Embarrassing (Amusing) 'First Date' Experiences

DazMarz

petethebrick wrote: »

Sounds like a classy restaurant if the floor of the toilets was all covered in piss! :pac::pac::pac:

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Sounds like a certain well known kebab chain to me, i've never seen the floor clean, not once. It's like they actually empty a bucket of piss on it every hour or so. Classy!!

D-A-V-E wrote: »

i find it hard to believe that a posh restaurant would have piss all over the floor? maybe im wrong..

I don't know what it was, but it was a really nice restaurant (was damn pricey enough too; my main course cost like €50). But the toilets were not the best. It was weird.

Was like being back in Italy. Most restaurants there are smashing, but the toilets are filthy for some reason.

But this was an exception, rather than the rule, as most restaurant toilets are spotless. Lucky me, I hit the one that has the lazy cleaner.

Reginald P. DuM

My story is a little embarassing but I am willing to take the hit to tell a funny tale....

Was out with this great gal one night, dinner drinks etc, and all went very well. We got marvellously drunk, her on vodka and myself on JD. So we wobble away home to my place, taking about twice as long as the walk should have taken. Another drink or two with a few tunes and we both pass out on the bed, fully clothed I may add, just completely wasted..

Now when this poster goes into a drunken coma after JD, it is just that, a coma. There is no waking him, whatever exterior or interior forces may try. So the bladder has filled up but the brain aint receiving any signals so the bladder goes ahead and empties itself anyway, there in the bed, beside this totally cool girl.

Few hours later Reg wakes up, not in the best of states and slowly the moistness of the bed reaches his consciousness. Not to mention the smell. She is still passed out, and he hopes beyond hope that it was her mistake and not his. Alas he knows better because the curse of JD had struck once before.

Time to get up and get out of these wet clothes, which of course stirs the young lady. She notices the problem immediately but seems too ill to care, and laughs it off heading for a shower. Her clothes are drenched through obviously, so she borrows a few ill fitting items of his and calls a cab to head home. So the adventure didn't turn out too badly considering, and she promised to call within a few days.

However in a final twist, she called within a few hours. She had left the house with her black, wet trousers rolled up in her hands. At home she got out of the taxi and left the trousers on the floor of the car. So the cab office promised to have the pants for her the next day when she'd call in. They kept the promise only they had the good sense to put them in a plastic bag and make it airtight. Cue loads of sniggers and jeers from drivers when she went in to pick them up.

She came back for more the happy couple lasted for a good many months after this incident. Needless to say JD has never passed the offenders lips again.

fulhamfanincork

I wonder how many of these stories are genuine?

Me thinks people are just looking for thanks.

Spore

What disturbs is the amount of these disasterous dates that ended up in marriage :eek:

iMax

A very close friend of mine (honest) tells two stories...

The first concerns a date with a girl he'd had his eye on for a while. She was the local game show hostess - incredible body, great looks but not a lot going on upstairs... Anyway, they were both 18, he'd just passed his driving test & had his first car (fiesta) & thought he was the business... A date is arranged by a mutual friend of theirs & he goes to pick her up.

Her dad (the local coalman - built like a brick outhouse) answers the door & gives him the once over. A grunt & nod of the head for my friend to follow him into the house... Now the thing about this story is it's way back in 1987. It was fashionable at that time for guys to wear chains (western style) on their boots.. The second my friend steps into the hall his chains catch on the (new looking) carpet. Instantly he realises & stops. The father tells him to go in & sit down that (let's call her "Clare") will be down in a minute.

My friend replies that no, it's ok, he'll wait, no, come on in says the father, Ah no, it's ok, Sure we'll be going in a minute... whith that, clare appears at the top of the stairs, jiggles down them & kisses her dad goodbye, Enjoy says the dad, clare opens the door & steps outside & my friend turns & rips the carpet with his chains... Dad is gone back to watching the wrestling (or whatever) & Clare doesn't notice because she's outside...

