Another work party nightmare

Kimia

I am a little on the fence with this one. I agree with Danni because she really doesn't seem sorry. Although I see Peggy's point - why should she apologise to us. But for us to give relevant advice the OP needs to tell us the whole story and because she doesn't seem genuinely sorry i think that's why so many people got annoyed.

Who am I to judge others anyway - that's not and never will be my intention but I don't have to agree with things that I believe are wrong either, ya know?

Stu77

Danniboo. How do you know the OP isn't genuinely sorry? Based on what? Because shes happy that she didn't get caught. Come on, of course shes happy that she hasn't been caught because as she said, she loves her husband. This doesn't neccessarily mean that she wants to cheat again. Shes kissed one guy in 10 years while drunk. Shes not in the habit of cheating. Give her a break.

These things sometimes happen in long term relationships. Its how you deal with it thats important. Shes being smart by keeping it too herself. She has children to think about and a relationship that means too much to throw away on a drunken kiss and hopefully shes learnt what important in her life.

Danniboo

Stu77 wrote: »

Danniboo. How do you know the OP isn't genuinely sorry? Based on what? Because shes happy that she didn't get caught. Come on, of course shes happy that she hasn't been caught because as she said, she loves her husband. This doesn't neccessarily mean that she wants to cheat again. Shes kissed one guy in 10 years while drunk. Shes not in the habit of cheating. Give her a break.

These things sometimes happen in long term relationships. Its how you deal with it thats important. Shes being smart by keeping it too herself. She has children to think about and a relationship that means too much to throw away on a drunken kiss and hopefully shes learnt what important in her life.

Eh she could have thought about her children before hand. If she was sorry her main concern wouldn't be getting new tights to wear out to another party with the same people. Maybe i'm wrong but that doesn't exactly scream being sorry or remorceful.

McCABE1

I sometimes feel that the holier than thou's here can't have a very fulfilling life as they seem to take such joy in telling others why they're bad and how what they've done is awful. I just think people would be better off to giving some helpful advice rather than judgement.[/quote]


Isnt that what you're doing to the rest of us? You're judging us because we're voicing our opinions and they dont agree with yours. I dont want the OP to apologise to me, this has nothing to do with me but when she comes on to a public forum looking for opinions on such a contentious issue she has to expect a certain backlash. What I get from you is: if we agree with you well fab but if not then we're a bunch of holier than thou, judgmental saints. I'm not, and I have made mistakes in my life and the drunken kiss is not the problem here, its the lack of remorse. I dont want the OP to say sorry to us but I'd like to get the sense that she knows she did a huge thing wrong in her marriage, I'd like to get the sense that she knows if her husband ever found out he'd be devestated and it would in turn devestate her to do that to him. But I honest to god dont, I get the sense, hey I got away with it, thank god, when we going out again !!! More shots !!

Stu77

I've heard many friends over the years saying that they would never cheat because they've found "THE ONE" only to end up cheating after a few years. Nobody really knows whats going to happen in the future. There are many reasons why people cheat. Often times they aren't getting the attention at home or are being taken for granted. The point i'm making is that we are not aware of the current state of the relationship with the OPs partner and although we all know that OP messed up, its too simplistic to take the view that the OP is a bad person who deserves to be caught and dumped. Life is not that black and white.

Danniboo

Stu77 wrote: »

I've heard many friends over the years saying that they would never cheat because they've found "THE ONE" only to end up cheating after a few years. Nobody really knows whats going to happen in the future. There are many reasons why people cheat. Often times they aren't getting the attention at home or are being taken for granted. The point i'm making is that we are not aware of the current state of the relationship with the OPs partner and although we all know that OP messed up, its too simplistic to take the view that the OP is a bad person who deserves to be caught and dumped. Life is not that black and white.

Sorry but I don't think anyone on here said shes a bad person. The phrase oh we can all learn a thing from this hey girls. Sounds like she thinks it's all a bit of a laugh. No we don't know everything about her relationship but we can only comment on the information we were given. If we were all to start harping on about this could have happened and maybe this is whats wrong in her life, we could spout all sorts of tripe on here. But we only know what we've been told and thats what people reply to.

Peggypeg

"Eh, I wouldn't cheat on my partner and kids in the first place, so would have no reason to salve my conscience.

Yes i'm selfish because I don't condone cheating on a partner".

Again Danniboo, you're misunderstanding me, please take the time to read my post (shouldn't take more than a minute) before you quote and answer me. Maybe if you actually read what I'm writing and stop being overly reactive you'd understand what I'm saying.

