Critic my article: Dvorak's Absurdity

conanhughes

Edit: Why is it always late when I find some error in my statements? T_T It should've been critique, not critic.

(My first post)

I read an article at PCMag.com by John Dvorak. If I can summarize the article into one word, I'd choose absurd (which is also the title of my own article).

Here is his article's link: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2357137,00.asp

Please comment about my opinion in any perspective you deem helpful in improving my writing style, grammar, and reasoning.

Dvorak’s Absurdity (Again)
Cell phones only need to be refined, not be rid of.

As a regular online magazine reader, I found a recent article by one of my favorite columnists, John Dvorak of PC Magazine. By favorite, I mean I like his quite controversial take on topics that will surely make you react. That’s what I’m doing now. I can’t help but mainly disagree on Dvorak’s take on the iPhone and the American economy. To ruin the country brought upon the iPhone is bizarrely an overstatement. Even the “anti-Ulanoff” (the PC Magazine editor) is susceptible to logical fallacies.

While many of his insights are quite radical but also realistic, he may have just hit a snag and made some faulty statements here. I am not as thoughtful nor a risk-taker in many subject matters than he is, but I am opposing his statements that are quite questionable.

For starters, he uses a lot of assumptions. And his conclusions? It’s the kind that people will rather die than accept them, honestly. Come on, why get rid of cell phones? Why only refocus on the PC? They’re more or less of equal importance. Cell phones themselves are even PC’s in miniature form.

Now let’s proceed to his own yakking of why people are only talking about the hardware features. I don’t know why he is even bothered by this; the hardware is half what makes a device! So it’s common if people are raving or ranting about the keyboard, the screen and whatnot. As for nobody ever talking about applications, be they lame or not, is he sure? I sense some hasty generalization here. If I follow his reasoning, I could just as well say that nobody ever talks about the applications because they’re already perfect! And there’s also no certainty that the continuous chatter on mere hardware specifications and the lack of attention for the software will last for years, that’s for sure

We are in a world constantly enhancing our lives, and many improvements depend on the word of mouth. “An entire industry caught up in mobile phone gossip” will simply end to better series of phones. That’s always interesting.

Dvorak said it himself; phones are used to make calls. Why still ask of needing an iPhone again? If I have an iPhone, the first thing I’d do is surely explore its features and buy applications. But it doesn’t end there; I would customize the device so that it’ll make my life even more productive. I admit I randomly browse, but again it doesn’t end there. It’s quite convenient being able to check my inbox, my Facebook, and my personal website without being confined to where my desktop computer is. And why forget that the cell phone can be your all-in-one device? My Nokia 3110c may not be as luxurious as an iPhone but it still does the job of surfing the Internet, making to-do lists and reminders, take or view pictures and videos, and many more. It’s up to the person if he decides to waste his time. Cell phones aren’t the cause. That would be post hoc fallacy. And news regarding some big spender billed for thousands of text messages sent doesn’t represent the whole. That would be the fallacy of composition. Not all people are wasting their lives.

Moreover, the times have changed as always. If students these days are secretly sending messages of whatever nonsense at hand during lectures, back in the old times students would hide comic books behind large textbooks at the pretense of reading something relevant to the lecture. They’d read novels right before exams instead of review books. In context, those examples are also wastes of time. Generation after generation, nothing really happens except that how we waste our time is different now than it was before. Any mobile phone has nothing to do with the time-wasting problem. I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again, it’s always in a person’s decision whether he decides to waste his time or do something productively, like what I’m doing now (writing an article despite a lot of game shortcuts on my desktop tempting me to waste time). Honestly, the iPhone is one of the greatest handset since it has a lot of ways to provide huge boosts in productivity than any phone, ever.

I could continue contradicting more of Dvorak’s insights but they all point to time-wasting caused by cell phones. A properly customized cell phone can just as much improve productivity. Going back and staying with using only desktop computers is not an option. It’s actually being stagnant. How about we keep moving forward? Follow my advice instead.

But of course he is right; no one in their right mind will take his suggestion seriously. So go ahead and use your phone. A CP is simply a PC gone small after all. Use it, but productively.

You may wonder why my title is targeting a person's image, but you'll understand if you read some of his articles at PCMag. Also, the article's intention is to actually contradict Dvorak's opinion regarding cellular phones. It is not a rant. I'd rather say it is a constructive response.

EileenG

Eek!

Okay, for a start, you need to explain what Dvorak actually said. Don't point people to a link, they won't do it, they'll just stop reading.

When you write an article, it has to stand on its own, not as an answer to something else that the reader may not have read. Even if she has, she may have forgotten various points, so you have to summarise them or what you say will make no sense to her.

There's a fine line between writing in a casual style, and being incoherent. You still have to make sure each sentence really is a sentence, and that all the words do what they are supposed to do. Sentences like "To ruin the country brought upon the iPhone is bizarrely an understatement." or "It's the kind that people will die than accept them, honestly." don't make sense.

Try rewriting it, assuming I have no idea what the original article was about.