They get to town & she picks the movie they're going to see "Steel Magnolias", that's cool, Julia Roberts is in it, she was good in pretty woman... yeah, except in this one she has cancer & dies at 25... total blubfest... Clare is sobbing her heart out, my friend is watching her breasts jiggle as she cries in the cinema, thinking she's gonna be in no mood after this...

They head home & he resorts to the mood music routine because she's still so upset... slides a tape into the alpine (alpine stereo in a frigging fiesta), & it's Chicago..."If You Leave Me Now" starts oozin out of the speakers... SHe starts blubbing again... You OK asks my friend... That's mine & Stevo's song... she replies...

He drops her home, goes in for a smooch & she skips out of the car & runs off into the house, her dad is standing at the door waiting for them because he's discovered his ripped carpet in the meantime. Sees his little girl running down the path crying & starts running out toward my friend, who then panicks, jams the car into first, hits the coal lorry, denting the door of it & then makes good his escape with "the hulk" banging on the roof of the car halfway down the street...

Not the best of dates...

On another first date he sharted (nerves) & had to leave his boxers in the toilets of the pub

pebbles21

Went on a date with a woman in her mid-forties(i was late thirties),we went for a nice meal which went down really well, followed by a few beers in the pub next door

At the end of the night we were getting on so well together that she asked me back to hers for a "coffee"

On the way to hers in the taxi we started to get a bit lovey dovey and exchanged a few kisses,then she whispered in my ear "do you fancy a mother daughter threesome?"

So shocked an all that i was i still didnt want to turn down a session with a sexy milf and her twentysomething year old daughter so i said "yeah sure no problem"

We got to hers and we entered the house and she told me to sit down there for a second then she shouted upstairs

"MAAA.............your wanted down here"!!

That_Guy

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

I wonder how many of these stories are genuine?

Me thinks people are just looking for thanks.

I wish mine were fake.

That_Guy

pebbles21 wrote: »

Went on a date with a woman in her mid-forties(i was late thirties),we went for a nice meal which went down really well, followed by a few beers in the pub next door

At the end of the night we were getting on so well together that she asked me back to hers for a "coffee"

On the way to hers in the taxi we started to get a bit lovey dovey and exchanged a few kisses,then she whispered in my ear "do you fancy a mother daughter threesome?"

So shocked an all that i was i still didnt want to turn down a session with a sexy milf and her twentysomething year old daughter so i said "yeah sure no problem"

We got to hers and we entered the house and she told me to sit down there for a second then she shouted upstairs

"MAAA.............your wanted down here"!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZeeELBWkJc

Toots*

Toots* wrote: »

soaking wet, filthy dirty

giggidy

ronnie3585

NOGMaxpower wrote: »

Went out to dinner with a friends girl friends friend (we hit it off in a club one night), nothing too fancy. Anyhoo we were getting on great, exchanging stories, funny times, holidays, travel etc etc when after 15 mins (just finished the starters) she says "no i dont agree with that". We were talking about how it sucks that Irish isn't spoken in Ireland. She didn't agree it was because of British rule... (go figure?). Cool no worries I said and tried to move onto the nex topic. But no she wasn't having it, before i knew it she was standing up in the packed Mao's screaming abuse at me. Saying Im a racist b'tard, typical bloke who doesn't know how to treat a lady amongst many more abusive language.

Embarrassed to say the least I tried to calm her down. Explaining nothing had happend its ok we were just talking there's no need to make a scene. NOpe still more abuse "do you think I am mad and making it up you abused me!!" Enough was enough I said "ok lets call it quits its not working out" at this our mains arrive. I said to the waiter look we're off sorry for the scene I'll pay at the dooor......"no you wont we'll split the bill im not some scabby biatch....." I / we pay for the uneaten meal and leave.... or i try to leave.

