House Husband Wife Too Controlling

CDfm

networks wrote: »

j ust read all this thread this evening,and i found it kinda childish carryon really!!

the sad thing is networks is that people experience this kind of stuff and whether or not the OP is on the level is one thing and you have to assume he is - you still wouldnt want to be a man or woman in this kind of situation.

blue1980

just give her a punch in the face.

Con9903

I would thread very carefully. It appears that she is prepared for any form of retaliation or uprising on your part. From what you have says about the heavy drinking trail, I wouldn't be surprised if she turned around and blackmailed you if you tried to leave, go to the Gardai and say she's a battered wife due to your drinking (Which she will be able to replicate with her research and the drink papertrail). Be very careful.....
If you do plan on leaving I suggest you write a daily diary of the goings on just to keep your memory fresh. Also go to the gards regularily explaining the current situation so they know what is happening, try to make sure they put it on file. Also listening equipment isn't that expensive, try to invest in something to gather some concrete evidence. It makes all the difference.

Silverfish

blue1980 wrote: »

just give her a punch in the face.

Banned. Advocating violence is not permitted.

DubLass

TheBlock wrote: »

Does no one else find all of this hard to believe? How can someone who ran what they have described to be a succesful business (His bank offerd him a good mortgage rate becasue his business was going so well) not understand that before you sign any legal documents you raed them (especially when presented by the solicitor of a woman , your wife, whom you already know from multiple previous actions ,Tights etc, is a control freak)

Sorry but I don't buy this one bit. Especially the sudden apperance of getagrip1. I will add one piece of advice if this turns out not to be a piece of fiction, Grow a pair and leave her.

so happy someone has said this I was afraid to but it just doesn't add up does it ?

LegacyUser

DubLass wrote: »

so happy someone has said this I was afraid to but it just doesn't add up does it ?

It really doesnt add up. If this was bought as their family home then he has rights and has papers to sign if the house is sold. If the papers were signed then she has forged his signature... Also, how do you force a man to have sex? Dont believe it all tbh and would hope that no one is in that situation.

Lollipops23

doesntaddup wrote: »

Also, how do you force a man to have sex? Dont believe it all tbh and would hope that no one is in that situation.

100s of men get raped every year,not just by other men.

OP you have been advised by most of the posters here to just get out. There's very little we can say other than that,it's time to get moving. The sooner you leave the sooner she is out of your life forever.

CDfm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

100s of men get raped every year,not just by other men.

OP you have been advised by most of the posters here to just get out. There's very little we can say other than that,it's time to get moving. The sooner you leave the sooner she is out of your life forever.

Most guys in this situation have nowhere to go.

The OP has no resourses of his own or access to money so what should he do and where should he go?

dolliemix

CDfm wrote: »

Most guys in this situation have nowhere to go.

The OP has no resourses of his own or access to money so what should he do and where should he go?

Go to his sister. By the sounds of it, if any of this is real, the longer he stays with them, the longer he is giving them to build up the case against him, and he knows that!!

Updating strangers on an internet sight is not going to resolve anything

I still want an answer as to what the neighbour thought when he asked for a baby monitor!

CDfm

its the business new year tommorrow op and you should be off looking for a job or a fas course.

