men staring at younger women

LegacyUser

deirdreunreg wrote: »

i think emme makes some very valid points. i was a size 12/14 when we
married. i am most prepared to lose weight but i'm unsure if it will help.
on one occassion about six months ago we were at my aunts funeral. my cousins
daughter (absolutely beautiful looking girl could easily be a model tall slim
21 years old all the fellas in her college fancy her) anyway my husband
never really met her she came over to say hello and my husbands jaw dropped
to the floor he stared at her throughout the service and constantly in
pub we went to afterwards. my own mother commented on it. hes been
asking about her since you should tell her mam to bring her with her
when she visits? and god shes a beautiful looking girl? she noticed him
staring at her and i think she felt sorry for me. i know for a fact he
has a huge crush on her i think he mentions her at least once a week
would you agree having a crush on a young relative is very degrading?

I have discussed it with him after he ogled my cousins daughter
that incident upset me terribly. he said she ws one of the most irresistible
beautiful girls he'd ever seen, i told him she was just 21 and was disgusted
at him ogling her. even on tv shows such as the x factor stupid comments
like cheryl is better than danni because shes younger etc etc
he has also commented that he thinks women in their twenties are
in their prime. regarding the incident with my cousins daughter we are
going over to see them and i'm worried she'll be there and he'll be ogling
her what should i do there? thank you all in advance

humberklog

deirdreunreg wrote: »

seriously considering telling him. my issue is do 40 year old mem
want women in 10/15 even 20 years younger than them? thank you
for all your replies

Well I've still 2 weeks to go before hitting 40 but my answer is yes. Yes we/I do and we'd be nuts not to wish for it. Thankfully nature knows that most of our wishes really wouldn't suit neither us nor society on a whole so it really hedges the chances of it being realised down by using the cruellest of manners: wrinkles, baldness, bloatedness and worse of all; culturally irrelevant in the eyes of the way younger. But "want for"? Yeah of course. All you have to do is look at is the artists of centuries gone past and how products in advertisements are presented to us today. We get older but that doesn't mean that the nutural preference to beauty changes. If that was the case all artist's muses would grow old on canvas too with the aging years of the artist and this simply isn't the case.
Yep your hubby's normal and healthy to be ogling far younger women, he's just rudely executing it (but not getting his full bang for his buck if he's stopping at 20 year olds!).

steve_oh

Yeah I do it too. your husband is human. I wudnt worry too much about it. Men are wired to wanna be with more than one woman IMO. You can dump him but you cant change him. You can change yourself though: Can you be more fun and more sexy? Give it a shot - you might be pleasantly surprised.

LegacyUser

humberklog wrote: »

Well I've still 2 weeks to go before hitting 40 but my answer is yes. Yes we/I do and we'd be nuts not to wish for it. Thankfully nature knows that most of our wishes really wouldn't suit neither us nor society on a whole so it really hedges the chances of it being realised down by using the cruellest of manners: wrinkles, baldness, bloatedness and worse of all; culturally irrelevant in the eyes of the way younger. But "want for"? Yeah of course. All you have to do is look at is the artists of centuries gone past and how products in advertisements are presented to us today. We get older but that doesn't mean that the nutural preference to beauty changes. If that was the case all artist's muses would grow old on canvas too with the aging years of the artist and this simply isn't the case.
Yep your hubby's normal and healthy to be ogling far younger women, he's just rudely executing it (but not getting his full bang for his buck if he's stopping at 20 year olds!).

luckily enough he would never ogle under 18's as they are really just kids.
so as a man approaching 40 yourself what age group of women
are you honest;y most turned onn by? trying to establish te norm for this

BumbleB

If its harmless ,no problem .But if it is unsettling the girl or yourself in question thats not good.

LegacyUser

humberklog wrote: »

Well I've still 2 weeks to go before hitting 40 but my answer is yes. Yes we/I do and we'd be nuts not to wish for it. Thankfully nature knows that most of our wishes really wouldn't suit neither us nor society on a whole so it really hedges the chances of it being realised down by using the cruellest of manners: wrinkles, baldness, bloatedness and worse of all; culturally irrelevant in the eyes of the way younger. But "want for"? Yeah of course. All you have to do is look at is the artists of centuries gone past and how products in advertisements are presented to us today. We get older but that doesn't mean that the nutural preference to beauty changes. If that was the case all artist's muses would grow old on canvas too with the aging years of the artist and this simply isn't the case.
Yep your hubby's normal and healthy to be ogling far younger women, he's just rudely executing it (but not getting his full

bang for his buck if he's stopping at 20 year olds!).

thank you for your honest humpkerlog. i'm glad you said that at least i can stop
this self torture of trying to compare when realistically i can't,no matter how well i
could look i will never be the fresh faced 27 year old he first met.
does anyone have any advice about what i should do in regard to him seeing my cousins daughter as he has a fierce crush on her? also men overall what age group are you
most attracted to.just an average thank you

Emme

deirdreunreg wrote: »

i think emme makes some very valid points. i was a size 12/14 when we married. i am most prepared to lose weight but i'm unsure if it will help.

