Have you ever had depression?

KnifeWRENCH

Jay P wrote: »

I've debated whether or not I would post an update here for a very long time. I've had them written out a few times, and then decided last minute not to submit, but I'm going to do it now.

Well done for sharing. Hope it made you feel a little better, I know it's not easy to talk about.

I haven't told very many people about it purely because I find it so hard to talk about. Aside from my parents, I've only told people when I've been drunk. I sometimes fit the title of "Classic emotional drunk"

Strangely, I was the opposite. I've talked to friends about it (aswell as talking about it a lot here) and also do the whole "blurting it out when drunk" thing. But I've never once had a proper conversation with my parents, or anyone in my family, about it. I seize up around them and feel awkward. They know full well what's going on; I know my Mam has read the information leaflet for Lexapro and knows why I'm taking it. But I've never actually said the "d" word to them.
I can't even drink alcohol around my parents. I just have this weird need for them to see me as the perfect son who goes to college and doesn't do anything out of the way and doesn't have anything wrong with them. It's a ridiculous mentality, because I actually get on really well with my family and I know they'd have no problem talking to me. I'd just feel to awkward to actually go ahead with it. I find it much easier to talk about it here; it's just people behind a computer screen who I don't have to look directly in the eye and don't have to worry about letting down.


But yeah, I think it's great that you're able to talk to your parents about it. That's definitely a positive thing.

It's been very hard to live with depression, the feelings of sadness and lethargy are horrible, but the helplessness is the hardest thing to live with.

I know exactly what you mean. The feeling that this will always haunt you and that you won't recover is terrifying. Hopefully, the medication and psychiatrist appointments will help with that.

I hope the appointment in June goes well for you. And in the meantime, if you ever need someone to talk to or rant at, I have plenty of room for PMs in my inbox! (And that goes for everyone btw; a lot of people have offered me their support and I've never returned the offer. So yeah, anyone who needs or wants someone to talk to is always welcome to PM me.)

Novella

It's been a really long time, guys!

I've been keeping my eye on this thread, but not posting 'cause... I don't actually know why, but I just wanted to say that the honesty in the last few pages is so inspiring. Being open about my feelings etc., is something I've always found really difficult but when I read the stories of others, I do feel like I'm not on my own.

I'm not exactly sure where I am at the moment, recovery wise I mean. Yesterday was my last session at Pieta House and I haven't self harmed since last August. It'd be a lie if I said I never think about self harming these days. I think about it. I haven't yet found a replacement. Self harm, for me, was the calm, the relief. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. It may sound dramatic, but I feel so overcome with sadness (or it can be anger, anxiety etc.) that it surrounds me, like water, and it's all I can feel. Cutting myself is the only thing that ever made that go away for me. I could feel something else.

Next week, I'm beginning bereavement counselling. It's been almost 10 years since my granny died and my psychiatrist thinks I never really moved on from that, she thinks I'm stuck at 12 years old. And the sad thing is that I am. My granny was who I lived with for years, who took care of me, who I turned to and then she was gone and I began desperately trying to fill that void.

I'm actually really ashamed of a lot of the things I've done. It was a horrible spiral of self destructive behaviour. I cut myself. I drank. A lot. I often drove whilst drunk. I hate myself for that, truly. I slept with people to try take the loneliness away but it only made me feel more empty. I got pregnant because I was careless, and when I miscarried, I guess it sent me over the edge. I took drugs. I attempted suicide a couple of times.

Right now, my diagnosis is bi-polar. I tend not to be depressed all of the time, just go through periods of it. At other times, I'm impulsive, feel like I can do anything, indestructible. It's really hard because I cannot get myself out of the depressions. I write down what I feel so I can show my psychiatrist and sometimes, when I read back my own thoughts, I'm horrified. I haven't found a medication or a combination of medication that works for me yet.

My battle with grief, and then mental illness has consumed a huge part of life. It's been almost 5 years since I did my Leaving Cert and I still haven't managed to complete a full year of college. All of my relationships are affected. To be honest, I spend a hell of a lot of time just being frustrated. Frustrated that I can't motivate or dedicate myself. Frustrated that I can't explain how or why I feel certain ways. Frustrated that I'm not where I thought I'd be at this point of my life.

I've heard people say things about me - "nutjob" etc., and it isn't something that makes me any less willing to speak out. It doesn't bug me. It makes me wish more people could understand, that's all. Being mentally ill isn't being crazy.

Anyway, this was not meant to be so long. I hope everyone is doing okay. I am always, always, always here for anyone who might need someone to talk to.

amacachi

Jay P wrote: »

I was diagnosed with depression 3 days before Christmas, and since then I've just gotten worse and worse. Talking about it is incredibly difficult, and I spent days wondering if I should say something to my parents, or just hope it would go away. In the end I said it to them and saw my GP who prescribed me anti-depressants.

Hate hearing that.

In March I went back to my GP and he increased the dosage of the anti-depressants and referred me to a psychiatrist. He also recommended that I talk to a counsellor, but I haven't worked up the courage to do that yet... Anyway, I only saw the psychiatrist on Friday, and she was lovely. I felt comfortable telling her stuff that I find hard even thinking about... And she prescribed me a different medication because the other one had no effect at all, and scheduled another appointment for June, so hopefully I'll see an improvement before then....

