The Pregnant Womans Moan Thread.

Beanybabog

I think this is my first moan... Here anyway!! I hate this conversation :

Person: how are you feeling?
Me: ok but very tired
Person: you think you're tired now. Wait until the baby comes!!!
Me: .......

In my head I'm like why ask my how I am so?? It's not a competition, or it's not like pregnant women don't deserve any sympathy because however bad they are feeling they'll probably suffer worse later??

angeldelight

"Stock up on your sleep now"

Yeah cause that's how it works!

ZiggyBean

Morning ladies, coming up on 27 weeks now and I swear if I hear another horror story about pregancy, child birth, your life after baby is born I am going to scream!!

Is this an Irish thing? Or does everyone out there feel the need to rain on what is meant to be an exciting time in your life parade!?

*OP was right - does feel good to vent!*

Gatica

Misery loves company. They had a tough time of it and are delighted now to be scaring someone else or secretly hoping they'll find it just as tough.

People always go on about how tired you'll be when baby arrives. I'm in the Gentlebirth group on FB and it's a lot more supportive and positive. I love reading the positive birth stories and using them to displace other people's horrible stories. And whatever tiredness we'll feel with new arrival, it'll just be our new experience, we don't need someone else to tell us how it will go.

s4uv3

Second uninvited bump touch. 16 wks.
I'm not ok with this.

ally_pally

I don't know where the impulse comes from but some (definitely not all) parents seem to like telling you nothing but the very worst horror stories or else pretend that everything is amazingly picture perfect at all times and they do nothing but bake and frolic in meadows with their children all day.

fits

Please stop kicking me in the liver!

Dolbert

The horror stories drove. Me. Scatty. I get that some people have a bad time, I really do. But, having had a fairly straightforward labour, I braced myself for the horrible newborn days that I'd heard so much about, and waited. And waited. Never happened, sure it was tiring and difficult at times but I'd genuinely never heard anyone say that actually, sometimes it's grand and breezy and often really enjoyable (I think if you do, it's perceived as bragging? Can't win)

bobskii

I actually heard this conversationin the other day.one girl who has 2 kids one a teenager and one about 7 was telling a pregnant girl that your life Is over when you have kids,like wtf!who says that or even thinks that stuff.I just told her if that was the case nobody would have more than 1.I met her later that week and she said thanks I'm listening on to that every day it's nice to hear a differenter side.some people are mad.

s4uv3

bobskii wrote: »

I actually heard this conversation the other day.one girl who has 2 kids one a teenager and one about 7 was telling a pregnant girl that your life Is over when you have kids,like wtf!who says that or even thinks that stuff.I just told her if that was the case nobody would have more than 1.I met her later that week and she said thanks I'm listening on to that every day it's nice to hear a differenter side.some people are mad.

Depends on your definition of "life" tbh. It's just a whole new life, new responsibilities, new way of looking at the world.
Sure, I'll miss only having myself (and my husband and dog!) to worry about, but sure it's all about adjustment and planning. There'll still be nights out, (WONT THERE LUCYFUR??) but they'll take a bit of planning

bobskii

Yes life as ya currently know it might be over but she was adamant you have no life till they are about 7!it's just something I don't think should be rammed down a first time nervous mum to be 's throat.

Lucyfur

s4uv3 wrote: »

Depends on your definition of "life" tbh. It's just a whole new life, new responsibilities, new way of looking at the world.
Sure, I'll miss only having myself (and my husband and dog!) to worry about, but sure it's all about adjustment and planning. There'll still be nights out, (WONT THERE LUCYFUR??) but they'll take a bit of planning

Why do you think I'm so hell bent on this dog training craic? We need someone responsible to babysit!

Beanybabog

Yeah everyone says how you're life changes forever, but they never say "In a good way".
They always sound really ominous. Well my mother does anyway!!

No1XtinaFan

On my first pregnancy my husband and I noticed by the end there was a trend of where the horror stories were coming from!!
All our friends who had unexpected/unplanned babies went on and on and on about how our lives were about to change, no sleep, horror labour stories etc etc etc and all our friends/family who had planned babies went on about how our lives were going to change for the better and to enjoy the newborn days because they go so quick etc.
Thankfully we chose to only listen to positives!!

Anyway, I’m 25 weeks on my second now with a 3 year old and I am sooooooooooooo over being pregnant!!!!!

I carry very big and I am very small, they don’t go well together  I have pelvic girdle pain already-had it on my first but not this early. I’m sick of going to work every morning!!

I have started giving people their reactions before they can say it!

Them: When are you due?
Me: Not until December
They make a weird face and before they continue I say, yeah I know, I am huge. I am just too small to be pregnant!!

At least this way I am not getting offended by anyway!!

There, that was nice, thanks for the rant!!!

duedate

The horror stories - please, just please stop. It's not funny, it doesn't make you look clever/witty & it sure as hell ain't being supportive to me :mad:

Like what was said above, I get that some people have a bad time, I really do - but what good will it do those people to try to terrify me out of my wits months before I am due?

