Problems in the office

LegacyUser

I worked in an office with 5 other 1 male 4 female, there was a time when something changed in the office and I am unsure as to what has occured, but since a few weeks before christmas I have felt excluded, I wont go into to many details but i was unsure what to do about it so put it out of my mind but it has got worse since we went back.

Just one eg everyone has coffee in the morning , whoever happens to get in first makes coffee, each morning this week coffee was made for everyone except me , not a problem really I can make my own , I went to the smoking area and the others left.

Was not told about the christmas night out , hamper shared out to others ( I was not there when this was done) but boss told me after I did ask what had happened to the hamper was told it was given to charity.

Then there was an event this week which would normally have brought the other girls over to my desk to "hear the latest" so to speak yet they never came near me.

I mentioned this to my boss and asked him if he thought something was wrong, he did agree that it seemed as if their was a chance in the
He asked me if I wanted to clear the air and that we have an informal meeting, this was fine by me , however he called me to the area of the office , all the others were sitting at their desks and he said that I had come to him and said I felt that I was being excluded,He had already spoken to them ,,,,,,,,, well boy did they turn on me, saying there were times I did not say good morning, the thing about the coffee was probably a mistake , I felt like I was on trial, I mean their whole attitude , they were nasty and put it all down to me , I can be quiet at time , whereas the others are more lively but in a good way,

I was very upset because as we went through the different things that happened they had a very prepared answer for everything .

I was all for clearing the air but lies were told at that meeting today and there is no way I can prove that .................. do I just chalk it down and forget about it .

BTW by telling my boss I was following procedures

Any comments appreciated

eth0_

new guest wrote: »

BTW by telling my boss I was following procedures

Any comments appreciated

What procedures? Why did you not consider having a quiet word with one of these people instead of going straight to your boss?

I think you've made yourself look a bit bad to your colleagues by getting the boss involved, and i'm sure your boss didn't appreciate being asked to deal with something that you seem to have made no attempt to resolve by yourself.

Liz Kaye

these things really do tend to blow over. We can all feel a bit excluded at some time. In my office there's a walking group..fine by me as I dont like hill trecking, but the same crowd are also doing a cinema night out once a month..I would have liked that! But, hey, you're not married to them! Enjoy your own friends as well as them. AND dont forget the biscuit kitty, the lotto euro or any of that crap.people can get so annoyed about an honest lapse. (an old boss once told me "co-workers are ALWAYS a temporary arrangement...never forgot that!). Things really will improve. Dont chew the cud over this, give it time, be pleasant and easy to work with..someone else will hit the deck next week..dont ruminate!!

Well if OP feels his co workers are excluding him then why shouldn't he/she just go straight to boss and exclude them? all it was was a clear the air pow wow, there was no warnings dished out. anyway they sound like a bunch of twats. "You never say good morning". Oh such drama. Very mature reason to isolate a co worker. Did it ever occur to their puny brains that you might'nt be a morning person. plenty of people dont come in chirping "Good morning" to me, i dont take it personally, in fact some are good friends of mine. Just ignore them and do your own thing. your only mistake was giving a sh*t about them enough to clear the air. they are just the typical office bitches you get everywhere.

LegacyUser

By following procedures I meant that there was an incident with someone else in this office and they called a person aside and tried to clear up issues, they were told that there is a grievience policy in place and the boss was to be informed.

I really appreciate your comments and am trying to put it behind me, it was the lie that was told that I found well I suppose hurtful, but then that person was trying to save their own skin over something, no matter, best quote from your replies
!co workers are always a temporary arrangement -- love that, again thank you all

Olduvai

If the situation doesnt blow over, continue to follow the grievance policy and go to whoever is the next in command. It might also be helpful to join a union.

I would start keeping a written record of all incidents and dates just in case.

Exclusion can be a form of bullying and employers do have a responsibility to act! Work is difficult enough without people adding additional stress!

LegacyUser

I'm sorry to hear OP. I can tell you for a fact that I'm experiencing pretty much the same thing where I'm working, too.

I'm completely excluded. I try to be nice to colleagues and keep conversations light hearted but I end up having smart comments made about me on a regular basis; especially after I've just left the room for a minute- and they not knowing I'm still in their hearing.

I enjoy my job..but it's gotten really really hard to cope with. I'm reluctant to speak with supervisors as they get on very well with these people too - so I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

I'm so tempted to hand in my resignation. It's gone that far. People will kill me, particularly my family as my job's well paid and has fantastic security - but the worry and hassle from dealing with these people on a constant basis eight hours a day is really demanding and has, on occasion, brought me to tears.

And the worst part is I'm a fella..!