Everything is open tomorrow

LegacyUser

This is exactly AMEN said would happen. Nobody will believe you! This makes the procees of getting out of the situation so difficult. I was talking to my neighbour before Christmas. We were talking about useless Christmas presents. He mentioned that he had been give a baby listener 2 years ago. He had never used it because the child was over 2 at that time. I said it might be useful to me because I was expecting a relative to bring a child to the house at christmas. he went into his house and came out with the listener in the box and told me to bring it back whenever I liked. He had no use for it ever.
I keep asking myself how I signed the legal documents. When we were buying the house my brother in law mentioned there was some issue about a boundary and it could hold up the deal by months. It was three months before the wedding an we we anxious to close. he went ahead with the closing but warned us it was on our own heads. ABout three years ago the house next door was for sale. A sale collapsed becaus of the boundary issue. A few weeks later my brother in law came for dinner bringing two bottles of wine. After dinner he took out an enormous bundle of documents with post-its all over them. he said the whole thing went back to a mistake in a deed in 1964 and there were three properties involved. He said we were lucky. Because of the sale the neighbour was co-operating and he had been in college with the solicitor for the other neighbour. I look at on of the documents on top of the pile. It was full of whereas and heretofores and the like. My wife starting complaining " all of this for six inches" cant we just give it to them. My brother in law said it was far better to fix it up properly. We might have trouble trying to sell in the futire. I ended up joining in with my brother in law and agreeing that it was better to tie up all loose ends. My brother in law said to my wife " jenny(his secretary) has put post-its where you are meant to sign". My wife took papers from the top and started to read it. My brother in law then started a discussion with me about football. The discussion became quite animated. In the middle of he told my wife not to disturb the order of the papers. It had taken half a day to put them together. My wife gave me a piece of paper to sign. She had already signed it. It was similar to the first document I saw. I was heavily involved in the discussion. I had quite a lot of wine and we were going on holidays three days later. After a few minutes my wife gave me another form to sign. It seemed to be identical to the first one. Next she started easing one of the documents out of the middle of the bundle and signed it with only the end of it visible. She pushed the bundle towards me. I was too involved in the discussion to take the whole bundle apart and read the document. It never occurred to me that there could be anything going on.
Going to my sister is not an option. she has no accomodation and limited money. I would have no way of dealing with the legal cases against me.
It is not easy to refuse my wife sex. She is very demanding and does not atke no for an answer. One day I said I was too tired and she took off her high heeled shoe and jabbed me in the leg with it. She then took a swing at my head. I ducked and she just missed my eye. I will just have to continue as i am. When the house is spotless and everthing has been done for her my wife is quite pleasant. i hope I can find out where the assets are hidden and get a job soon.

DubLass

Amen said that? I'm very surprised!

CDfm

DubLass wrote: »

Amen said that? I'm very surprised!

Why should it surprise you that men generally arent believed in Court.

Family law cases that have a positive outcome are those where the woman acts ethically.

dolliemix

OP I don't not believe you. But this is an internet forum so I'm wondering why you're going into so much detail here and not approaching the gardaí or seeking out some free legal aid. The bottom line is if your wife is violent and her family are so devious any situation would be better than the one you're in now.

Have you even spoken to your sister about this? I think if anybody decent understood that a family member or close friend was in your position they'd be more than willing to help them out short term. Ask your sister can you use her address to apply for jobs for a start..

DubLass

CDfm wrote: »

Why should it surprise you that men generally arent believed in Court.

Family law cases that have a positive outcome are those where the woman acts ethically.

Because organisations like Amen put huge resources into breaking the myth of domestic violence both male to female and vice versa, why would they say "no one will believe you"?

denhaagenite

House Husband wrote: »

A few weeks later my brother in law came for dinner bringing two bottles of wine. After dinner he took out an enormous bundle of documents with post-its all over them. he said the whole thing went back to a mistake in a deed in 1964 and there were three properties involved. He said we were lucky. Because of the sale the neighbour was co-operating and he had been in college with the solicitor for the other neighbour. I look at on of the documents on top of the pile. It was full of whereas and heretofores and the like. My wife starting complaining " all of this for six inches" cant we just give it to them. My brother in law said it was far better to fix it up properly. We might have trouble trying to sell in the futire. I ended up joining in with my brother in law and agreeing that it was better to tie up all loose ends. My brother in law said to my wife " jenny(his secretary) has put post-its where you are meant to sign". My wife took papers from the top and started to read it. My brother in law then started a discussion with me about football. The discussion became quite animated. In the middle of he told my wife not to disturb the order of the papers. It had taken half a day to put them together. My wife gave me a piece of paper to sign. She had already signed it. It was similar to the first document I saw. I was heavily involved in the discussion. I had quite a lot of wine and we were going on holidays three days later. After a few minutes my wife gave me another form to sign. It seemed to be identical to the first one. Next she started easing one of the documents out of the middle of the bundle and signed it with only the end of it visible. She pushed the bundle towards me. I was too involved in the discussion to take the whole bundle apart and read the document. It never occurred to me that there could be anything going on.

