Ten Christmas Gifts for that LOI fan in your Life

applehunter

This is an article that was posted on the HospitalPass website that is sadly missed by this LOI supporter.

Sean DeLoughry gives a list of ten recommended presents for the quintessential eircom League fan this Christmas.

Struggling for that special stocking-filler for the sad bast..., sorry eircom League supporter in your life?

Let HospitalPass help you in your time of need with a selection of Christmas gifts!

1. Selection Box : Full of tasty treats. Ideal for throwing at opposition goalkeepers. Throw the whole thing, or throw the chocolate bars individual – the choice is yours!

2. Celtic Jersey : What better way to express the love of your country than by wearing the jersey of a British football club? And what better way to express your love of the game than by wearing the jersey of the second best club in a foreign two team league who you’ve never seen play a competitive game? This bold political statement will make you very popular with the ladies.

3. Flares : Create an atmosphere while giving everyone in the vicinity 2nd degree burns. Also useful for throwing at opposition goalkeepers.

4. The Complete Anorak’s Guide to Every Ball that was Ever Kicked in Ireland : The essential, 140,000 page book of every fact and stat you could ever need to win a pub argument or to prove that your team are the greatest ever. With this indispensible book you will be able to win any argument with gems of information such as “my club is the only Irish club ever to win an away match in Liechtenstein on a Thursday after 6pm” or “my club are obviously superior to your club as we beat them three times in one season in the 1934/35 season” A favourable alternative to pointless small-talk over the Christmas dinner table.

5. The URL for HospitalPass : Share the joy with others this Christmas. Nuff said.

6. Six Pack of Dutch Gold : Ideal for keeping out of the cold, and can be used to recreate the thrill of watching Kilkenny City by inducing vomiting and producing copious quantities of urine. Again useful for throwing at opposition goalkeepers – or defenders if your arm muscles have strengthened considerably.

7. Superiority Complex : The essential eL accessory. Look down your nose on “Olé Olé’rs, Premiers**t fans and any other contemptuous people who claim to be football fans but refuse to go and watch the beautiful game that is UCD vs Bray Wanderers!

8. Hooded Anorak : Essential clothing for those nasty damp evenings in Tolka, Terryland or Turners Cross. Also provides a useful disguise for when Tom the Gom is prowling for someone to talk to.

9. eircom League Rulebook : Hours of fun guaranteed interpreting, reinterpreting, rewriting, ignoring and overruling. Fun for all the el family.

10. Toilet Roll : Essential equipment if you plan to actually utilise the toilet facilities at an eL ground. Also useful for throwing at opposition goalkeepers.

Gavin "shels"

applehunter wrote: »

3. Flares : Create an atmosphere while giving everyone in the vicinity 2nd degree burns. Also useful for throwing at opposition goalkeepers.

Bit OTT, worse damage ever to happen to me was hole in my jacket and I was standing next to one.

Hoping it's not meant to be funny, because it's fecking shocking.

GLaDOS

Gavin shels wrote: »

Hoping it's not meant to be funny, because it's fecking shocking.

Aye, trys too hard

ntlbell

ScienceNerd wrote: »

Aye, trys too hard

a lot of its spot on, just not very funny.

Gavin "shels"

ntlbell wrote: »

a lot of its spot on, just not very funny.

Ye like it being called the eircom League, the 2nd degree burns from flares, etc...:rolleyes:

ntlbell

Gavin shels wrote: »

Ye like it being called the eircom League, the 2nd degree burns from flares, etc...:rolleyes:

oh well that makes it all rubbish so :rolleyes::rolleyes:<--

invincibleirish

The boards LoI-ers deserve to have the piss taken out of 'em in a funnier manner then this.

One of these to put all the LoI away supporters into/ Shels supporters pre their 'galacticos' period.



One of these for fans of club x with debts of x amount.



One of these to preach to the heathens



And finally, the gift that no LoI fan wants but, like socks and toiletries, will end up getting at one point in their lives:

Paulegend

could alway buy limerick fc for couple of quid

applehunter

Gavin shels wrote: »

Ye like it being called the eircom League, the 2nd degree burns from flares, etc...:rolleyes:

This is about 7 years old!!!!!!!!!!!

Just found it in my documents on the old computer.

Made me laugh anyway.