It will help. It probably won't stop your husband acting the way he does but it's high time you focused on yourself now. Losing weight, getting fit and looking after yourself more will help you.

I'm too near 40 myself for comfort but that's out of my control. Society is cruel to ageing women and that is also out of my control. I can control my weight, my fitness, what I eat and how I look after myself in general. I can also control my attitude and try to stay positive. It isn't always easy and I get down like everyone else but a bad attitude shows in your face and puts years on you. Try to surround yourself with as many positive people as possible.

A 40 year old woman who looks after herself, doesn't drink to excess, doesn't smoke, dresses well and has good skin has a huge head start healthwise on a 25 year old woman who is very overweight, drinks herself silly every weekend, smokes 20 a day doesn't take care of herself and has bad skin.

Despite this extreme example the 25 year old woman will always have the advantage of youth and fertility over the 40 year old woman. However, that can't be helped, men want youth and all that goes with it and you can't change thousands of years of evolution. It's painful sometimes but you have to get up off your butt, get out there and keep yourself in shape.

Does the OP have good friends? Good friends are important, don't depend on your husband for all your social life. You've got to find yourself again and stand on your own two feet. Let him see that you're taking care of yourself, get back to a size 12/14 or even a size 12 and do it for yourself, not him.

A balding married man of 40 with a beer belly can lust after a nubile 21 year old with long legs, and an ass can chase a racehorse. Their chances of success, well...:rolleyes:

If you look after yourself well a man won't be able to tell what age you are from the back!

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

It will help. It probably won't stop your husband acting the way he does but it's high time you focused on yourself now. Losing weight, getting fit and looking after yourself more will help you.

I'm too near 40 myself for comfort but that's out of my control. Society is cruel to ageing women and that is also out of my control. I can control my weight, my fitness, what I eat and how I look after myself in general. I can also control my attitude and try to stay positive. It isn't always easy and I get down like everyone else but a bad attitude shows in your face and puts years on you. Try to surround yourself with as many positive people as possible.

A 40 year old woman who looks after herself, doesn't drink to excess, doesn't smoke, dresses well and has good skin has a huge head start healthwise on a 25 year old woman who is very overweight, drinks herself silly every weekend, smokes 20 a day doesn't take care of herself and has bad skin.

Despite this extreme example the 25 year old woman will always have the advantage of youth and fertility over the 40 year old woman. However, that can't be helped, men want youth and all that goes with it and you can't change thousands of years of evolution. It's painful sometimes but you have to get up off your butt, get out there and keep yourself in shape.

Does the OP have good friends? Good friends are important, don't depend on your husband for all your social life. You've got to find yourself again and stand on your own two feet. Let him see that you're taking care of yourself, get back to a size 12/14 or even a size 12 and do it for yourself, not him.

A balding married man of 40 with a beer belly can lust after a nubile 21 year old with long legs, and an ass can chase a racehorse. Their chances of success, well...:rolleyes:

If you look after yourself well a man won't be able to tell what age you are from the back!

i must say emme i really admire your positive outlook. it's true as women enter
their mid/late thirties they are overlooked, yet the same does not apply to men.
I just called my cousin and the 21 year old daughter answered i felt i had to apologise
for the way he ogled her at the funeral and apologise in advance if he does it again.
must say she made me feel much better as i said shes 21 tall size 8/10
truly beautiful looking and she said shes used to "old guys ogling her but
she and all the girls her age would die before they'd cosider these oul lads
they are creeped out and mostly disgusted by it. She also said she surrounds
herself by people who love her because her looks wont last, i thought that was very wise for 21! she also encouraged me to join the gym and do it for myself!
can't help but worry about him seeing her still i'll be so ashamed!

humberklog

deirdreunreg wrote: »

so as a man approaching 40 yourself what age group of women
are you honest;y most turned onn by? trying to establish te norm for this

Eh...pretty uncomfortable with that line of questioning.

I won't be clicking on this thread again so I won't be reading or responding to any further enquiries.

LegacyUser

humberklog wrote: »

Eh...pretty uncomfortable with that line of questioning.

I won't be clicking on this thread again so I won't be reading or responding to any further enquiries.

so sorry to have put you on the spot. just trying to establish the general opinion
of what age men think women are most attractive at?

CDfm

humberklog wrote: »

Eh...pretty uncomfortable with that line of questioning.

