The Pregnant Womans Moan Thread.

Penny Dreadful

Lucuma wrote: »

PennyDreadful, Posts like this make me glad I work with (almost) all men! I've heard a few birth stories from my male colleagues but they are actually really helpful as they tell me the facts (it was vacuum/forceps; she was in labour for 10 hours and then had a caesarean; there was an episiotomy; there should have been an episiotomy but because my wife refused to have one the baby came out not breathing; the baby came out with its umbilical cord wrapped around its neck etc). I have found them all excellent as they have prepared me for all the things that could happen. The only one I had an issue with was last week when a male colleague told me the birth story of his (now teenage) daughters - fine. Then he proceeded to tell me (26 weeks) about how they had another daughter who died in the womb at 27 weeks - not so fine :-( especially when he told me they didn't realise she was dead and it was only picked up at a routine scan. Argh! How does someone think it's a good idea to tell me that?!

I know!!:mad: Its a horrible thing to do.
Would you tell someone who has just informed you that they have cancer of all the people you know who died and suffered along the way and had a horrible time dealing with their illness or instead tell them about the success stories you've heard of and how treatments and outcomes are improving all of the time?

One of those women just came to me to apologise which is something I suppose but still I'm really pee'd off at the total lack of thought about it.
I work in a hospital, I know all to readily all of the dreadful awful horrible things that could happen but equally we've all heard of the simple straight forward deliveries of babies where everything and everyone has been ok. Why don't people fall over themselves to tell you those positive stories:(

Jerrica

Penny you're coming to the point in pregnancy now that you're well into the second trimester and all of a sudden all sorts of people will come out of the woodwork just DYING to tell you about the horrific experience that their sister Mary/ cousin Norah/ neighbour's grandniece Jacinta had having her baby. It's the pits. This is one of those times you need to try and slap on a smile, nod politely and then quietly tell them to fcuk right off inside your head.

My go-to reliever for the pregnancy doomsday folks is that I watch really lovely, positive, uplifting, empowering birthing stories on YouTube, or I read positive birth stories on-line or in books like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Sure, some women will have difficult births with gazillions of interventions. But the vast, vast, vast majority of women have beautiful, empowering, births - they might be sore and they might take a while, but they might not - and there is no reason in the world not to assume that you won't have one of those best-case-scenario births too. Sure why wouldn't you??

If possible find yourself a group on-line (there's loads of wonderful FB groups) or even a friend or relative in real life who can be your positive person. I have two girls who I love to talk to about birthing purely because they enjoyed every second of it and took it all in their stride. I may end up having a 48 hour labour marathon and cry out for every drug under the sun, but for now I'm working with the idea that my birth will be a very happy experience like their's was.

The support is out there, you just have to know where to look sometimes!!


edit: Penny you work in a HOSPITAL?? Ah tell them all to feic off with their negativity and get back to patient care classes to learn a thing or two :pac:

Penny Dreadful

Jerrica wrote: »

Penny you're coming to the point in pregnancy now that you're well into the second trimester and all of a sudden all sorts of people will come out of the woodwork just DYING to tell you about the horrific experience that their sister Mary/ cousin Norah/ neighbour's grandniece Jacinta had having her baby. It's the pits. This is one of those times you need to try and slap on a smile, nod politely and then quietly tell them to fcuk right off inside your head.

My go-to reliever for the pregnancy doomsday folks is that I watch really lovely, positive, uplifting, empowering birthing stories on YouTube, or I read positive birth stories on-line or in books like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Sure, some women will have difficult births with gazillions of interventions. But the vast, vast, vast majority of women have beautiful, empowering, births - they might be sore and they might take a while, but they might not - and there is no reason in the world not to assume that you won't have one of those best-case-scenario births too. Sure why wouldn't you??