Maybe you would be too young to get some of the references Gavin.....;)

stovelid

applehunter wrote: »

3. Flares : Create an atmosphere while giving everyone in the vicinity 2nd degree burns. Also useful for throwing at opposition goalkeepers.
efuse to go and watch the beautiful game that is UCD vs Bray Wanderers!

And a nice fine from Frank and Irene.

Gavin "shels"

applehunter wrote: »

This is about 7 years old!!!!!!!!!!!

Just found it in my documents on the old computer.

Made me laugh anyway.

Maybe you would be too young to get some of the references Gavin.....;)

Should have said it was 7 years old.:rolleyes:

Iang87

probably get them a sky subscription and watch quality football

stovelid

Iang87 wrote: »

probably get them a sky subscription and watch quality football

I, for one, would love if Sky (or anybody) did a special package deal where you didn't have to pay for EPL games that were tactically inept, boring and largely bereft of technique.

Paulegend

stovelid wrote: »

I, for one, would love if Sky (or anybody) did a special package deal where you didn't have to pay for EPL games that were tactically inept, boring and largely bereft of technique.

are you being sarcastic?

DSB

Paulegend wrote: »

are you being sarcastic?

Hahahahaha.

stovelid

Paulegend wrote: »

are you being sarcastic?

No.

Every single team in the EPL is far "better" than the LOI, but if you're saying that every game is "quality" - that is: a technical and tactical classic of entertainment despite the 60 pundits and cameras up every player's hole - you're wrong. If you took a handful of teams out of that league, it would be rated even less technically.

And that's from somebody who supports an EPL team and enjoys the coverage. I don't use 'quality' as a yardstick for football even though I appreciate and enjoy it.

Not that we should even be discussing this in this thread, mind, but I thought I'd answer the other lad.

Iang87

i was only taking the piss man but i do understand your point completely about teams being "better" so hence it must be more enjoyable thats just rubbish its just that its mainstream

ROCKMAN

IF a dog is kicked every day , He'll think its standard.

stovelid

ROCKMAN wrote: »

IF a dog is kicked every day , He'll think its standard.

Eric Cantona right?

I love his work.

dfx-

1. Renewed membership of Rovers
2. Season Ticket for Rovers
3. FIFA Letter condemning the Connaught St. stand
4. FAI Letter promoting Shels once and for all.
5. A gagging order on commenting on Torpedo
6. FAI letter relegating Dundalk...just for the fun of it
7. FAI letter replacing Dundalk with...Waterford
8. A window repair kit for trips to Limerick, Derry and Dundalk..and Dorset St.
9. Rovers merchandise
10. Government letter confirming Tom Coughlan's extradition to Saturn.

That's my letter to Santa next year sorted. :cool:

DSB

dfx- wrote: »

1. Renewed membership of Rovers
2. Season Ticket for Rovers
3. FIFA Letter condemning the Connaught St. stand
4. FAI Letter promoting Shels once and for all.
5. A gagging order on commenting on Torpedo
6. FAI letter relegating Dundalk...just for the fun of it
7. FAI letter replacing Dundalk with...Waterford
8. A window repair kit for trips to Limerick, Derry and Dundalk..and Dorset St.
9. Rovers merchandise
10. Government letter confirming Tom Coughlan's extradition to Saturn.

That's my letter to Santa next year sorted. :cool:

You're my new best friend.

Fuhrer

dfx- wrote: »

8. A window repair kit for trips to Limerick, Derry and Dundalk..and Dorset St.

Yeah, id hate for the supporter of the Tallaght team to have to venture into a less then reputable area...

OhNoYouDidn't

Fuhrer wrote: »

Yeah, id hate for the supporter of the Tallaght team to have to venture into a less then reputable area...

Full season in Tallaght and not one report of trouble in or near the ground.

Every time every Dublin club goes to Dundalk or Limerick, it kicks off with locals who haven't been to the game.

Draw your own conclusions etc.

_blank_

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

Full season in Tallaght and not one report of trouble in or near the ground.

Ignore him. Seriously. Ignore him.

OhNoYouDidn't

Des wrote: »

Ignore him. Seriously. Ignore him.

Who, me or the fuhrer?

Gavin "shels"

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

Full season in Tallaght and not one report of trouble in or near the ground.

