Mac's quitlog

Orion

Was gonna blog it but I hate blogging. So here it is instead. Ups/downs/successes - no failures hopefully. I'm doing this firstly to help myself because I promise I will be honest - if I fail I'll fail in public - and secondly, hopefully to help others. This will be a real record of a quitter

Background: 39 yo - smoking 28 or 29 years (yes since 10 or 11). Recently ~40+ a day.

Quit last night. Up in my brother's house. At about 2am I came back in from the snow where I'd just had the last cig from a box and I handed him an unopened box of B&H (ahhh my sweet friend B&H). He threw it in the fire for me and we watched it burn together. All well and good when drunk on New Year's Eve. How will I do in the morning? ....

1/1/10: I've survived Day 1! Damn it was tough at times. I've gone through a whole box of Extra. I didn't bother with NRT solutions - I decided on cold-turkey. The morning and afternoon were ok but the evening and night were a bitch. Especially after the kids went to bed. That's usually my cue to light up in the sitting room watching TV. I kept finding myself reaching out to the spot my box and lighter would normally reside and they weren't there. It's a trigger spot for me - so tomorrow I'll swap places on the couch with herself. Worse is right here right now. I'm at the computer - in my home office - my chain smoking room. Ashtray is gone and bin emptied. Lots more room on the desk I've just noticed. Who'd have thought an ashtray would take up so much space?

Anyway I've survived Day 1. By all accounts Day Two is harder. Bring it on!

[edit]Feel free to question me - this isn't a blog; this is a thread. My mental state is fully questionable Yes I've been cranky today but not half as bad as I've expected to be. I will try to post once a day - at the end of the day - for as long as I stay off the sticks. And hopefully I will never have to post that I'm no longer a quitter.

dubsgirl

Best of luck Mac. I'll be reading! Planning on quitting myself in the next couple of weeks, I have a couple of nights out planned and from experience trying to give up and having a few drinks in the early days is no good for my determination...

Zombienosh

Goodluck with everything, It's hard definetly, maybe try some reading? I read "Cigarette Century" when I was quitting, helped me out.

Cold turkey is the best way I think, it all comes down to the "want" to quit. If your motivation is true.

InTheTrees

Best of luck to you.

I know exactly what you mean about the emptiness, the feeling of loss.

It's true, it's a major loss, a significant part of your life is gone now. But it had to go. It was never a positive part of your life.

Orion

"The first ten million years were the worst, and the second ten million years, they were the worst too" - Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Day 2: That's kind of how I feel today. I'd almost gnaw an arm off for one drag of a smoke - even a girlie one like green More! The coughing started today too - at 5am. By 7am I actually thought a lung was coming up. At 8am I was even starting to wonder if quitting was worth this pain. I had visions of a cycle down to the local garage to make all the pain go away.

I didn't though. I am now 37 hours smoke free. Seemingly my blood pressure is back to normal. My foot temp has increased - doesn't feel like it: I'm just back from a cycle to the shops (for food not cigs) and my toes are freezing. By 2am all traces of nicotine will have left my body. And my chance of a heart attack has decreased now too. That's good I suppose. I'd still almost gnaw off an arm for one drag tho

dollyk

i stopped just before xmas after reading one day at a time thread. the biggest thing to remember is it WONT ALLWAYS FEEL LIKE THIS, its the stupid mind game that withdrawel lasts forever that makes us want one drag. have been there , smoked for over 30 years, quit a billion times. but now i quit for just the next 5 mins, i dont ever think of tonite, or tomorrow , just now. good luck , oh and read from the tips at whyquit.com. but most of all believe what you are reading is true . i used to believe eveyone on stop smoking forums had a conspirousy (spell) againt just me pmsl. addiction will make you lie to yourself about anything you want to . :rolleyes:

Orion

Day 3: This was a tough day. At one stage today I didn't think I'd make it. I've been reading some sites about quitting. Apparantly day 3 is the craving peak:

See the bottom of that image - craves last 3 minutes. Bollox. If that's true then I had 200 craves today not 5 or 6. The whole day was one big "give me a smoke" moment. Even now I'm still thinking how great just one cigarette would taste.