I won't be clicking on this thread again so I won't be reading or responding to any further enquiries.

ya an odd line of questioning.

one of the purposes of tgc is that guys can safely post and discuss stuff without being labelled a perv

the answer i suppose is its normal and a person should not be so blatant about it but i have a feeling you are over sensitive and if a long legged cat walked past your OH ATM you would question it if he looked sideways.

OP - its your issues not humberklogs that we are posting on

I think you are over sensitive and a bit over analytical and there are a lot of superbly attractive 40 year old women out there.

i was watching briget jones diary with the OH tonight Renee Zellweger looks better in that than she does in her lollypop roles.

Everyone has to cope wth getting old the wrinkles creaky bones and greying hair but they cope and enjoy life.Your husband new it would happen when he married you.

Plenty of women say that women dress for other women etc and do things like getting fit etc with their peer group for friendship and fun. Some people get fit for themselves others to look good and others for medical reasons.

While you cant turn the clock back you can adopt a healthier and more positive lifestyle

lots of people are telling you how they handle it but you keep focusing back on the one issue. you probably do with him too and as others said be careful with it.

thats me signing off too

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

ya an odd line of questioning.

one of the purposes of tgc is that guys can safely post and discuss stuff without being labelled a perv

the answer i suppose is its normal and a person should not be so blatant about it but i have a feeling you are over sensitive and if a long legged cat walked past your OH ATM you would question it if he looked sideways.

OP - its your issues not humberklogs that we are posting on

I think you are over sensitive and a bit over analytical and there are a lot of superbly attractive 40 year old women out there.

i was watching briget jones diary with the OH tonight Renee Zellweger looks better in that than she does in her lollypop roles.

Everyone has to cope wth getting old the wrinkles creaky bones and greying hair but they cope and enjoy life.Your husband new it would happen when he married you.

Plenty of women say that women dress for other women etc and do things like getting fit etc with their peer group for friendship and fun. Some people get fit for themselves others to look good and others for medical reasons.

While you cant turn the clock back you can adopt a healthier and more positive lifestyle

lots of people are telling you how they handle it but you keep focusing back on the one issue. you probably do with him too and as others said be careful with it.

thats me signing off too

i'm not labelling anyone a perv i didn't realise it was such a sensitive question.
all i asked was what age group of women are you men most attracted to?
i was just trying to establish the norm. apologies if i offended anyone didn't realise
it was such a touchy matter. does make one wonder what the answers are!

redorblack

agentino wrote: »

OP,
The post above this is the best advice you will get in a longtime.

I want to reply to this from an earlier poster to my first post on the topic

"Wow there Agentino hold your horses, ''lost interest'', ''punish her'', he's just looking at attractive girls going by, we all do this, we are all here because of this attraction, its natural, just because we have these thoughts doesn't mean we have to act on them. Don't be guessing things and making OP feel worse"

I'd say Redback did not read the whole thread. From my undersatanding the chap is staring at girls for an extended period and not just looking at them.
I am assuming you would not be raising it if it was not an issue for you. Why do you not take it up with your partner. Not in a confontational way but ask him if he does not find you attractive any longer and what can you do to turn that around.

Marriages and relationships take a lot of work and we sometimes take our partners need's for granted

Agentino, just to let you know I was not attacking you, all I was trying to say was its normal to look at good looking girls but where this thread has gone I have to hold my hand up and am out of my depth now, I am seeing someone at the moment and would not do the things described by the OP to my girl, its normal to glance but not to feckin stare and never to the point of upsetting your partner.

OP If I were you I would tackle this head on, you will get a result then one way or another. Just have it out with him, you will by instinct know what is the right thing to do by his reaction, best wishes.

LegacyUser

redorblack wrote: »

Agentino, just to let you know I was not attacking you, all I was trying to say was its normal to look at good looking girls but where this thread has gone I have to hold my hand up and am out of my depth now, I am seeing someone at the moment and would not do the things described by the OP to my girl, its normal to glance but not to feckin stare and never to the point of upsetting your partner.

OP If I were you I would tackle this head on, you will get a result then one way or another. Just have it out with him, you will by instinct know what is the right thing to do by his reaction, best wishes.

Good to see there are still some decent men left with moral values thank you
redorblack!!!!!! but this unhealthy obsession my husband has with younger
women is so hurtful friends have commented on it, will definitely talk to him
before he starts ogling my cousins 21 y/o daughter

Bottle_of_Smoke

In regards the question, I'm 24. Would find girls 19-28 the most attractive physically. Has been this way for the last 3 years or so and don't see it changing. I think most guys feel the same.

Anyway you say you don't want to bother losing weight because it won't make a difference. Well you're coming at it from the wrong angle. Getting fit and in shape will improve your confidence.

Your husband sounds like a complete bastard to me. I'm also somewhat suspicious he gets a kick out of you feeling jealous of younger women and possibly wants to control you that way.
I think you should discuss this with him. Tell him people think he's a sleaze.

