Not doing the Santa thing

Ickle Magoo

metrovelvet wrote: »

You are thinking in literal terms again. To spell it out for you, I would use finger puppets but they are probably too fictional and might confuse you even more, I was using that quote to illustrate the link between puritanical thought and the secular prohibition of Santa.

I.know.I.was.joking.good.too.see.I'm.not.the.only.puritanical.literalist.

metrovelvet

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I.know.I.was.joking.good.too.see.I'm.not.the.only.puritanical.literalist.

Sure you were.hysterical.what a knee slapper.

Ickle Magoo

Oh metrovelvet, you are a hoot. :pac:

Brethitmanhart

I really think you should let your child believe in Santa.
It's by far the best memories of my childhood, waiting on christmas eve etc.
I always think that parents who tell their kids too early or try to hog the limelight off santa (e.g Getting a tiny Santa gift and massive one off them) are mean and selfish.

When they grow up they'll know that the gifts were from you and they will be happy anyway.
I think you are taking away something magical by taking away Santa Claus.

Then you get into the problems with other parents/other kids...I think you'd be piling on extra hassle to yourself.
All other kids will be able to sing Christmas songs at their school concerts and talk about Santa and yours will be a non believer, who'll get the same presents but I don't think there'll be the same magic.
It's really the best thing about Childhood.

That's my opinion on it anyway.

ebmma

nlgbbbblth wrote: »

Not doing Santa and not owning a television: do these two things always go hand in hand or is it just my imagination? :rolleyes:

For some people maybe
We had a TV, then moved to a new flat and forgot to hook it up. Just never happened. Then we gave it away and bought a projector coz we got sick of paying license for something we don't use.

I don't think tv is the devil or anything.

ebmma

Sorry for not contributing much to my own thread - was away for holidays

I think some people really got me wrong. I'll try to clarify..

1) I am not against Santa a such. I am not going to base xmas on 'no Santa'. Not going to sit my son down and explain to him that 'Santa is bs'. If anything I just won't feel like mentioning Santa at all until he starts asking questions himself.

2) I find remarks on my general parenting ability based on my worries about Santa hurtful. Maybe I am overthinking, but surely it is better to think about things like that in advance??

3) Yes, my own experience is influencing how I feel about this. How else can it be? That's why I'm asking about other people's opinions/experiences.
I don't want to do what my parents did when they put no effort whatsoever but still expect the 'happy Santa believing child' and got pissed off when I was not matching their expectations.
That's why I'm asking what it is about Santa thing was great that if I have to do I can do it properly.

4) I don't have a problem telling about Santa. I have some problem with making stuff up later on like 'Santa sends parents a bill for toys' sort of stories.

hopefully it'll clarify things somewhat...I'm really not an evil party pooper, promise

~me~

DinoBot wrote: »

Just reading over some of the comments here makes me laugh, people really can't see beyond their own little lives. Do people understand that some people have different beliefs, alot of different faiths don't do Santa, muslims, jehovah's witnesses, hindus, bahai.
Does this make all these people 'bad parents' ?? I suppose a school system which isolates kids of different faiths has this effect so its to be expected, but it still surprises me to hear it still in 2010.

I'm gonna be honest, this irritated me on many different levels.

Firstly, the majority of people who posted were actually seeing far beyond 'their own little lives', that was in actual fact their whole point. There are other kids to think of. I remember one child who was told santa wasnt real, she told everyone and there was a big hulabaloo about it at school because she upset alot of kids (and parents for that matter!). thats what the majority of posters have said, its going to affect other kids too and bring up alot of questions.

Secondly, the different faiths issue, I'll agree with you partly on the fact that schools do isolate kids of different faiths to some degree, however I dont think that has much relevancy to the thread. Many different faiths don't do santa, but the OP has asked if she should and didnt mention her faith so most people felt it was safe to assume her faith didnt constrict her options. obviously some faiths do but i think posters know that, it just wasnt the issue here.

Myself and my daughters father are atheist, and we both believe that its up to our daughter to decide upon her own religion/lack thereof in her own time. we have never baptised her into the catholic church despite the fact that it could influence what school she is accepted into, but the way we see it is if shes baptised into a church then its an official link with the church which she may not like, whereas if shes not baptised and then decides she wants to be then she has that choice. basically we dont want to take away her choice by baptising her.

With santa, if you tell your child hes not real, you've taken away that magical experience, the choice for your child to believe. whereas if you go along with it and one day your child asks you about santa and you tell them, it was their decision to ask you and they got the choice to experience the magic. its better to let them experience it and think it was stupid/weird/whatever, than not go along with it and have your child maybe resent the fact that they never had the whole santa thing. its not like you've to baptise them into it or anything, like its not an official definitive choice you've to make (like religion), just go with it and see how it goes.