It's not all bad tho. The coughing has recided a little. Still get fits of my lungs clearing out 25 years of abuse but not as many as yesterday. Went for a 12km cycle this morning and it was easier than one I did on the 30th Dec but that could just be me believing that. Smell and taste definitely improved. I can now smell a lit cigarette from 50 feet outdoors

So as of tomorrow I'm no longer physically addicted according to most sites. Nicotine has left the building chemically.

There are still my psychological triggers. And tomorrow I'm back to work after my Christmas break. And that place is full of them. Sitting down at my desk, tea at 11, lunch, pretty much everything about the day. Here's hoping I get through it. It'd be a shame to give up now ... if you'll excuse the pun.

sold

Good for you, A friend of mine died of Lung Cancer,( VERY PAINFUL) only got 3 months to live, Left behind a wife and 3 kids, smoked 15-20 a day. Even if cigarettes were 1/8th the current price its not worth smoking, it rules your life, good for you to break free from the hold of British/American tobacco.

Say goodbye to these old friends that are added to cigarettes sold in Ireland.


Ammonia: Household cleaner
Angelica root extract: Known to cause cancer in animals
Arsenic: Used in rat poisons
Benzene: Used in making dyes, synthetic rubber
Butane: Gas; used in lighter fluid
Carbon monoxide: Poisonous gas
Cadmium: Used in batteries
Cyanide: Deadly poison
DDT: A banned insecticide
Ethyl Furoate: Causes liver damage in animals
Lead: Poisonous in high doses
Formaldehiyde: Used to preserve dead specimens
Methoprene: Insecticide
Megastigmatrienone: Chemical naturally found in grapefruit juice
Maltitol: Sweetener for diabetics
Napthalene: Ingredient in mothballs
Methyl isocyanate: Its accidental release killed 2000 people in Bhopal, India in 1984
Polonium: Cancer-causing radioactive element

InTheTrees

I found it was around day five that I could look back and appreciate a lessening of the number of cravings. It will improve.

Exercise really helps, you'll start to notice an increase in performance.

Even now you're getting extra oxygen which is going to feel good inbetween the cravings.

Good luck.

dollyk

it really does get easier, looking back on the last two weeks, it really was not that hard with the mind set i had. it really is down to how you view smoking IMO. this time when i got the ,i want a smoke, feeling i told myself it was just my brain looking to keep my nicotine levels up. and i knew it would go like every other crave. this time round im noe afraid to think about smoking, but i have changed the way i think. i sat staring :eek:at my husband while we were having a few bottles of bud on new years eve. that done it for me, i could REALLY:D SEE, that he was smoking because he HAD TO, not once because he WANTED TO.:D

dubsgirl

Well done Mac your doing it!!

The last time I gave up I cracked on day 5 and I can honestly say I did not enjoy that cigarette at all I practically forced myself to smoke it just to be back to normal :rolleyes: Ridiculous I know..

So keep it up everyday after the 1st week gets easier apparently.

Orion

Day 4: Made it through another day. It was tough being back in work with all the triggers I have there. Had to go outside and take a walk around the block once just to keep sane. And at the end of the walk stopped for a chat with a smoker from the office and it didn't bother me at all. Odd this craving lark is.

That said the cravings weren't as frequent as other days. Still chewing gum like a mad thing tho - not nicotine gum just Extra Spearmint.

Rushing for train on the way home - escalator at Connolly was jammed so I ran up the stairs. I wasn't out of breath at the top. That was a new experience for me. That and the cycle yesterday - I'm actually starting to see results already. There's my incentive to make it through Day 5 tomorrow.