I want to point out that I've tried standing up to these people but they simply gang up on me. If I crack a joke no one laughs - basically saying "That's probably funny in your world". Sad thing is that the exact same joke is used by another colleague (not involved and not present) and he got laughs and praise all around.

I really, really want out..Advice, please?

justcoping

SadtoHear wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear OP. I can tell you for a fact that I'm experiencing pretty much the same thing where I'm working, too.

I understand what you are going through and I think that others who are not in this position may find it difficult to understand or even imagine situations like this.

From reading up on this problem over the past few weeks this happens a lot more than people realise and it happens to both males and females and to all age groups.

I posted the original problem on here and since then things have not changed or improved at all, in fact they are getting worse by the day, I am sorry if this is going to be a long rant but I feel the only way I can get proper advise is to try and outline my situation clearly so here goes:

As mentioned above I work in an office situation ( all in one big office ) there is the manager (male) and 4 staff (female including myself) I have worked here for over 10 years.

What I did not put in my original post is that I did have some ongoing medical treatment last year, I explained this to the manager at a private meeting and medical certificates are on file to cover the time I was out, I did not discuss this with anyone other than the manager as it is of a sensitive nature , however one of the others in the office passed a remark one evening ( a direct reference to my treatment) and they both walked away laughing , I asked her what she was laughing at and she fobbed me off with an excuse. It did upset me but I left it off.

At the clearing of the air meeting as I mentioned I felt I was attacked and left that meeting very upset, the manager followed me to my area and said he thought it would be best if I told the others about my treatment and he felt I had a lot on my plate , I dont know why I was reduced to a crying shrivelling wreck that day but I did tell them quickly that I was sick and would be getting treatment, I am so sorry for doing that now , I feel I was railroaded into it , however I do think that they already knew (ref the remark above by the other worker)

Back to the exclusion and being ignored, this is still going on but has now taken a turn, i.e. one person in particular is ignoring me completly BUT only when the manager is not there, e.g. I came in one morning this week and said a general GM (as I have been accused of not doing this) and she said GM , manager was at his desk, however the following morning I repeated as above and she grunted something and put her head down, manager was not there.

Out of the blue then she came to my desk with the newspaper asking me if I wanted a look at it ( in view of manager).

I was out of the office (smoke break) and when I came back they all had their lunch which they had ordered in , I was not even asked if I wanted anything ( manager not there)

So from reading the replies the last time I had a word with this person, she denied everything even the remark she made ( she said that would be a very "catty" remark to make and she never said it) please believe me when I tell you she DID say this , I was right behind her I know what she said. So having a word with her has not worked.

I have tried on several occasion to just forget this and have gone and joined them in the smoking area with a cup of coffee and they just ignore anything I say or get up and leave .

I could go on forever but it would be pointless, the reality is I spend day after day in that office where they might not say a single word to me , and as the username suggests I am just coping really but it is upsetting me greatly , I say to myself come on your a mature woman get over this but in truth , this is hurting me and upsetting me .

I am a union member if that helps any of you on advising me , Thank You

justcoping

Olduvai wrote: »

If the situation doesnt blow over, continue to follow the grievance policy and go to whoever is the next in command. It might also be helpful to join a union.

I would start keeping a written record of all incidents and dates just in case.

Exclusion can be a form of bullying and employers do have a responsibility to act! Work is difficult enough without people adding additional stress!

I have taken your advise and am keeping a written record of these things, though sometimes when I read it back it seems trivial but I will continue it , I must add that I would be VERY slow to go down the bullying road, although I do feel there is a form of bullying in all of this .

justcoping

eth0_ wrote: »

What procedures? Why did you not consider having a quiet word with one of these people instead of going straight to your boss?

I think you've made yourself look a bit bad to your colleagues by getting the boss involved, and i'm sure your boss didn't appreciate being asked to deal with something that you seem to have made no attempt to resolve by yourself.

As mentioned in my latest post I did try and have a word with the other people and this did not work , I do take on board your point that I may have made myself look bad , there are a few things I do regret like getting upset and that but I do need to resolve this somehow ,

xoxyx

justcoping wrote: »

sometimes when I read it back it seems trivial but I will continue it , I must add that I would be VERY slow to go down the bullying road, although I do feel there is a form of bullying in all of this .