If possible find yourself a group on-line (there's loads of wonderful FB groups) or even a friend or relative in real life who can be your positive person. I have two girls who I love to talk to about birthing purely because they enjoyed every second of it and took it all in their stride. I may end up having a 48 hour labour marathon and cry out for every drug under the sun, but for now I'm working with the idea that my birth will be a very happy experience like their's was.

The support is out there, you just have to know where to look sometimes!!


edit: Penny you work in a HOSPITAL?? Ah tell them all to feic off with their negativity and get back to patient care classes to learn a thing or two :pac:

I kinda did:o:)

I have a very positive outlook on giving birth. I don't expect it to be easy but I think having my baby makes that ok, labour and childbirth has a begining middle and end point - its not as though you're living your life in the midst of labour forever after is it?
My husband is very supportive too and much like me views it, however difficult it might be, as a means to an end and that end will be our lovely little baby.
My mother and two of my three sisters and to be fair my Dad are all really supportive and positive too. If I ask my mum or my sister any questions about their experiences they answer me fairly and matter of factly with no embellishments - and I appreciate their honesty and sensitivity too.
My other sister hasn't had children yet but she is a nurse, and is full of the positivies too.
Same with the ante natal yoga I attend. The classes are all about getting your body ready to do this natural thing that women have been doing since time began, to appreciate your body for being capable of doing just that and for being strong enough to go back to its pre baby form in time.

Ultimately my goal is to have a safe delivery for myself and for the baby. Once we both get to the other side it will be ok.
I'm not going to engage in baby conversations with people at work in any detail any more and if they ask why I'm just going to say that I find their input too negative and its not going to do me any favours and so I don't want to talk about it with them.

Chattastrophe!

Jerrica wrote: »

@Merkin, I'm not finishing up until the 10th July, I've pushed it out as long as possible as I think if I'm at home I'll only be staring at the walls and driving myself mad. Work are extremely accommoding and we're a lovely, small, close office so I'd rather be here in company than on my own at home My GP very kindly put my due date as slightly later than anticipated on my maternity leave forms so I could finish up as late as would be healthy.

This is a really good idea! I would have asked my GP to do the same, except the way it worked out, I was going on leave just as our office closed for Christmas holidays anyways, so I didn't have to use any extra maternity leave.

Wouldn't it be so annoying to finish up two weeks before your due date, then go two weeks overdue, and that's nearly a month of your maternity leave spent sitting around at home with no baby!

Of course if you're not feeling up to it you can always decide to finish up earlier closer to the time, but I would have been happy to work right up to the day I gave birth at 41 weeks if I had to! Even the day I gave birth, I travelled in and out of town on the train and did loads of walking, with no discomfort whatsoever. Of course it's completely different for everyone, but if like me you're lucky enough to be quite mobile and comfortable towards the end, you definitely don't want to be finishing up work any earlier than you have to.

Jerrica

Exactly Chat!! If I'm up and about and able to walk around I may as well be sitting down in the office with company as sitting at home staring at the tv My husband only works around the corner and we're a 20 minute walk from my birthing hospital so I'm as well being in town as anywhere else :pac:

SmokeyEyes

This is so true, we went to an antenatal day a few weeks back and even the midwife said women seem obsessed with telling you stories that are bad and after you give birth wanting to know every gory detail and about pain relief etc. whereas men are just delighted to see the baby and know everything is ok so she thinks men have a much better attitude to the end of pregnancy and labour!

She even said if you go into labour and are in the hospital a long time to not really speak to the other women in labour or who have given birth and just to concentrate on your own experience and if people start trying to be nosy about the labour afterwards just immediately bring it back to the the fact you have a lovely baby and then ask them a question to turn the conversation around!

My moan today is about my GP, their crappy little machine for taking blood pressure is ****e and always higher than when the midwives do it. She took it today and it was 144/97 so I was immediately terrified thinking feck we're going to have to take a trip into the Rotunda now. Luckily I actually said to her that it's always lower when taken manually in the Rotunda so she did it manually and it was 130/80 which I was delighted with! But if I didn't say it at the time she would have left it at one bad reading and I would be in bits so at this stage I'm not very happy with my GP!

