelissaLahive wrote: »
    No, not married. At the moment they have dual custody although nothing in writing. He has his daughter 3 to 4 days per week and so does his ex. She is refusing now to let him have guardianship unless he pays up.

    Tell him to go down to Dolphine house and at the very least submit an application for guardianship..The judge wont refuse it.. I was in a similar situation infact I've been in and out of dolphine house for 11 years now... its hard work. My ex tried to stop me getting guardianship but failed. The judge will ony refuse in extreme cases ( violence substance abuse etc) but from what I've read here so far, it shouldnt be an issue. You could also look into free legal aid, ask the court clerk when submitting the application for Guardianship.

    Would be worth sorting out custody and trying to secure it in your favor.. the maintence request could be coming from you then...


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    #6
    mumto3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 97 ✭✭mumto3


    I know this is off topic somewhat but...when the 3 of them were living together they spent 50 euro on a weeks shopping??????!!!!Surely they dont live in Ireland?:confused:50 euro???


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    #7
    MelissaLahive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭MelissaLahive


    mumto3 wrote: »
    I know this is off topic somewhat but...when the 3 of them were living together they spent 50 euro on a weeks shopping??????!!!!Surely they dont live in Ireland?:confused:50 euro???

    Yup... I'm as shocked as you but you'd be surprised what Aldi + a deep freezer can do. He really puts me to shame


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    #8
    bogtotty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭bogtotty


    If she walked out of the family home, he should make sure there is a legal agreement in place so that she continues to pay her share of the mortgage.

    Maintenance should only be paid for the days when your niece is not with your brother, and as they are not married, his ex has no right to maintenance for herself, only for their daughter. However, he has no automatic right to guardianship and needs to get that sorted out immediately. The judge should look favourably on that when calculating the maintenance order.
    Your brother should also contact One Family for support and advice. They are an advocacy group for single parent families:
    http://www.onefamily.ie/

    The following links may also be helpful:
    http://www.activelink.ie/irish/organisation.php?id=1091
    http://www.parentalequality.ie/new/welcome.php
    http://www.flac.ie/download/pdf/maintenance.pdf
    http://www.solo.ie/index1.html


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    #9
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    Also www.usfi.ie


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    #10
    Superdaddy
    Registered Users Posts: 234 ✭✭Superdaddy


    If your brother has the child 50% of the time then why should he pay maintenance? The mother is equally responsible for the child. Therefore she is responsible for the childs financial support. I'm sure your brother feeds and clothes the child when she stays with him.

    He must sort out Guardianship immediately and then he must also apply for sole custody. Forget USFI, they will advise him to go to court an represent himself and they will be his McKenzie friend, it may work but it will take forever and he won't be able to take the stress. They will also try to involve him in other USFI issues which will distract from his goal.

    He needs to keep a very detailed diary of all access that he has and she has. This could be very important. The fact that she left the family home and left her daughter works well in his favor.

    He needs to see a top family law solicitor, i sent you a PM of the one I'm using. I have been through this whole process and i went through USFI and 2 solicitors before i got the right one. In fairness to the USFI they put me onto this solicitor.

    In the meantime he needs to keep her sweet, she could withdraw all access in the blink of an eye and he would be powerless. She could move where ever she likes in the world with his daughter and there is nothing he could do to stop her without guardianship, this has happened to me and several other lads i am in touch with. Once he starts court proceedings she can do nothing, the child will be custody of the state and cannot be legally removed from the state, thanks to the G case.:cool:

    Start proceedings now, before she learns what a powerful hand she holds.
    By the way if he gets sole custody, she pays maintenance to him!:) And if they get joint custody, nobody pays maintenance to anybody.

    Once he starts proceedings he should never discuss them with her or anybody else for that matter. It will cost a few thousand but it will be worth it.


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    #11
    smelltheglove
    Registered Users Posts: 4,503 ✭✭✭smelltheglove


    Superdaddy wrote: »
    By the way if he gets sole custody, she pays maintenance to him!:) And if they get joint custody, nobody pays maintenance to anybody.

    Once he starts proceedings he should never discuss them with her or anybody else for that matter. It will cost a few thousand but it will be worth it.

    I hope that is the case now as it wasnt when I was young, my mother worked mon-fri and has 2 of us at the weekend, the other 2 didnt come, but my dad still had to pay for those days we were with her, even though he remortgaged our house in order for her to get her own house. He worked a fair bit less for the first few years, paying other people to work for him too so he could be home more. I know it killed him to pay the money over and as kids we didnt understand what his problem was but I can understand it now, thats why he called it babysitting money.

    Hopefully laes are better now.


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    #12
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    Your bro needs to keep all receipts for everything. Tot up all expenses. Do up a chart of income and outgoings.

    Then when the mom applies for maintenance, he can prove that it's 50/50 fair and quare.

    Maintenance is usually paid to those who spend the most time with their children which is 90% women. But if you've an even amount of time and money spent with/on the child, then why should one double-pay?


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    #13
    Superdaddy
    Registered Users Posts: 234 ✭✭Superdaddy


    Klingon Hamlet wrote: »
    Your bro needs to keep all receipts for everything. Tot up all expenses. Do up a chart of income and outgoings.

    Then when the mom applies for maintenance, he can prove that it's 50/50 fair and quare.

    Maintenance is usually paid to those who spend the most time with their children which is 90% women. But if you've an even amount of time and money spent with/on the child, then why should one double-pay?

    +1 !


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