I never condoned cheating on a partner, I condoned keeping quiet to stop the family going through hell needlessly. Also I didn't call you selfish for not condoning cheating, I said it would be selfish to come clean and ruin a family just to salve your conscience, completely different things.

Now take your time to read this before you reply!

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again.
Why are so many people assuming i don't regret my actions just because i didn't say so on this forum. Is this some time of virtual confessional or something? Is it the way that just coz i don't explicitly write something, it's perfectly reasonable for all and sundry to leap to conclusions?

to those who empathised, god bless you adn thanks for the moral support during this pretty
sh!tty time. for all the sanctimonious sandra's and perfect peters', i despair.

hopefully it's all behind me now, i think it is. In fact, i know it is.

happy xmas
Jezzie
x x x

Stu77

Danniboo, she made a mistake. Do u have any kids? You have such a narrowminded view about the impact telling her husband would have on the kids if they break up. The OP has too much to lose by telling her husband and little to gain. It was a drunken kiss, not a full blown orgy with 3 men. Get some perspective on her situation. Most people will have cheated at some point in their life. Thats fact. Its a sad fact but its the truth. As i already said, its how she deals with it thats important. If shes not bothered then she'll do it again and again and eventually be found out and dumped and deservedly so but to do it once in 10 years, i think she deserves the benefit of the doubt that she won't do it again.

Kersh

I should also say this is the first time i've done antyhing like that after 10 years married and love my husband and kids to bits. I'm just worried as he would know some of teh lads i work with through a football team and i'm absolutely bricking it now.....i feel sick to the stomach and don't know how I can face the evening.
please help!!!

You only seem to be worried that he will find out :mad: . Not the fact that you did the dirt on him and your kids.

He deserves to know he married a cheater. If you can happily get into bed beside him, or kiss your children goodnight then I fear you have wasted his time and deprived him of the opportunity to have married someone who cared.

Peggypeg

originalopagain wrote: »

Hi OP here again.
Why are so many people assuming i don't regret my actions just because i didn't say so on this forum. Is this some time of virtual confessional or something? Is it the way that just coz i don't explicitly write something, it's perfectly reasonable for all and sundry to leap to conclusions?

to those who empathised, god bless you adn thanks for the moral support during this pretty
sh!tty time. for all the sanctimonious sandra's and perfect peters', i despair.

hopefully it's all behind me now, i think it is. In fact, i know it is.

happy xmas
Jezzie
x x x

:D:D:D:D:D
And Happy Christmas to you too Jezzie!

Danniboo

Peggypeg wrote: »

"Eh, I wouldn't cheat on my partner and kids in the first place, so would have no reason to salve my conscience.

Yes i'm selfish because I don't condone cheating on a partner".

Again Danniboo, you're misunderstanding me, please take the time to read my post (shouldn't take more than a minute) before you quote and answer me. Maybe if you actually read what I'm writing and stop being overly reactive you'd understand what I'm saying.

I never condoned cheating on a partner, I condoned keeping quiet to stop the family going through hell needlessly. Also I didn't call you selfish for not condoning cheating, I said it would be selfish to come clean and ruin a family just to salve your conscience, completely different things.



Now take your time to read this before you reply!

Only took about twenty seconds but thanks for that. No need to be so condescending. I understand your post completely, think your confusing my not agreeing with you with me not understanding your post. You said Wow, how selfish saying you'd cheat on a partner and then tell him to salve your own conscience. But as I think i'd made quite clear in my other posts I wouldn't cheat on my partner and kids in the first place, so I can't figure out what exactly you think is selfish.

Danniboo

Stu77 wrote: »

Danniboo, she made a mistake. Do u have any kids? You have such a narrowminded view about the impact telling her husband would have on the kids if they break up. The OP has too much to lose by telling her husband and little to gain. It was a drunken kiss, not a full blown orgy with 3 men. Get some perspective on her situation. Most people will have cheated at some point in their life. Thats fact. Its a sad fact but its the truth. As i already said, its how she deals with it thats important. If shes not bothered then she'll do it again and again and eventually be found out and dumped and deservedly so but to do it once in 10 years, i think she deserves the benefit of the doubt that she won't do it again.

Does she seem bothered to you? I dont think not wanting to hurt my partner makes me narrowminded, maybe i've got it wrong somewhere.

Stu77

Yeah, happy christmas OP, hopefully you'll have a nice crimbo with the husband and kids. Just don't stand under the mistletoe when Santa is coming down the chimney.