Luckily I'm into the Rotunda next Weds so I'll rely on that reading more!

Lucuma

Jerrica wrote: »

My go-to reliever for the pregnancy doomsday folks is that I watch really lovely, positive, uplifting, empowering birthing stories on YouTube, or I read positive birth stories on-line or in books like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Sure, some women will have difficult births with gazillions of interventions. But the vast, vast, vast majority of women have beautiful, empowering, births - they might be sore and they might take a while, but they might not - and there is no reason in the world not to assume that you won't have one of those best-case-scenario births too. Sure why wouldn't you??

Great advice. A few months ago I found myself being drawn to the 'birth stories' section of an online forum and started to read some dodgy stories then I decided ok - no more of this. Now if I go in there i only allow myself to read the stories which you can tell by the title, are happy birth stories.

Likewise, in my pregnancy book there's a chapter on 'when things go wrong' and he has sections about all kinds of weird and wonderful things that go wrong . With enormous willpower, I made myself not read any of it apart from the section on mastitis (nothing to do with labour). I decide that chapter will be really useful if one of those things happens to me and I will certainly read it then and it'll be great to have it. But I dont' need to read it now 'in case' one of those things happens to me.

I think reading stuff like that coudl only give me a fear of labour which might actually be a vicious circle - if I'm afraid or expecting bad things to happen I might cause my body to tense up meaning baby can't get out meaning I have to have interventions etc. So I reckon the more positive and relaxed and optimistic I feel about labour, the better the labour will go

SmokeyEyes

Labour stories can definitely inspire of terrify, I forced myself to watch One Born Every Minute to start to see how things go and even though it showed a woman hemorrhaging etc. when I saw how she was immediately taken care of I just focused on that and the fact the docs/midwives/consultants are dealing with this one area day in day out and there really isn't anything they haven't seen or encountered so I'm in the best hands.

Doesn't stop me being nervous though:( Sometimes I panic a little but then I feel ridiculous when I realise how many women you see out and about every day with a gaggle of kids and they're all happy and safe:o

fall

Feeling totally sorry for myself today. Two weeks of all day nausea are taking its toll. I even have it during the night. If anyone has any suggestions for relief I would love to hear them. I keep trying to just think of a lovely baby at the end but I am so wrecked today I just feel like having a good whinge.

Synyster Shadow

Gingerale helps and sucking mints.. After that I didn't find much else helped maybe sparkling water every so often

With both pregnancies I had the first 16 weeks full of morning sickness it's not easy at all

shortstuff!

fall wrote: »

Feeling totally sorry for myself today. Two weeks of all day nausea are taking its toll. I even have it during the night. If anyone has any suggestions for relief I would love to hear them. I keep trying to just think of a lovely baby at the end but I am so wrecked today I just feel like having a good whinge.

Try cream crackers, cheerios (could just have been me craving sugar), toast, ginger buiscuits... I found not letting myself get hungry helped & avoiding strong cooking/cleaning smells, citrius fruit made me sick as did even the thoughts of curry! I found the morning sickness passed around 16weeks too, its horrible though, how many weeks are you?

Merkin

Poor you, I hope it passes for you. I managed to avoid sickness but a few people have recommended keeping a little packet of crackers and water beside your bed so you can have a nibble before even getting up in the morning to raise your blood sugar, hopefully it will pass. It's a good sign that your body is doing its job xx

fall

Thanks all I am just nine weeks. It was similar in my first. Tried all the above. Think I will just have to battle on through. I am over my little hormonal melt down. Mad the difference a few hours can make. It was nice to have somewhere to vent. I didn't have this when I had my first

shortstuff!

