Have you ever had depression?

Togepi

From the previous posts here, it looks like opening up is a fairly good idea, so here goes...

I'm starting to realise that I'm a bit worse off than I though was, as in, I'm leaning more towards depressed, and less towards 'normal', for want of a better word.

I've had so few properly good laughs this year I can nearly count them on one hand.  The same goes for just generally really happy times - they've been rare too.  I've started to really note the 'fun' times I have, because they stand out so much from the the rest of my life.  And they're generally followed by a depressed mood when I realise the fun time is over and it's back to the usual ill-feeling that's become normal at this stage.

I know exactly why I feel like crap so often.  I've drifted away from most of my best friends this year (inevitably, as they've all moved away to college), and don't have the same kind of friendships with the people I see every day.  I'm only realising now how far apart we've drifted.  Up until now, I would've thought they were all still my best friends, but now I've realised we spend too much time apart to have anywhere near the same relationships we had.  So for most of them, I've basically lost a fantastic friendship.  And for two or three, we're still great friends, we just don't get to see each other all that often.  One of them is actually only about twice a year, so I'm afraid that won't last much longer, despite us being great friends for the past few years.

It's just completely upsetting that there's nothing I can really do about it.  Life goes on.  I just have to get over it and move on, right?  I don't even know, I just miss being happy.  And I miss being around people I love.

I may well delete this soon 'cause it's very personal, but hopefully just typing it will help a little.  Thanks if you've read this far.

deepseacreature

mufcboy1999 wrote: »

i think depression is obviously becoming more common, lack of money and no job has me down a lot of late.

One of my best friends who's 19 broke down in the pub tonight because she might lose her job. No job is not the end of the world especially if you have no mortgage to pay for. There's grants for a reason. I know there hard to get but people need to think more positive.

Togepi wrote: »

From the previous posts here, it looks like opening up is a fairly good idea, so here goes...
.

I've had so few properly good laughs this year I can nearly count them on one hand.  The same goes for just generally really happy times - they've been rare too.  I've started to really note the 'fun' times I have, because they stand out so much from the the rest of my life.  And they're generally followed by a depressed mood when I realise the fun time is over and it's back to the usual ill-feeling that's become normal at this stage.

I know exactly why I feel like crap so often.  I've drifted away from most of my best friends this year (inevitably, as they've all moved away to college), and don't have the same kind of friendships with the people I see every day. I don't even know, I just miss being happy.  And I miss being around people I love.

My best friend moves to Limerick to college last year and my other best friend is moving to Limerick next year. I try my very best to see them but I feel it'd not enough as well. I'm hoping to catch up more during the summer. Remember some best friends go years without seeing each other due to travelling and whatnot but when they meet up things are just the same. At least you'll have some stories to tell each other. Also if you can try plan a trip away for the summer go to a festival or something. Make use of Facebook, Skype if you can. Social media is amazing now a days.

Togepi

deepseacreature wrote: »

My best friend moves to Limerick to college last year and my other best friend is moving to Limerick next year. I try my very best to see them but I feel it'd not enough as well. I'm hoping to catch up more during the summer. Remember some best friends go years without seeing each other due to travelling and whatnot but when they meet up things are just the same. At least you'll have some stories to tell each other. Also if you can try plan a trip away for the summer go to a festival or something. Make use of Facebook, Skype if you can. Social media is amazing now a days.

Yeah that's true, I use Facebook, and Skype now and then, but when I see some of them in person it's just not the same as it used to be. We don't have as much to talk about, we don't have as many laughs and it's just different. Another friend of mine told me that in her experience, with long-distance friendships, you just end up having less and less up talk about, and I'm now beginning to see what she means.

One or two of my friends, I could go months without seeing them and still have the same friendship and total lack of awkwardness, but the rest, we just seem to drift more easily. Probably because we don't text/chat much between get togethers.

deepseacreature

Togepi wrote: »

One or two of my friends, I could go months without seeing them and still have the same friendship and total lack of awkwardness, but the rest, we just seem to drift more easily. Probably because we don't text/chat much between get togethers.

