'I see you've played knifey-spoony before': Post Your Favourite TV Quotes!

mr.equinox

Father Ted-

Mrs Doyle: "There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world."

Ted: "No he didn't Mrs. Doyle!"

Mrs Doyle: "Oh, well whatever equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or whatever.......... speaking of cake........ I have cake!""

lol!

Daysha

From Big Bang Theory, after Leonard rejects Penny because she's too drunk.

Penny: Y'know Leonard, you're a really smart guy.
Leonard: Yeah I'm a freaking genius...

Just the way he delivers that line always makes me laugh.

scoopmine

Homer Simpson

Gime whats a gime oh a gime!!!

clairey__Ox

"SAVE ME BARRY!"
-Nathan from Misfits
Actually, every quote from Nathan xD


Chris: "He was a pitty boss and a pastard, and he could pucking shove his poof polo up his papseye...stupid prick"

Josie: "I think one slipped through there Chris"

Chris: ".....Stupid punt"
-Chris from Skins

Insect Overlord

"Ooh, is that a hobbit?!"

"No, it's just a hobo and a rabbit. But they're making a hobbit!"

highlydebased

(grumpy old men, in stripclub)

*with welsh accent* "I can't get properly eroticised in a room with asbestos hanging from the ceiling!" (Attic insulation!)

My favourite quote from anybody, anytime, in any context - have to share it:

"Brilliant Mark, my mate and your bird have just gone off to **** each other, and what are we going to do? Make a tent in the frontroom and eat DairyLea? Is that what you want, because that’s what's going to happen!" - Jeremy from Peep Show.

My second favourite:
"I find the most erotic part of a woman's body are the boobies." - Zap Brannigan

Jako8

Ralph Wiggum:
"Hello Lisa, Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers.

I'm learnding."



(I forget if he says learnding)

Konata

"You're so beautiful - like a tree, or a high class prostitute".

From Flight of the Conchords, can't remember who said it though.

charmer

Chris: Drama teachers man... 'Pretend to be a tree.'
But im not a tree.
'Well pretend...'
******* perverts the lot of them..

ohthebaby

I saw this on a Facebook group today. Talk about good times...

Roland: Get lost Farm Boy
Harvey: Farm Boy?? I've never been on a farm in my life...
Roland: Well I find that hard to believe FARM BOY
Harvey: My name's Harvey
Roland: Harvey the Farm Boy
Harvey: Why don't you back off?
Roland: Why don't you MAKE ME?


I Sabrina. Oh they were much simpler times.

I also love the mitosis episode. TV gold.

Jako8

Hotaru wrote: »

"You're so beautiful - like a tree, or a high class prostitute".

From Flight of the Conchords, can't remember who said it though.

That's from the song "Most Beautiful Girl in the Room"...

Epic song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ABAmEl6_Yg

Lyrics.

Looking at the room, I can tell that you.
Are the most beautiful girl in the...room.
(In the whole wide room).
And when you're on the street, depending on the street.
I bet you are definitely in the top 3.
Good lookin girls on the street.
(Depending on the streets).
And when I saw you at my man's place.
I thought...what, is she, doing...at my man's place.
How did he get a hottie like that to a party like this?
Good one, Dave.
(Ooh, you're a LEGEND, Dave).

I asked Dave if he's going to move on you.
He's not sure.
"Dave, do you mind if I do?"
He says he doesn't mind.
But I can tell he kind of minds.
But I'm going to do it anyway.

I see you standing all alone by the stereo.
I dim the lights down very low.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a waitress.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a air hostess in the 60s.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part-time model.
But then I seal the deal, I do my moves.
I do my dance moves.

Lets travel through, just me and you.
As other dudes around you on the dance floor.
I draw you near, lets get out of here.
Lets get in a cab. I'll buy you a kabob.
I can't believe. I'm sharing a kabob.
With the most beautiful girl I have ever seen with a kabob.
Oh, why don't we leave?
Lets go to my house.
We can feel each other up on the couch.
Oh no, I don't mind taking it slow.

Cause you're so beautiful...
Like a tree. Or a high class prostitute.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job.
A part time model.
Spend part of your time modeling.
And part of your time next to me.

whadabouchasir

Family Guy
Peter:"Wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,wo,Lois this isn't my batman glass."

Quagmire:"Hi is this the fire brigade,its Quagmire,ya it's caught in the window this time."

Father ted
Fr. Jack:"I love my brick."

Mrs Doyle to Ted:"Mr. Mustard asked me if he could put his massive tool in my box."

Ginja Ninja

just to keep the flight of the conchords theme going.

"My rhymes are so potent,that n the small segment I made all of the ladies in the first two rows pregnant"

rhymenoceres vs hiphopopotamus

syklops

We need some dinner ladies in here:


Philippa - "They think now that pressure at work can affect your sex life. They did a questionnaire: Are you too busy for an orgasm?"
Jean - "An orgasm? I haven't blown my nose since Wednesday!"

Dolly - "Why do people have to spit? That ruined Titanic for me, the spitting. The iceberg couldn't come soon enough after I saw that."

Enid - "Did you get that skirt from a catalogue?"
Philippa - "No."
Enid - "Pity, you could have sent it back."


Jean - "4:00. What's that? Regrets?"
Bren - "Regrets? T.V movie? I bet it's about some businesswoman who's left it too late to have babies."
Anita - "Or she had a baby in her teens, had it adopted and regrets it."
Jean - "Oh no. Rugrats."

Nicola - "What would happen if I asked for a herbal tea?"
Jean - "Nothing."
Nicola - "You mean you wouldn't be fazed by such a request?"
Jean - "No, I mean you wouldn't get one."

Also needed is some Fools and Horses.

Trigger: What you up to Dave?
Rodney: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Trigger: No words to this song Dave?
Rodney: No Trigger, it's an instrumental.
Del Boy: All right Trigger? What you doing?
Trigger: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Del Boy: Okay.
Trigger: It's the karaoke version.


Del Boy: [Rodney is looking for crimes to report at the tenants' meeting] Well, why don't you tell them what happened to poor Rita Alldridge then?
Rodney: Yes! Good idea! What happened to Rita Alldridge then?
Del Boy: Last Friday night she was indecently assaulted over by the adventure playground.
Rodney: No! Did she report it?
Del Boy: Yeah, I saw her this morning, she'd just been down the police station.
Rodney: Right. There you are, you see; that's exactly the sort of thing... hang on a minute, if this happened on Friday night, how come it's taken her 'til Wednesday to report it?
Del Boy: Because she didn't know she'd been indecently assaulted until this morning when the bloke's cheque bounced.

Del Brandy please, Pamela.
Pamela Armagnac?
Del Yeah, that'll do fine if you're out of Brandy.

Arcade Panda

Flight of the Conchords:

They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers
But what's the real cost, ‘cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper?
Why are we still paying so much for sneakers when you got little kid slaves making them
What are your overheads?

A man is lying on the street, some punk has chopped off his head
And I'm the only one who stops to see if he's dead, aaoohhh
Turns out he's dead

degausserxo

This made many a history class hilarious, back in the day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdXCwDKPb6A

sock puppet

Robert: "This is truly God's land. Lush sub-tropical plains stretched as far as I can see, it's 90 degrees in the shade in November, there are herds of 7 ft tall two legged creatures bouncing across the land at tremendous speeds."

David: "Yes. Do you know where it reminds me of? Wales."

KnifeWRENCH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9Qu3iP3RYA

jefreywithonef

I'm Alan Partridge.

[After an accusation that anecdotes aren't his forte]
Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh. Now fúck off!