Asking men out

midlandsmissus

Hi,

I met this guy recently that I really like, and I'd really appreciate some male opinion on his behaviour, and on what I'm thinking of doing..

So I met him out over xmas, got on really well, swapped numbers. Ever since then we've been on the whole 'where are you heading out' buzz and just meeting up when we're heading out and talking then. We live in different places but go to the same town to go out. It hasn't evolved beyond that. And often his friends will want to go to one club and mine to another so we end up totally missing each other.

Hasn't progressed from there. He hasn't asked me out so he's just either not that interested, too shy, or just doesn't want anything serious. Also he lives with a load of single lads and they're all very jack the lad, so I think maybe he just doesn't want a girlfriend.
However I did meet one of his friends for the first time one night, he asked my name and said 'oh yeah xxxx has already mentioned you to me, that means something'.

Anyway, I've just moved away for work now and will only be able to get home some wknds. I know I'll hardly see him anymore unless we properly arrange it. So I'm thinking of asking him out....

He did text me this week asking how the new job was going and we were texting for a good while.

I'm thinking of just asking him does he want to meet up for a drink next time I'm home. It's scary stuff tho when I'ts some-one you really like! (i'm sure it is for men aswell). And its perceived among all my friends that it should be the man that does the asking, mainly because the woman should be seen as something hard to get??

I think alot of women don't like the idea of asking a man out, because they think men want to do the chasing, that women have to be hard to get, and that if the woman asks them out they will seen as too easy, and the man will then lose interest.

Is that a load of balls or do men really think this? I don't know what to do I know if I don't ask him out I won't see him again anyway as I'm hardly ever home, and that will be the end of that.

Thanks for any advice.

Canis Lupus

As long as you're reasonably good looking then just ask him. My GF, after apparently weeks of trying to show me signs had to practically sit me down and spell it out along with diagrams and pamphlets.

midlandsmissus

Canis Lupus wrote: »

As long as you're reasonably good looking then just ask him. My GF, after apparently weeks of trying to show me signs had to practically sit me down and spell it out along with diagrams and pamphlets.

Haha that's class, did she ask you out so?

He did tell me I was gorgeous and sexy, and he always tries to kiss me every time he sees me.

But this is always when we're both drunk in clubs though...

Ah feck it maybe I'll just ask him! so nervewracking though!

banquo

My gf was just a friend of mine until one day she looked really hot. So I kissed her. Together nearly two years.

It can work for you.

TechnoPool

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Haha that's class, did she ask you out so?

He did tell me I was gorgeous and sexy, and he always tries to kiss me every time he sees me.

But this is always when we're both drunk in clubs though...

Ah feck it maybe I'll just ask him! so nervewracking though!

worst he can say is no

Otis Driftwood

Ask him out,speaking from experience,a girl taking the initiative kicks an immense amount of ass,do it do it do it!

Oh,and good luck,let us know how you fair out.

rivermetimbers

yea, sounds like he maybe wants to ask you out alright, but the fact he lives with the lads might be a stumbling block, its early days, i would not panic yet and maybe give him a few more chances, you could lay it on fairly thick that you like him, and see his reaction. livin with the lads is a facker tho, alot of mickey taking and c0ck blockin, but if he likes you... no problem.

good luck either way, ps. what an ego boost for a woman to ask you out!!

midlandsmissus

Aghh just texted him there and asked him! (texting probably not the best way to do it but we've never called each other)

My heart was racing. Kudos to you men for doing this all the time it's scary stuff!

I'm actually really pleased with myself for doing it though. F*ck it life's too short, if you see some-one you like you should ask or you'll never know. And I wouldn't have seen him again if I didn't ask, as I've moved area, so I think it was the right thing to do.

Wonder how many women actually want to ask men out but let the fear get the better of them?

Will post any updates when I hear! Aghhh!:D

Will

Good luck with it! *fingers crossed*

The_Kew_Tour

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Aghh just texted him there and asked him! (texting probably not the best way to do it but we've never called each other)

My heart was racing. Kudos to you men for doing this all the time it's scary stuff!

I'm actually really pleased with myself for doing it though. F*ck it life's too short, if you see some-one you like you should ask or you'll never know. And I wouldn't have seen him again if I didn't ask, as I've moved area, so I think it was the right thing to do.

Wonder how many women actually want to ask men out but let the fear get the better of them?

Will post any updates when I hear! Aghhh!:D

Best of luck hope you get answer you want.

star-pants

Good woman! Fingers crossed

I once bought a fern in order to ask a guy out...