Ah try text more to the friends you don't see as much. If possible if you have the funds try take a trip up to them to show how much you still want to be in there lives. Getting out of your town can be fun sometimes and be something different

Togepi

deepseacreature wrote: »

Ah try text more to the friends you don't see as much. If possible if you have the funds try take a trip up to them to show how much you still want to be in there lives. Getting out of your town can be fun sometimes and be something different

Oh I would text more, they just wouldn't make the same effort, so I don't really bother. And I do visit them when I can. The last time though, I ended up not being able to see most of them because they were either away or at college. But I had a great time with the friend I did meet up with, and any other time I've visited it's been great craic.

deepseacreature

Togepi wrote: »

Oh I would text more, they just wouldn't make the same effort, so I don't really bother. And I do visit them when I can. The last time though, I ended up not being able to see most of them because they were either away or at college. But I had a great time with the friend I did meet up with, and any other time I've visited it's been great craic.

Oh I see. From what I hear college can be awfully busy but there should be always time to text back. A lot of older people tell me you'll never remember people from secondary people and it's people from college who'll become your best friends. Sounds like your stuck in that awkward patch of having older friends like I am. Remember your still young and you'll meet a ton of people yet.

If your still getting on with your friends great. But don't feel awkward about drifting from friends who change over time.
I'm trying to word this as positive as I can but looking over it I kinda seem like a asshole.

What I'm trying to say is really that people change. A LOT over time. Try your best anyway for the meantime and over time things will relax. From what I'm sensing is that your a 6th year with all your friends in college. If so do you plan on going to the same college as them? If so tough it out a couple of months because the summer hoildays are really close. Things should improve then.

cloud493

Togepi wrote: »

From the previous posts here, it looks like opening up is a fairly good idea, so here goes...

I'm starting to realise that I'm a bit worse off than I though was, as in, I'm leaning more towards depressed, and less towards 'normal', for want of a better word.

I've had so few properly good laughs this year I can nearly count them on one hand.  The same goes for just generally really happy times - they've been rare too.  I've started to really note the 'fun' times I have, because they stand out so much from the the rest of my life.  And they're generally followed by a depressed mood when I realise the fun time is over and it's back to the usual ill-feeling that's become normal at this stage.

I know exactly why I feel like crap so often.  I've drifted away from most of my best friends this year (inevitably, as they've all moved away to college), and don't have the same kind of friendships with the people I see every day.  I'm only realising now how far apart we've drifted.  Up until now, I would've thought they were all still my best friends, but now I've realised we spend too much time apart to have anywhere near the same relationships we had.  So for most of them, I've basically lost a fantastic friendship.  And for two or three, we're still great friends, we just don't get to see each other all that often.  One of them is actually only about twice a year, so I'm afraid that won't last much longer, despite us being great friends for the past few years.

It's just completely upsetting that there's nothing I can really do about it.  Life goes on.  I just have to get over it and move on, right?  I don't even know, I just miss being happy.  And I miss being around people I love.

I may well delete this soon 'cause it's very personal, but hopefully just typing it will help a little.  Thanks if you've read this far.

Friends do drift away. Thats just life, however unpleasant a reality it is. All you can do is find new friends, new experiences, and move on. If they don't care about you, you need to learn not to are so much about them. Easier said then done, but there we are.

Togepi

deepseacreature wrote: »

Oh I see. From what I hear college can be awfully busy but there should be always time to text back. A lot of older people tell me you'll never remember people from secondary people and it's people from college who'll become your best friends. Sounds like your stuck in that awkward patch of having older friends like I am. Remember your still young and you'll meet a ton of people yet.

If your still getting on with your friends great. But don't feel awkward about drifting from friends who change over time.
I'm trying to word this as positive as I can but looking over it I kinda seem like a asshole.

What I'm trying to say is really that people change. A LOT over time. Try your best anyway for the meantime and over time things will relax. From what I'm sensing is that your a 6th year with all your friends in college. If so do you plan on going to the same college as them? If so tough it out a couple of months because the summer hoildays are really close. Things should improve then.

Yup repeating the Leaving so everyone I used to hang out with is off in college. Yeah, there's one I'll be in college with so it's grand, and another who I'll be friends with wherever we end up! Then the rest I'll probably see more often in a few months, so that might make things better. Thanks for the positivity, it helps.

cloud493 wrote: »

Friends do drift away. Thats just life, however unpleasant a reality it is. All you can do is find new friends, new experiences, and move on. If they don't care about you, you need to learn not to are so much about them. Easier said then done, but there we are.

That's exactly why I'm literally counting the days 'til college.

Salty

cloud493 wrote: »

Friends do drift away. Thats just life, however unpleasant a reality it is. All you can do is find new friends, new experiences, and move on. If they don't care about you, you need to learn not to are so much about them. Easier said then done, but there we are.

I don't think people stop caring about eachother. Just circumstances change and it's tougher to maintain the closeness. Drifting apart is a natural occurence, but don't think that people stop caring!

