Sexism disguised as chivalry - how does it affect you?

Novella

Last year, myself and a guy I worked with at the time were asked to go to another branch of the company we work for to pick something up.

I said I'd drive and we ended up having an argument about it. He insisted it'd be weird if I drove because a man should never be in the passenger seat with a woman driver. :rolleyes:

My side of the argument was that, 1) I had a bigger car to fit in what we were picking up and 2) I lived in the area we were going to so I knew it better to drive in than him.

He was adamant a woman should never drive a man anywhere though and it really annoyed me!!!

phlegms

Morlar wrote: »

I don't think that's chivalrous or sexist just basic manners. I really think people over-analyse this stuff sometimes.

This.

I never thought about it tbh. I was raised by my Mother and Sister so I just grew up with that kind of attitude. I do the same thing for OAPs, more a matter of respect rather than being purposefully patronizing in my eyes. If you see it as sexism thats your problem you have to deal with and not mine, thats not how I intend it to come across.

Pyr0

I did have a massive reply typed up but IE crashed (Fffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuu).

Anyways.

I always find myself holding the door open for women and men too. If I see anyone struggling to carry something I'll help regardless of gender. I don't treat women as being fragile little things and I certainly wouldn't jump into a puddle on my stomach so she can step over while staying dry (I've a limit :pac:).

It's all about manners in the end, some people have them some people don't. It can just get messy alright when some men and women mix up manners with Chivalry.

asdasd

The one area I probably over analyse this is walking home after work (in the dark) behind a woman. Say if you are 10, 15 or 20 feet behind a woman who walks as fast as I do, I always tend to try to hurry past her so that she will not feel uncomfortable with a strange man walking behind her.

I once lived down an alleyway, which was off another alleyway. There would have been two flats, but I did not know the neighbour at all.

One dark night I was walking behind a woman down a busy street on the way home. She turned into the (not busy) alleyway, so did I. She walked quicker into the next alleyway, and not wanting to be maced I turned around and went back to the shop to buy a bag of crisps. Thought I may as well do something whilst waling sheepishly away.

Not really, what Michael Ring said was sexist and should be challenged.

Hmm. I use the C-word more frequently with certain groups than others. My football going friends for instance - on away trips - offing an blinding - with some other male friends, less - with mixed company less, or no swearing. Dont even think about it. just naturally censor myself.

In Ireland its actually very common for a guy to get abuse if he holds a door open for a woman- its far from unusual. It would be nice to have a simple "thankyou", or even just to be ignored, but sadly its incredibly common to have abuse hurdled at you.

never happened to me and I do that instinctively for men or women. Have been ignored, of course.

Boston

I don't hold the door open any more. Not since the last time were I held the door open ahead of we to allow a woman through ahead of me only to have her allow the door swing back on my hand once through. In all seriousness while that episode pissed me off the truth is I generally don't hold doors or lifts because it just gets in peoples way. When someone holds a door open for me I then feel an obligation to rush through. Unless a door is likely to hit someone in the face or close on them, then I don't hold it open and wouldn't expect anyone else to.

WindSock

helena.ryan wrote: »

I then worked in an engineers where there was one other girl - the receptionist.

Silverfish wrote: »

It's happened in one or two places. Now, the majority of workplaces have been fine, it's just the odd time, one person has taken issue with a female being in the role, and manages to get almost a 'mob' together, I would imagine for anyone who doesn't agree it would be very hard to speak up.
But in fairness, a few have on my behalf.

To be honest, I think it depends on your role to how you are treated in a male dominated workplace. I work on a site with 400+ men at it's peak and 30 or so in my immediate environment. I haven't come across any thing like Silverfish. I put it down to my job not being a 'threat' to anyone elses.
Had I a job that was higher up the foodchain, I would imagine I would be treated differently. And of course, I would have only got the job because I am a woman...

pickarooney

panda100 wrote: »

What Michael Ring said was sexist. I hate when people swear to other people. Its the rudest thing anyone can do and It shows a huge ignorance of the person doing the swearing. This has nothing to do with gender

But do you know of any men who would hold the same opinion? I could think of far ruder things one could do, but admittedly I'm not sure if my opinion is coloured by my gender. Reading the various threads where this incident was mentioned on boards, reaction tends to be along the lines of 'hilarious' and 'heroic' or 'hypocritical'.

sam34

panda100 wrote: »

I hate when people swear to other people. Its the rudest thing anyone can do and It shows a huge ignorance of the person doing the swearing.

to be fair, it's hardly the rudest thing anyone can do to someone

panda100

asdasd wrote: »

Hmm. I use the C-word more frequently with certain groups than others.

I presume by the C-word you mean the word C*nt? For me its just a slang word for female genitalia.

Thats something sexist in intself that society gets so horrified about the word C*nt. Its got to be the most tabooed swear word. Calling someone a 'C*Nt' is on par with calling someone a 'N*gger' or 'F*gGot'. I think their three of the most offensive words you can call someone. Its interesting how they all take their origins among communities of people who are maraginalised and demeaned in our society........Just a thought.

who the fug

I hold the door open for ladies and old people, let other people get on or off the bus / tube first (within reason), this is because I be a gentleman, and I still think my old fella is behind me waiting to give me a clip round the ear

NothingMan

panda100 wrote: »

I presume by the C-word you mean the word C*nt? For me its just a slang word for female genitalia.

Thats something sexist in intself that society gets so horrified about the word C*nt. Its got to be the most tabooed swear word. Calling someone a 'C*Nt' is on par with calling someone a 'N*gger' or 'F*gGot'. I think their three of the most offensive words you can call someone. Its interesting how they all take their origins among communities of people who are maraginalised and demeaned in our society........Just a thought.

I don't see how you could compare cnut to words that are aimed specifically at one group of people. N1gger and [EMAIL="F@ggit"]F@ggit[/EMAIL] are way worse. Cnut is much more comparable to d1ck or twat, just people are shocked by it. A word is only as powerful as the meaning behind it and if I called someone a cnut I would be an ahole, but if I call someone a n1gger or [EMAIL="f@ggit"]f@ggit[/EMAIL] then I am most likely being racist or homophobic which is WAY worse in my opinion.

Sorry OT.

BrianD3

I got "reprimanded" recently for addressing one of my mother's friends as "Mrs" rather than by her first name. It was probably fair enough seeing as I would always address her husband by his first name. I know a lot of other people who do that as well
"hello John" for a male
"hello Mrs Smith" for a female

Obviously for people of my own age, generation etc. I'd always use their first name whether they are male or female.

Silverfish

Okay, this thread is wandering off-topic somewhat, so if if we could discuss how we are affected by sexism disguised as chivalry, or if we are affected by it.

pickarooney

panda100 wrote: »

Calling someone a 'C*Nt' is on par with calling someone a 'N*gger' or 'F*gGot'. I think their three of the most offensive words you can call someone. Its interesting how they all take their origins among communities of people who are maraginalised and demeaned in our society........Just a thought.

What's even more interesting is that none of them were big deals until people started adopting American moral codes. I don't know about you younger folk, but when I was a kid 'cu'nt' was no more or less of a swear-word than 'boll0cks'.

On a side note, I recently cut and pasted something I'd written into boards and couldn't for the life of me figure out what swear word I had manged to include unbeknownst to myself. It was in a paragraph describing a small, wrapped bundle of stick-like things.

edit: sorry for going/staying off-topic