Red Hand

star-pants wrote: »

Good woman! Fingers crossed

I once bought a fern in order to ask a guy out...

A fern? Like, 2 dozen ferns to your beau of choice?

andreac

Good on ya!! I would have deffo asked him out, lifes too short and sure if he says no, who cares.
I recently got a number of a guy i met out one night, got the number from a friend at work who knows him. I text him the next day and he was chuffed i did.
So yeah, go for it!

star-pants

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

A fern? Like, 2 dozen ferns to your beau of choice?

lol no, he worked in the garden section of the shop, so to give me an excuse to talk to him. Except he was on his lunch when I was there, and I walked out, then decided fck it I'd leave a note for him because if I didn't do it then, I never would and went back in. Thus looking like a weirdo, so I bought a fern... and asked the lady at the till to pass on the note for me.

So yeah, I don't think it should be always up to the guy to ask the girl out.
Doesn't matter who asks who so long as someone does!

Red Hand

Fair play! A fern is a plant that many a fellow would be proud to own and care for, as well.

booyah1024

Damn! My phone didn't get a text

:pac:

rivermetimbers

oooooohhhhhh
i am nervous for ya!!!!! good luck missus

andreac

booyah1024 wrote: »

Damn! My phone didn't get a text

:pac:

Dont panic, give him a chance, he might not reply til tomorrow.

seanbmc

My guess is that he probably too nervous to ask you out,my advice is to go for it.

booyah1024

andreac wrote: »

Dont panic, give him a chance, he might not reply til tomorrow.

i was pretending i was the guy.

way to ruin my joke mr. buzz killington :pac:

midlandsmissus

Well we have a happy ending for the Gentlemen's club, he said yes

So the moral of the story here is sieze the day! Go for it! Thanks for all the well wishes and the people who told me to go for it. If there's some-one you like go and ask em out Boardsies!! I'm so glad I did it now!

Yay!

andreac

booyah1024 wrote: »

i was pretending i was the guy.

way to ruin my joke mr. buzz killington :pac:

Ooops, sorry, got confused there, thought you were the OP saying they didnt get a text back yet, sorry about that:o:o

andreac

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well we have a happy ending for the Gentlemen's club, he said yes

So the moral of the story here is sieze the day! Go for it! Thanks for all the well wishes and the people who told me to go for it. If there's some-one you like go and ask em out Boardsies!! I'm so glad I did it now!

Yay!

Woohoo, delighted for you. So have you made plans to meet up then?

Jemmy

Yay delighted for ya missus! \o/

midlandsmissus

andreac wrote: »

Woohoo, delighted for you. So have you made plans to meet up then?

Yep made plans to go out, he seemed really happy about it aswell

I think he was too nervous to ask me, and I was very nearly too nervous to ask him.
Imagine how many wasted opportunites there are where people both like each other but don't ask.

So go forth and ask em out everyone!

Yay I'm so happy, I'm going to get off before I get too slushy and start sickening every-one!

CDfm

Well done MM - where are you planning on taking him?

andreac

Oh well done, bet you are chuffed.
I did something similar over the christmas and was so glad i did, although not sure where its going now but at least when i did contact him initially it was totally the right thing to do. Lifes deffo too short to be worrying if he says yes or no, sometimes lads need a little push or helping hand.:)

dolliemix

booyah1024 wrote: »

i was pretending i was the guy.

way to ruin my joke mr. buzz killington :pac:

I got the joke and I laughed out loud!


Good for you OP

Man_bear_pig

midlandsmissus wrote: »

So the moral of the story here is sieze the day! Go for it! Thanks for all the well wishes and the people who told me to go for it. If there's some-one you like go and ask em out Boardsies!! I'm so glad I did it now!

What if it's the ex from 5 years ago?!!

entropi

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Yep made plans to go out, he seemed really happy about it aswell

Glad to hear it:D

Sometimes us men need women like you not afraid to rock the social boat (being the pursuer) so well done and i hope it all goes well for you:)

BumbleB

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Haha that's class, did she ask you out so?

He did tell me I was gorgeous and sexy, and he always tries to kiss me every time he sees me.

this is a no brainer he wouldn't have said this if it was LJBGF.

happy for you.:D

Mackman

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Hi,

And its perceived among all my friends that it should be the man that does the asking, mainly because the woman should be seen as something hard to get??