Danniboo

originalopagain wrote: »

Hi OP here again.
Why are so many people assuming i don't regret my actions just because i didn't say so on this forum. Is this some time of virtual confessional or something? Is it the way that just coz i don't explicitly write something, it's perfectly reasonable for all and sundry to leap to conclusions?

to those who empathised, god bless you adn thanks for the moral support during this pretty
sh!tty time. for all the sanctimonious sandra's and perfect peters', i despair.

hopefully it's all behind me now, i think it is. In fact, i know it is.

happy xmas
Jezzie
x x x

So its sympathy you want sorry I didn't realise.

LegacyUser

Stu77 wrote: »

Yeah, happy christmas OP, hopefully you'll have a nice crimbo with the husband and kids. Just don't stand under the mistletoe when Santa is coming down the chimney.

I just dont understand why people are making a joke out of this. A married women got drunk, cheated on her husband of 10 years whom she has kids with and this is something to joke about?


Whats most sickening is its more than likely that all his friends know about it. He looks like a complete idiot, but hey, its a joke. Lets laugh about it, merry christmas all.

Jessica-Rabbit

originalopagain wrote: »

Hi OP here again.
Why are so many people assuming i don't regret my actions just because i didn't say so on this forum. Is this some time of virtual confessional or something? Is it the way that just coz i don't explicitly write something, it's perfectly reasonable for all and sundry to leap to conclusions?

to those who empathised, god bless you adn thanks for the moral support during this pretty
sh!tty time. for all the sanctimonious sandra's and perfect peters', i despair.

hopefully it's all behind me now, i think it is. In fact, i know it is.

happy xmas
Jezzie
x x x

Just had to write this.. I dont condone cheating in any way shape or form but everybody messes up sometimes and the fact that you feel so bad that you needed peoples advice and the fact that your over anyalising comments show's that you regret your actions and you truly love you husband I just hope you realise whats important in your life and im sure you wont make the same mistake again.

Stu77

I couldn't resist the joke, sorry. I just think that the thread has descended into a free for all, lets have a pop at the homewrecker. A drunken kiss is nothing worth breaking up a marriage over, it really isn't and i've never cheated on a partner but i'm a realist and i don't know of many relationships where there hasn't been problems to overcome. It's as if many posters on this thread have never done anything wrong in their lives. Well, its great that some of you people are perfect citizens but unfortunately, just like the OP, i'm a flawed human being and make mistakes from time to time but like the OP i try to learn from my mistakes and move on.

LegacyUser

cheat2f wrote: »

I just dont understand why people are making a joke out of this. A married women got drunk, cheated on her husband of 10 years whom she has kids with and this is something to joke about?


Whats most sickening is its more than likely that all his friends know about it. He looks like a complete idiot, but hey, its a joke. Lets laugh about it, merry christmas all.

Hi, op again!
how exactly is it more than likely all his friends know????
your judgemental imagination seems to be running away from you.

oh, and there's a difference between 'sympathy' and 'empathy'.
thanks to all the nice ones of you!
j
x
x

Danniboo

originalopagain wrote: »

Hi, op again!
how exactly is it more than likely all his friends know????
your judgemental imagination seems to be running away from you.

oh, and there's a difference between 'sympathy' and 'empathy'.
thanks to all the nice ones of you!
j
x
x

There's no point in you getting thick and insulting people, you wanted our advice and opinions and because it's not what you want to hear you result to callin us Perfect Peters and the likes. So let me clarify we're not nice because we think you should tell your husband you've cheated and don't think it's okay do so. The "nice ones on here", basically everyone who told you what you want to hear.

Peggypeg

"Hi, op again!
how exactly is it more than likely all his friends know????
your judgemental imagination seems to be running away from you.

oh, and there's a difference between 'sympathy' and 'empathy'.
thanks to all the nice ones of you!
j
x
x"

You're more than welcome sweetie, enjoy your Christmas with you family, and a happy New Year to you all.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

"Hi, op again!
how exactly is it more than likely all his friends know????
your judgemental imagination seems to be running away from you.

oh, and there's a difference between 'sympathy' and 'empathy'.
thanks to all the nice ones of you!
j
x
x"

You're more than welcome sweetie, enjoy your Christmas with you family, and a happy New Year to you all.