A friend just posted a picture on my Facebook page something about how giving birth is the equivalent of breaking 20bones "don't want to scare you just want to prepare you xx" Yep cos nobody has told me childbirth was painful before, cheers. This only hours after I informing her that I picked up the gentle birth CDs to help prepare me, keep me focused, calm etc & not stressed & panicky during labour. So annoyed!

Chattastrophe!

Comparing it to breaking 20 bones is, in my experience, actually quite a nice comparison. Give me 20 broken bones any day instead of the alternative!

I don't know, when I was pregnant, I was all into the "gentle birth" idea, I wanted to "breathe" my child into the world.

The reality was a fast shouty angry panicked mess! And, rather than the serene godess I imagined myself as, I moo-ed like a cow! Not by choice ... I was outside of myself by that stage.

Maybe your friend was just being nice to you, trying to help? Everyone said to me, "ah be grand, you'll have forgotten the pain five minutes later." It wasn't grand, and I'll never forget.

With hindsight I should have read a lot more "normal" stories than "positive" stories. Labour and birth is f*cking awful, just horrendous. The end result is well worth it. But I think we're kidding ourselves if we try to pretend that the pain itself is positive. It is what it is. An end to a means. It brings you your baby. It hurts, it's worth the pain, certainly, but it does REALLY BADLY hurt. And changes your body forever.

Chattastrophe!

Aren't I just a little ray of sunshine. Sorry.

shortstuff!

Completely understand that, I know it won't be a bed of roses & will prepare myself for all eventualities. I'm not against epidural/caesarean etc. However I won't be listening to a women who has never given birth trying to scare me! I'll happily spend the next 3months trying to stay positive (hence the CDs) & deal with the pain when it comes.

Sarah Bear

I really don't understand why people try to scare the beejaysis out of first time mams! I'm under no illusion it's gonna hurt, but I really don't need to hear about someone's "friend of a friend" who was in labour for 6 weeks and needed 75 stiches with a sewing machine afterwards :P

January

Ah if the pain was really as bad as it's made out to be I wouldn't have had four... I also moo'd like a cow!

Synyster Shadow

I had two within 12 months and 9 days totally natural and no stitches and I'd do it again.. Was it sore, yep but manageable and if it's too much there is options.. My mother is a terrible patient can't take pain and she did it so anyone can.. Don't let people put you off.. I was ready for the worst and ended up pleasently surprised

Jerrica

shortstuff! wrote: »

Completely understand that, I know it won't be a bed of roses & will prepare myself for all eventualities. I'm not against epidural/caesarean etc. However I won't be listening to a women who has never given birth trying to scare me! I'll happily spend the next 3months trying to stay positive (hence the CDs) & deal with the pain when it comes.

Gentle Birth is so, so wonderful, I can't say enough good things about it. Are you going to go to a seminar? If you have the time/money I'd strongly encourage it and do join the Facebook group. The birth stories are fabulous, lots of calm, gentle experiences. I don't think anyone pretends it's pain free, but it can be manageable. No one's trying to be a martyr or have a perfect birth, but the common theme with all the stories is that no mater how many or few interventions are used the decisions made are informed and confident.

I listen to my cds as often as I can, it's at the point now where as soon as I start to listen I get deeply relaxed and ALWAYS fall asleep listening to the birth rehearsal Youll love them, great choice

Neyite

shortstuff! wrote: »

Completely understand that, I know it won't be a bed of roses & will prepare myself for all eventualities. I'm not against epidural/caesarean etc. However I won't be listening to a women who has never given birth trying to scare me! I'll happily spend the next 3months trying to stay positive (hence the CDs) & deal with the pain when it comes.

THAT ^^^ is the key point for me, in my opinion. She has no clue. I'd be tempted to write back a narky reply that you will take advice from people who have actually been through the process.

The thing is, yes, its hard work (hence the name 'labour') and it can be sore, but the good news? You can ask for pain relief if you think you need it. I did pregnancy yoga, and the gentle birth thing too. I was hoping to birth naturally but I was open to the fact I might want pain relief.