I haven't told very many people about it purely because I find it so hard to talk about. Aside from my parents, I've only told people when I've been drunk. I sometimes fit the title of "Classic emotional drunk" One of my friends has been brilliant though, I feel comfortable enough to tell him when I'm feeling shit. It helps being able to verbalize that kind of thing.

The last few months have been pretty tough. It's been very hard to live with depression, the feelings of sadness and lethargy are horrible, but the helplessness is the hardest thing to live with.

What age are you?

Mollikins

I just have to say if it wasn’t for people being so open on Boards, and in particular C&H, about their struggle with mental illness (especially Konata and Novella) that I might not still be here. It’s horrible that others have gone through or are going through the same thing as you are experiencing but it’s great to know that you are not alone too.

I might come back and talk a little about how depression has affected my life another time. I find it really hard to talk about it and I guess it’s still only sinking in. I’ve got a pretty important appointment with my doctor in the morning so we’ll see how that goes.

Seren_

+ 1 Mollikins. I was talking to someone earlier about being depressed, and it got me thinking about how important this thread was (and is) for me. When you're feeling really awful it's hard to think that anyone else has ever felt that way, but this showed me that they do and they get better, and then that means you can get through it too.

Seriously, so much love for everyone

flyswatter

Novella, that nutjob comment makes me angry. Peoples attitudes in this country are pretty bad to be honest these days. I'll probably end up living in some other country til things get better. Many famous people have had bipolar and other illnesses like that, I could list them off quickly at this stage! So these things are nothing to feel guilty about. Sinead O Connor for example. Best of luck!

Davidius

Forgive me if I manage to come across as offensive by this post but I'm a little skeptical about the earlier argument that a lower reported rate of eating disorders in men can be explained by men being unwilling to admit to it due to a stigma.

If the Wikipedia stats are correct, that is that there is a 10-1 ratio of women to men in the case of anorexia then the aforementioned explanation seems a bit too hand-wavy. I would think it is within reason to conclude that there exists some motivating factor that is much more prevalent in women than in men, the likely culprit being a larger expectation that women look good.

That is not to say that male cases are less serious or that they never happen and it might be of interest to identify any prevalent factors in a male population and see how (if any) differ from those found in females.

If it were true that there had been a rise in incidences of anorexia in males then would it be objectionable to make the conjecture that this would be a result of an increased expectation that men also look good? (It seems for some reason that we're expected to wash more than once every three weeks which is pretty ludicrous when you think about it.)

It's almost 5am so I'm just throwing a couple of basic ideas out that will probably in retrospect be either obvious or inane.

Lawliet

I don't think anyone claimed that anorexia and bulimia rates were the same for men and women, people were arguing against the idea that they're a "female thing," which would insultingly imply that men who suffer from these diseases are some sort of freakish rarity.

Also the fact is eating disorders are a lot harder to diagnosis in men: when a girl loses a lot of weight in a short space of time it sets of alarm bells, but when a guy does it, people don't jump to the same conclusions. The ratio of men to women suffers could very well be higher than anyone knows.

Novella

Mollikins wrote: »

I just have to say if it wasn’t for people being so open on Boards, and in particular C&H, about their struggle with mental illness (especially Konata and Novella) that I might not still be here. It’s horrible that others have gone through or are going through the same thing as you are experiencing but it’s great to know that you are not alone too.

I might come back and talk a little about how depression has affected my life another time. I find it really hard to talk about it and I guess it’s still only sinking in. I’ve got a pretty important appointment with my doctor in the morning so we’ll see how that goes.

I hope your appointment went okay.

flyswatter wrote: »

Novella, that nutjob comment makes me angry. Peoples attitudes in this country are pretty bad to be honest these days. I'll probably end up living in some other country til things get better. Many famous people have had bipolar and other illnesses like that, I could list them off quickly at this stage! So these things are nothing to feel guilty about. Sinead O Connor for example. Best of luck!

Do you know what? I've never actually had anyone who knows me IRL say anything negative in relation to me being unwell or whatever. I mean, sure, there have been a lot of fights I guess, with people striving so hard to understand and sort of becoming angry that they couldn't, but no one in my family or friends has ever said to me that I'm 'crazy' etc.

The honest truth is the worst I've gotten it is from Boards users and ones who would never have spoken to me. I had (well still have) a blog and as I'm sure others know, when you let your guard down, when you show where your weakness lies, people will pounce on it.

That's why I've never taken it too seriously. I know the problem isn't with me. I think of it like this - I have a younger brother who is really tall, he's 6'6" and people call him things like "lanky" to try annoy him. He knows he's tall. I know I'm mentally ill. People just pick on the obvious but in reality, their problem lies elsewhere, they just can't or won't say it.

Personally, overall I don't think the attitude in Ireland is too bad. I think maybe there is a lack of knowledge out there, but ime, when you talk, people do listen and they do try to 'get it'. If people don't, I would see that as their issue really.

Oh, and thanks for the luck!