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

In regards the question, I'm 24. Would find girls 19-28 the most attractive physically. Has been this way for the last 3 years or so and don't see it changing. I think most guys feel the same.

Anyway you say you don't want to bother losing weight because it won't make a difference. Well you're coming at it from the wrong angle. Getting fit and in shape will improve your confidence.

Your husband sounds like a complete bastard to me. I'm also somewhat suspicious he gets a kick out of you feeling jealous of younger women and possibly wants to control you that way.
I think you should discuss this with him. Tell him people think he's a sleaze.

thank you so much bottleofsmoke that's all i wanted was a definitive honest answer.
contrary to what the earlier posters said i am not trying to label anyone just wanted
to know how men feel. you are entirely entitled to your preference. would you other
men agree the 19-28 are physically most attractive. everyones opinion fully respected

Dublin141

I think most men would appreciate a good looking woman and I've yet to meet one who doesn't at least occasionally glance at someone attractive. But what your husband is doing is going beyond that and is a little creepy. Young girls don't want to be leered at by old men. It doesn't matter that your husband finds them attractive, they probably aren't finding him very attractive so you should stop obsessing over that age group. Tell your husband how disrespected and uncomfortable you feel. It's all you can do. Asking the men here what age group they go for isn't going to solve your problem.

BumbleB

Dublin141 wrote: »

Young girls don't want to be leered at by old men.

Even Johnny Depp ?.

Dublin141

There are always exceptions

Nah, the leering she's describing is creepy, it's different than a normal appreciative look - the girls themselves are noticeably uncomfortable. It doesn't really matter what age he is, what he's doing isn't boosting their egos, it's making him look like a sleazy creep and it's always weird when a man blatantly stares at you with his partner beside him.

Mr. Presentable

deirdreunreg wrote: »

I have discussed it with him after he ogled my cousins daughter
that incident upset me terribly. he said she ws one of the most irresistible
beautiful girls he'd ever seen, i told him she was just 21 and was disgusted
at him ogling her. even on tv shows such as the x factor stupid comments
like cheryl is better than danni because shes younger etc etc
he has also commented that he thinks women in their twenties are
in their prime. regarding the incident with my cousins daughter we are
going over to see them and i'm worried she'll be there and he'll be ogling
her what should i do there? thank you all in advance

Looking at a beautiful girl is not an incident. OK, he should not be staring/leering to the point where he makes her uncomfortable, but you make it sound like he needs an intervention!

So long as it doesn't go beyond looking there's no harm done. You could ask him nicely not to do it, or if he is going to, not to do it in front of you. Or buy him dark sunglasses so you can't see him look at another woman

Novella

deirdreunreg wrote: »

very wise comments cdfm. i admit i am jealous of the 20-29 group.
they do recieve far more attention than women my age, also admittedly
feel very insecure around taller slim women who are possibly fifteen years
younger than me. my husband does make point of humiliating me publicly
also the girls i mentioned he looks at are fairly respectfully dressed.
even today we went for lunch and once again he picked a girl to stare at
once again mid twenties tall slim etc
seriously considering telling him. my issue is do 40 year old mem
want women in 10/15 even 20 years younger than them? thank you
for all your replies

Trust me, you have no need to be jealous. Ok, so the general concensus is that women don't age as well as men and that is probably true but it's not like you hit 30 and suddenly you're old news, not as desirable. Maybe younger women do receive more attention but do you think that's just because men see them out, they don't have children, they have all the time in the world to take care of themselves and perhaps, are just easier going because they have less worries etc.

Do you think you focus primarily on your children, on your home, as opposed to yourself? Your husbands eye may not entirely be directly related to how good other (younger) women look. He may, in fact, just be attracted to the lifestyle, how carefree they are.

Do you remember before you were a wife, before you were a mother? Did he pay so much attention to other women then? I doubt it. Perhaps he just misses the time when everything didn't revolve around what the kids are doing, paying the bills, all of that kind of that.

It's not really unusual for men, married and/or older, to want to reclaim their youth (and/or maybe freedom, I dunno). You often hear of the mid-life crisis when a man hits 40 and buys a sports car or similar. In fact, it's not unusual for people in general to miss the way things used to be. Do you think any of this could apply to your husband? Do you think that maybe (and I hope that I don't come across as rude here) you haven't been paying enough attention to yourself, taking care of yourself, getting your hair done, eating well etc.?

You say he humiliates you publicly. In what way? By staring at these younger women or is there something else too? I think that all of this is causing you great distress. You shouldn't feel insecure in yourself because of the actions of a partner in a relationship and you, of course, shouldn't feel humiliated. I do think all of that needs to be addressed with your husband.