InTheTrees

Macros42 wrote: »

Rushing for train on the way home - escalator at Connolly was jammed so I ran up the stairs. I wasn't out of breath at the top. That was a new experience for me. That and the cycle yesterday - I'm actually starting to see results already. There's my incentive to make it through Day 5 tomorrow.

Good job. Hang in there.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Orion

Day 4 continued: Well I've just had a really crap night. Barely got any sleep at all. Tossing and turning until 3am. At that stage I got up and browsed the web for an hour just to do something. Back to bed at 4 and I don't think I got to sleep until 6am. Just in time to make sure I slept it out for work. I'm absolutely wrecked now. This is not helping. That little bastard Mr. Nicotine is playing dirty tricks now messing with my sleep.

Today will be tough. I'm tired & cranky - not a good combination for not smoking. But I'll hang tough. I can take one positive - all that time awake in bed I didn't actually crave a cigarette. But today will be hour by hour I think.

Thanks for the posts of support and encouragement. I do appreciate them and they do help - especially today with the mood I'm in after my sleep deprivation. Hopefully I'll report back a successful Day 5 later. (jebus - only day 5 - this has been a long week so far).

Stay strong, you are doing fantastically well. The worst is over, you've come a long way!
The good news is you will never, ever have to do those 5 days again ... once you stay strong.

Keep it up, it's worth it more than you can begin to imagine right now.

sold

Macros42 wrote: »

Day 4 continued: Well I've just had a really crap night. Barely got any sleep at all. Tossing and turning until 3am.

Many Irish don't like it but try 1 or 2 cuts of camomile tea. Really does help.

Ahsurelookit

On day 5 myself. Am relating to a lot in your posts, well done and keep up the good work. Im so mad at myself for ever starting- I am an addict now going through withdrawl, it sounds ridiculous and exaggerated but its true. Luckily I havent experienced the sleeplessness (I bet that sentence just tempted faith) today was a bit tougher than the other days,not sure why. Think I may have had a very slight panic attack before logging on whilst just sitting watching tv, I didnt even feel like I was having a craving. How could I ever enjoy (ok, love.) something that has caused this hell?

Orion

Ahsurelookit wrote: »

On day 5 myself. Am relating to a lot in your posts,

That's kind of why I'm doing this. Like I said in the OP this thread is pure honesty. If I fail I'll post it here first. And that is one incentive not to fail. And I hope that others are reading this who gave up at New Year's and are identifying with it as you are. Like you said we are addicts. This isn't a support group - it's essentially my quitlog - but I hope it helps others as it's helping me to air it.

I'm sure there are plenty of other lurkers here reading this thread and hoping I take a drag before they do

Which nicely leads me on to .... (cue drum roll)

Day 5: I'm not sure how - but I did it. If you read my post this morning you may have noticed that I wasn't feeling as upbeat as in previous posts. I was tired/cranky/feeling very sorry for myself. Some workmates would attest to that too - I was not the best person to be around in work today. I still am pitying myself to an extent but I'm consoling myself that it's almost midnight and I've made it through another day.

It was a tough day - cravings came and went. But tiredness made old habits come to the fore. Three times today I deliberately succumbed to the habits and headed down the stairs and outside. But then instead of turning left out the door to the smoking area I turned right and went for a short walk. The walks brought me back by the smoking area but by then I was ok. Hey - it worked. Mightn't work for everyone - the temptation to turn left was strong - but it worked for me.

