Suicide

Midnight_EG

Decided to post known, as I'd rather do it this way, no other reason.

This morning my best mate hung himself, no reasons given, no note, nothing.
His last form of contact was last night, he sent his girlfriend an unhappy face(:().
His family went out shopping today, they came back and his doting Dad found him, nothing could be done.
I got word of it, the day went on. I don't want to tell everything about what I done, but right now I just don't know what to do or say, or how to react even, anybody got anything I can try do?

Appreciate any input, and Merry Christmas to ye P.I. inhabitants.

Graham_B18C

Jesus pal very sorry to hear it.

Chin up and be strong for his family would be the best thing I suppose. But, I've never been in the situation

Midnight_EG

Grahamo999 wrote: »

Jesus pal very sorry to hear it.

Chin up and be strong for his family would be the best thing I suppose. But, I've never been in the situation

Well I've never seen you in P.I. before, following me from motors? :L

As I got to the hospital I promised I'd keep strong, it didn't last long because I'd gone in thinking he wasn't dead, because what I knew of was that he'd been found breathing, the first thing I was told was was that he was dead >.<

Broke down in front of his mam, dad, sister and his body, which was utterly sickening =[

Zaph

I'm very sorry for your loss Midnight.

Midnight_EG wrote: »

Broke down in front of his mam, dad, sister and his body, which was utterly sickening =[

Why? You're only human and your best mate has died, so why wouldn't you react like that? Don't beat yourself up over something as silly as that. We all like to think that we have an inner strength when it comes to moments like this, but until confronted with the reality of it none of us know how we'll react. You might wish to contact Console, who specialise in counselling people bereaved by suicide.

Midnight_EG

Oh, no I meant seeing the body was utterly sickening, sorry

I don't think I need consolation, more I just wanted to get it out and have peace of mind because my phone has been hopping all day with phonecalls and messages.

But thank you, anyway

Warfi

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your friend , poor guy must've been in a very bad place to do that.
Can you ask his sister if there's anything you can do for them? They might have people coming around to the house to sympathise, even something simple like getting food in, making sandwiches, tea, serving drinks can be of help (to them and you). There's not much else you can do besides this at the moment.
Take care

Midnight_EG

Warfi wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your friend , poor guy must've been in a very bad place to do that.
Can you ask his sister if there's anything you can do for them? They might have people coming around to the house to sympathise, even something simple like getting food in, making sandwiches, tea, serving drinks can be of help (to them and you). There's not much else you can do besides this at the moment.
Take care

That was the thing about him, he never spoke to anybody about his emotions or feelings, he always kept to himself and himself only
So many things are running through my head as to why he did it, but the doctors reckon depression, so who knows.
I've already been in contact with his sister, well, she contacted me, and in the process scared the shite out of me, she rang off the deceased's phone, so his number came up!:eek:
I promised to end rumours and all this, let everybody know what happened, and so far it's been fine, all the messages and phonecalls I've gotten throughout the day have been returned and everybody knows the story, so it's a bit of relief I suppose, and an honour to think that everybody felt I was closest to him and contacted me first.
Support throughout the day for both the family and myself has been utterly brilliant, and I know they wont see this but I'd like to thank everybody that has passed on their worried thoughts.




I knew boards was the best place for this :P

Warfi

Midnight_EG wrote: »

That was the thing about him, he never spoke to anybody about his emotions or feelings, he always kept to himself and himself only
So many things are running through my head as to why he did it, but the doctors reckon depression, so who knows.
I've already been in contact with his sister, well, she contacted me, and in the process scared the shite out of me, she rang off the deceased's phone, so his number came up!:eek:
I promised to end rumours and all this, let everybody know what happened, and so far it's been fine, all the messages and phonecalls I've gotten throughout the day have been returned and everybody knows the story, so it's a bit of relief I suppose, and an honour to think that everybody felt I was closest to him and contacted me first.
Support throughout the day for both the family and myself has been utterly brilliant, and I know they wont see this but I'd like to thank everybody that has passed on their worried thoughts.




