Civil Ceremony Weddings

JellybeanJen

Hi All,

I'm planning to get married in 2011. I'm all for a Civil Ceremony in a hotel and my Fiancé is nearly there with me. However, he wants to have a small church blessing at a different time too so we'll be married in the eyes of the church.

Does anyone know if Priests will do this for us. Also can anyone advise on what the actual civil ceremony is like in the hotel? Can you add your own little bits or do you have to stick with the registrars script?

Thanks a million

JennyBeanJen

tatli_lokma

We had a civil ceremony and also enquired about a blessing so I'll rell you what I learned from my experience......

As far as the civil ceremony - we originally intended on the hotel, but then after looking into it we realised that there were also a lot of other options. In the end we had our ceremony in Ardgillan Castle and it was lovely. The ceremony can be as meaningful as you want, you just need to put the effort into chosing readings etc. We had music, resdings, poems, a candle lighting ceremony, chose our own vows etc so it was very personal and special. So if your HTB has a problem with a 'hotel ceremony' not being special, perhaps look into an alternative civil venue? there are also loads of lovely ideas for readings, poems etc to make it special and meaningful.

As for the blessing bit, we had a lot of trouble finding a priest agreeable to this. Basically for all that you hear about 'blessings' in the eyes of the catholic church there is no such thing - the only way to bless a union of man and woman is via the sacriment of marriage, i.e the whole shebang. You cannot have the sacriment if you have already had a civil ceremony, because to have the sacriment you need to show you are not already married nor ever have been - so civil ceremonies or divorced people are excluded.
So your options would be do one first, then the other. If you have the proper full sacriment of marriage in a church first, then later do the civil ceremony then I don't see the point in paying for a registrar to call out - just do the religious marriage. I also don't see why a priest would agree to marry you in the eyes of the church and not also make it legal - they might object to that, in which case your church wedding would be legal and true, so in that case the registrar would refuse to register you again!

If a 'blessing' is so important, the only way I can see you getting it is to find a sympathetic priest (family friend or some such). Then have your civil ceremony, and then either that same day after the civil ceremony or the next day/week have a low key informal 'church' blessing if you can find a priest to agree let you have it in an actual church. If you are lucky and find a priest to bless on the wedding day, then you must make it an entirely separate ceremony to the civil one, as there is no religious references allowed AT ALL in a civil ceremony.

HTH
Best of luck

oxegen85

I also plan to have a civil ceremony as Im not too religious and my fiancee is of a different faith and we wont be in ireland for a good while before marrying so its less hassle to have a civi ceremony. My question is would you be able to bring someone into the civil ceremony to marry you. My fiancee grew up with her friend and hes a pastor now and she would like him to marry us. Would you be able to do this in a civil ceremony?
Thanks.

Toots

They'd have to be on the HSE's civil registrar's list of solemnisers in order for the marriage to be legal.

oxegen85

Toots* wrote: »

They'd have to be on the HSE's civil registrar's list of solemnisers in order for the marriage to be legal.

hes from america... can he do something to get on this list or no??

BC

Its possible to become a temporary solemniser but i'm not sure whats involved.
Some info here: http://www.groireland.ie/getting_married.htm#section2
You'd probably need to phone the HSE to ask.

Tim Robbins

The Church of Ireland do blessings. No problem. Not a member but found this out when myself and wife were researching various options.

In fairness they seem a fairly sound bunch, like Catholics but with way less madness.

tatli_lokma

oxegen85 wrote: »

hes from america... can he do something to get on this list or no??

if he is a pastor and there is to be ANY kinof blessing then he cannot take part in the civil ceremony part - this must take part seperately as a HSE registrar performed wedding CANNOT have any religious connotations at all. We even had the registrar check the room just before the ceremony to check there were no crucifixes, pictures with any thing religious etc

pwalshy

Tim Robbins wrote: »

In fairness they seem a fairly sound bunch, like Catholics but with way less madness.

That made me chuckle on a fairly miserable day, thank you!