Aoibheann

Davidius wrote: »

If the Wikipedia stats are correct, that is that there is a 10-1 ratio of women to men in the case of anorexia then the aforementioned explanation seems a bit too hand-wavy. I would think it is within reason to conclude that there exists some motivating factor that is much more prevalent in women than in men, the likely culprit being a larger expectation that women look good.

+1 to everything Lawliet said, it's not that we're saying it's as common in men, but we're saying that it does happen, that it's not just a female thing, contrary to some beliefs expressed here.

From having a quick look into it myself, the ratio seems to be 4:1 in Ireland anyway (as I mentioned earlier) so it's a lot more common than most might think and it does seem to be on the up because the ratio was a lot more like the 10:1 you stated some years ago.

flyswatter

Also recently, there has been a bit of a slip with me. I'm ok when I relax but I've been trying to do everything and am stressing out, exams coming up soon aren't helping. I've been assured I don't need medication though. Just need to practice the techniques I've learnt.

My mind is racing but the exams finishing should be a release.

Lack of sleep too, on every other night. It doesn't help when I'm trying to push everything.

I'd say it's a hectic time for most C&Hers though right?

Arcade Panda

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Zzfdlxjx4Y

unknown13

Saw this link about how Alan Quinlan and his battle with depression on the AHEAD facebook. Thought it would go well here since he is a pretty famous rugby player.

Alan Quinlan and his battle with depression

Gi joe!

It can't be understated just how important it is to keep busy, no matter what it is you're doing. As soon as I have too much idle time the racing thoughts and anxiety start to rear their ugly heads. Being unemployed is a huge part of this, and why I believe depression has gone up so much in the last few years.

Things as simple as meeting up with friends or going to the cinema do a world of good! Simply for the fact that my mind is occupied and that little negative voice in your head goes away for a while.

Although with most of my mates heading away this summer it's going to be tough to keep as busy as I should be.:(

Joonaspp

Nope. I am a very happy and positive person.

KnifeWRENCH

I had a mini freak out over the weekend and ended up scrambling my boards/facebook again. I sent a very frantic and very detailed PM to someone (which probably wasn't the best idea) and am seemingly doing everything possible to sabotage a friendship with someone else.

I seem to try and make people hate me. I don't know why I do that.

Anyway, I had a very productive discussion with my counsellor today and am actually feeling quite good. I also think I know what I want to do with my life; I completely did the wrong course in college and it will cost lots to do something else but if it'll make me happy I guess I should pursue it.

tl;dr - things could be worse, I just need to stop being so melodramatic and paranoid about the whole world being out to get me.

IHeartChemistry

So I've been staying strong up until this point when a friend pointed something out to me. My episodes are caused by fear and the need to be wanted and loved. I attach myself onto people and try make them happy and don't think of the bad outcomes. So when they do hurt me I drop and become ill again. The need to be wanted and the fear of being rejected drive me to hurting myself. I just had a dream that scared the crap out of me

So much for being strong and not cracking up. I'd just like to know what causes all this and why it's my head that has to suffer. Why do I have to get sick and be hurt and have it come out of realising what I am?

Right now I'm gettin scared and want the medication. It's either that or know I'll get hurt and handle the stress badly when it does come. I crack up when my life isnt perfect. I crack up when I know eventually everybody will hurt me.

My strength levels have suddenly dropped and I hate it. I hate feeling like hell.

Insect Overlord

This is one to make people think:

Atavan-Halen

*Deep breath* Ok, this is not something I really like to talk about (especially since I know some of you quite well in real life) but reading through this thread and seeing some of you talk about very personal experiences has given me the courage to speak out. Depression is something that has and currently is affecting me a lot. Maybe by getting things off my chest it'll help.

I know this might sound selfish or whingey but I haven't exactly had the easiest times in life and due to a few things happening recently I've just been feeling unbelievably low. It mightn't seem like that to people on the outside but it's easy to put on a brave face and a smile. I think I've always had some sort of depression but due to things that have happened in my life I've never really had the chance to let it out. I've always had to try be strong and carry on but there's only so much a person can take. I think everythings finally catching up on me and I'm just not in a good place at the moment. I feel worthless and that my life is just sinking into a black hole and there's nothing I can do about it. I've hurt and broken relationships and friendships with the ones closest to me and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair them. I've been having panic attacks recently and I just can't bring myself to go to school anymore. I've got my leaving cert in June but it doesn't matter at all to me. Lately I've been binge eating a lot, but that doesn't help. I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

I just don't know how to deal with this. No one understands that I can have a break down too. Everyone just expects me to be strong and be fine because I have been in the past. I don't know, I just feel I need to get it all out there in the open. I think I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor for next week. I really don't want to feel so low anymore.

Mollikins

atavan-halen wrote: »

*Deep breath* Ok, this is not something I really like to talk about (especially since I know some of you quite well in real life) but reading through this thread and seeing some of you talk about very personal experiences has given me the courage to speak out. Depression is something that has and currently is affecting me a lot. Maybe by getting things off my chest it'll help.