Btw - does anyone know where the Giving Up Gum forum is? I'm taking out shares in Wrigley's at this stage

Time for some acknowledgements - anonymous but they know who they are
First and foremost - Mrs. Macros: there must be some psychic power there somewhere because both today and yesterday she rang me at my lowest ebb to give me a boost and it really helped. Double points for putting up with my irritability at home.
A friend in work - lets me rant and moan and whinge but if she saw me attempt to bum a smoke off anyone she would kick my ass.
And top of the list: my twin girls. Although they don't really know why I'm such a cranky bastard at the moment they know it's something to do with quitting smokes and they are happy with that. They are one of the top reasons I'm quitting. On Sunday we overheard them talking to each other discussing that my heart is turning red again now that I'm not smoking and not black and dying How could I let them down after that :eek:

Ok tired now - bedtime. Tomorrow (assuming I make it through Day 6) I'll mention a goal I've given myself. Any current smokers may want to look away - this involves exercise

It involves two wheels, two feet and a paddle

.

dubsgirl

Well done Mac - Am enjoying reading your posts as it's giving me confidence about my own imminent quite date. Started on the Champix this morning.

Day 6 now keep it up - I'd say your girls are so proud

terenc

Well done Macros, just reading your posts and I really feel for you,its not easy to stop smoking but I believe your well on the way to kicking the habit.:)

Orion

Day 6: Not a bad day at all. Daytime anyway. Went fine craving wise. Took two of those walks I mentioned before but they're an aid for me so that's ok. This evening wasn't good tho. Not sure why but the desire for 'just one' went into overdrive. Jebus was I snappy. I'm not sure how Mrs. Mac put up with me tonight. I was a dick to her. She said some unreasonably normal things to me - of course I snapped at her. I mean what kind of bitch is normal and reasonable - how dare she! We survived tho. I left her to watch Spiral and pissed off to play Eve. It's good to have distance sometimes

I still didn't smoke tho!

So as for my goal. (Smokers may want to look away - there are no more spoiler tags :P).

http://gaelforceevents.com/connemara/

I've signed up for that. Me! I don't do exercise. Walking up a stairs is too much like work. But I've signed up for that! I bought a bike over Christmas. I've even done 2 * 12km rides. I bought good running shoes yesterday - this weekend they'll get their first airing in Carton House - probably the 3km trail.

Lunchtime today went for a swim in the Markiewicz pool - I actually swam 300m! There were breaks during it but I did 300m!!!! This is good. I'm not breaking any records of course but the fact that I managed 300m in 30mins is astounding to me. Next week I'll be looking for 350m. Maybe even 400m!

And then there's the real goal: http://gaelforceevents.com/west/
I'm going to enter that too. It's only 65Km in one day including running up a ****ing mountain! I can do that .... possibly. Hopefully. Most importantly I will still be a smokefree zone at that stage ... that's the key part.

InTheTrees

Exercise helps on so many ways.

It diverts you from the cravings, it uses up nervous energy and helps your sleeping. It gives you something to measure progress by as you improve, and it gives you a goal.

Soon you'll crave the endorphin buzz more than the nicotine buzz...

Hang in there!

TomTom

I too am giving up, but I'm only day 4. I started on Monday as I worked a bit over christmas and wanted to enjoy last weekend as it was one of my few nights out. I found yesterday to be a bitch. I was stuck in that Dublin traffic madness for 4 hours, got stranded up here so had to book into a hotel away from wife and kid. was tempted so many many times but came through. I gave up before for 6 months and I find after a week it gets so much easier.

Keep writing in here as its giving me comparisions as your that few days ahead of me.

Orion

Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an addict. It has been one week since my last cigarette.

Here ends my Day 7 report.



Balls it ends here ... a week? WTF? I've actually lasted a week! That's it I'm sorted now - I can afford to get complacent. I might even reward myself with just one cig tomorrow. After a week one can't do any harm - it's just a little reward. ........ Believe me - that's how I feel right now. Daytime in work is fine - it's at home I get the big cravings. I'm not going to have one tomorrow - I know that 'just one' is a slippery slope. I'm a non-smoker now and I will not give in to that temptation. But I need to keep positive and alert because I can see how easily I could slide back at any time. I must stay strong and I will. I will. I will.