Ya see I didn't drive and was a few miles from home. She insisted on giving me a lift in that kind of psycho way. I said feck it if she attacks me I'll knock her out whats the worst that could happen. 2 mins in the car and nothing but silence (felt like 20). She turns and says "im sorry I suffer from depression and I didn't mean to have an outburst like that. I really like you but I flipped out I hoep you can understand". Yeh yeh I said its ok ya know dont worry about (nervous and starting to get afraid). "no!!!" she insists "I'd really liek to give another date a go, what do you think?"... fearing she has a tire iron some where close to hand I entertain this and try to be supportive. At this stage she is in full flight tears while driving. I did all that i could to chill her out.... thankfully we made it to my gaff after her balling her eyes out.

We stop outside and I said "thanks for the lift and Im sorry you had such a hard time during dinner, depression is very hard to cope with and I hope she'll be ok driving home".... nothing... silence. Hm ok i think... then she turns to me with fire in her eyes "Just get the F out of my car you pr*ck".

OMG, I got out of the car in a flash and went straight to my mates house to berrate him for setting me up with a nut case!!!

Made me think of this;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV8tciBFpCI

Soldie

Monkey61 wrote: »

First date with my lovely ex-girlfriend involved lots and lots of wine. She threw up on me and then fell over and smashed her face off a wall. She then threw up in my bed.

We discovered later that she had lost her bag. Just as well that we got on like a house on fire, because her housemates were away for Christmas so she had to stay with me for 3 days until she could get her friend to send her down a spare set of keys.

I thought it was all hilarious. Embarrassing for her though as she had to go to work the next day (when they all knew she had been out on a date the previous night) dying of a hangover, in filthy clothes with a black eye and a big cut on her face.

A black eye and cuts to the face -- the hallmark of a date the night before. :eek:

TheScribbler

CCCP^ wrote: »

What the **** is this dating bull****? This is more American ****e. It's not called dating here. You just keep showing up at the same place with the same person until you get married or they/you start showing up with somebody else. Jesus ****ing Christ like.

I feel sorry for you friend. I really do

phill106

pebbles21 wrote: »

Went on a date with a woman in her mid-forties(i was late thirties),we went for a nice meal which went down really well, followed by a few beers in the pub next door

At the end of the night we were getting on so well together that she asked me back to hers for a "coffee"

On the way to hers in the taxi we started to get a bit lovey dovey and exchanged a few kisses,then she whispered in my ear "do you fancy a mother daughter threesome?"

So shocked an all that i was i still didnt want to turn down a session with a sexy milf and her twentysomething year old daughter so i said "yeah sure no problem"

We got to hers and we entered the house and she told me to sit down there for a second then she shouted upstairs

"MAAA.............your wanted down here"!!

I call shenanigans!

starbelgrade

DazMarz wrote: »

This happened in a very nice restaurant and I was having dinner (though not technically a 'date') with a girl I had fancied for a long time. I had scrubbed up a good bit for this, as I wanted to make a good impression, as you do.

Was wearing a new blazer/jacket, new shirt, slacks and so on.

Needed to relieve myself about halfway through dinner, so I went to the gents. After using the urinal, the zipper on the slacks was a bit stubborn in closing, so after a bit of wrenching, it finally snaked shut... right over a protruding piece of my new shirt.

Cue much swearing and cursing and jiggling of the zip. Take off jacket as I'm getting quite hot and stressed at this ''f*cking, c*nting, b*starding zip''.:mad: I try to pull the zip up to the top and then back down.

Eventually the little metal bit/grip on the zip flies off... and my fist goes flying into my own forehead, sending me sprawling all over the wet, piss-covered floor. In my new clothes, now destroyed and me semi-conscious.

Date ended rather rapidly after that....:(

Besides sounding like you were trying well too hard by suiting up for some food, anyone who calls trousers "slacks" is asking for it in my book.

That_Guy

NothingMan wrote: »

When I was 15 I went on a movie date with a girl i'd liked for ages. We were walking homewards through a park and I tripped a little, didn't fall, but I did tear my rediculously baggy trousers. Then they kept getting caught under mh shoe and tearing more. By the time we were out of the park they were ripped up past my knee and billowing back in the wind.