Well, we've been engaged over a year and have decided to bite the bullet and set a date for december (ish) Neither of us are particularly religious and were thinking a civil ceremony is the way to go for us as it seems to be more personal experience, having sat through both types of ceremonies before.

But, my uncle is a catholic priest (he's my godfather in fact) and he's returning to the country soon and announced he was so excited to perform our wedding.

I had been thinking that we could have our civil cermony but he could be there also throwing in the odd amen (don't mean that in a disrespectful way).

Can I take it from what I've read in previous posts that this isn't a possibility? Its one or the other? I've nothing against the concept of a religious ceremony, I just think that seeing as I don't go to church other than for other peoples weddings (and lets face it, I complain to himself the WHOLE way through!!) it would be a bit hypocritical to have one.

How Strange

pwalshy wrote: »

I had been thinking that we could have our civil cermony but he could be there also throwing in the odd amen (don't mean that in a disrespectful way).

No, unfortunately you can't any religious references or content in your civil ceremony. The HSE registrars are very clear about this and they will go through what you're including in your ceremony beforehand on the day to make sure it's compliant.

Maybe ask if he will do a blessing after. If he's willing to participate in a civil ceremony then he should be open to doing a blessing.

Sarai

Hi

Just wondering does anyone know if it is possible to have a civil ceremony wedding service on a sunday?

Thanks

blond45

Sarai wrote: »

Hi

Just wondering does anyone know if it is possible to have a civil ceremony wedding service on a sunday?

Thanks

no. sorry to say hse only does mon-fryday. we wanted to marry on the 14 last year . of course it landed on a saturday. so we did it on fri 13th. it was a great day. didnt care bout the date .

Sarai

blond45 wrote: »

no. sorry to say hse only does mon-fryday. we wanted to marry on the 14 last year . of course it landed on a saturday. so we did it on fri 13th. it was a great day. didnt care bout the date .

Thanks a mil for that.

Tim Robbins

pwalshy wrote: »

That made me chuckle on a fairly miserable day, thank you!

Well, we've been engaged over a year and have decided to bite the bullet and set a date for december (ish) Neither of us are particularly religious and were thinking a civil ceremony is the way to go for us as it seems to be more personal experience, having sat through both types of ceremonies before.

But, my uncle is a catholic priest (he's my godfather in fact) and he's returning to the country soon and announced he was so excited to perform our wedding.

I had been thinking that we could have our civil cermony but he could be there also throwing in the odd amen (don't mean that in a disrespectful way).

Can I take it from what I've read in previous posts that this isn't a possibility? Its one or the other? I've nothing against the concept of a religious ceremony, I just think that seeing as I don't go to church other than for other peoples weddings (and lets face it, I complain to himself the WHOLE way through!!) it would be a bit hypocritical to have one.

You could get him to say a prayer before the meal or something.

I don't evny your situation. Sounds like you are going to have to deal with some irrationality whatever you do.

Unwilling

We are meeting with the registrar at the end of this month, so I'm trying to get prepared.
Does anyone know for certain if the bride and groom can compose their own vows or use a poem for the vows, providing of course they are not religious.
There is a lovely poem, I PROMISE - Dorothy Colgan and I would love to use it as our vows!

Also, can anyone recommend readings? We'd like to involve some members of the family so need a couple of readings!?

Thank you for any advise.

cats.life

Unwilling wrote: »

We are meeting with the registrar at the end of this month, so I'm trying to get prepared.
Does anyone know for certain if the bride and groom can compose their own vows or use a poem for the vows, providing of course they are not religious.
There is a lovely poem, I PROMISE - Dorothy Colgan and I would love to use it as our vows!

Also, can anyone recommend readings? We'd like to involve some members of the family so need a couple of readings!?