I understand the control issues, the physical violence and demanding intercourse and I am so sorry for you OP. I once knew someone who was in a similar situation and luckily got out of it before it went too far.

But as for the above, I can't even begin to understand it. My OH and I bought a house three months ago. After all the legal stuff was done and dusted (2 mortgage advisors, 3 banks, an estate agent, a translator, notary, wills, etc etc etc) we drank ALOT of wine. AFTER not BEFORE it was all finished, and certainly not during. The level of detail you are able to describe is also confusing to me- you say you don't remember but then you can tell me how many days before your holidays this was, that two forms looked alike, and that she eased a page out from the middle of the bundle. Just too much to use the excuse that you had too much to drink.

No- one has any right to abuse anyone, under any circumstances. However, I suspect that you are too embarassed to say that you didn't read any of the paperwork- you don't have to tell us but remember that this could also have been a factor in how you ran your business and whether or not your home has been remortgaged, therefore leaving you (unfortunately) without any recourse. The fine print is there for a reason. Never, ever, sign a binding document without both reading and understanding it

Also a key factor to running a successful business is to leave the shady, legal eagle, brother in law well out of it from the beginning.

I hope that things get better for you, but you need to face the reality that when you do walk away from this dreadful situation, and I really hope you do, you will be going empty handed.

Terodil

DubLass wrote: »

Because organisations like Amen put huge resources into breaking the myth of domestic violence both male to female and vice versa, why would they say "no one will believe you"?

1: How things should be
2: How things are

1 != 2

CDfm

DubLass wrote: »

Because organisations like Amen put huge resources into breaking the myth of domestic violence both male to female and vice versa, why would they say "no one will believe you"?

Organisations like Amen dont have huge resourses and are run on a shoestring. They get around 1 % of the funding that organisations for abused women get.

In general men cant expect to be believed and it is important for any court case to have factual information.

The OP is finding himself between a rock and a hard place and has to tough it out and if he can weather it and get a job.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Why should it surprise you that men generally arent believed in Court.

Family law cases that have a positive outcome are those where the woman acts ethically.

+1

LegacyUser

DubLass wrote: »

Because organisations like Amen put huge resources into breaking the myth of domestic violence both male to female and vice versa, why would they say "no one will believe you"?

why don't you offer him a room then? in fact i have spoken to amen and the issue of men not being believed is common. You appear quite sheltered in this respect

LegacyUser

AMEN

http://www.amen.ie/Papers/15356.htm

"Many people do not believe or realise that men can be victims of domestic violence. It can be very difficult for a man to come forward and admit that he is a victim of domestic abuse. In 2005 the National Crime Council found that only 1 in 20 men reported abuse to the Gardaí."

Splendour

CDfm wrote: »

Most guys in this situation have nowhere to go.

The OP has no resourses of his own or access to money so what should he do and where should he go?

My ex husband was abusive and I had to leave the house with my two children. At that time I was a full time stay at home mom with no income but I did it because I had to. I'm sure if the OP explained the situation to family/friends they would be more than willing to help him out.

CDfm

Splendour wrote: »

My ex husband was abusive and I had to leave the house with my two children. At that time I was a full time stay at home mom with no income but I did it because I had to. I'm sure if the OP explained the situation to family/friends they would be more than willing to help him out.

I always feel sorry for abuse victims no matter what the gender. They cannot exercise power over their situation and its difficult for them to do so.

Lucky you for solving yours.

The support structures are set up for abused women so that is part of the problem.

Im glad it worked for you and if the OP can explain it to family it may help him cope and get over his isolation.

