Not doing the Santa thing

ebmma

We're expecting our 1st next year and (given the type of season ) the whole Santa thing came up...

The thing is I don't think I'll be comfortable doing it. I never believed in Santa as a child and my OH being no. 7 in his family found out pretty early. However, Christmas is still a magical time for us even though we're over-grown kids in our twenties . It is a time of pretty trees, beautiful lights and decorations, nice food, meeting nice people and getting presents from people who care. Sometimes I feel like we're in a minority, but the magic is not lost on us even though Santa has nothing to do with it.

so...I was just thinking if it'll be that horrible if we just don't bring the Santa thing up?
We're not militant about it, there are just some things we don't end up doing..(like getting a tv:D).

anyone has experience in not doing Santa?

sarahlulu

would be very hard to pull this off once your child starts to socialise with other children

jhegarty

Why does Santa come to billy and tommy but not me ?

Ickle Magoo

We do as little of Santa as we can get away with. Tbh, we found it nigh on impossible not to do Santa. Too many pictures, references to, "what is Santa bringing you this year", etc, etc, etc type things.

If there was no Santa then question would be asked, both from our kids and of our kids - so they get a stocking filled with mini-cereals, fruit and a giant toblerone and everything else from people who exist and they can thank. It's the same way my folks did it and we find it works pretty well as a compromise.

ebmma

jhegarty wrote: »

Why does Santa come to billy and tommy but not me ?

because all families are different?
Not like he won't be getting any presents

rosebill

Hi
Would he get or be given the impression (when he's about 4-5) that he got no Santa because he was naughty, (You know Santa knows whether you have been naughty or nice.) and there is nothing like the magic for them when they really believe, so maybe think about how to make it magicial while he believes and all just enjoy it:)

quinnthebin

ebmma wrote: »

However, Christmas is still a magical time for us even though we're over-grown kids in our twenties . It is a time of pretty trees, beautiful lights and decorations, nice food, meeting nice people and getting presents from people who care. Sometimes I feel like we're in a minority, but the magic is not lost on us even though Santa has nothing to do with it.

No question you are in a minority (in this part of the world) if you're discounting santa - It's a tough call - my main concern would be how the child (when they're of an age) would relate the home experience with the feedback from their friends who santa comes to. Maybe you already have an answer to that if it was your own experience as a child. Guess it's all down to personal experiences - we all relate to what we've known as children. But personally for what it's worth (and I know it's not answering your question) I feel it's one of those magical experiences of childhood that can't be replicated or replaced at any other stage of life. there may not be that much magic out there after growing up.

TheMilkyPirate

If your still going to give the child presents then why not do santa?

nesf

He or she will be bombarded with Santa images and stories from outside the house. From a practical point of view it's easier to go along with it rather than have to give the "he doesn't really exist" talk to a 2 or 3 year old who will promptly go and tell their preschool friends or whatever about how Santa doesn't exist making a whole lot of trouble for a bunch of other parents and quite possibly some very upset little kids.

Honestly, I figured it out early and was never really that into the whole Santa thing as a kid but we did do it for our firstborn and he really really got into it and enjoys the idea of it. It's just some harmless fantasy for a young child and it's far easier to follow the outside trend in these things than to buck it (i.e. because it's really such a trivial thing why go to the stress and bother of not playing along?). It's not that it'll be bad for your child but if he's socialising with other young kids it could create problems for their parents or kids etc. It's fine if you can surround your child in a bubble until they're 5 or so when they might (if you're lucky) be mature enough to not bring up the topic around other kids but a younger child just won't get why he or she shouldn't tell other kids that "Actually, Santa doesn't exist!" and so on.

Ickle Magoo

baraca wrote: »

If your still going to give the child presents then why not do santa?

Some people think that getting a gazillion presents from a made up entity isn't actually that important. Santa started out giving to the poor children, then gave a lump of coal, then a sweetie to every kid. Now some poor kids think that an X-box, a bike and half a dozen other things are conjured up by "Santa" while mum & dad get them a lousy sweater. We prefer to do things the other way around - what's so terrible about that?

nomad4life

ebmma wrote: »

We're expecting our 1st next year and (given the type of season ) the whole Santa thing came up...

The thing is I don't think I'll be comfortable doing it. I never believed in Santa as a child and my OH being no. 7 in his family found out pretty early. However, Christmas is still a magical time for us even though we're over-grown kids in our twenties . It is a time of pretty trees, beautiful lights and decorations, nice food, meeting nice people and getting presents from people who care. Sometimes I feel like we're in a minority, but the magic is not lost on us even though Santa has nothing to do with it.

so...I was just thinking if it'll be that horrible if we just don't bring the Santa thing up?
We're not militant about it, there are just some things we don't end up doing..(like getting a tv:D).

anyone has experience in not doing Santa?