I believe that our bodies are designed for this process. Having said that, I did end up having an emergency C-section, and while it was sore afterwards, if you told me that I was facing another one in the morning, I would have no fear of it.

Another good tip I heard was to think of the moaniest, whinger of a wuss woman that you know, who already is a mum of more than one child, - you know, the ones that let the whole world know if they have an ache or pain. (and we all know one like that I'm sure!) If they managed it more than once, it cant be that bad. :P

madeinamerica

Neyite wrote: »

I believe that our bodies are designed for this process.

Yep, me too. Although, they seem to be really just designed to get the the baby OUT and not much more; mother nature is more into function than comfort!

Neyite wrote: »

Another good tip I heard was to think of the moaniest, whinger of a wuss woman that you know, who already is a mum of more than one child, - you know, the ones that let the whole world know if they have an ache or pain. (and we all know one like that I'm sure!) If they managed it more than once, it cant be that bad.

Love this! I'll keep it with me

January

Neyite wrote: »

THAT ^^^ is the key point for me, in my opinion. She has no clue. I'd be tempted to write back a narky reply that you will take advice from people who have actually been through the process.

The thing is, yes, its hard work (hence the name 'labour') and it can be sore, but the good news? You can ask for pain relief if you think you need it. I did pregnancy yoga, and the gentle birth thing too. I was hoping to birth naturally but I was open to the fact I might want pain relief.

I believe that our bodies are designed for this process. Having said that, I did end up having an emergency C-section, and while it was sore afterwards, if you told me that I was facing another one in the morning, I would have no fear of it.

Another good tip I heard was to think of the moaniest, whinger of a wuss woman that you know, who already is a mum of more than one child, - you know, the ones that let the whole world know if they have an ache or pain. and we all know one like that I'm sure!) If they managed it more than once, it cant be that bad. :P

You're thinking of me, aren't ya??

Chattastrophe!

January wrote: »

You're thinking of me, aren't ya??

LOL!

Ah we all do it, we all give out sh*te about it, yet we all go back for more.

I was actually traumatised after the birth of my son - yes, I know there are those here who will laugh at me for saying that, but those are not my own words, they are the words of a Holles St mental health consultant. I did suffer very badly. And yes I think it's ridiculous too. And I do beat myself up every day over the fact that such a natural human process would affect me so much. It did, though.

And yet I'd do it again tomorrow. My amazing fabulous little son is worth all the pain and trauma.

Next time, though, I'll be forgetting about my pride. I'll be insisting on an epidural around a month in advance, with constant top-ups, please and thank-you!

ncmc

Chattastrophe, do you think your birth was particularly bad or was it just a shock because you weren't prepared for how bad it would be? Did you have an epidural? Did you go naturally or were you induced?

Sorry for all the questions, but as a first timer due next week, I'm getting a bit nervous about the birth. My attitude so far as been 'no point in worrying about it' but as it gets closer, that's getting harder to follow. I think I'm in the minority in that I think the horror birth stories are beneficial, they prepare me for what might go wrong and then if I happen to have an 'easy' labour - if that isn't an oxymoron - at least I can say, well it could have been a lot worse! I would be more along the lines of pump me with painkillers. Gentle birth sounds lovely, but I'm a total wuss and there's no way I can do this au natural.

Jerrica

Just to note, Gentle Birth isn't about pain free birth, not at all, it's about acknowledging all of the possibilities and making the best decision for you. There's no elememt of failure if you choose to get pain relief!

Chattastrophe!

ncmc wrote: »

Chattastrophe, do you think your birth was particularly bad or was it just a shock because you weren't prepared for how bad it would be? Did you have an epidural? Did you go naturally or were you induced?