I know this might sound selfish or whingey but I haven't exactly had the easiest times in life and due to a few things happening recently I've just been feeling unbelievably low. It mightn't seem like that to people on the outside but it's easy to put on a brave face and a smile. I think I've always had some sort of depression but due to things that have happened in my life I've never really had the chance to let it out. I've always had to try be strong and carry on but there's only so much a person can take. I think everythings finally catching up on me and I'm just not in a good place at the moment. I feel worthless and that my life is just sinking into a black hole and there's nothing I can do about it. I've hurt and broken relationships and friendships with the ones closest to me and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair them. I've been having panic attacks recently and I just can't bring myself to go to school anymore. I've got my leaving cert in June but it doesn't matter at all to me. Lately I've been binge eating a lot, but that doesn't help. I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

I just don't know how to deal with this. No one understands that I can have a break down too. Everyone just expects me to be strong and be fine because I have been in the past. I don't know, I just feel I need to get it all out there in the open. I think I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor for next week. I really don't want to feel so low anymore.

*Hugs* atavan. Well done for posting here. It’s hard to acknowledge and admit you aren’t coping but it’s the first step towards getting better.

I can relate to a lot of what you said. I once tried to talk to my Mam about how I was feeling and she just brushed it under the carpet as well. It hurts to sum up the courage and say it only for that person to turn their back on you. A lot of people, especially people from our parent’s generation, are undereducated and wary about anti-depressants. You’re under a lot of pressure at the moment with your LC coming up soon and trying to cope with panic attacks and binge eating too is bound to take it’s toll on you. It’s horrible you don’t have the support you need from your Mam but I do think it’s really important for you to go to your doctor. It’s incredibly hard to go in and admit how you’re feeling the first time. It’s almost like, if you say it out loud it becomes real and you can’t hide from it anymore. No matter what you may think at the moment, you don’t deserve to feel like this. At the worst of times it’s really hard to believe that things can get better but they really can and will.

If you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me. I’ve been having a tough time lately and almost given up a couple of times so I’m not sure if I’ll be any good to you but sometimes just typing out how you feel and having someone actually listen to you can make a world of difference.

Hope things improve for you soon and you start to feel better soon.

Seren_

atavan-halen wrote: »

*Deep breath* Ok, this is not something I really like to talk about (especially since I know some of you quite well in real life) but reading through this thread and seeing some of you talk about very personal experiences has given me the courage to speak out. Depression is something that has and currently is affecting me a lot. Maybe by getting things off my chest it'll help.

I know this might sound selfish or whingey but I haven't exactly had the easiest times in life and due to a few things happening recently I've just been feeling unbelievably low. It mightn't seem like that to people on the outside but it's easy to put on a brave face and a smile. I think I've always had some sort of depression but due to things that have happened in my life I've never really had the chance to let it out. I've always had to try be strong and carry on but there's only so much a person can take. I think everythings finally catching up on me and I'm just not in a good place at the moment. I feel worthless and that my life is just sinking into a black hole and there's nothing I can do about it. I've hurt and broken relationships and friendships with the ones closest to me and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair them. I've been having panic attacks recently and I just can't bring myself to go to school anymore. I've got my leaving cert in June but it doesn't matter at all to me. Lately I've been binge eating a lot, but that doesn't help. I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

I just don't know how to deal with this. No one understands that I can have a break down too. Everyone just expects me to be strong and be fine because I have been in the past. I don't know, I just feel I need to get it all out there in the open. I think I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor for next week. I really don't want to feel so low anymore.

Definitely go talk to your doctor atavan-halen; it helps to get what you're feeling off your chest, because then you know that you have someone else to help you through it. And if your doctor isn't very helpful (sometimes they mightn't be), try as many as you can until you find someone you feel comfortable with. It will all be okay in the end. Just have a look through this thread and see how many of us there are who have gone through what you are right now and come out the other side. It's not easy, but you can do it!

SarahBeep!

My doctor is really really nice, I even went to him by accident. It's luck of the draw. Look for one with a cool name. My doctor is Dr.Cullen...

KnifeWRENCH

atavan-halen wrote: »

I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

Definitely go to the doctor. I'm sure your Mam is just trying to look out for you but parents who haven't had experience with this kind of thing often don't know how to handle it best.
At the end of the day, you're like 18 or 19 right? Anyway you're an adult and are capable of making your own decisions with regard to your health. Seeing a doctor is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Good luck!

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

I had a mini freak out over the weekend and ended up scrambling my boards/facebook again. I sent a very frantic and very detailed PM to someone (which probably wasn't the best idea) and am seemingly doing everything possible to sabotage a friendship with someone else.

So yeah....that mini freak out was actually a complete and utter meltdown. I tried hurting myself but wasn't able to do so. It took a few hours of sheer hell for me to realise how difficult I'd made life for myself and how it all needed to change.

One week later.....I am actually quite optimistic (perhaps naively so.) I think I've turned a corner where I'm actually READY to get better and am not holding myself back anymore.

For the past few months, I basically thought I was the worst person in the world. I didn't deserve to get better, therefore I never would. I had to stay depressed forever, otherwise I wouldn't be me. For some reason, those thoughts have just evaporated after what happened last weekend. And they could very well resurface again at some point, but for now I'm actually happy with most things. I'm less anxious about the future than I was before. There are still a few relationships in my life that I need to work on and try and improve, but I've realised that sitting back and letting life take it's own course is better than trying to force an issue and making matters worse by being too aggressive with people.