I knew boards was the best place for this :P

Well already you've been a huge help to the family by fielding calls, that would've been hell for them.

Even if your friend had spoken to you about what was on his mind, and you gave him advice, it doesn't necessarily mean that he would've listened to the advice. Sometimes some people are in such a black place, they can't hear anything that's been said to them. There's only so much friends and family can do, the rest is down to the person themselves.

You and his family are in my thoughts.

LegacyUser

Op so sorry to hear of your loss. you do not have anything to berate yourself about
RIP

midlandsmissus

Hi Midnight Eg, my friend passed away two months ago in a car crash, so I know somewhat what you're feeling.

First of all you'll be in shock. I'm still in the 'can't believe it' state two months on. Then you'll prob start to think what was the last thing you said to him/did with him, and beat yourself up about what you did/didn't do. This is all normal, just try not to drive yourself crazy with the what ifs.

Don't think about what you should do or say or how you should react, you're grieving, just do what you feel like doing.

I'm thinking of you and sending you love,

Take care o yourself :-)

dellas1979

I am so so sorry to read about your friend.
Good place to vent.
My sympathies are with you.

Ickle Magoo

Hey Midnight,

Six years ago my friend killed herself. I was the last one to speak to her & I called the police to break her door in. She was depressed and we spent night and day talking and getting her meds & getting friends and family around - and it still wasn't enough. She told us all she was feeling so much better and was looking better and then....

Nothing you could have done would have been enough if your friend had made up their mind to take their own life, please don't blame yourself. I did a lot of that too. I was just in a complete daze, then I got really upset and guilty and then I got really angry. I had a lot of questions and no-one to ask.

I think you just learn to live with the ache - just remember all the great times you had and all they gave to your life. We get together with the people that knew my friend and have great reminiscences. It's hard because it reminds us that their loss seems so avoidable and it feels like such a waste of a life but at the same time the happy "them" lives on in the stories.

Feel free to PM me if you want to ask anything. Thinking of you. *hugs*

Midnight_EG

The hardest part is moving on, he wasnt even 18 yet....he had a car, he had a well paying job, he had a girlfriend and loving parents, I just don't know why he done it

I know it'll never leave my mind, because of what I've been talking to a mate about lately.
The deceased was a typical boy racer in his car, always messing about, but thats not to give him a bad name, he was still my best mate.
I told another mate that he(the deceased) would kill himself on the roads with the icy streets and how he acts in the car.....that came true...but not in the same way, so I feel somewhat shitty about the whole thing

Thanks to everybody though, all of you are amazing, and I might take up the PM offer before I get too bad

Canard

There's never one person to blame with suicide, so dont feel guilty anyway.

You were right though, we can relate now, heh.

I know how you feel a bit anyway, so we could talk too, but I suppose Jenny'd be the best for that.

Ickle Magoo

Midnight_EG wrote: »

...so I feel somewhat shitty about the whole thing

Don't, seriously - tho I think it is completely natural. For weeks after my friend killed herself, everyone kept going over and over what they'd said, how she'd reacted, what she'd said. Reading into everything. You just come away with a mountain of "what if's" that you can never answer. xxxxx

Toots

Midnight just wanted to say I'm very sorry for your loss. My cousin killed himself several years ago, and like your friend, nobody had any idea that he was going to do it. He'd just got a new place, started good job etc. Nobody saw it coming and that made it very hard for everyone to come to terms with. Don't blame yourself, and don't feel bad about anything you said before, it's natural to overanalyse everything when something terrible like this happens. The only piece of advice I can give you is to try your best not to do it, it doesn't help and will only make you feel worse. My thoughts are with you, look after yourself.