Luas with windows smashed after the Shams -v- Gypos derby, the mill-up in Belgard (close enough to the groud), etc...

fh041205

I'm sure the hotel across the road wouldn't agree about there being 'no trouble'.

OhNoYouDidn't

Gavin shels wrote: »

Luas with windows smashed after the Shams -v- Gypos derby, the mill-up in Belgard (close enough to the groud), etc...

There was an incident with the Guards and some ticketless Bozo's at the Belgard, but a Luas getting smashed up? :eek:

Presumably if that happened there would have been some press comment on the issue, or even some internet chat? No doubt you can produce some links....

OhNoYouDidn't

fh041205 wrote: »

I'm sure the hotel across the road wouldn't agree about there being 'no trouble'.

Again, any specific incident or is this just general innuendo?

The Maldron are delighted with us and we have a great relationship with them. I can't think of one bad thing happening in or near the place.

_blank_

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

Who, me or the fuhrer?

not you

fh041205

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

Again, any specific incident or is this just general innuendo?

The Maldron are delighted with us and we have a great relationship with them. I can't think of one bad thing happening in or near the place.

They've had windows smashed themselves on occassion on match nights. Not the kind of thing that would make national press mind you. I suggest you speak to someone higher up in the hotel if you're really that interested because if you deny that they've had windows broken then you're either lying or you just don't have the facts. No accusation there of any sort, just saying that I know this to be true.

In any case, its not the end of the world, and I'm not even sure of the name of the hotel.

Gavin "shels"

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

There was an incident with the Guards and some ticketless Bozo's at the Belgard, but a Luas getting smashed up? :eek:

Presumably if that happened there would have been some press comment on the issue, or even some internet chat? No doubt you can produce some links....

The incident I'm talking about in Belgard is the arranged fight between Shams heads and Bohs head along with there forigen buddies they both had.

Don't know if there was any press coment or anything but well I seen a smashed up Luas the night of Bohs being in Tallaght.

OhNoYouDidn't

fh041205 wrote: »

They've had windows smashed themselves on occassion on match nights. Not the kind of thing that would make national press mind you. I suggest you speak to someone higher up in the hotel if you're really that interested because if you deny that they've had windows broken then you're either lying or you just don't have the facts. No accusation there of any sort, just saying that I know this to be true.

In any case, its not the end of the world, and I'm not even sure of the name of the hotel.

I was talking to the manager of the Maldron at a meeting recently and she was quite clear that there was no trouble at all there all season. How much higher up do you want me to go?

I can assure you that if the Luas had been smashed up once, never mind 'on occasion' the Herald would have picked up on it at the prompting of the Gah. It didn't happen. Simple as that.

OhNoYouDidn't

Gavin shels wrote: »

The incident I'm talking about in Belgard is the arranged fight between Shams heads and Bohs head along with there forigen buddies they both had.
Don't know if there was any press coment or anything but well I seen a smashed up Luas the night of Bohs being in Tallaght.

You really shouldn't believe everything you read on Shelsweb. Cops stopped tram with the BSC and their rent-a-mob and put them back on the tram to town and shadowed them. There was no Rovers involvement in it at all.

You say you saw a 'smashed up' Luas, I simply don't believe you.

bohsman

Gavin shels wrote: »

Don't know if there was any press coment or anything but well I seen a smashed up Luas the night of Bohs being in Tallaght.

I was on the Luas after the 1-0 defeat, good banter between the guards and the fans - they had intended staying on till town but got off at the red cow as there was no trouble.

Gavin "shels"

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

You really shouldn't believe everything you read on Shelsweb. Cops stopped tram with the BSC and their rent-a-mob and put them back on the tram to town and shadowed them. There was no Rovers involvement in it at all.

You say you saw a 'smashed up' Luas, I simply don't believe you.

bohsman wrote: »

I was on the Luas after the 1-0 defeat, good banter between the guards and the fans - they had intended staying on till town but got off at the red cow as there was no trouble.

The Luas which I saw was empty, no one was allowed on it, it was smashed to bits. Seen it at Blackhorse luas stop goig back into town, texted my mate who is a Sham and he said there was a luas smashed up, 2+2 = 4.