Thank you for any advise.

you can do your own vows but you have to give them to the register see if she aprove of the words , id say its to do with the holy side of it .,, as for the reading and poems , i went into easons to get a book of poems, thare are lots of them, i looked tru the all and bought the one that dont mention religion,sorry i dont remember the name,,the thing you have to do is NOT TO PANICK, cos i did , the regristerer wasnt getting back to me when i sent in the stuff for our day, but she told me if they were not getting the stuff they would be on the fone to me..this time 2yrs ago all of this was ahead of us. we got married friday 13th, wanted feb 14 th but that was on a saturday hse dont do saturdays. i wrot all the invites myself, got them in easons,nice ones they have. we got my nephew (my godchild )to do a reading, he done it so good i cry,d cos i felt so proud of him doing a great job, hubbie got his daughter (from first marrige) to do the other, she also done a brill' job.. yes i got emotional when it was my turn for my words, we used the normal one as in I PROMISE JOE ,,,, iknew i woudnt get tru if we done our own. but i still cry,d of pure happiness that i was standing there with the man i love and still do. we had a buffet after which was great , everyone said that it was very well done by the hotel, all were happy, then disco started, he had tunes for every ones taste, jigs and reels etc. then he done the 80,s music everyone got up to boooooogie.,it was just like a party.

tatli_lokma

Unwilling wrote: »

Does anyone know for certain if the bride and groom can compose their own vows or use a poem for the vows, providing of course they are not religious.

absolutely you can! as you said once it doesn't mention holy god and the blessed virgin you'll be grand. As cats.life says the registrar will request a copy of what you want to say to ensure its not in any way religious, but thats all. Our registrar even let us say vows in another language! I provided her with a translation, and she took my word for it that it was not religious (I think she probably knew from my manner that the chances of anything holy joe were slim!)
the staff in the registrars office are really lovely and so helpful. don't be stressing it at all - its probably one of the easiest bits!

the internet is a great source of poems/readings (probably too much choice TBH) I looked there and then basically plagerised various parts of different poems/readings to make my own - even holy ones can give nice sentiments for a civil ceremony - just change the wording a bit.

HTH
Good luck with it all!

sorry -forgot to mention, your interview with registrar at this stage won't be to go through your ceremony etc, it is to get the legal bits out of the way, sign your declarations, etc etc. you will then be given your actual registrar who will be performing the ceremony - although this can change (due to holidays/sickness etc). Nearer the time you will then be in contact with your registrar to nail down the vows etc etc. but anything you are not sure about, just ask them when you have your interview and they will explain everything - like I said they are really very helpful.

JellybeanJen

Your ceremony sounds beautiful! I am so looking forward to planning our poems and vows. I'm delighted we can include close family members or friends to do readings too. I want it all to be as personal as possible!

Can you also have someone sing aswell as having one or two readers?

tatli_lokma

JellybeanJen wrote: »

Your ceremony sounds beautiful! I am so looking forward to planning our poems and vows. I'm delighted we can include close family members or friends to do readings too. I want it all to be as personal as possible!

Can you also have someone sing aswell as having one or two readers?

yes you can have singers, music, we had both, and a candle lighting ceremony. You can make it really very personal, provided you adhere to certain aspects of the ceremony which must be there for legal reasons, plus the order of service - other than that you can add in personal touches as you wish. There may however be time constraints - if you are having it in the registry office and there is a ceremony after you or if your registrar has to go to another venue after you. We had ours at 3.30 and the registrar had no other ceremonies after us, so our ceremony lasted about 45 mins.

cats.life

oooops forgot to mention the money that you willl have to hand over to the regristerer on the day of your interview, they do it by millage plus the cost of the cermony. 250.00 we payed plus millage. so beware of that, no one told us about the milage .hubbie just got payed that day so he had cash in pocket just aswell. oh yes there is a candell bit aswell , i got my niece to lite one , hubbie got nephew to lit the other, anyone you choose must be over 18. you have a choice of being brought up the isle if there is one by dad or brother, or if you want togo up your self. i chose brother as my mum and dad are not with us. reason why i wanted all my family to do all the bits for that day is cos of that. if you forget anything when you leave the meeting that day just call them , they wont mind. we had our cermony at 4pm , its what i wanted, you can try and ask for that time . when are ye getting married, is it next year? if so you mite have a choice of time, fingers crossed.