When I was 19 I took a girl out, she was 17, to the cinema and then went to Eddies. We ended up back in her parents as they were out (giggidy). She was walking me back towards a bus stop when she paused turned and puked all over the place. She was mortified but I thought it was just funny. I happened to have tissues, water and chewing gum on me, but didn't get a goodnight kiss (probably better off).

You seem disappointed.

That_Guy

Reginald P. DuM wrote: »

My story is a little embarassing but I am willing to take the hit to tell a funny tale....

Was out with this great gal one night, dinner drinks etc, and all went very well. We got marvellously drunk, her on vodka and myself on JD. So we wobble away home to my place, taking about twice as long as the walk should have taken. Another drink or two with a few tunes and we both pass out on the bed, fully clothed I may add, just completely wasted..

Now when this poster goes into a drunken coma after JD, it is just that, a coma. There is no waking him, whatever exterior or interior forces may try. So the bladder has filled up but the brain aint receiving any signals so the bladder goes ahead and empties itself anyway, there in the bed, beside this totally cool girl.

Few hours later Reg wakes up, not in the best of states and slowly the moistness of the bed reaches his consciousness. Not to mention the smell. She is still passed out, and he hopes beyond hope that it was her mistake and not his. Alas he knows better because the curse of JD had struck once before.

Time to get up and get out of these wet clothes, which of course stirs the young lady. She notices the problem immediately but seems too ill to care, and laughs it off heading for a shower. Her clothes are drenched through obviously, so she borrows a few ill fitting items of his and calls a cab to head home. So the adventure didn't turn out too badly considering, and she promised to call within a few days.

However in a final twist, she called within a few hours. She had left the house with her black, wet trousers rolled up in her hands. At home she got out of the taxi and left the trousers on the floor of the car. So the cab office promised to have the pants for her the next day when she'd call in. They kept the promise only they had the good sense to put them in a plastic bag and make it airtight. Cue loads of sniggers and jeers from drivers when she went in to pick them up.

She came back for more the happy couple lasted for a good many months after this incident. Needless to say JD has never passed the offenders lips again.

So that's two things I can't drink on dates. Wine and JD.

20 Times 20 Times

Lux23 wrote: »

I have never had a good first date. Most people I have ended up going it with have been friends of friends who I may have hung around with for a while and hey presto we are an item. To be honest when people ask me out on a date the nerves kill me so I end up acting like a complete knob.

Then you have yet to meet someone to make you feel comfortable , and acting yourself :-D which i hope is not a knob :-D

jonnyfingers

Not really a first date but..........

A few years ago I found myself recently single after a two and a half year relationship. Suddenly finding myself at a loose end I started going out every weekend with a friend of mine. I knew plenty of people in his group of friends but hadn't seen them in a while. We all got on well though. One of the girls in the group used to go out with a friend of mine. She was a lovely girl but I had never considered her anything but a friend. She was also a smoker which is a big turn off for me.

Needless to say over the course of a few weekends she started flirting with me more and more. I kept resisting because I had no interest in going out with her so if we kissed (or more) and then I ****ed off it would ruin my weekends out with the group.

On Saturday we ended up going back to a house party. She was cuddling up to me on the couch and I was still resisting. She tried to get the both of us alone but I kept keeping others close by. Slowly but surely my defenses were being weakened. She had fantastic breasts which were making me reconsider the whole situation. Shallow, I know, but what can you do! Eventually I said I had to go home and would walk to the taxi rank. She jumped at the chance and said she'd go with me.

We were now alone. :eek:

On the walk to the taxi she kept stopping me and basically leaving herself wide open for the kiss. Stupidly I was still resisting. Finally she'd had enough and moved right up to my face. She moved in for the kiss and I..................

........nutted her. Right on the forehead. She said 'ouch' and 'why?' and I had no answer! To this day I don't know what I was thinking. We both got into separate taxis and went home!