We didn't believe in Santa when we were kids and neither have my siblings with any of my nieces and nephews. It was never an issue. My nieces and nephews are all between 3 and 8 and they all know that Santa is like the tooth fairy or easter bunny - a fun idea. They get presents form family and we still address a few presents form Santa and they have fun trying to figure out which family member is Santa and who the gift is from. They also still like Easter Egg hunts even though they know there is no giant bunny laying them and waking up to money under their pillow even though they know there is no tooth fairy. So it can still be fun for them without the belief that it is real. None of them or us as kids asked why me or not me - we understood that different families do things differently.

ebmma

baraca wrote: »

If your still going to give the child presents then why not do santa?

Because it is difficult for me. It goes against the usual advice people give on parenting 'try your best and do what comes naturally'.

Well, Santa just doesn't come naturally to me
I just don't understand why you can't exchange presents for the sake of being nice to your friends and family...

Actually my most vivid Santa memory from childhood is my mum giving out to me with tears in her eyes about not believing (and all kids supposed to). Wasn't nice. I know I'm not her, but I just don't have a fun image of it all and it'll be hard to create it from scratch if necessary.

ebmma

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Some people think that getting a gazillion presents from a made up entity isn't actually that important. Santa started out giving to the poor children, then gave a lump of coal, then a sweetie to every kid. Now some poor kids think that an X-box, a bike and half a dozen other things are conjured up by "Santa" while mum & dad get them a lousy sweater. We prefer to do things the other way around - what's so terrible about that?

My frind's parents told her that Santa used to bring presents to children long-long time ago but he's long dead now and parents get presents instead now to keep up the good tradition I thought it was amusing.

itz me

there is nothing like seeing your child's face when they wake up on christmas morning and they see that this magical man has left them something special...its not about the money...its about the meaning...give your child the right to a christmas and dont be such a meany

Ickle Magoo

ebmma wrote: »

My frind's parents told her that Santa used to bring presents to children long-long time ago but he's long dead now and parents get presents instead now to keep up the good tradition I thought it was amusing.

That's just mean.



:pac:

ebmma

itz me wrote: »

there is nothing like seeing your child's face when they wake up on christmas morning and they see that this magical man has left them something special...its not about the money...its about the meaning...give your child the right to a christmas and dont be such a meany

why is it not magical to get surprise presents from your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc? Isn't it nice to know how many different nice real people actually care about you?

ebmma

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

That's just mean.



:pac:

she didn't seem to mind at the time, maybe was old enough or something..

Ickle Magoo

I wasn't being wholly serious, I popped a wee pacman in at the bottom there. :P

LegacyUser

nomad4life wrote: »

We didn't believe in Santa when we were kids and neither have my siblings with any of my nieces and nephews. It was never an issue. My nieces and nephews are all between 3 and 8 and they all know that Santa is like the tooth fairy or easter bunny - a fun idea. They get presents form family and we still address a few presents form Santa and they have fun trying to figure out which family member is Santa and who the gift is from. They also still like Easter Egg hunts even though they know there is no giant bunny laying them and waking up to money under their pillow even though they know there is no tooth fairy. So it can still be fun for them without the belief that it is real. None of them or us as kids asked why me or not me - we understood that different families do things differently.

It is kids like this that ruin the magic for other kids by telling them Santa is not real.

nesf

ebmma wrote: »

why is it not magical to get surprise presents from your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc? Isn't it nice to know how many different nice real people actually care about you?

Because there's no fantasy or big story when mommy or daddy gives you a present ergo not very magical. Plus, aren't presents from grandparents, uncles etc not normally given to the kid by the giver not "Santa"?

Ickle Magoo

Well, we only got a nominal gift from Santa and Christmas was and always has been my favourite time of year. I still didn't know what prezzies I was getting and I knew I would have a fabulous day with my family and seeing all my cousins and relatives - I don't think building up some super-duper fantasy story about a make-believe present giver which will turn out to be a complete lie is a pre-requisite of a magical christmas, tbh.

MissHoneyBun

ebmma wrote: »

Because it is difficult for me.

I have a feeling you might be doing a few things that are 'difficult' for you once your baby arrives. People call it making sacrifices for their children. To be honest, I think it's cruel that you would deprive your child of something as big as Santa just because you can't be arsed trying.

LordSutch

Believing in Santa was certainly a very 'magical' & wonderful part of my childhood, and one which I will definately pass on to my children ..........