Eugh, I'm rambling. I need to stop posting here so often; I should never have deleted my blog! It would spare you all from having to read this!

tl;dr version - life is still kinda shít sometimes. But it's slowly getting better. w00t! \o/

skyscraperblue

Ok, so I don't normally talk about this because most of my friends don't know the whole story and would be horrified, but I think it'd do me some good to talk about it so here goes.
*deep breath*
Depression is something I dealt with pretty deeply for a long time (6 and a half years), from a very young age. I went through some really low times, so many days of going to school and going out with friends and smiling and laughing, and then coming home and sitting staring at a knife wondering if anyone would actually care. I've never been one of those people that can just come out and talk about feeling down - I was a self harmer for awhile but you'd never know now because I was so careful not to leave permanent marks - and I think that added to it so much because as soon as I finally cracked and started talking about it with people (not in my own circle. mainly through Samaritans...) I felt the weight lifting. It took another year and a half but I'm feeling so much better, I feel like although I might not be at the perfect place in life, that place is finally within reach. I have those bad days and I think there's always going to be that voice at the back of my head that suggests suicide when things get rough but I'm strong enough to push it down now.
I think maybe everybody's a little bit messed up somehow. I haven't been through anything really when compared to other people, but it's been enough to leave me confused and lonely and depressed. I still have my flaws and my issues and I fight them everyday but the difference is now I can fight them. I don't let them control me anymore.

Sorry that was so long/whiney/boring. Like I said, I don't talk about this IRL and most of my friends haven't a clue about any of it, so it's nice when there's people who get it that I can talk to.

ihavequestions

I was thinking last night before I fell asleep and was wondering about a few things. Say there is a person who hates themself and their life, has suicidal thoughts nearly everyday, may even have attempted suicide and self harms. But this person hides all these feelings from other people, acts happy , would never ask for help and if someway someone found out and sent them to a doctor they would never talk about the severity of their thoughts and feelings, and therefore doesn't get diagnosed with depression. Would this person actually be depressed or just really unhappy with the way their life is now? Like I know the symptoms of depression are hard to hide at times and a person suffering from depression may find it hard to get up everyday, but can a person only be depressed if actually diagnosed? What if a person like I described goes to the doctor and they said the person doesn't need medication because they are ashamed to admit to their true feelings and admit they want help, is this person not truely suffering from depression because they don't take the opportunity to get help so they really must not be suffering that much?
I proberaly don't make much sense in this post but I was just thinking about these things after reading a book. Sorry if I'm being ignorant!

flyswatter

ihavequestions wrote: »

I was thinking last night before I fell asleep and was wondering about a few things. Say there is a person who hates themself and their life, has suicidal thoughts nearly everyday, may even have attempted suicide and self harms. But this person hides all these feelings from other people, acts happy , would never ask for help and if someway someone found out and sent them to a doctor they would never talk about the severity of their thoughts and feelings, and therefore doesn't get diagnosed with depression. Would this person actually be depressed or just really unhappy with the way their life is now? Like I know the symptoms of depression are hard to hide at times and a person suffering from depression may find it hard to get up everyday, but can a person only be depressed if actually diagnosed? What if a person like I described goes to the doctor and they said the person doesn't need medication because they are ashamed to admit to their true feelings and admit they want help, is this person not truely suffering from depression because they don't take the opportunity to get help so they really must not be suffering that much?
I proberaly don't make much sense in this post but I was just thinking about these things after reading a book. Sorry if I'm being ignorant!

That's a dangerous situation. If they deny that and don't open up when they are feeling that low the consequences could be bad.

If they are having regular suicidal thoughts that to me is both unhappiness and depression. If suicidal thoughts are prevalant then that person isn't just feeling down, they need help.

If they keep saying everything is ok when it clearly is not and keep the feelings to themselves, refusing therapy and treatment then the situation is only going to get worse.

KnifeWRENCH

UCC have just started a peer support programme where students who have experienced mental health problems are trained as peer support leaders so they can help other students going through similar stuff:

http://www.ucc.ie/en/pass/genio/

Sounds like a great idea but for purely selfish reasons I'm pissed off that it's starting the same year I'm leaving UCC. This was something I could have applied for, and I really think I could have been good at. So many people have helped me with shít over the past year, and I feel like I've given nothing back to anyone.

Oh well, hopefully it'll work out well anyway.

Seren_

^^ That is a really cool idea! I'm secretary of the mental health society in NUIM, so might say it to the rest of the committee and see could we try and get something like that set up here too

bythewoods

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

UCC have just started a peer support programme where students who have experienced mental health problems are trained as peer support leaders so they can help other students going through similar stuff:

http://www.ucc.ie/en/pass/genio/

Sounds like a great idea but for purely selfish reasons I'm pissed off that it's starting the same year I'm leaving UCC. This was something I could have applied for, and I really think I could have been good at. So many people have helped me with shít over the past year, and I feel like I've given nothing back to anyone.

Oh well, hopefully it'll work out well anyway.

There's a similar society in Trinity called Student2Student. I think it's brilliant! I was a peer mentor last year, and will be one again next year. It's a really great programme.

Arcade Panda

My best friend in college suffers from bullimia and depression.