Jackobyte

Recently, I've become inconsistant with school work, generally lazy, short tempered and my behaviour and attitude has been so far off kilter that friends are even picking up on it and calling me on it. I have no idea what's the cause.

Captain Graphite

cloud493 wrote: »

Friends do drift away. Thats just life, however unpleasant a reality it is. All you can do is find new friends, new experiences, and move on. If they don't care about you, you need to learn not to are so much about them. Easier said then done, but there we are.

It's so much easier said than done. I still find myself pining for people I swore never to speak to again, and it takes all my will power to resist contacting them again.

It was only 24 hours ago or less that it occurred to me how easy it would be to take my own life. I have plenty of pills, and a bottle of vodka. Theoretically it would be so easy to drink and drug myself to death, Or drink myself into oblivion and throw myself off a high building and not be conscious when I hit the ground.

The realisation that those thoughts even occurred to me freaked me out. I don't wanna end up like that. I really wanna make something of my life, no matter how difficult that may be.

cloud493

Oh yeah, its horrible but it does happen. Particularly with school. I left my primary school in.... 2004? I don't think I've seen anyone from there since. I missed them dreadfully for the first 2 years or so. But in the end, distance, schedules, all that, just happened. Doesn't mean they hated me, I hated them, none of that.

QueenOfLeon

Video made in NUIG, with every view 50cent is donated to 1Life, a suicide prevention charity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvtjWDu8tBs

Screaminmidget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxBikj3kRco

This is a great thread. Honestly. Just remember to never hold things in and just talk to someone, no matter who. Just check out the links in my sig, hopefully they might come in useful for somebody.

Togepi

Does anyone else ever get depressed after enjoying themselves? I always feel down after a night out with my friends. I go out, have a great night, then when I'm home on my own again I feel terrible. Even if it's only one friend who's over, I just get unusually sad when they leave. I've only noticed in the last year, it's probably just due to only seeing my best friends now and then rather than every day. Is this normal?

DeVore

Yes. The sense of deflation can trigger what I call a "spiral"... I don't know the words for these things so I made my own up when i was young
I wrote about it briefly in this: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056481009

If you are just feeling sad or deflated, that's probably normal but if it becomes a sense of hopelessness , void or despair then it sounds like an issue...

Long Time Reader

hey all,

im fighting the bug D everyday. along with weekly visits to my therapist.

i find that running helps so much. im not even running to loose weight. im just trying to out run my big D.

and its working. but everyone is different i know.

Cherry Blossom Girl

Aplolgies in advance if this is a bit all over the place; I'll do my best to keep it coherent.

Like a number of other posters here, a while ago I began to notice that what I've been feeling is more than just sadness. I think I first began to suffer during secondary school wheh I was about 16. It was brought on by stress i think, and just the general confusion that goes with being a teenager. During that time I went through a brief period of self-harm but never anything life threatening. It was more me trying to get a handle on and control my feelings. I didn't do it for very long and thankfully I haven't felt the need to for a number of years now. I'd be lying if I said I never got the urge to but they are very rare and I just distract myself for a few minutes until they pass.

When I was in 5th year one of my good friends committed suicide. That was horrific of course but I've dealt with it and it doesn't really affect me on a day to day basis but at the same time i don't think it's something you ever truely get over.

In 6th year and my mood never really dropped very low, but at the same time moments of complete happiness were rare for me. They still are. I'm not constantly depressed, but I find it very hard to step outside my head and just exist in the moment. There's always a thought or worry lurking in the back of my mind. I guess my personality doesn't really help. I can be quite shy until I get to know you, and I very much live mostly inside my head. I overthink almost everything which really doesn't help, although I am trying to actively notice these thought partterns and disrupt them. I can be a bit of a perfectionist too and so I'm often quite harsh on myself when there is no need to be.

When I started college, things got quite bad again. My first year of college was disastrous, I didn't make many friends and spent a lot of time on my own. Also the new academic pressures (which weren't all that much looking back) on me ramped up my stress levels and I began to suffer from anxiety quite badly. I skipped lots of classes and just stayed inside most of the time. Despite that, I passed first year but only just. Second year was better, especially when I went on my mandatory work placement. That gave me a feeling of purpose, and my mood was the best its ever been for quite a while during those 6 months.