JellybeanJen

We are getting married Oct 2011. Having the ceremony in the Hotel at 2pm. So many people have told me the day just flies so I want to start early, have it all under one roof to save time on travel and photo destinations!! The registrar quoted me €150 + mileage in February when I booked her. Do you think there is a cost for the registrary office use? Can't see why one would be 100 dearer than the other otherwise

cats.life

JellybeanJen wrote: »

We are getting married Oct 2011. Having the ceremony in the Hotel at 2pm. So many people have told me the day just flies so I want to start early, have it all under one roof to save time on travel and photo destinations!! The registrar quoted me €150 + mileage in February when I booked her. Do you think there is a cost for the registrary office use? Can't see why one would be 100 dearer than the other otherwise

we had ours the same all under same roof, so good idea. how did ye get it for 150plus milage. we live in galway city. dont think they charge the office. but your not having it in the office so dont think so. thought as you be the same with all hse. very odd. where are you based and i,ll find out why 150 where you are and double in galway.

JellybeanJen

Based in Wexford and thats what I was quoted. I have a strange feeling now that it'll have changed!! I should have gotten a written quote!

cats.life

JellybeanJen wrote: »

Based in Wexford and thats what I was quoted. I have a strange feeling now that it'll have changed!! I should have gotten a written quote!

have you paid yet. call them first thing in morning and let us know.

JellybeanJen

No I haven't paid yet. I'll call them tomorrow and see.

tatli_lokma

JellybeanJen wrote: »

Based in Wexford and thats what I was quoted. I have a strange feeling now that it'll have changed!! I should have gotten a written quote!

well we only paid €150 + €75 (or so) mileage. And we are in Dublin, got married in Co Dublin, registrar had to travel about 25 or so miles to our venue.

The mileage amount can change though! when I first got quoted I was told its about €1 per km so was thinking about €40-50, but when they actually worked it out it was more than €1 per km, closer to €2. Can't remember the exact figure, but it was around €75 or €80.

and you don't have to pay the mileage there and then on the day - you can phone them with credit card or send in a cheque at a later stage.

John Mason

blond45 wrote: »

no. sorry to say hse only does mon-fryday. we wanted to marry on the 14 last year . of course it landed on a saturday. so we did it on fri 13th. it was a great day. didnt care bout the date .

you can get a humanist priest to marry on a sunday

dawnymac

irishbird wrote: »

you can get a humanist priest to marry on a sunday

Hi IrishBird, my understanding is that Humanists are ceremonies are not legally binding, is that still the case? We are getting married in Sept 2011 and for various reasons are getting married on a Saturday. It looks like we will have to do a small registry office thing on the Friday and then hold some form of ceremony on the Saturday. It's not ideal but seem to be the only way of doing it if you aren't getting married "in the Church".

I'd love to hear if anyone has come up with any other ideas or alternatives!

Ginny

Not completely civil, but the unitarian church on St. Stephens green does Sunday services, it can be as religious or as non religious as you like, and its legally binding.

dawnymac

Ginny wrote: »

Not completely civil, but the unitarian church on St. Stephens green does Sunday services, it can be as religious or as non religious as you like, and its legally binding.

Hi Ginny, thanks for that, we are based in Kerry so St. Stephen's Green is out! I'll keep an eye on this thread to see if anyone else has any great ideas. We can always just do the registry office thing on the Friday but it would be great if we could sort something out!

eyescreamcone

dawnymac wrote: »

Hi Ginny, thanks for that, we are based in Kerry so St. Stephen's Green is out! I'll keep an eye on this thread to see if anyone else has any great ideas. We can always just do the registry office thing on the Friday but it would be great if we could sort something out!

The unitarians will travel to your venue but you pay mileage - fair is fair.
We've booked them for Wicklow next year

There is a 'chapel' on site in The Brooklodge Hotel, Aughrim where we will have the ceremony and the reception is at the same venue in another building.
We intend to have a lot of churchy trimmings (for photos, walk down the aisle etc) but practically no god stuff in the ceremony.

Its legal as the unitarians are on the HSE solemisers list, so no civil ceremony needed. Also, they will do sat or sun weddings.

It's not for everybody but we can have everything we want without compromising or feeling like a hypocrite.