Silent child

LegacyUser

I'm a father of a great child. He's pushing 2 in a couple of months. he's walking and starting to run and he's strong and in great health. I try to keep him going playing with him, his toys and talking him. trying to coax him to pronounce the usual dad and mam. But its just not happening.

I'm afraid that his mother its stunting his development. She's a loving mother but she leaves him in front of the telly watching the same 3 or 4 kids dvds in his cot nearly all day everyday. so he just stands there with a bottle or pacifier in his mouth looking at the telly. I've said it to her but she just tells me that she can't handle doing anything around the house because he follows her everywhere. I've started getting up an hour or two earlier in the morning before work to clean as much as possible to help her out but he's still in the cot all day.

Am I paranoid or is this normal for a child his age. its my first child so I don't know what the norm is.

nesf

worried dad wrote: »

I'm afraid that his mother its stunting his development. She's a loving mother but she leaves him in front of the telly watching the same 3 or 4 kids dvds in his cot nearly all day everyday. so he just stands there with a bottle or pacifier in his mouth looking at the telly. I've said it to her but she just tells me that she can't handle doing anything around the house because he follows her everywhere. I've started getting up an hour or two earlier in the morning before work to clean as much as possible to help her out but he's still in the cot all day.

It's hard for a kid to learn how to talk if they're not being talked to. A pacifier at that age is also *not* a good idea. He needs to be making noises and practicing speaking.

sarahlulu

My youngest daughter wasc two yesterday. I spend all my time chatting to her, explaining what I am doing etc. as a result, she never stops talking. The only way a child can learn to talk is by being spoken to.

silverharp

OP, are there any issues with your wife? saying that a 2 year old is spending all day in a cot is not something I have seen with any of my friends. I can understand an hour or 2 to get stuff done around the house but other then that someone should be interacting with him. does he get out much for playdates, grandparents mother/parent classes etc?

charlieroot

OP,

If you have concerns about your child you could have a chat with your GP. They can help with this. They can do a developmental assessment for your son.

Discussing parenting on the internet can be helpful in many cases but sometimes its better to get expert advice. I think if I was in your position I would seek help if only to reassure myself that things are ok.

Also, I would suggest your wife/partner going along and talk to the GP. I would be very careful about assigning any blame to anyone.

Best of luck - I hope everything works out well

simu

It sounds like the mother is depressed tbh but hey, what do I, some randomer on the internet know? You should seek advice from your GP or your PHN imho.

Ickle Magoo

I think there are two issues here, firstly, not talking much can very well be "normal" at that age. The key to language isn't in speaking, it's in comprehension. If you ask him to pick up two blocks, or point at the red one, if he can do that then language probably isn't going to be a big issue but ask the PHN at his next check if you are concerned and they can arrange a referral if they share that concern.

Issue no 2 is that it isn't ideal for any child to spend all day in a cot in front of the telly and I'm more worried about your wife or partner that she isn't driven to give him a more varied day, do you know if she is feeling okay? Not being able to handle the housework and childcare are classic symptoms of depression, perhaps a chat with her GP would benefit everyone?

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

hi my friends little fella didnt star talking til after his 2nd birthday understood everyting tho, does baby understand what you say to him? if you tell him to get his bottle would he get it like? my other friends baby is a year and a half doesnt say anything makes lots of noise tho and knows wat youre saying to him, then my neice is 18 months and can say everything counts to 20 too she follows my sister around the house too all babies do my sister gets everything done her house is spotless she just tells my neice to "be the helper" wat ever she does cookin cleaning housework etc, my neice has her own little play cleaning set that she loves, my sister wouldnt leave her by herself anyway but my sister talks to my neice constantly thats why she picked it up so quickly, definatley do something about your baby now intelegence starts very early its what happens now in your babys brain that affects how he uses it as an adult he'l start talking eventually but wont have any people skills and may be below average intelegence was only watching somethin on this recently

Nevyn

When was his last assement with the public health nurse?
The test and track for developement and usually will be happy to make an appointment for to you bring him for an extra check up and you can also go to your gp.

It does sound as if maybe your partner isn't coping so well at home with the child,
again are there parent and toddler groups in the area, the public health nurse tend to have a list of what is near by.

It might be a good idea to get her to talk to her dr as well.

Do you have any child developement books or guides so you can look at roughly were he should be?

LegacyUser

has your baby had its last check up with the baby nurse yet it usually happens before 2nd birthday they do a couple of tests building blocks etc and taking measurements etc maybe a montessori for a few hours would help if nothing wrong with baby other half could get work done and have baby back when chores are done have some quality time

metrovelvet

Did the phn refer him for a hearing test?

silja

I have twins of a similar age to your kid (they are 23 months now). My girl is a regular chatterbox, she loves telling stories and repeating words and counting etc. Her brother is much more quiet, and I have been told boys often develop language later. He does understand, he ust doesn't talk much and is generally less of an atention seeker than his sister. The doctor says it's not an issue as he obviously understands what we are saying (like when I ask him to lay down for a nappy change, or whether he wants juice or milk), but that we should encourage him to talk more. So what I do is I read to him- my own adult books- when he is playing by himself, ie instead of reading the newspaperor a book quietly while the twins play or have breakfast, I read out aloud. Also, I try not to react when he points at stuff he wants, but only give him the crayon/ toy etc when he says the word, and "please". Another suggestion I am following is to give choices as often as possible, and make them verbalise their decision; ie"do you want to wear jeans or trousers today?" "Would youlike apple or mandarin slices?" and then lots of praise when they do talk.

I agree with everyone else who has said there may be issues with the mother; sometimes you definitely need a few moments peace to get stuff done (and yes, I have used TV for that too) but leaving the child all day in a cot is not good. Could you maybe look into te possibility of the child going toa minder or daycare for a day a week or two half days? We do that with our twins, which gives me a break, time to do stuff without little ones underfoot, and also allows the kids time to socialise with other kids andlearn that it is ok to be without mammy and daddy for a few hours.

Snowman123

My sister child did not start talking until she was 2 and a half. At 2 she was brought to a speech thearpist.

Obviously a child should not be put infront of a telly all day. You know that yourself. You sound quite paniked about the whole situation. It must be difficult.

I think you need to talk to your wife.
And bring your son to the PHN or GP for a check up or referal to a speech therapist.

Research is required to determine the reasons for an association between early viewing of baby DVDs/videos and poor language development.”

Look up Disney's baby einstein controversy. Disney was forced to refund millions to parents for suggesting the baby einstein dvd's would help devolop a childs language skills.. in fact it was more detrimental to the childs language skills than anything else.

http://www.examiner.com/x-9626-Childrens-Entertainment-Examiner~y2009m10d26-Baby-Einstein-controversy-What-parents-need-to-know

metrovelvet

If she is in the cot all day shes nit getting enough excersize either.