I hope your husband and kids manage to enjoy their christmas as well. If he has friends in the company this WILL get out. Men talk about these things. You say you feel guilty but I find that hard to believe seeing as you went out the very next night with work colleagues again rather than staying at home

Then to have a go at people who post advice here not to your liking is completely unwarranted. No class. It's unbelievable that posters here are treating her like a victim. The real victim here is the husband who probably is going to go all out to make christmas perfect for his 'adoring' wife not knowing that she cheated on him and that his mates all probably know before he does. Embarassing for the guy.

Drink is no exuse. The fact is you have jeaprodised a marriage with kids for a bit of fun. What a selfish person you are.

God, why is drunk a valid excuse in this country? If she was sober I'd say the responses here would be VERY different.

When I'm drunk I still know that I shouldn't attack someone. could you imagine a court giving me a lenient setence on the basis that I was drunk and that it was a drunken mistake? Why different here I ask?

iguana

cheat2f wrote: »

God, why is drunk a valid excuse in this country? If she was sober I'd say the responses here would be VERY different.

Actually I think that if she was a married man who had snogged some girl at his christmas party the responses would be very different. She would still have lots of people suggesting she keep it to herself but they wouldn't be calling her "sweetie." I actually find it a bit of a disturbing double standard.

I also don't think she was that drunk. In her OP she describes how she tried to be discreet in her snogging. People who are off their face drunk don't think things through to the level where they are aware enough of the consequences to attempt discretion.

LegacyUser

hi,op again.

there has been such a mix of responses to my quandry that my head is in a spin now!
i can understand why people are upset and i suppose there's no point in saying that that sure we all know somebody either married or in a ltr that at some stage has strayed under the influence of booze. i certainly nkow a few - ddin't think i would be joining them but here i am, cest la vie.

i think i'm over the worst of it now. have drinks this eve with (non work) friends so will be nice to getting back to socialisiing normally without worrying about whether people 'know' or what people might be thinking. here's hoping anyway.
thanks to all for taking the time to write on this...
J
x

I think it's pretty sad that those not in support of the OP are accused of being on their high horse or 'perfect', as if it's waaaay too much to expect a married woman not to cheat. Believe it or not, plenty of people don't, and would never cheat on a partner. It isn't 'one of those things' as far as I'm concerned. And not telling the partner is even more despicable, especially as it sounds like it would be easy enough to hear it from someone else. I can only imagine what a fool he'd feel.

Stu77

Jesus, why should she tell her partner. It was a drunken kiss. It was a one off in 10 years. For fook sake, some people on this thread are unreal. She made a mistake, "SHE KNOWS SHE MADE A MISTAKE" Its over and done with. If it happens again well then the OP will have to make some serious decisions but otherwise, its just a mistake that happens to the best of us. This thread shows the insecurity of a lot of people in my opinion, in terms of not wanting to face up to the reality of long term relationships, and to be honest a lot of you fools need to get your head out of your arsee and realise that this sort of thing happens but its how you deal with it and the reasons behind it that are more important.


If anybody nowadays genuinely thinks that a marriage is for life till death do us part then yous are living in La La land. 50% of marriages end up in divorce, probably because of a lack of communication but hey i've spoilt the party now so what can you do. To many people watchng fairytale movies about how it should be.

markpb

Stu77 wrote: »

If anybody nowadays genuinely thinks that a marriage is for life till death do us part then yous are living in La La land. 50% of marriages end up in divorce, probably because of a lack of communication but hey i've spoilt the party now so what can you do. To many people watchng fairytale movies about how it should be.

50%?? In Ireland, in Europe, worldwide? It seems like a very high percentage. I'm (genuinely) curious to see figures to back this up - it's a shocking indictment of marriage if it's true.

iguana

Stu77 wrote: »

Jesus, why should she tell her partner. ....................................50% of marriages end up in divorce, probably because of a lack of communication but hey i've spoilt the party now so what can you do. To many people watchng fairytale movies about how it should be.

You think 50% of marriages end in divorce due to lack of communication yet you are advocating the OP lie to her husband. :rolleyes: It would be funny if it wasn't sort of disgusting.

Zaph

Stu77 wrote: »

50% of marriages end up in divorce

Please don't quote statistics without referring to the context and supporting them with credible links.

LegacyUser

The divorce rate in Ireland is at 27%, but seeing as you have to be seperated for 5 years before a divorce will be issued, never mind the amount of people in unhappy marriages but refuse to seperate in fear of the wrath of the catholic church, you can not take that figure at face value.

Iguana and if it was the husband doing the kissing alot more of the male posters here would be on his side-lad culture.

Thats not the point anyway, it was a mistake, people learn from their mistakes. Give her a break, and frankly i think alot of you are very naive about what people get up to.