I'm the only out of our friends that knows. I think her boyfriend, her best friend from home and I are the only people apart from her actual family who know. I just worry about her so much. She never talks to me about itever(well obviously apart from the time that she told me she had it). And to be honest, and this is going to sound awful, but a part of me doesn't want her to talk about it. Because I just don't know what I'm going to say to her. I can't say "I know how you feel" or "trust me, it gets better" because I've never been that depressed and I've never had an eating disorder. I feel so ****ing helpless. And she appears to be this amazingly together person you know? She's exceptionally smart, really talented and like incrediblelooking. When I found out she was sick I literally cried all weekend because it actually physically hurt me to find out she was so sick and I never knew.

But I know we're going to talk about it soon. She text me the other day, the day she officially got discharged from hospital, and she's coming out and we're obviously going to talk about it. So what do I say? I don't want to make a mistake because I'm afraid if I say something stupid and insensitive she'll never open up to me again.

Atavan-Halen

Really sorry to hear about your friend AP. I think that if you just say to her and show her that you're always there to talk to whenever and just being supportive and helpful she might open up to you a bit more. I know for me it was good to know that there is someone there to talk to and that I know I can talk to in confidence and private. I know everyones different and all but that's just my opintion. I know you probably feel helpless but you can be surprised that even being a ear to listen can go a long way. Is she getting any professional help at the moment?

Also, just going to give an update on me while I think of it! So I did go to the doctor about a week after I posted here. I talked to her, explained everything I was going through and it was good to get it all out in the open for a while. She prescribed me an anti-depressant just short term for a month and then I've to go back to her to talk about some counselling or something. TBH the idea of counselling scares me a bit! It just feels a bit daunting or something but if I do feel any worse I'll definitely consider it. Finished the anti-depressants a couple of days ago and have been feeling ok for the most part. The odd day of feeling pretty down but not as bad as I was. Finishing the leaving cert also took a lot of pressure off. Just kind of seeing how I get on on my own again for a while and then kind of take things from there. My doctor was really nice and supportive and would have no hesitation in going back if anything does arise again. So yeah, feeling better for the most part and feeling more positive these days

Craguls

Teenager ‘begs’ for help in open letter to Health Minister

IHeartChemistry

Craguls wrote: »

Teenager ‘begs’ for help in open letter to Health Minister

Fair bloody fucks to her. She's one brave girl. And 100% right. The psych services in this country are awful.

Ironman76

I had depression back in 2000-2002. Quite a scary time looking back. I kinda felt like my life was over and all the good times etc were gone. Everything around me was a blur. I was downing Jack Daniels every night just to sleep. Suicide was on my mind all day. I remember looking on Google for the easiest way to kill oneself etc etc. Even typing this I cant believe its me Im talking about.

One day (late 2002) my boss called me into the office for a quick "chat" and said my work has gone to sh*t and was there anything she could do to help so I just told her everything. Was in there for about 2.5 hours in the end. She was extremely supportive and cut my work load and told me she would chat with me regularly to see how Im feeling etc. That support was the foundation I needed to get my sh*t together. A couple of work mates copped what was going on and were really cool too (friends to this day).

Went out and bought myself a bass assed motorbike I always wanted, started hitting the gym four times a week and training my arse off and started ringing friends etc instead of sitting back waiting for them to ring me etc etc. Started being more pro active etc. Joined a football team, took up guitar, basically doing things I only ever "talked" about before.

It pains me to think theres people out there going through something similar and not saying anything to anyone. I often wonder what would have happened had I not said anything to my boss?

Depression = Cancer of the soul.

Ironman76

ihavequestions wrote: »

I was thinking last night before I fell asleep and was wondering about a few things. Say there is a person who hates themself and their life, has suicidal thoughts nearly everyday, may even have attempted suicide and self harms. But this person hides all these feelings from other people, acts happy , would never ask for help and if someway someone found out and sent them to a doctor they would never talk about the severity of their thoughts and feelings, and therefore doesn't get diagnosed with depression. Would this person actually be depressed or just really unhappy with the way their life is now? Like I know the symptoms of depression are hard to hide at times and a person suffering from depression may find it hard to get up everyday, but can a person only be depressed if actually diagnosed? What if a person like I described goes to the doctor and they said the person doesn't need medication because they are ashamed to admit to their true feelings and admit they want help, is this person not truely suffering from depression because they don't take the opportunity to get help so they really must not be suffering that much?
I proberaly don't make much sense in this post but I was just thinking about these things after reading a book. Sorry if I'm being ignorant!

The way I look at it is if a person has cancer but doesnt know it and doesnt get it diagnosed does it mean they dont have cancer?

I think depression is something that could be dealt with in schools instead of some of the nonsense being taught to kids.

amacachi

One thing I'll say about that letter to the Minister is that I don't want to see all focus going on young people at the cost of other groups because the Mental Health services are terrible for everyone.

Konata

This week is Suicide Awareness Week. As someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts and even ended up in hospital after accidentally overdosing, this is a subject close to my heart. Luckily, I'm infinitely better these days and am eternally grateful that I'm alive. I share my story of depression, eating disorders and self harm so that other people might believe that there is hope. No matter how bad things are, there is hope of a better future. I'm living proof that mental illness can be defeated, or at the very least, controlled. I know I'm only one person but if I can make someone else feel a bit better, then it's worth it.