Hey JC. That's a really horrible situation to be in and I sympathise with you. I have a lot of negative things to say about my job (who doesn't!), but I have never experienced anything like you're going through.
I would definitely not be worried about anything you take down as being regarded as trivial. Let's face it, you spend a very large portion of your life working, and if people are making that work miserable for you they are very much impacting on you in general.
Not knowing all the circumstances, it sounds like you have fallen in with a crowd of mean bitches! Unfortunately, some people never lose the playground mentality, and, also unfortunately, these people will never be short of some willing onlookers to join in their game. It's a reflection on them, not you, that they feel the need to behave this way.
I would seriously have another talk with the manager and get everything that's said on record. In fact, bring a union rep with you.
If you feel that your working life is so bad that you have to leave, then maybe you should - because some people will never change and you don't need to be in such an environment.
However, remember, there is such a thing as constructive dismissal. If you leave your job because it became unbearable to you, you can lash these guys up in court and make your case that you didn't want to leave, but you didn't feel you had any choice, and you may well get compensated.
Miserable cows in your office!!! :mad:

Liz Kaye

Im going out on a limb here...but life is very short. Have a good look round for another job. They are really there if you look really hard (maybe give yourself a countdown timeframe of say, three months) and LEAVE. Anyone I know who has left a job they were miserable in has never regretted it. BUT make sure you have a new job first. These horrible co-workers sound as if they'll never change. When you get your great new job, ask for an Exit interview and name and shame them all...lifes too short to be miserable. (But get that new job first!!).

justcoping

Liz Kaye wrote: »

Im going out on a limb here...but life is very short. Have a good look round for another job. They are really there if you look really hard (maybe give yourself a countdown timeframe of say, three months) and LEAVE. Anyone I know who has left a job they were miserable in has never regretted it. BUT make sure you have a new job first. These horrible co-workers sound as if they'll never change. When you get your great new job, ask for an Exit interview and name and shame them all...lifes too short to be miserable. (But get that new job first!!).

Thank you for that , yes I am actively looking for another job, it will be a shame though I have been in the job over 12 years, in fact I am the longest serving one here, as of today things are not any better, but I do feel a little stronger , am basically keeping myself to myself, manager is being a little obvious in coming to say GM etc, you know I am beginning to hate the two words Good Morning lol.

Had a read over the various bits I have noted , and will continue to keep them, its seems childish in one way but necessary in another, manager will be away for next two days so should be interesting , we also have two others starting on a part time basis , will be interesting to see how that goes , thanks guys for all your comments and support.

justcoping

z_topaz wrote: »

Hey JC. That's a really horrible situation to be in and I sympathise with you. I have a lot of negative things to say about my job (who doesn't!), but I have never experienced anything like you're going through.
I would definitely not be worried about anything you take down as being regarded as trivial. Let's face it, you spend a very large portion of your life working, and if people are making that work miserable for you they are very much impacting on you in general.
Not knowing all the circumstances, it sounds like you have fallen in with a crowd of mean bitches! Unfortunately, some people never lose the playground mentality, and, also unfortunately, these people will never be short of some willing onlookers to join in their game. It's a reflection on them, not you, that they feel the need to behave this way.
I would seriously have another talk with the manager and get everything that's said on record. In fact, bring a union rep with you.
If you feel that your working life is so bad that you have to leave, then maybe you should - because some people will never change and you don't need to be in such an environment.
However, remember, there is such a thing as constructive dismissal. If you leave your job because it became unbearable to you, you can lash these guys up in court and make your case that you didn't want to leave, but you didn't feel you had any choice, and you may well get compensated.
Miserable cows in your office!!! :mad:

Thank you for that , food for thought , will keep taking notes for a while if anything happens and get my head together and will talk to union rep and see where I stand .

LegacyUser

Hi OP and SadtoHear. Some weeks before Xmas i got the sack and i posted a thread here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055756515

The reason i panicked after i made the error is because i was under huge pressure as i had to produce huge output daily. I came in to work and had sh*t loads of work to get through had a total moron of a supervisor and line lead who were constantly on my back. He had a fellow peer time me and whilst i was hitting target within the frame he timed me (and at all times as i worked the same rate i always did). they still weren't happy. On several occasions i got a dressing down from the gutter snipe in front of my co workers - a totally humiliating experience. I complained him and the coward weaseled out of it like he always does. All sweetness and light.

I made the error that November morning and got the fright of my life. i felt terrified from all the sh*t i was getting. i did come forward but only when QC discovered it and my line lead asked me too. the line lead was always looking over our shoulder when we worked and telling me 'drive em on' even though i was going as fast as i can. that was the crap i endured since the 'R' word was first mentioned. It was survival of the fittest after that.

My friends inside weren't happy with what happened and the one positive i took is that i found out who my friends were. One polish guy even complained to the line lead how wrong it was.

I didn't do myself any favours by the action i took ill admit but i was under so much pressure to produce that i didn't think straight but the experience has thought me that life is too short to be stuck in a miserable job and i would advise you to evaluate your options and leave the bunch of losers to it. You both don't need that nonsense. I realise the nature of your work is different to what i was doing but if this continues it will affect your work.

I'm hoping to go back to college in Sept and gain a decent career so i wont have to deal with pond life like that again.