The pillow case which I left at the end of my bed was always filled with Santa's presents, (bicycle aside) with Mum & Dads presents always wrapped & under the Christmas tree. (I was 10/11 when I was told that Santa wasn't real).

Beautiful memories.

am i bovvered

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I have a feeling you might be doing a few things that are 'difficult' for you once your baby arrives. People call it making sacrifices for their children. To be honest, I think it's cruel that you would deprive your child of something as big as Santa just because you can't be arsed trying.

Have agree with this, there are some credible reasons why a parent would not allow their child to have the "santa" experience but to decide now that your child won't because it did not mean much to you is a little selfish.
As you say, you are going to buy a present anyway, why not let it be from Santa, its nice to try and preserve a little piece of "unreality" in a childs life these days.

quickbeam

You'd certainly be in the minority if you don't do Santa, but that's not to say you'll be the only ones. There are a significant number of parents who don't do Santa for different reasons. I wouldn't do Santa if I had children.

Do Santa if you want, and don't if you don't want. But don't do it just because it's what everybody else does.

Any kids I know who know the truth about Santa have been good at keeping the secret and not spilling the beans to kids who do believe.

eviltwin

Its a wonderful part of christmas having a little person who believes in santa but if its something you feel strongly about then dont do it. Its hardly child abuse. But to not bother trying just makes me wonder if you really have any concept about what goes into raising a child...you have to make so many sacrifices and you'll have to do many things you have no desire to do. Its what parenting is all about.

One thing though is if you do let them know that its really mum and dad supplying the gifts - please make sure they dont tell any of their friends. It would be horrible to have another child's belief ruined by a little kid who doesn't know any better

ebmma

Wow, had no idea that this affects my total parenting abilities, thanks :rolleyes:

eviltwin

Its very easy to say you won't buy into it when you don't have kids. Come back in a few years lol

I know I had a list of things junior would not be allowed to do or would have restriced access to...tv, sweets, junk food etc

Sometimes the best of intentions go totally by the wayside

And for the record I'm not saying people who dont allow their kids to buy into santa are bad parents or not fit for the job but its probably the least "difficult" thing you will have to do once your child arrives.

metrovelvet

Everything under my tree is from Santa. It would be suicidal for my son to think obtaining all those toys and sweets are within human powers. He would be asking everyday for more trains and tracks. Nope. Its once a year and yes its by magic. Oh, and be careful with the new blasphemy laws saying there is no santa.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

nesf wrote: »

He or she will be bombarded with Santa images and stories from outside the house. From a practical point of view it's easier to go along with it rather than have to give the "he doesn't really exist" talk to a 2 or 3 year old who will promptly go and tell their preschool friends or whatever about how Santa doesn't exist making a whole lot of trouble for a bunch of other parents and quite possibly some very upset little kids.

That's not the OP's problem...

ebmma wrote: »

Because it is difficult for me. It goes against the usual advice people give on parenting 'try your best and do what comes naturally'.

Well, Santa just doesn't come naturally to me
I just don't understand why you can't exchange presents for the sake of being nice to your friends and family...

Actually my most vivid Santa memory from childhood is my mum giving out to me with tears in her eyes about not believing (and all kids supposed to). Wasn't nice. I know I'm not her, but I just don't have a fun image of it all and it'll be hard to create it from scratch if necessary.

IF you do not believe that this is the right way to raise your child, then don't do it. Following the sheep isn't the answer. Do what you think is right. Those less ignorant will support your decision either way... Ignore the rest.

drkpower

ebmma wrote: »

Because it is difficult for me. It goes against the usual advice people give on parenting 'try your best and do what comes naturally'.

Well, Santa just doesn't come naturally to me
I just don't understand why you can't exchange presents for the sake of being nice to your friends and family...

Actually my most vivid Santa memory from childhood is my mum giving out to me with tears in her eyes about not believing (and all kids supposed to). Wasn't nice. I know I'm not her, but I just don't have a fun image of it all and it'll be hard to create it from scratch if necessary.

You seem to be letting your own memories interfere with what is best for your kid. I there are reasons that you think the Santa myth is bad for the kid, then good for you. But why let your own memories or apparent difficulty with Santa 'comimg naturally' affect what experiences your kid has. You dont need to believe yourself, you know:rolleyes:.

And, of course, you can and should exchange gifts with other members of the family. Why not just make the Santa thing a token issue, and make the 'main' present from you?

I wouldnt say you are a bad parent for not 'doing Santa' but if you are only not doing it because you never really got into it yourself, then yes, that is bad parenting. Do something based on its merits, not because of your own particular experiences, particularly if they were negative childhood experiences which almost always take on something of a life of their own.