Also, on another note, my daughter at two years old was still waking for a bottle during the night (she has digestive issues too which had a part to play in the whole thing as she found it difficult to eat and the milk filled her up) but we could not get her off it and we needed to for her treatment, she would sob for hours til we gave in. she was also dependent upon a soother to settle at night.

this year santa came one night a few weeks before xmas and took her soother and bottle (we decided that if she had to physically give it to santa that it would ruin santa ), the following morning santa wanted to say thank you for the soother and bottle so we went to his house and she got a gift from him and we did the whole tell santa what you want, etc. she loved christmas so much that shes still talking about it and not once has she cried at night for her soother/bottle. so, it does have its benefits!

she got a cheap buggy, a doll from tescos and two other toys. her stocking was filled with necessities, knife and fork set, flask, pjs, things like that. it wasnt overly materialistic and tbh i think she preferred the idea of santa more than the toys.

wow i babble on alot!
just saying theres more to it than just doing it cause everyone else does.

metrovelvet

That stinks. That reminds me of my mother who used to give out nuts and raisins on holloween. Bah.

Dudess

I don't see evidence of your parenting abilities being put into question at all, Ebmma - just opinions you don't appear to like reading, with respect.

Plus, you appear to disapprove of your own parents' approach (correct me if I'm wrong) by saying they didn't bother making any effort - what do you mean by that?

Ickle Magoo

ebmma wrote: »

Sorry for not contributing much to my own thread - was away for holidays

I think some people really got me wrong. I'll try to clarify..

1) I am not against Santa a such. I am not going to base xmas on 'no Santa'. Not going to sit my son down and explain to him that 'Santa is bs'. If anything I just won't feel like mentioning Santa at all until he starts asking questions himself.

2) I find remarks on my general parenting ability based on my worries about Santa hurtful. Maybe I am overthinking, but surely it is better to think about things like that in advance??

3) Yes, my own experience is influencing how I feel about this. How else can it be? That's why I'm asking about other people's opinions/experiences.
I don't want to do what my parents did when they put no effort whatsoever but still expect the 'happy Santa believing child' and got pissed off when I was not matching their expectations.
That's why I'm asking what it is about Santa thing was great that if I have to do I can do it properly.

4) I don't have a problem telling about Santa. I have some problem with making stuff up later on like 'Santa sends parents a bill for toys' sort of stories.

hopefully it'll clarify things somewhat...I'm really not an evil party pooper, promise

I think when you have kids you just fall into a way of doing things that you/you & your OH/your family are happy with. There are things I thought I would hate which I love and bits I thought we'd get a kick out of that we don't.

I would advise you not to rule anything out and when the time comes just go with your gut, whether that means compromising, going with the flow or puting your foot down. Parents love their kids, they generally don't do anything unless they think it's for the best in the long run - there is always debate and proclamations from all and sundry about how things SHOULD be done - you'll get used to that too & just find your own way.

At the end of the day, your kids and how happy and contented they are with the 18+yrs you lived together will be the only judge of your parenting. Best of luck.

Lillylilly

I grew up not believing in Santa due to religious beliefs followed by my parents. I am agnostic now, and will not tell my children about Santa- I just don't think there is a need. There is magic, excitement and adventure in the world as it is, I won't need to lie to my children about a fictitious man bringing them presents to see joy in their faces.
I always appreciated my parents for buying me and my brothers presents, even though money was tight. It meant more to me, and looking back, means so much to me, knowing my parents loved me enough to buy me presents. I wasn't outcasted amongst my peers as a child because of it- people just knew Santa did not come to me.
I knew there was no Santa. When I was old enough to ask what the Santa fuss was about, my folks told me that my friends believed that Santa gave them presents but it was really their parents. Simple as that. I was entrusted with this info and they told me not to ruin the story for my friends. It made me feel all grown up!
I'd imagine that you'll get away without having to answer any questions about it til your son is of playschool age. Your family and friends will know what decision you have made, so should respect that and not try to encourage Santa. If you make things age appropriate, and just explain the facts to your child, they'll understand. It won't be as confusing as some people think.

DinoBot

~me~ wrote: »

I'm gonna be honest, this irritated me on many different levels.

Secondly, the different faiths issue, I'll agree with you partly on the fact that schools do isolate kids of different faiths to some degree, however I dont think that has much relevancy to the thread. Many different faiths don't do santa, but the OP has asked if she should and didnt mention her faith so most people felt it was safe to assume her faith didnt constrict her options. obviously some faiths do but i think posters know that, it just wasnt the issue here.

.

I mentioned the faith issue because sometimes if a child in your school does not believe in santa there is a valid reason and its not simply down to just not doing it. I would see this the same as a child saying they have a different god or no god.

We should teach our children to except difference not be afraid of it. In my own experience its the parents who find difference difficult are the ones to cause most fuss when a child disbelieves in santa, and tells fellow class mates.

mariebeth

Honestly, why don't you just wait and see what kind of child you end up with? Your child might be like you, not really believing in Santa, or your child might be one of those kids that believes in magic and Santa and all those things. And is there any real harm in doing that? I think it's just one of those things that you'll have to wait and see and not stress too much over it, just figure out what kind of child you have in a couple of years, one that is fanciful and wants to believe, or one that is more logical & sensible.

Personally, I was one of the kind that loved the idea of Santa, and wanted so much to believe in magic, and I was gutted to discover that it wasn't all real. I'd nearly still believe at 26 if I could get away with it, so if your child does turn out like that, I wouldn't be in a hurry to take away your child's option of believing in magic.