^ This is absolute rubbish, there is nothing sexier than a woman who has the confidence and the guts to ask a guy out.

Fair play to you OP, there's nothing better than siezing the day and it all working out.

Otis Driftwood

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well we have a happy ending for the Gentlemen's club, he said yes

So the moral of the story here is sieze the day! Go for it! Thanks for all the well wishes and the people who told me to go for it. If there's some-one you like go and ask em out Boardsies!! I'm so glad I did it now!

Yay!

Very well done MM and best of luck with the date!

Also,I feel I should make you aware that if ye get married then an open wedding invite to all and sundry from the gentlemens club is a must.I know its early days but weddings arent cheap.I will have the beef please.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Dr Galen

Result!

Great news, we want regular updates!

PK2008

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well we have a happy ending for the Gentlemen's club, he said yes

So the moral of the story here is sieze the day! Go for it! Thanks for all the well wishes and the people who told me to go for it. If there's some-one you like go and ask em out Boardsies!! I'm so glad I did it now!

Yay!

midlandsmissus= Legend

Pity there isn't a few more of ye

CDfm

when I saw the thread topic I immediately thought a guy is posting this

Tefral

midlandsmissus wrote: »

its perceived among all my friends that it should be the man that does the asking, mainly because the woman should be seen as something hard to get??

Seeing as the Gentlemens club did you a favour, a good way to return it would be to educate your lady friends on how stupid their thoughts on this whole thing is...

The last thing any guy wants is mind games or outdated ideals!! If you want something go get it, a guy isnt going to think any less of you for it!!;)

Oh and congrats!!

CDfm

cronin_j wrote: »

Seeing as the Gentlemens club did you a favour, a good way to return it would be to educate your lady friends on how stupid their thoughts on this whole thing is...

Isnt it amazing how old fashioned modern women are

Tefral

CDfm wrote: »

Isnt it amazing how old fashioned modern women are

That old fable comes to mind:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

If a lady likes a guy and doesnt go up and say something simple as offering to buy him a drink, she could have passed up the chance at the happy ever after story....

Former Great

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Fair play! A fern is a plant that many a fellow would be proud to own and care for, as well.

.

CDfm

cronin_j wrote: »

If a lady likes a guy and doesnt go up and say something simple as offering to buy him a drink, she could have passed up the chance at the happy ever after story....

I thought it was fairly normal for women to ask guys out - like how difficult is it to swap mobile numbers or ask someone would they like to meet up for coffee or a drink.

Dublin141

Most women I know wouldn't ask someone out. Fear of rejection or that the bloke will think they are coming on too strong. Plus, sometimes their friends would convince them that if he really liked her, he'd ask her out. It is very silly and old fashioned and probably leads to a lot of lost opportunities but in saying that I'm glad I'm not single because I would be fairly incapable of asking someone out myself.

CDfm

Dont you think thats sad - coffee or lunch etc -how hard is it to meet someone up as a friend.

I nmean would you see yourself as modern and equal in other ways?

You say fear of rejection - lazyiness ore dislike of paying could be reasons too. I mean the sight of a woman with a purse counting out coppers to pay for lunch is something you often see but wouldnt see a man doing.

Dublin141

Meeting up as a friend during the day is a little different than asking someone out on an "official" date. That instantly puts pressure on the situation. Even being asked out has been known to make me incredibly nervous. I'm quite shy in general though.

I don't think I'm particularly modern - I quite like him holding open doors for me, for example. I find it endearing. My relationship started off quite equally, I was more forward with him than usual because I was more comfortable with him and we paid for everything when we had it or if the other didn't. We didn't keep tabs or make a big deal about it. It was a bit of a relief that he didn't make an issue out of me paying.

As for paying on dates, you could be right, not counting serious relationships, a lot of girls I've known have felt awkward about paying on dates - when to bring it up, will he be offended, etc. Although I'm sure there are plenty who enjoy being brought out and who won't dip their hands in their purse to pay for a man. They might use the excuse that it's demeaning or that he's sponging (or that he asked them out) but that's not really fair. I don't like the idea of one gender being expected to pay for everything.

As for laziness, I imagine that some girls would be too lazy to think up an interesting date. Some people leave it up to the lad and aren't willing to have any input into it at all.

CDfm

not a lot -it depends on your outlook.

when you were 16 it didnt matter -its just you make it more complicated.

Awkward paying - ahem -are you sure its not used to not paying. My OH has always paid by rota and she brought me out to dinner first. I must be a modern guy;)