The figures for suicide in Ireland are scary. Pieta House reported a 40% increase in the number of people coming to them for help in the first six months of the year. Mental illness is a growing problem and it's not going to disappear any time soon. According to Pieta House, 486 people - 386 men and 100 women - died by suicide in Ireland last year. 486 people. That's a lot of people who could possibly still be alive with the right help and support. It's a tragic figure.

So keep an open eye. Chances are there is someone you know who is suffering from some form of mental illness. Be aware of your family and friends and how they act. Talk to them. Ask them if you can help. If the situation feels not of control, get professional help. Often though, it can help a sufferer by just having someone to talk to, someone who doesn't judge.

There's always been a stigma surrounding mental health but these days more and more people are standing up and saying "Yes, I have depression" or "I've self-harmed in the past" and generally being open about their struggles. These sort of actions aren't easy but can be incredibly helpful but for the sufferer, other sufferers and society in general. So don't be scared of speaking out or of asking for help. You can get better.

IHeartChemistry

So...GAD and depression = Ais on Lexapro. Been having meltdowns all over the place It actually sucks. I'm getting panic attacks leaving the house now. Yesterday I went to town for coffee, ended up leaving with a huge panic attack and got so flustered and scrambled and did not make any sense. I dont have any clue where it came from. The feeling sick and wanting to hurt myself all the time...it has to stop but I'm so afraid. And immature.

KnifeWRENCH

Strange how this thread got bumped recently as I was thinking about it not so long ago myself. Life's been pretty damn good for the past couple of months, yet even as recently as May I felt like things were never going to get better. I kinda had a "meltdown moment" one night in May (it was the night of Eurovision, which is the bizarre connection I have to remember it!) and maybe that was a turning point. I also had my medication changed and that seems to have given me a boost too. Since then, things have gotten better and better and reading back over some of my previous posts here it's hard to believe that they came from me.

Things are actually looking pretty good now, whereas it's not so long ago that they didn't look like they were ever gonna get better.

So I'm gonna echo a lot of what Konata said, and even though I'm very lucky never to have experienced some of the stuff she has mentioned I can definitely appreciate where she's coming from. Things can get better, and the easiest way to try and help things get better for people is to be as open as possible about mental illness and get rid of the stigma that has surrounded it for so long.

IHeartChemistry wrote: »

So...GAD and depression = Ais on Lexapro. Been having meltdowns all over the place It actually sucks. I'm getting panic attacks leaving the house now. Yesterday I went to town for coffee, ended up leaving with a huge panic attack and got so flustered and scrambled and did not make any sense. I dont have any clue where it came from. The feeling sick and wanting to hurt myself all the time...it has to stop but I'm so afraid. And immature.

This has nothing to do with immaturity. It would be immature if you dismissed all this and just tried to ignore it, but acknowledging it and realising that it's an issue and getting help for it is the most mature thing you can do. Fingers crossed you'll be able to figure out where the panic attacks from.

paulac

Hey guys,

Thought I'd add to this. I self harmed from around the age 14 to 20 and also had depression on and off for years. Lots of stuff going on though:
1. Mam had cancer from 13 and died at 18- I'm lucky I got to hold her hand as she passed away
2. I didn't go to school- rebelling but I stayed up till crazy hours studying!
3. I had extreme pain in my hand for about 10 years and was basically told I was making it up by doctors. They said it was pyschosomatic and prescribed anti-depressants. Only 4 years ago I got a surgeon who operated and found a rare tumor. Tumor gone- pain gone! Grrrrrr but was so so happy!
4. My family totally fell apart after my mam died and I was the 'piggy in the middle'. Had a breakdown at 20 and basically told everyone to back off and take responsibility for their own crap.

Despite that, I still managed to get myself through school and through college. Went to a counsellor in colllege who was a great help and then I worked with life coaches. Getting to know myself, my beliefs and values was really hard but so wonderful. I didn't like myself even though I loved myself! I disliked conflict and I took on far too much. I didn't set boundaries with family and friends and and I allowed people to treat me in ways that I didn't like. As soon as I could see things clearly, I was able to take control and change things.

I've been working on me for years and studying people and now I'm 27 and am happier than I've ever been! I set up as a life coach and am working with people in their twenties (quarter-life crisis) and I love it so much because I know how it feels when you're in your twenties and feel 'stuck' and thinking there's nothing you can do about it. I'm even grateful for all the heartache and difficult circumstances because it helped to shape me into the person I am today!

Did a skydive from 13,000ft yesterday! So thrilling!!

cloud493

I'm on prozac, have been for a year now. I was 'diagnosed' to use lack of a better word, when I was a lot younger than I am now. But It wasn't until march just gone that I.... well I don't want to say publicly. But I tried counselling, and I'm taking the medication, and I can't see its helping, to be honest.

I agree with the letter that girl sent, 100%/

Seren_

cloud493 wrote: »

I'm on prozac, have been for a year now. I was 'diagnosed' to use lack of a better word, when I was a lot younger than I am now. But It wasn't until march just gone that I.... well I don't want to say publicly. But I tried counselling, and I'm taking the medication, and I can't see its helping, to be honest.