DubLass

unregistered wrote: »

AMEN

http://www.amen.ie/Papers/15356.htm

"Many people do not believe or realise that men can be victims of domestic violence. It can be very difficult for a man to come forward and admit that he is a victim of domestic abuse. In 2005 the National Crime Council found that only 1 in 20 men reported abuse to the Gardaí."

Still does not equate to "no one will believe you"!!!

dolliemix

DubLass wrote: »

Still does not equate to "no one will believe you"!!!

+1 to this.

Anyway the OP can't stay in that position just because there are a load of people saying if you tell anyone this no one will believe you. He might as well give up then and remain enslaved and dictated to by this family for the rest of his life.

Men or women face the fear that they will not be believed in these situations.

The OP has to get out of there first and then deal with the 'non-believers' second.

There are people out there, plenty of people, who will believe. But they can't do that until he tells them.

To be honest, I think it's crazy and dangerous, if anyone advises that man to stay there to build up a case.

OP - walk away now. Who cares if some people don't believe you?

You've lost all your material possessions by the sounds of it. Just walk away and start again.

You're not the first to do this and you won't be the last.

I'm confused, you've shown us that you have absolutely nothing, no emotional ties, no financial ties, no responsibilities - so why don't you leave?

Sorry if thats harsh, but you owe these people nothing so confide in somebody in the real world. Keep knocking on doors I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Kosseegan

dolliemix wrote: »

+1 to this.



I'm confused, you've shown us that you have absolutely nothing, no emotional ties, no financial ties, no responsibilities - so why don't you leave?

Sorry if thats harsh, but you owe these people nothing so confide in somebody in the real world. Keep knocking on doors I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.

The o/p has in fact shown that he has serious financial ties to the situation. His wife's brother is dealing with the fallout from his collapsed business. There are legal processes in being and others coming down the tracks at him. The legal aid board takes a long time to decide eligibility for legal assistance. Some civil debt processes require a reaction within days. That is the nub of the o/ps problem. There is also his lost equity in the house and whatever other assets that bitch of a wife has accumulated, most likely on the back of the o/ps financial input into the household.

dolliemix

Kosseegan wrote: »

The o/p has in fact shown that he has serious financial ties to the situation. His wife's brother is dealing with the fallout from his collapsed business. There are legal processes in being and others coming down the tracks at him. The legal aid board takes a long time to decide eligibility for legal assistance. Some civil debt processes require a reaction within days. That is the nub of the o/ps problem. There is also his lost equity in the house and whatever other assets that bitch of a wife has accumulated, most likely on the back of the o/ps financial input into the household.

Thats exactly my argument. Its not likely that he's going get any of this money back at this stage.

People on this thread are advising him to stay put, so he can try and figure out what to do financially.

I would be more concerned about his welfare. He is being deprived of basic human rights and human dignity in his present situation. Physically he says he has lost an enormous amount of weight. God knows what this is doing for his mental state.

The financial issue is a problem whether he stays or not.

But, getting out of that hostile environment is the only step in the right direction towards keeping his mental and physical health somewhat in check.

CDfm

DubLass wrote: »

Still does not equate to "no one will believe you"!!!

Do you believe him.??

Lots of people are posting that he should just get up and leave -so they either dont believe him or are not sympathetic to his situation.

Kosseegan

dolliemix wrote: »

Thats exactly my argument. Its not likely that he's going get any of this money back at this stage.

He is having the debts case coming at him dealt with. If these are not dealt with properly there could be judgements against him followed by jail. If he hangs around and eavesdrops and can trace documents he has some chance of getting something out of his wife in a separation. She is probably quite wealthy. If he can discover where some of her assets are he can get an injuction blocking her from dealing with them.

Nevyn

No a lot of people see he is living under horrendous circumstances and think any adult in their right mind would endure them and do not understand the impact of abuse and how it robs a person of their confidence and being able to cope.

Op at this stage I too would be suggesting you find friends/family to stay with to get away from your wife and apply for jobs any sort of a job and go see your community welfare officer to get financial assistance which you need, they have a hardship fund.