Sorry for all the questions, but as a first timer due next week, I'm getting a bit nervous about the birth. My attitude so far as been 'no point in worrying about it' but as it gets closer, that's getting harder to follow. I think I'm in the minority in that I think the horror birth stories are beneficial, they prepare me for what might go wrong and then if I happen to have an 'easy' labour - if that isn't an oxymoron - at least I can say, well it could have been a lot worse! I would be more along the lines of pump me with painkillers. Gentle birth sounds lovely, but I'm a total wuss and there's no way I can do this au natural.

My birth story is here.

I suffered really badly with anxiety and panic attacks in the months following the birth. It wasn't a happy time for me. There were a few factors involved, but a major one was my loss of control around his birth. And the sheer pain involved. I had really thought that I'd be able to manage it alone.

I do think that if I'd been given the appropriate pain relief (i.e. epidural) in time, my experience might have been more positive.

No one is ever going to give you a medal for giving birth without pain relief. If I were going again, I'd be asking for everything. From the minute I entered the hospital.

I know that people reading this right now are judging me for saying my birth was traumatising, and thinking how their births were way worse and sure they're grand. The thing is, it's not always just about the birth itself. Your mind is all over the place afterwards. What is a normal birth to some can become warped into an absolute hell for others.

I know mammies with way worse labours and births than I have who have had no qualms about it. I know other mammies who had very easy straightforward labours and births who are still in counselling. There is no right or wrong.

It's really sad, in my opinion, when mothers think it's OK to judge each other - "But I'd a difficult birth, and I'm grand, what does she think she's at needing counselling, sure doesn't she have a happy healthy baby and what else matters!"

In theory they're right. In real life, I certainly wasn't happy about needing counselling. I didn't enjoy waking up every morning for the first few months of his life in tears. I didn't enjoy ringing his dad to come home from work RIGHT NOW because I was sure I was dying. I didn't enjoy tormenting the PHN every day with phone calls because I was sure I'd messed up.

In practice, it wasn't fun. If I could have not felt the way I did? If it was a simple matter of flicking a switch? Hell yeah I would have. In a second. Of course I would have.

nikpmup

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

It's really sad, in my opinion, when mothers think it's OK to judge each other - "But I'd a difficult birth, and I'm grand, what does she think she's at needing counselling, sure doesn't she have a happy healthy baby and what else matters!"

^^^^ This!

I ended up having an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic. I didn't think I was traumatised afterwards, just deeply saddened and distressed that, to all intents and purposes, neither of us were there for our first child's birth. I didn't lay eyes on him for three hours, and then he was whisked off to NICU after I'd held him for just a couple of minutes. I was whacked out of it on general anaesthetic and morphine, and it wasn't until I got home that the realisation that I WAS traumatised set in. This is where I found it hard: almost EVERYONE - the phn, my other half, my sister, my mother, my friends, even my normally very supportive GP - ALL said, ''you've a healthy baby, isn't that what's important?'' Now, it ABSOLUTELY goes without question that yes, his health and wellbeing comes first, always.... but that doesn't mean that I should be pleased that my birth went the way it did. I just wanted it acknowledged that having to give birth the way I did wasn't nice. I missed his birth - I'll never get that back.

ncmc

Chatastrophe, I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic time and that it affected you so badly in the early months of his life. Even reading it, I can really pick up on the lack of control and panic you felt. I would never judge anybody for feeling traumatised after a birth, it's not just a case of one birth being better or worse than another, but different people react in different ways and when there's so much stress and hormones involved, who really knows how it will affect them.

I was sort of in the see how I go camp when it comes to epidural, but to be honest, after reading some of those birth stories, I will be asking for it as soon as I can. As you say, there's no medal for going it alone and it sounds like the benefits far out weigh the negatives.

I just can't help feel woefully unprepared. People keep asking if I'm
nervous and really I'm actually not, I'm wondering if this is just a defence mechanism or if it means I'm totally underestimating how difficult it will be. But then there's probably no way to really prepare. You can read all the birth stories in the world but really it can't prepare you for the pain! Plus I've never even broken a bone or experienced any significant pain so I think I'm screwed.