Met her out the next weekend and somehow she was still interested. Ended up having a great night and doing everything I had given her a nut to stop! Sure enough I had to tell her the next day that I didn't want anything serious, she was teary and said she felt used! To stop her crying I asked her to go to the cinema 'as friends'. We saw "Signs" and she spent the whole time cuddling into me. Probably not a good idea to go to the cinema with a girl I was trying to let down gently. Told her once more that I didn't want anything too serious and she agreed to be just friends, promising that we could still go out as a group at the weekend like usual.

It wasn't really the same though so stopped going out with that whole group, just as I had predicted!

I do feel bad about the whole thing as she really is a lovely girl. Still see her years later and still get on well. But she'll always be the the girl I headbutted instead of kissed!

NothingMan

She moved in for the kiss and I..................

........nutted her.

Ha, classic. "Come her studmuffin".....Thud "take that".

I had one of these crazy girls before but her bewbs were not nice, much like the rest of her. We had ended up fooling around after a drunken night before and I was out with some friends and bumped into her again.

Anyway she hit it off with my mate and loads of us ended up back in his. They were canoodling away and I said I was gonna head off and grab a taxi. She decided to come with me. We were walking towards the taxi and she pulled the old "I forgot my keys can, I stay in yours" so I obliged thinking she was with my mate so nothing's gonna happen.

So we ended up fooling around in my bed and somehow never kissed. She got up to leave the next morning and went to kiss me goodbye and I gave her the cheek. Pretty embaressing, probably more for her, but dry humping an ugly chick is one thing. Smooching them is just wrong.

sbsquarepants

Spore wrote: »

What disturbs is the amount of these disasterous dates that ended up in marriage :eek:

Explains the high divorce rate i suppose!

Big Knox

Great Thread, have been getting a right laugh from most of the stories and it just hit me that I have a pretty bad one myself from about 4 years ago!!

Had been out on a night out with a friend and a few of his mates from college, got on really well with one of the girls but the nite was ended short. They were all back down the following week so we arranged to go out with them again so happy days.

We start off in a house having a few drinks and immediatly i'm hitting it off with this girl, she's sitting on my lap etc. So everything going great we get to the niteclub but at this stage i'm getting fairly messy after having numerous shots and double vodkas. Now I can't exactly remember what happened next but my friend said the last he seen of me I was heading to the toilets happy out proclaiming she had asked me did I have protection so was off the make sure I could seal the deal but it didn't exactly go as planned...

I woke up in a very small pitch dark room, literally no idea what was going on or where I was. Managed to feel the outline of a toilet bowl. Opened the cubicle door and walked out into a dark toilet. It hits me i'm in the niteclub but there's no music.... ****!! I run out and the entire place is completly empty, no one to be seen. In a panic I run towards the front stairs, no staff and no bouncers. Run down the stairs to be greeted by a massive chain and pad lock around the handles of the front doors. After wandering around upstairs comtemplating where to sleep I eventually find a cleaner who let's me out the fire exit.

Woke up the next morning with a txt from my friend saying "Your some asshole, if you didn't want to stay with **** you could have at least told her instead of doing a legger she was looking for you all night!". So I txt back "Yeah sorry". Best left unsaid I think!! :P

Size=everything

Big Knox wrote: »

Great Thread, have been getting a right laugh from most of the stories and it just hit me that I have a pretty bad one myself from about 4 years ago!!

Had been out on a night out with a friend and a few of his mates from college, got on really well with one of the girls but the nite was ended short. They were all back down the following week so we arranged to go out with them again so happy days.

We start off in a house having a few drinks and immediatly i'm hitting it off with this girl, she's sitting on my lap etc. So everything going great we get to the niteclub but at this stage i'm getting fairly messy after having numerous shots and double vodkas. Now I can't exactly remember what happened next but my friend said the last he seen of me I was heading to the toilets happy out proclaiming she had asked me did I have protection so was off the make sure I could seal the deal but it didn't exactly go as planned...