You have more choices then you think, but you need away from the toxic controlling environment and to be able to see what choices you have and not to be afraid to of what your wife thinks or will do/say.

OS119

Kosseegan wrote: »

He is having the debts case coming at him dealt with. If these are not dealt with properly there could be judgements against him followed by jail. If he hangs around and eavesdrops and can trace documents he has some chance of getting something out of his wife in a separation. She is probably quite wealthy. If he can discover where some of her assets are he can get an injuction blocking her from dealing with them.

you're describing a 'zero-sum' decision - but its not a zero sum situation where if he stays he'll be ok and might get some info, and if he goes he'll not get the info. the OP describes a clear physical and mental deterioration while this treatment continues, ergo, so that while its true that if he stays he may get some info, its also quite possible that if he stays he might top himself - in which case any info he gets is going to be all rather irrellevent.

my advice would be to leg it - this 'marriage' certainly isn't worth hanging around for, and if he suspects that he's being financially/legally stitched up by his BIL (assumedly for his soon-to-be-ex-wife's benefit) then while his legal issues will remain, he's not going to be under the heel of the bitch from hell.

also, if/when the legal stuff comes to court, the judge might just wonder why the 'master criminal' is living in a cardboard box under a bridge, and the 'deserted, and horror-struck wife who only tried to help him through the good agency of her brother the solicitor' is driving a 7 series BMW...

OP, have you had anybody qualified and independant of this loathsome duo tell you that you are in the position they describe - because in normal situations bankruptsy doesn't end in prison, you have to commit fraud to go to prison...

dolliemix

Kosseegan wrote: »

He is having the debts case coming at him dealt with. If these are not dealt with properly there could be judgements against him followed by jail. If he hangs around and eavesdrops and can trace documents he has some chance of getting something out of his wife in a separation. She is probably quite wealthy. If he can discover where some of her assets are he can get an injuction blocking her from dealing with them.

So he should stay and evesdrop?

And then what? Their word against his.

Do you honestly believe when he tells the gardai or whoever - I heard them say it over the baby intercom - that that will be taken as evidence?

Let the professionals do the investigating.

This isn't some kind of crime fiction book or tv drama where the ordinary man resolves the crime!

dolliemix

CDfm wrote: »

Do you believe him.??

Lots of people are posting that he should just get up and leave -so they either dont believe him or are not sympathetic to his situation.

BS

Telling him to stay is not being sympathetic to his situation.

What so he can stay in an environment where he's treated like a piece of dirt? Ordered around/ threatened/ controlled/ belittled/ blackmailed/ sexually abused/ violently abused

Nobody should be advised to stay in this environment under any circumstances

anathea

House Husband wrote: »

I will just have to continue as i am. When the house is spotless and everthing has been done for her my wife is quite pleasant.

It seems if you do your work in the house properly your wife will be happy. You should try and obtain a copy of Mrs. Beeton's book of Household Management.
You will be able to learn how to do household tasks properly and there will be less chance of you upsetting your wife.
If your wife is not upset and is pleased with your work you will be able to continue with your investigations withouit too much difficulty. You should not tell your wife when you have a job interview. You should do your work around it. Get up a bit earlier and start some of it the night before. That way you will not have conflict with your wife on the issue.

Sarah W

Given that the OP hasn't posted since the rather odd post a few days ago his wife may well have rumbled him. I hope he is OK and will find the courage to help himself....

Jo King

OS119 wrote: »

OP, have you had anybody qualified and independant of this loathsome duo tell you that you are in the position they describe - because in normal situations bankruptsy doesn't end in prison, you have to commit fraud to go to prison...

That is not correct. People end up in jail as a result of civil debt all of the time. It was reported in the papers that there were numerous case in the last year alone. The O/P is not in a bankruptcy situation. He does not owe any money! His problem is that if he moves out of the house he will not be served with proceedings and so will know nothing about them, and may not, until a guard with a warrant for his arrest comes upon him.

I gather the o/p has been told as much by FLAC.

opinion guy

OP

Can you declare yourself bankrupt ?
Have you looked into this ?