Do 40 year old men want women 10, 15 or even 20 years younger than them? I have no idea. How long is a piece of string? I'd say men want women they find attractive whether they are 20, 30, 40 and so on. Some 40 year old men might never want to be with a 20 year old woman, some might love to.

Men are always going to look at attractive women, that is just the way it is. Married or not. (In the same way women notice attractive men).

celestial

'Men staring at younger women'... could easily be:

'Women like chocolate'

'Sky is blue'

'Irish people will always vote Fianna Fail'....

You get the idea.

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

In regards the question, I'm 24. Would find girls 19-28 the most attractive physically. Has been this way for the last 3 years or so and don't see it changing. I think most guys feel the same.

Anyway you say you don't want to bother losing weight because it won't make a difference. Well you're coming at it from the wrong angle. Getting fit and in shape will improve your confidence.

Your husband sounds like a complete bastard to me. I'm also somewhat suspicious he gets a kick out of you feeling jealous of younger women and possibly wants to control you that way.
I think you should discuss this with him. Tell him people think he's a sleaze.

really appreciated the honesty from bottle of smoke so my question
do men find the 19-28 age group most attractive? honesty appreciated just trying
to get a general consensus. everyones entitled to their opinion so thanks

BumbleB

Novella wrote: »

Do you remember before you were a wife, before you were a mother? Did he pay so much attention to other women then? I doubt it. Perhaps he just misses the time when everything didn't revolve around what the kids are doing, paying the bills, all of that kind of that.

That is an unbelievable post .........Kudos........

Paulegend

to be honest guys we all like hot young girls always will. we would like to have sex with them but they dont wanna have sex with me:( lol no seriously its just looking from your hubby its doesnt mean he doesnt think your hot. it doesnt mean he'd do anything about it so i wouldnt worry too much. im sure if you seen a hot guy youd look

Dr Galen

deirdreunreg wrote: »

really appreciated the honesty from bottle of smoke so my question
do men find the 19-28 age group most attractive? honesty appreciated just trying
to get a general consensus. everyones entitled to their opinion so thanks

OP I think your missing the central point here. Men find women attractive full stop

Your fixating on the younger age groups here, but its not true that all men find all women of one age or another more attractive than another. I'd put money on your husband ogling older girls as well as younger. I'd say he's probably done similar starey things when older and attractive ladies have been around too, you just haven't noticed because, you appear to only notice the hot young blondes.

I've given more than a passing glance at many women older than me (i'm 30 btw) and many who are younger. I'm not agesit that way. If your hot/attractive/appealing to my eye I'll give ya a look. I suspect your hubby, like most men is the same, only less subtle.

In my opinion, you need to forget about these "other" women and get his eyes fixed back on you. You've mentioned several things you would like to do, go on ya, now get to doing them. There's always going to be hot young women out there, you can't change that. You can attempt to change some of your hubbys behaviours though

Novella

deirdreunreg wrote: »

really appreciated the honesty from bottle of smoke so my question
do men find the 19-28 age group most attractive? honesty appreciated just trying
to get a general consensus. everyones entitled to their opinion so thanks

I am just going to be brutally honest here. You have been given ample advice and opinions in this thread but yet you are repeatedly asking do men prefer women of a certain age group.

Are you sure it is your husband who has an issue here? Imo, I think maybe you do.

Ok, so you mention your husband has looked at younger women etc. but if I'm right it is actually you who has a fixation with them. You are not actually focusing on what I would consider to be the main issue - your husband constantly ogling (not sure if that is an actual word but anyway!) other women to the extent of making them uncomfortable.

You seem to have convinced yourself than men do want younger women and now you are here looking for back up. That is how I see it. You've been told repeatedly men do not prefer women based on age.

I guess I could be a million, zillion miles wrong here but is the actual problem that it is you who wants to reclaim her youth? Are you jealous of younger women? Do you find yourself looking at these women and wishing you were like them? If so, have you somehow convinced yourself that your husband would rather them than you?

There is no general concensus as to what men prefer. If there was, there would be a hell of a lot of single women in the world. If all men only wanted women aged 19-28, who were tall and slim, with blonde hair etc., then what would all the 30 year old brunettes do?! Seriously. Men do not just want younger women.

LegacyUser

Novella wrote: »

I am just going to be brutally honest here. You have been given ample advice and opinions in this thread but yet you are repeatedly asking do men prefer women of a certain age group.

Are you sure it is your husband who has an issue here? Imo, I think maybe you do.

Ok, so you mention your husband has looked at younger women etc. but if I'm right it is actually you who has a fixation with them. You are not actually focusing on what I would consider to be the main issue - your husband constantly ogling (not sure if that is an actual word but anyway!) other women to the extent of making them uncomfortable.