I woke up in a very small pitch dark room, literally no idea what was going on or where I was. Managed to feel the outline of a toilet bowl. Opened the cubicle door and walked out into a dark toilet. It hits me i'm in the niteclub but there's no music.... ****!! I run out and the entire place is completly empty, no one to be seen. In a panic I run towards the front stairs, no staff and no bouncers. Run down the stairs to be greeted by a massive chain and pad lock around the handles of the front doors. After wandering around upstairs comtemplating where to sleep I eventually find a cleaner who let's me out the fire exit.

Woke up the next morning with a txt from my friend saying "Your some asshole, if you didn't want to stay with **** you could have at least told her instead of doing a legger she was looking for you all night!". So I txt back "Yeah sorry". Best left unsaid I think!! :P

Bull****. Before closing a club bouncers check EVERYWHERE. You'd be suprised at where you find some people sleeping.

Publicdiservice

Was technically a second date, took her out for meal and all was going well, so suggested a drink. Popped into a regular haunt, whelans, and ran into a bunch of friends, female, from home who were out of it. That by itself was ok, but then one of the girls attracted a rather disturbing gentleman from Ghana who admitted to being a bit of a fan satanism and very fond of one of my friends. Needless to say i orchestrated a getaway for all concerned but that particular night was dead from a romantic viewpoint. We did have a mini relationship after tho so not a complete deathknell.

Big Knox

Size=everything wrote: »

Bull****. Before closing a club bouncers check EVERYWHERE. You'd be suprised at where you find some people sleeping.

:rolleyes:

Why would I make this up? I had actually forgot about it until I was going through this thread but your point is true I have no idea how the bouncer's didn't check or find me. Pretty much everyone has said the same!!

General Zod

pebbles21 wrote: »

Went on a date with a woman in her mid-forties(i was late thirties),we went for a nice meal which went down really well, followed by a few beers in the pub next door

At the end of the night we were getting on so well together that she asked me back to hers for a "coffee"

On the way to hers in the taxi we started to get a bit lovey dovey and exchanged a few kisses,then she whispered in my ear "do you fancy a mother daughter threesome?"

So shocked an all that i was i still didnt want to turn down a session with a sexy milf and her twentysomething year old daughter so i said "yeah sure no problem"

We got to hers and we entered the house and she told me to sit down there for a second then she shouted upstairs

"MAAA.............your wanted down here"!!

Why must you turn AH into a house of lies?

snowbunny21

Hi everyone - this thread is really making my day its so funny! although its making me think of my worst first date so il have to share it!!
Technically it was me who was the disaster on this one.....id like to blame it on when i was young and foolish!! anyway i was friends with my older brothers friend and one night we got chatting and texting and decided to meet up (he wasnt my type but he was a pilot so.....)
first mistake was deciding to meet straight after work where i rushed and had nothing to eat all day!! so a few drinks turned into a great few and we rolled from one pub into another then into a nightclub where from there it went downhill!!!
bascially lost my 'date' lost my bag and the next thing i remember was waking up (in my bed thank god!!!) but when i turned around there was a guy lying asleep beside me.....thankfully dressed!!! :eek: but it wasnt my date!!
cue me freaking out big time....waking this stranger up and telling him great night but he had to go...i didnt even remember his name therefore i didnt even want to ask!!
if that wasnt bad enough i realised i had my 'first date' jacket and his car keys with me so he had to come collect them that evening.....knowing full what i had done.....:o:o
this was one story where we both kept it from my brother haha!

sbsquarepants

Size=everything wrote: »

Bull****. Before closing a club bouncers check EVERYWHERE. You'd be suprised at where you find some people sleeping.

I know 2 people who have woken up in similar circumstances. A lot of nightclub bouncers aren't the dedicated company men you seem to think they are!

sunnyjim

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I know 2 people who have woken up in similar circumstances. A lot of nightclub bouncers aren't the dedicated company men you seem to think they are!

True enough. Barcode is pretty bad for not checking the ladies jaxx.