Also have a family member who just keeps going on about how I'm so used to having disposable income and how I'll be like 'millions of others now' struggling to make ends meet. Gee, thanks - it's not like I have a lot of disposable income now, I just choose to spend it differently to you thanks. Grrr, I'll explode if they say it again - we can blame all this on hormones anyway right? So all will have to be forgiven

stickybean

I just spoke to some colleagues in the US, who said my manager was chatting at lunch about how the EU maternity laws are a joke... whilst he didn't directly say my name or refer to me, I am on the only female employee he has in Europe.

He basically can't understand why we get 26 weeks and our accumulated holidays off... and get paid (they get between 6-12 weeks depending on the state). Not to mention the unpaid leave...

Now I can't say anything to anyone as technically he hasn't said anything to me, but I am feeling really uncomfortable. Also I was trying for a promotion, but my review has being pushed off... I am not sure if I am being hormonal or overly emotional, but I actually feel really upset and annoyed. I've worked here for years only ever taking 2 sicks days... I am a good team player and always pull my weight, now I feel like I have to justify myself.

Gatica

That's horrible... It's very unprofessional of him to be discussing policy affecting only one individual. As long as it's hearsay, you can't do much about it. I suppose take advantage of any maternity benefits they give you while on your leave and look to move on at some stage in the future. You can always explain the reason for your leaving and he might bite his tongue in future. Usually our american colleagues are jealous of our employment protection laws, not annoyed...

Beanybabog

stickybean wrote: »

Also I was trying for a promotion, but my review has being pushed off... I am not sure if I am being hormonal or overly emotional, but I actually feel really upset and annoyed. I've worked here for years only ever taking 2 sicks days... I am a good team player and always pull my weight, now I feel like I have to justify myself.

Keep doing your job and apply for any promotions. Whether he likes it or not you have to be given as fair a shot as anyone else.

Gatica

Actually it would be surprising for a company to pass up people for reviews and what not as they can get easily sued for discrimination... Being on maternity leave should still entitle you to all the other benefits as if you were still at work doing your normal job. Maybe seek advice from citizensinfo if it's something you can prove?

catrionanic

Ah stickybean that's not nice at all. He would need to watch himself as any more of that carry-on and he could get in trouble for discrimination.

My advice to you would be to carry on as normal - insist on your regular pay reviews/promotion opportunities as would be the case if you weren't pregnant. After all, that's exactly how things should be - your pregnancy should not make one iota of difference to your employment status. But should you come across anything further untoward or concerning, record it. Record this, in fact. It's unlikely that you'll have any further issues, but if you did, you'd be glad to have things on record.

stickybean

Thank you for the advice girls, I asked about my review and was told it would be in November now (I am out on maternity leave from the 18th), he said he will try push it forward... I mentioned the comments to another manager, she more or less what you said Gatica that there was a real jealousy thing going on... Going to keep a note of it in case something come of it.

fits

Well I was just told theres probably no work for me next year when I was planning to return to work. Think I've just walked off the glass cliff, or whatever you call it.

Beanybabog

fits wrote: »

Well I was just told theres probably no work for me next year when I was planning to return to work. Think I've just walked off the glass cliff, or whatever you call it.

How did that happen? I'm on a FRC too. I've been given the impression there's a job for me but who knows. Is it because you're pregnant or is there a genuine reason

s4uv3

fits wrote: »

Well I was just told theres probably no work for me next year when I was planning to return to work. Think I've just walked off the glass cliff, or whatever you call it.

I'm sorry to hear that fits
Were you told that in person? I'd ask for confirmation of anything like that along with the reason, in writing and take it from there. Seems dubious that they know there'll be no work for you a year from now, at the exact time you're due to return from mat leave

confusedguy1

Wonder did Melisandre have any issues before giving birth to the shadow baby?

fits

I'm freelancing for my old employer abroad so don't have any of the usual rights. Expected funding didn't come through so about five jobs in jeopardy and I'm the easiest to get rid of.

duedate

That's awful Fits - are you an employee? even if it is a fixed term contract? I dont think they can tell you while pregnant that there will be no work for you - I think they have to wait & see how things are when you would be due to come back to work?
Are you entitled to the state maternity benefit? If so, you will need to be working right up until you start on that so don't leave/get pushed before then. If they say there's no work from say, October, then go on to maternity benefit early rather than have a gap in employment.

Hopefully things might improve while you are out & they will have something for you next year, even if it's part time.

Sorry to hear that, the last thing you need to hear now

stickybean

Sorry to hear that fits

fits

duedate wrote: »

That's awful Fits - are you an employee? even if it is a fixed term contract? I dont think they can tell you while pregnant that there will be no work for you - I think they have to wait & see how things are when you would be due to come back to work?
Are you entitled to the state maternity benefit? If so, you will need to be working right up until you start on that so don't leave/get pushed before then. If they say there's no work from say, October, then go on to maternity benefit early rather than have a gap in employment.

No Im not an employee, Im a freelance/consultant/contractor. I dont get state maternity benefit either.

Immy

fits wrote: »

No Im not an employee, Im a freelance/consultant/contractor. I dont get state maternity benefit either.

Self employed people are entitled to state maternity, as long as you have the relevant credits in the relevant time frame you will qualify.