You seem to have convinced yourself than men do want younger women and now you are here looking for back up. That is how I see it. You've been told repeatedly men do not prefer women based on age.

I guess I could be a million, zillion miles wrong here but is the actual problem that it is you who wants to reclaim her youth? Are you jealous of younger women? Do you find yourself looking at these women and wishing you were like them? If so, have you somehow convinced yourself that your husband would rather them than you?

There is no general concensus as to what men prefer. If there was, there would be a hell of a lot of single women in the world. If all men only wanted women aged 19-28, who were tall and slim, with blonde hair etc., then what would all the 30 year old brunettes do?! Seriously. Men do not just want younger women.

yes maybe i am jealous that's true, nonetheless i had a heart to heart with the husband in question about his ogling and he said he finds women are most attractive in their twenties.
that it doesn't mean hes not attracted to me but that's the fact. of course men find women of all ages attractive i was trying to establish if it was just my hubby. so to answer your question no it's not my problem my husband has admitted it's his!

eviltwin

deirdreunreg wrote: »

i think emme makes some very valid points. i was a size 12/14 when we
married. i am most prepared to lose weight but i'm unsure if it will help.
on one occassion about six months ago we were at my aunts funeral. my cousins
daughter (absolutely beautiful looking girl could easily be a model tall slim
21 years old all the fellas in her college fancy her) anyway my husband
never really met her she came over to say hello and my husbands jaw dropped
to the floor he stared at her throughout the service and constantly in
pub we went to afterwards. my own mother commented on it. hes been
asking about her since you should tell her mam to bring her with her
when she visits? and god shes a beautiful looking girl? she noticed him
staring at her and i think she felt sorry for me. i know for a fact he
has a huge crush on her i think he mentions her at least once a week
would you agree having a crush on a young relative is very degrading?

If your relationship has hit the skids then no amount of weight loss is going to make a difference..you have to look at the deeper issues and work on them.

Personally I think you are getting way too hung up on this..it seems to be almost an obsession

All of us are going to age, fact of life - you can't stay 29 forever. If your husband is in any way a sane individual he will understand this and continue to love you and find you attractive - if he doesnt, well he sounds extremely shallow and I'd be wondering what good staying with a man like is going to do for you.

agentino

I'd like to echo everything Novella said and was about to post something similiar to try and put a a stop to it. I think it is time you returned to the Lounge Deirdre. You have had enough replies here and it looks like you are on a windup at this stage (of either yourself or the people who were kind enough to give you honest answers

LegacyUser

eviltwin wrote: »

If your relationship has hit the skids then no amount of weight loss is going to make a difference..you have to look at the deeper issues and work on them.

Personally I think you are getting way too hung up on this..it seems to be almost an obsession

All of us are going to age, fact of life - you can't stay 29 forever. If your husband is in any way a sane individual he will understand this and continue to love you and find you attractive - if he doesnt, well he sounds extremely shallow and I'd be wondering what good staying with a man like is going to do for you.

I am not obsessed with age in the slightest. i'm happier now than i was ten years
ago i have friends in their thirties who could rival any young one. i am more than content with my age it's my husbands attraction to younger women that is hurtful but i've adressed
it and i'm confident he will work on it.

eviltwin

Emme wrote: »

OP, I'm a similar age to yourself and I'm single. It is very important for women to stay in shape as we get older. We must do it first and foremost for ourselves, and then for others. I am 5'5 and a size 10-12. I eat well, I cycle, I run, I go to the gym. I make sacrifices (no overdoing it on fatty food, no beer, no sitting around on my backside watching too much TV or on boards.ie) to stay in shape but it's worth it. I'm doing it for myself and if other people appreciate it that's a bonus. I want to be able to respect myself when I look in the mirror.

It's important for men and women to be in good shape when they're older but it's more important for women because men are visual - they like something nice to look at. Men appreciate it when women keep themselves in shape - it shows self-respect.

It's probably harder to stay in shape when you're married and have children but it's not impossible. Tell your hubby you want to lose weight, get in shape and need time to join a gym or get out for a walk/run. He should support you in this. Get your hair cut if you can and get some nice clothes - they don't have to be expensive. Get yourself looking as good as possible and it won't matter as much who your hubby looks at. You decide if you're going to let yourself grow old and fade into the background or remodel yourself as a healthier, slimmer and better version of yourself. Why not start training for something like the BUPA Fun Run in March?

I'm not being horrible, but I've noticed that some women take their foot off the fitness/appearance pedal when they get married or are in a steady relationship. I know they might be busier, but it shows the height of disrespect to your husband or partner to let yourself go.

If your husband makes a habit of looking at teenage girls he'll get a name for himself as a sad old pervert. When I was a teenager there was a married middle-aged man, very well off, who used to ogle teenagers everywhere. I remember being with my mother in a shop and she told me to get out of yer man's line of vision because he was known for being fond of young girls!