LegacyUser

Sarah W wrote: »

Given that the OP hasn't posted since the rather odd post a few days ago his wife may well have rumbled him. I hope he is OK and will find the courage to help himself....

I haven't been rumbled. Nor am I likely to be. My wife never does anything for herself that she can have done by someone else. She has a secretary at work( who is terrified of her) who does all of her internet work. Her brother is the same even to the extent that he cannot open his own emails. My wife dictates into a dictaphone constantly. She carries it with her in her handbag at all times. Her secretary has to type everything out of it.
Going bankrupt is not an option. It would not protect me from these spurious claims being made on me. It would make it impossible for me to be a director again and would also impede my search for a job.
My interview was cancelled because of the weather. On the good side my wife is going away for 10 days, skiing with her friends shortly. We have been invited to a wedding and I have persuaded her that I need a new suit to go.
I estimate that my equity in the house is even after the price falls in the region of several hundred thousand euro. Since I have stopped working my wife's lifestyle has not cahnged one bit despite the loss of my earnings. When I was working she had numerous ways of extracting money from me. She would be "broke until the end of the month after paying the mortgage". I would end up paying for her hairdos, dry cleaning, petrol as well as paying all utilities and giving her money for household expenses.
She must have salted away a massive amount of money in investments.
If I could get even a reasonable share of it I could start again. As it is I have discovered that when a business fails "friends" vanish. People who were always insisting on meeting me for lunch or coffee now avoid me in the street. In my sports club which I have had to leave, rumours were spread about me that I had engineeered the whole business collapse and walked away with the money. A lot of people I had given contracts to are members and I always paid them promptly. Their last payments were never paid by the reciever. I can't afford to go to pubs. If I say anthing to my family they would probably confront my wife and the consequences would be disastrous.

denhaagenite

sunflower27 wrote: »

And....? So bloody what?

So what are you going to do, OP? Seriously...... Are you going to just put up and shut up or do something?

I agree. Telling us how bad herself and her brother are isn't going to make anything better. We have offered you support and advice. Don't throw good time after bad. I think you're more worried about losing money than receiving abuse, and if the abuse is as bad as you tell us then that shouldn't be the case. I feel terrible for you that you may stand to lose everything you have worked for but at the same time allowing people to get you drunk to sign papers isn't a way to do business and will end up with you facing difficulties. It's time to be honest with yourself.

opinion guy

House Husband wrote: »

Going bankrupt is not an option. It would not protect me from these spurious claims being made on me. It would make it impossible for me to be a director again and would also impede my search for a job.

Are you sure about that ? I thought the point was to protect people from claims. And Ive not heard before that it woudl stop you being a director again. I don't see what bearing it has on job-searching.

iamskippy

House Husband wrote: »

If I say anthing to my family they would probably confront my wife and the consequences would be disastrous.

let them.maybe they will support you in the disastrous consequences that will ensue. . surely in the disastrous consequences one if your family would give you a temp bed? What you have put up with is terrible but please just get the hell out of there and then worry about starting again. If you are taken to court would your circumstances not be taken in to account. Tell your family and get spome evidence and support.

If you cannot be a director again could you not have someone else be a director in any company you form

You have seen the support you got here and no one even knows you. Good luck OP and happy new year and i hope it will be and you will get out of that situation.

iamskippy

House Husband wrote: »

. On the good side my wife is going away for 10 days, skiing with her friends shortly. .

if i were you I would be gone when she returns, she would get some surprise

Jo King

opinion guy wrote: »

Are you sure about that ? I thought the point was to protect people from claims. And Ive not heard before that it woudl stop you being a director again. I don't see what bearing it has on job-searching.