OHYD back to his good oul ways, BSC and their rent-a-mob, what about Rovers and their rent-a Cliftonville mob?????:rolleyes:

bohsman

Gavin shels wrote: »

OHYD back to his good oul ways, BSC and their rent-a-mob, what about Rovers and their rent-a Cliftonville mob?????:rolleyes:

The difference being that the Rovers version are still welcome at their games.

OhNoYouDidn't

Gavin shels wrote: »

The Luas which I saw was empty, no one was allowed on it, it was smashed to bits. Seen it at Blackhorse luas stop goig back into town, texted my mate who is a Sham and he said there was a luas smashed up, 2+2 = 4.

Hold on. I'm telling you you are wrong. He was on the Luas, which means he was at Belgard and he is telling you you are wrong. You are wrong.

Blackhorse is near Inchicore. Maybe it was Pats fans? I can start nonsense rumours too.

Gavin shels wrote: »

OHYD back to his good oul ways, BSC and their rent-a-mob, what about Rovers and their rent-a Cliftonville mob?????:rolleyes:

What about them? The Cliftonville fans who follow Rovers aren't hoolies. They are too drunk most of the time to start with.

DSB

Can confirm that the luas incident did happen, and no I can't provide a link either.

applehunter

i'm regretting posting that article now.

fh041205

OhNoYouDidn't wrote: »

I was talking to the manager of the Maldron at a meeting recently and she was quite clear that there was no trouble at all there all season. How much higher up do you want me to go?

I don't want you to do anything. If don't wish to believe me, I don't really blame you. If we all believed everything we read on boards the world would be a very dreary place indeed. Some digging amongst the right people will tell you all you need to know. Cheers.;)

stovelid

fh041205 wrote: »

I suggest you speak to someone higher up in the hotel if you're really that interested

The same hotel that sponsora us and consistently tries to get more fans into the hotel on match days by putting on music and food?

Fuhrer

Des wrote: »

Ignore him. Seriously. Ignore him.

Yeah, just ignore me and keep on posting rubbish.

fh041205

stovelid wrote: »

The same hotel that sponsora us and consistently tries to get more fans into the hotel on match days by putting on music and food?

Possibly. Like I say, I don't know which hotel it is.

pablomakaveli

dfx- wrote: »

10. Government letter confirming Tom Coughlan's extradition to Saturn.

That's my letter to Santa next year sorted. :cool:

Saturn isn't far enough. The edge of the universe would be better. Also he should take Roddy with him.

fh041205

pablomakaveli wrote: »

Saturn isn't far enough. The edge of the universe would be better. Also he should take Roddy with him.

Tbh Coughlan has done more damange to CCFC and the league than Roddy ever did. At least Roddy is a personality, someone who'll attract the headlines almost in a good way. Although I'll never forgive him for what he did to those poor Dublin City fans. He ruined the spirit of that club completely.

Spiritoftheseventies

pablomakaveli wrote: »

Saturn isn't far enough. The edge of the universe would be better. Also he should take Roddy with him.

11. A seperate forum for league of Ireland fans.

fh041205

bayviewclose wrote: »

11. A seperate forum for league of Ireland fans.

and a ".co.uk" for the british football fans..........:D..............who said that

Gavin "shels"

bayviewclose wrote: »

11. A seperate forum for league of Ireland fans.

As mentioned before, this is an Irish forum so it should be the British leagues getting a separate forum.;)

pablomakaveli

fh041205 wrote: »

Tbh Coughlan has done more damange to CCFC and the league than Roddy ever did. At least Roddy is a personality, someone who'll attract the headlines almost in a good way. Although I'll never forgive him for what he did to those poor Dublin City fans. He ruined the spirit of that club completely.

I sick of hearing "Roddys a character" or "he'll attract interest". The only headlines he's drawn so far are the ones relating to him screwing over his former club Floriana. And i don't care if he's got personality or character, that does'nt make him a good manager.

And what he did to Dublin city was disgraceful but he probably does'nt give a toss.

stovelid

fh041205 wrote: »

Possibly. Like I say, I don't know which hotel it is.

The "one across the road".

I'm surprised that they would actively seek (and get) sponsorship with us, put on music and food on match days, put framed shirts behind the bar and offer match-related promotions if people were running amok and smashing windows.

Or you could be talking out of your hole, of course.

I assume you support Shels too. You'll see the score with Tallaght when you come to a fixture. That will involve getting out of the first division on your own steam without blaming everything on Fingal though.