Anyway, get yourself back in shape and it's never too late to take care of your appearance. If you do that your hubby should wake up and you'll feel better about yourself anyway.

God this post has just depressed me no end...thank god I'm not single

Maybe people should just stop getting hung up on the physical side of things and maybe just try and enjoy themselves more?

I have some very beautiful female friends who are eternally single simply because in their quest for perfection they have become pretty miserable sods to be around. I'm not a man but I'm sure they are interested in slightly more than a nice body - a woman who enjoys life is surely a much more attractive proposition regardless of what she looks like?

CDfm

deirdreunreg wrote: »

so to answer your question no it's not my problem my husband has admitted it's his!

Still missing the point deirdre

nkay1985

CDfm wrote: »

Still missing the point deirdre

Absolutely.

I've read the thread from start to finish.

At the start I would have replied, "Yes, men all look at attractive women. Personally, age isn't an issue for me."

But now, having read it in its entirety, there seems no point in answering the questions posed because they've been answered multiple times and the deeper issue has almost certainly come to the fore but the OP seems unwilling to address it.


@OP: Yes, all men look at attractive women. Your husband sounds like he's overdoing it. This is improper and disrespectful to you. But that's it. You're now obsessed with the 20-29 year old age group. That's not what this is about.

geckotime

deirdreunreg wrote: »

really appreciated the honesty from bottle of smoke so my question
do men find the 19-28 age group most attractive? honesty appreciated just trying
to get a general consensus. everyones entitled to their opinion so thanks

OP, I'm 39, male and single. I have to honest and say, cliched as it is that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

I find I'll admire any age from 19 - 26. In my head I'd say "that's a bit young" and I'd tell myself off but I'm not going to chat them up or anything just admiring their beauty. So, it's just a natural thing any man would do. However, here's the key though, I would never stare at them so much as to make them feel uncomfortable. That's only right. But that's my moral compass.

Women aged 27 and upwards however are fair game to be chatted up etc as my rule of thumb is half my age + 7. Obviously, I'll admire too if out and about anywhere.

As far as his excessive ogling goes though, I don't approve. He's upsetting you and he's making himself obvious to members of your family with it. Personally, I would be mortified if was him. I'm loathe to give advice here on what to do though because some men get very self righteous about being told what they can and can't do. Most men though are extremely understanding about matters of the heart.

I've been in pleny of long term relationships and if I was doing it I'd like my other half to ask me -

"Do you love me"?

I'll say - "Yes" and

She'll say in a playful manner - "Look I don't mind you admiring other women, that's only natural, but can you not make it so so obvious to me and the girl you're staring at please, it's so so embarrassing, just be a little more tactful, like when I go to the toilet, not when I'm sitting in front of you, thanks honey"

And if I loved her I would oblige.

If I didn't stop after I've been told it makes my partner feel uncomfortabe I'd know there's something wrong with the relationship and we needed to have a serious heart to heart.

I hope this rambling helps. Best of luck.

CDfm

nkay1985 wrote: »

But now, having read it in its entirety, there seems no point in answering the questions posed because they've been answered multiple times and the deeper issue has almost certainly come to the fore but the OP seems unwilling to address it.

On the reread its a bit awful. I wonder how she got the admission:did she torture him, use drugs or administer a lie detector test?



Has friends in their 30s that rival the young her-gulp.They scare me too.

Finally the icing on the cake ;being happier than shes been in 10 years. Happiness is relative but I wouldnt want to be around if things are unhappy.

I wonder how the hubby would retell the same events if she wasnt in the same room?

EDIT

but i've adressed
it and i'm confident he will work on it.

I missed this bit . Sort of Wife Swap but with thumbscrews.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about your age so no good was going to come of you pressuring your husband into telling you he prefers younger women. No good at all.

Infact, I think that you may even use this as another excuse, "well I'm not in the age group he likes so no amount of weight loss, looking after myself is going to matter now" hell you've already said it in this thread! It's a bad bad attitude to have and you're going to make yourself miserable.

You should be proving to yourself how hot women of your age can be when you just they look after themselves and try a bit harder. Do it for youself though because once you have confidence you will be amazed how much attention you get!

God I sound bitchy, sorry about that, just frustrating talking to someone who's not listening.

Beruthiel

deirdreunreg wrote: »

to answer your question no it's not my problem my husband has admitted it's his!

Deary me.
I haven't read all this thread, so I don't know if this has been said already.
It's not a problem.
Especially if he is subtle about it. You should suggest that to him. It's all you can do, cos he cannot stop.