Bankruptcy does not protect a person from claims. It protects a person from enforcement. The o/p's problem is that he would not know about the claims and therefore could not raise the fact of bankruptcy. There are serious restrictions on bankrupts regarding their financial dealings. Most of their dealings have to be approved by the trustee in bankruptcy. A lot of employers would be very wary of employing a bankrupt. TD's have to leave the Dail if they become bankrupt!
The likelihood is that the o/p would lose more from bankruptcy than he would gain.
He should continue to chase the money. O/p try and get your hands on the dictaphone as often as possible and play it back. There may be a lot of useful information on it regarding your wifes financial dealings.

opinion guy

Jo King wrote: »

Bankruptcy does not protect a person from claims. It protects a person from enforcement. The o/p's problem is that he would not know about the claims and therefore could not raise the fact of bankruptcy. There are serious restrictions on bankrupts regarding their financial dealings. Most of their dealings have to be approved by the trustee in bankruptcy. A lot of employers would be very wary of employing a bankrupt. TD's have to leave the Dail if they become bankrupt!
The likelihood is that the o/p would lose more from bankruptcy than he would gain.
He should continue to chase the money. O/p try and get your hands on the dictaphone as often as possible and play it back. There may be a lot of useful information on it regarding your wifes financial dealings.

Beats jail, no ?

LoanShark

OP, I am in shock reading all your posts!
Your head must be fried!

What I can make from all this...
1. She is a physco.
2. She is more interested in her image than her marriage.
3. She is on a power trip and will keep you under the thumb for as long as she can!
4. You need to stand up to her, I'm sorry if this is not what everyone wants to hear, But it is true.
5. I think she and her brother are shafting you and your not even aware to it..If you go by the conversation o Christmas day.
6. IF you left her, It would be the thing that saves your sanity and furthermore would let her free to do as she wishes..

MY brother split from his wife 5 years ago, In similar ways, NO Hitting, but him being inferior to her She was the business woman, He was the servant, He made dinner, kept the house, worked long days and then had to maintain the house and the kids at night..When her busines got BIG she spent more time away from home on business.. They "tried" a split and annnounced it to my father two months before he died..The trial ended up in him moving back to our parents home until they got the legal sorted..And for years she lived the life as a high profile business woman etc. Leaving the kids with him while she was off around the country etc.
The point to this is that even now 6 years on her business has gone bust and the way she treated him in the past, still reflects how he is now, She can still make him jump.. SO, You've gotta stand up for yourself and tell like it is..

You also have a blessing..She is away for 10 days, Gather as much information as you can, Use the house phone as much as you need let her see that you are making calls to the banks and to other places that she might not think you would dare call..Contact her secetary and try to butter her up to see what she knows..
You can regain you dignity and help restore your pride in yourself!

Sarah W

OP, you've had 17-odd pages of (mainly) great advice and encouragement. Are you going to do anything or continue posting about how dreadful your life is but refuse to do anything to change it??

Jo King

opinion guy wrote: »

Beats jail, no ?

It may do, but you have to be in court to say that you are bankrupt. The o/p's problem is that he won't be there, and so a jail sentence may be handed down

LegacyUser

OP check out TV3 now, it's about an abused husband, he got out, might give you some inspiration. If you miss it, then look at The Morning Show repeats on TV3.

OS119

OP, radical idea, but you could move out while your 'wife' is on holiday, and tell the court, the electoral roll dept of your council and the two big credit reference agencies your new address.

this would mean that any papers could be served on you - and once you've informed all the relevent authorities/agencies of your new address, a judge isn't going to find against you in absentia just because any plaintiff couldn't be bothered to check where you are living...

you could even contact the other parties with the information.

Jo King

OS119 wrote: »

OP, radical idea, but you could move out while your 'wife' is on holiday, and tell the court, the electoral roll dept of your council and the two big credit reference agencies your new address.

this would mean that any papers could be served on you - and once you've informed all the relevent authorities/agencies of your new address, a judge isn't going to find against you in absentia just because any plaintiff couldn't be bothered to check where you are living...

you could even contact the other parties with the information.

There are problems with this. What new address. The o/p has no money to get another address. All that judges do is look for proof of service. Proof of service
at the last know address often suffices. Judges do not look up the electoral register or check with credit reference agencies.