I agree with the letter that girl sent, 100%/

If you don't think prozac is working for you, talk to your doctor. It can take trying a few different medications to see which one suits you best.

@paulac - What a great post. You've really come through a lot

I always post in this thread when it's bumped -__- I haven't been great lately, but a lot of that is down to myself. Really need to get into a proper routine because that is one thing that is unbelievably helpful when you have a mental illness. I'm starting group therapy in January, which is a bit scary as I've never done anything like that before. The therapist is lovely though, I'm meeting her every week until then.

When I first started taking anti-depressants, I thought I would be better in no time. But here I am, nearly two years later and I'm still on them. Life isn't as bad as it was back then, so that's a good thing, but it will take a lot of work to get where I want to be. I know it's such a soppy thing to say, but I don't know if I'd still be here if it wasn't for this thread and some of the posters on this website. One of the worst things about having a mental illness is the feeling that you're the only one who has ever felt this bad, but thankfully I always knew that there were other people out there who had been through similar situations and were getting better. you guys

cloud493

I know I should But I hate doctors. And I hate actually... saying what I feel to people. And if I suddenly told someone, how was I feeling, they'd know what I am. And how I feel, and I don't want that.

Well done paulac

Konata

cloud493 wrote: »

But I tried counselling, and I'm taking the medication, and I can't see its helping, to be honest.

I was on prozac for about a month and couldn't stand it! Insomnia and constantly shaking, twas awful annoying. But it showed me that meds don't always suit and sometimes you need to try some other types to find the right one. I've been on Sertraline for nearly 2 years now and it suits me much better. The thing you NEED to understand though is that medication is not the be all and end all. IMO, you need a combination of medication, counselling and working on your lifestyle to feel better. Most of all though, you need time. It can be so damn frustrating not seeing immediate changes but this isn't something that started overnight and it sure as hell can't be cured overnight.

It's good for you to even speak on this thread, I know it's not easy admitting to mental illness since it carries such stigma in our society. But there's plenty of people here who have experienced the lowest of the lows and everything that brings you there so don't be afraid to talk

Your Text Here wrote: »

I always post in this thread when it's bumped -__- I haven't been great lately, but a lot of that is down to myself. Really need to get into a proper routine because that is one thing that is unbelievably helpful when you have a mental illness. I'm starting group therapy in January, which is a bit scary as I've never done anything like that before. The therapist is lovely though, I'm meeting her every week until then.

I did a few months of group therapy for eating disorders last year. I really enjoyed it actually! It was really hard the first week or 2 but once we all got a bit more comfortable with each other I found that it really helped to hear about other people's experiences. We all shared little tips and tricks with each other too and it was a good motivator to stay on track for the next week. Hopefully it goes well for you too

And I agree entirely with everything else you said in your post

cloud493

I know you're right, I do. And I applaud everyone in this thread who is getting help, and getting better, its great. But I hate saying it out loud. I can write... miles of depressing poetry. But I can never say it. I can't even say what I do to myself out loud. And to be honest, I feel worse than I ever did.


But well done to people, for recovering. ****ing, big step, very well done.

Seren_

cloud493 wrote: »

I know you're right, I do. And I applaud everyone in this thread who is getting help, and getting better, its great. But I hate saying it out loud. I can write... miles of depressing poetry. But I can never say it. I can't even say what I do to myself out loud. And to be honest, I feel worse than I ever did.


But well done to people, for recovering. ****ing, big step, very well done.

Do you think you could write a letter that you could give to the doctor? Or show them some of your poems? And you should give yourself some credit, you're talking about it here

IHeartChemistry

Well ye all know my troubles :P Lexapro is working perfectly and I'm doing great! After my last breakdown I dont think I could go through that again anytime soon. To all those out there now suffering, remember...time is a great healer and don't give up I've just physically recovered from a pretty severe breakdown which ended up with me being arrested and put in hospital. Not pleasant! Stay strong guys and I am just a PM away if anyone wants to chat

cloud493

I don't deserve treatment. I'm so black, there's nothing in good. I don't want treatment, I just want to wither away and die.


God why did I say that

IHeartChemistry

cloud493 wrote: »

I don't deserve treatment. I'm so black, there's nothing in good. I don't want treatment, I just want to wither away and die.


God why did I say that

I thought I didnt deserve treatment. I did something horrific. I did something so bad that I cant forgive myself for it. But I still pulled through. Everyone deserves help. You dont want to wither away and die. Its not you. Its the lack of seretonin telling you that. You do want to live. You just cant see that you do as your so clouded up. Once the fog clears away and you get help, you'll think back and laugh at this moment and you'll realise how strong you actually are. Life is greater than it seems. PM me though for a chat?

PeefsPixie

Suffered from depression a bit as a teenager, not too bad thankfully. Im more on the panic attack end of things as Im an overthinker =/ Its gotten better over the years, Im almsot 21 now and started counselling last week. Best move Ive ever made, I want to be a counsellor myself in the future but obviously I cant til I stop bottling up all the crap from over the years. Piggy in the middle syndrome with the family, divorced parents, cheating boyfriends and so much more... Take your pick, Ive had my share of it all, haha.