Admit it Deirdre, if you were in a pub and Brad and George walked it, you'd stare like there's no tomorrow.
My fella gave me the French Rugby Team's calandar. Why? Cos they are nakid and HOT!!!
If I see a handsome man or a young cutie, I'm going to look. Where's the harm in just looking?
Does that make me a durty auld woman? Don't care.

Just cos you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

Emme

eviltwin wrote: »

God this post has just depressed me no end...thank god I'm not single

Thank god indeed. Sorry if my post depressed you but it's reality for single women of all ages. The first thing a man notices is a woman's appearance, like it or not.

eviltwin wrote: »

Maybe people should just stop getting hung up on the physical side of things and maybe just try and enjoy themselves more?

I enjoy running and keeping fit, it isn't a chore for me.

eviltwin wrote: »

I have some very beautiful female friends who are eternally single simply because in their quest for perfection they have become pretty miserable sods to be around. I'm not a man but I'm sure they are interested in slightly more than a nice body - a woman who enjoys life is surely a much more attractive proposition regardless of what she looks like?

Have you told these women this? The standards for women are high these days and the older we get the harder we have to work to reach those standards. If you're not single you might not realise that. I bet some of your eternally single friends (poor sods :rolleyes:) look at some of their coupled up friends (not you) and think "why has she let herself go like that when she has such a great guy?" French and Italian women take great pride in their appearance regardless of whether they're single or coupled up and we could learn a lot from them.

Back to the topic - the OP is a little overweight, she seems to be obsessing on what others think of her rather than what she thinks of herself. She can't change her age - she can change the state of her health and fitness. There's a good chance she'll feel better about herself than and will be in a stronger position to take whatever life throws at her.

You don't send a flabby unfit army with a defeatist attitude into battle. The same principle applies to all situations in life - you've got to be fighting fit!

LegacyUser

geckotime wrote: »

OP, I'm 39, male and single. I have to honest and say, cliched as it is that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

I find I'll admire any age from 19 - 26. In my head I'd say "that's a bit young" and I'd tell myself off but I'm not going to chat them up or anything just admiring their beauty. So, it's just a natural thing any man would do. However, here's the key though, I would never stare at them so much as to make them feel uncomfortable. That's only right. But that's my moral compass.

Women aged 27 and upwards however are fair game to be chatted up etc as my rule of thumb is half my age + 7. Obviously, I'll admire too if out and about anywhere.

As far as his excessive ogling goes though, I don't approve. He's upsetting you and he's making himself obvious to members of your family with it. Personally, I would be mortified if was him. I'm loathe to give advice here on what to do though because some men get very self righteous about being told what they can and can't do. Most men though are extremely understanding about matters of the heart.

I've been in pleny of long term relationships and if I was doing it I'd like my other half to ask me -

"Do you love me"?

I'll say - "Yes" and

She'll say in a playful manner - "Look I don't mind you admiring other women, that's only natural, but can you not make it so so obvious to me and the girl you're staring at please, it's so so embarrassing, just be a little more tactful, like when I go to the toilet, not when I'm sitting in front of you, thanks honey"

And if I loved her I would oblige.

If I didn't stop after I've been told it makes my partner feel uncomfortabe I'd know there's something wrong with the relationship and we needed to have a serious heart to heart.

I hope this rambling helps. Best of luck.

thank you that's very wise advice. of course i know men admire young women
and aside from my husband older women too! i went to the gym for the first
time in years today and i'm doing it for me not for acceptance from my husband.
all i did was ask him why he does it so publicly, i didn't put a gun to his head.
i am thoroughly listening to advice so i don't appreciate people saying i'm not
i'm just looking for varied opinions, IMHO women of all ages are beautiful
my husband seems to be a rare minority.

Dr Galen

Great to hear your taking things into your own hands OP

I hope some of the advice you've gotten from this thread helped with that Really wish you all the best.

I'm thinking we're probably reaching the end of the useful life of this thread. I think most points have been covered several times. Unless people have something new and original to add etc

cowzerp

deirdreunreg wrote: »

thank you for your responses so far,
i also want to ask why doesn't he look
at women his own age? essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

because most women around 40 have let themselves go and i guess that he would not be into that.

LegacyUser

Mystik Monkey wrote: »

Great to hear your taking things into your own hands OP

I hope some of the advice you've gotten from this thread helped with that Really wish you all the best.

I'm thinking we're probably reaching the end of the useful life of this thread. I think most points have been covered several times. Unless people have something new and original to add etc

thanks very much mystik monkey. i hope he listens and is more respectful from now on.
I think the conclusion i have come to is that men admire women of all ages it's a matter of
preference. men will always admire younger women but as a previous poster said won't stare or chat up much younger women. i can't turn back the clock but i can make the most of myself any thoughts?

Dr Galen

completely the right attitude to have. Make the best of what you got!

Great that we finally got our points across to ya and your acting on them!

Best of luck with it all Deirdre