Midnight_EG

God I'd never think of doing it, I believe it's the most selfish thing a man (or woman) could do as it puts a terrible burden on the people closest to you, what may end your troubles only gives way to others.
So that thought is most definetly out of my mind. :] Thanks for your concern though, everybody is of the utmost help.

bronte

I am so terribly sorry to hear what happened Midnight.
I think you're handling it as best you can, please go easy on yourself over the next while.
My thoughts are with you.

Blogger50

I am so sorry for your loss. While I fail to understand why people choose to take their own life I do feel there is nothing you could have done to prevent this.My cousin committed suicide in April this year with little reason and no explanation. The loss and unbearable suffering that the people left behind go through is imeasurable as is the victims suffering.

Take care OP.

Denerick

Hi OP. Went through something similar myself a couple of years ago. Here's a poem by W.H. Davies which really helped me through the grieving period, its so terrifically layered and poignant... Anyway, hope my small act of sharing might bring you some security of mind:

"Leisure" by W.H. Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

DagneyTaggart

OP I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

One thing I will say is that if you like to do something for his family and a better way than leaving it up to them is to see what's needed maybe, food, responsibility in a certain situation, spending time in silence with friends and family, listening to story, telling a good story of your friend to help your friends and his family get through this time etc go ahead and do it.

Try to remember your friend - not just the sadness.

tim0ney

My heart really goes out to you Midnight. My best friend of 23 years hung himself last year so I definitely know where you're coming from. Don't expect to feel any certain way, don't think you should feel any certain way, and just take each day as it comes. It's so sad when people can't see any other way to end their suffering - please don't think that there's anything you could have done to prevent it, because that's a losing game. You'll be in my thoughts this Christmas

LegacyUser

Hi Midnight.
So sorry to hear about your friend. A friend of mine killed herself at Christmas time a few years back. Everyone was in shock. She never let on to anyone that she was feeling low/suicidal. she gave everyone their presents a day early and was in "mighty" form and then we got the news.

You're doing a brilliant job already for the family, keep it up. Make tea/coffee/drinks, get food anything to keep busy. Tell stories of ye're happy times together, it's amazing all the different stories/experiences people have had with a person and these are nice to hear for both you and his family.

My thoughts are with you

Atavan-Halen

Nick (Midnight) I'm really sorry to hear that. Thankfully I've never been affected personally by suicide but I know people who have and it's a very tough thing to go through. If you ever need to talk or vent or whatever just drop me a PM or msn me. My thoughts are with you and your friends family.

Midnight_EG

The body got taken home today, I sent out a mass text to every person that knew him in some way, pretty much most of them replied
Then I brought about 15 of them to the house on family request and showed immense support.
I then got a very special request from the deceased's mam, she asked me could I get a couple of mates to walk the coffin into the church on Tuesday, picked 7 of the best IMO :P
She seemed ever so grateful and I'm delighted I could help so much

Atavan-Halen

That's great, I'm glad you got to show your support for the family and how good a friend you were.

Adelante

Sorry for your loss.I hope you find some solace here.

Midnight_EG

I'm very sorry to ask this, but could you get rid of that song, it was played at a mates Dads funeral not long ago and its stil very fresh in my mind, I haven't listened to the song since.

Don't think I'm ungrateful, I appreciate it but it's just a little poignant, thank you.

Midnight_EG

Adelante wrote: »

Sorry mate,

Thank you graciously

Midnight_EG

As I've said, I had to pick people to carry the coffin....well now somebody is being ungrateful and saying he would have liked to do it >.<


Not my fault he wasn't there when I chose who to do it was =[

He also just texted me asking if I reckoned someone would let him take their place

star-pants

Midnight - I'm really sorry for your loss

Regarding the person who wants to carry the coffin - unless they're closer than the people you've chosen, you can't really ask someone to *not* carry it. It's a tough position to be in, but you've already asked the amount of people needed, it'd be a bit harsh to ask one of them not to, unless (as said) the other person was a lot closer. Don't let him make you feel bad, you had to choose people and you did, decisions made pet.