Orion

TomTom wrote: »

I too am giving up, but I'm only day 4. I started on Monday as I worked a bit over christmas and wanted to enjoy last weekend as it was one of my few nights out. I found yesterday to be a bitch. I was stuck in that Dublin traffic madness for 4 hours, got stranded up here so had to book into a hotel away from wife and kid. was tempted so many many times but came through. I gave up before for 6 months and I find after a week it gets so much easier.

Keep writing in here as its giving me comparisions as your that few days ahead of me.

tbh being stuck in that crap would have made me find a garage and get some solace in a paper tube full of brown leaves. Good man - I feel your pain - we can do this together. Day 3 was my worst day too. I still get major cravings but day 3 was just one big day-long craving. I really think that was the hump I needed to get over. Not that I'm out of the woods yet. But it's getting easier.

I assume your wife is supportive too - my partner is - and it really helps so much. Truth be told Mrs Mac is being a saint. If I thought I'd get looked after this well I'd have quit years ago

Keep it going brother - we can do it

InTheTrees

Macros42 wrote: »

Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an addict. It has been one week since my last cigarette.

Well Done!!!

Zombienosh

Macros42 wrote: »

Balls it ends here ... a week? WTF? I've actually lasted a week! That's it I'm sorted now - I can afford to get complacent. I might even reward myself with just one cig tomorrow. After a week one can't do any harm - it's just a little reward. ........ Believe me - that's how I feel right now.

HAH! I did the exact same thing when i quit, i convinced myself at the start its just a test to see if i can last a week and then i can smoke again. then after a week i didnt want to ruin the good work id done, so i said a month! i can smoke again after a month, then i didnt want to ruin that. and so on.

im now nearly 5 months free.

terenc

Macros42 wrote: »

Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an addict. It has been one week since my last cigarette.

Here ends my Day 7 report.



Balls it ends here ... a week? WTF? I've actually lasted a week! That's it I'm sorted now - I can afford to get complacent. I might even reward myself with just one cig tomorrow. After a week one can't do any harm - it's just a little reward. ........ Believe me - that's how I feel right now. Daytime in work is fine - it's at home I get the big cravings. I'm not going to have one tomorrow - I know that 'just one' is a slippery slope. I'm a non-smoker now and I will not give in to that temptation. But I need to keep positive and alert because I can see how easily I could slide back at any time. I must stay strong and I will. I will. I will.

Great stuff steve went through something similar work no problems and I thought work would be the front line where the battles would be ongoing .Went home and all I wanted was cig why!!! it dawned on me because I was chilling out relaxing no pressures , I had made myself stronger on one front and another front opened .Its ongoing and its hard so fecking hard. But the longer you keep of them the easier it gets[

Orion

Macros42 wrote: »

Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an addict. It has been one week since my last cigarette.

Hello. My name is Steve and I'm an addict. It has been one minute since my last cigarette.

Crap Crap Crap.

I had a big fight with Mrs. Macros tonight. I ended up getting in the car and driving up the road to buy some cigs. I turned around before leaving the estate and came home without getting them. Then half an hour later I got back in the car and completed the journey.

Bollox.

Back to square one. I did 8 full days. I can do it again. Starting tomorrow.. Fuck it. I'm actually smoking a second one right now. It tastes horrible. Why did I do this? FFS - I lasted 8 days - why not another one night? I'm nearly crying typing this.

Tomorrow is Day 1 again ... maybe ... hopefully. I hate myself right now.

dollyk

I get there all the time, seems like a good idea to smoke just one, it didnt solve anything but we believe at the time it will. just write down how you felt after smoking, then when you try again, you can read your own words and believe it will not be a magic wand to solve problems. and you were quite right , we are addicts, this just proves it . good luck with the next try.

also day 5 till about day 21, brain working overtime to desensitize all the millions of receptors we have grown to allow for nicotine. read up on it at whyquit.com. really helps to see the realistic side of addiction, they have videos to listen to from day 1 to day 14.