Now I've just finished third year. Both academic and mood wise, I think this has been my best year yet. My grades are good and I've made an effort to be a bit more outgoing. The past few days however have been rough. I've come upon a personal problem which is causing me huge internal conflict. I know it's not going to be resolved without someone getting hurt quite badly. I can't even explain how hopeless and unbearably sad this situation makes me feel. I'm planning to talk to my best friend about it soon, but I know they can't solve it for me, they can only give me advice.

I've never talked to my parents or a counsellor about how I'm feeling. I have mentioned it vaguely to my friends but I don't think I've ever come out and said 'I suffer from depression' until now. I don't know what's holding me back, I guess it's mostly fear. I bottle up 90% of my emotions and then tend to explode over a trivial matter which I know is not healthy or helpful, and it antagonises people who are trying to help you. I just really hate talking about how I'm feeling, and up until this week I'd been doing pretty good. I'm sort of dreading the summer. I don't have a summer job and the thought of spending most days hanging around at home is fairly dismal. I know I need to find things to occupy my time, I just haven't figured out what yet.

I think that's enough for now, I didn't mean to go on for so long. If anyone actually bothers to read all of this, thank you. And to everyone else who has posted here before me, well done on getting it out there in some way.

cloud493

Well done to you for getting it out there bright eyes

AtomicKoala

I've kind of being feeling shït for no reason a good bit lately... often there is no real trigger, I don't completely understand it. Since Friday, I've pretty much dealt with feeling like crap from about 8 until 5 or so every day, and its getting quite frustrating. I don't really have a good reason to be sad, and it doesn't seem like sadness either. I'm a really anxious person, I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. I feel fairly ok now (I wouldn't say great, but, meh is ok too), but I'm after some exercise, banter and getting some stuff sorted out. I'm kinda worried I'll get knocked back again. I don't really think it's depression, but dealing with this has been a bit sucky, my heart goes out to anyone who's being dealing with worse stuff for a few years

cloud493

How is everyone at the moment?

Togepi

cloud493 wrote: »

How is everyone at the moment?

I'm pretty good right now, which is nice because I had a crappy day yesterday. Had some good laughs in school today for the first time in a while, can't complain.

cloud493

Togepi wrote: »

I'm pretty good right now, which is nice because I had a crappy day yesterday. Had some good laughs in school today for the first time in a while, can't complain.

That's good to hear togepi

Jamie Starr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rug2-7MA2-w

Compared with the sentiments expressed in my last post, I'm getting on much better. About midway through this college semester I got a bit lost, because I've really become disenchanted with college in many ways. As such, when essay time rolls around, or I have to drag myself in for tutorials, I got a bit annoyed- this year my attendance was at the bare minimum. Which is strange, because for the first time in three years, I actually had a friend to go to classes with. Only took a small bit of being-forced-to-speak-to-another-person-as-you-are-going-to-be-living-with-them-in-a-foreign-country-for-four-months. Still, you always get to the other side with all the assignments done and think "what was all that stress for?", which is a nice feeling.

However, I'm also becoming even more introverted, but I don't really feel bad about it, apart from disappointing my friends a good deal. Sometimes I wonder what makes anyone want to give me a call, at this stage there's no contest between a night at the pub or a night reading. I suppose I'm just being myself, I've always been a little off. Unfortunately, I'm turning 21 in July and I can't even face the idea of a party, because it seems like such a formality. I guess that's really the root of my anxiety, I hate doing normal, expected things.:)

Overall though, I'm spending more time than ever reading, drawing, learning piano, writing music, and I'm happier for it. I'm always much happy living in a day-dream. From time to time I feel a bit lonely, and wouldn't mind sharing my time with someone else, but until they arrive I'm feeling good. As they say, life's too short not to. Inferring of course that life is a midget/dwarf/vertically challenged person who has accepted its appearance and not let that get them down, but has in fact gone on to show us great things, like a robot in the midst of galactic warfare . Life is Kenny Baker!

cloud493

That's really good to hear agnostic Mantis and everyone else is generally swell?

Lawliet

A letter written by Mr. Stephen Fry to a girl suffering from depression, I thought it was a pretty good analogy




Edit: Forgot the second half of the letter

Jamie Starr

Lawliet wrote: »

A letter written by Mr. Stephen Fry to a girl suffering from depression, I thought it was a pretty good analogy

The problem is that people always talk about the weather!

Togepi

I came on here to say that I had a crap day (I'll get over it) but then I saw that letter and remembered that I referenced it in my English essay for Paper 1 last week. Loved it!

SusieBlue

I don't think I've ever been actually clinically depressed but there have been periods of my life where I felt really low and hopeless for long periods of time. I never did anything about it though, my own fault really.