Have you ever had depression?

Ginja Ninja

I wonder what's everyone's definition of depression?

For me it's being at the point where you physically feel the sadness and can't be happy.But I wonder is it a mental illness only or can circumstances bring it about as well,more like a state of mind?

I clicked yes,but now I'm starting to wonder if I was right to or not,I've been suicidal but I have a cause of those feelings,is it still depression if there is a definite source of the sadness?or is inexplicable sadness the only form?

I always think it's one of the biggest mistakes of our society that suicide and depression is swept under a rug.There are many many more deaths due to suicide than any other cause in Ireland,the most prominent killer is always assumed to be the roads though.
Call me a cook but I believe the weight is even more than that,I think a lot of the road deaths could be classed as both, cases where someone is kille din a single vehicle crash,they veer off a straight road.They are classd as road deaths,but I think it's not always that simple.

I have a 5 euro a week mobile subscription to Console, a charity for helping those that have lost someone to suicide.It's sad that they are all about cleaning up the aftermath,there is simply too much to do to prevent it.

To anyone who's been open about their problems,especially those with blogs.you know how I feel about you guys,you're an inpiration and made of tougher stuff than a lot of people.Never be afraid to hide that fact.

Novella

Ginja Ninja wrote: »

I wonder what's everyone's definition of depression?

For me it's being at the point where you physically feel the sadness and can't be happy.But I wonder is it a mental illness only or can circumstances bring it about as well,more like a state of mind?

I clicked yes,but now I'm starting to wonder if I was right to or not,I've been suicidal but I have a cause of those feelings,is it still depression if there is a definite source of the sadness?or is inexplicable sadness the only form?

I always think it's one of the biggest mistakes of our society that suicide and depression is swept under a rug.There are many many more deaths due to suicide than any other cause in Ireland,the most prominent killer is always assumed to be the roads though.
Call me a cook but I believe the weight is even more than that,I think a lot of the road deaths could be classed as both, cases where someone is kille din a single vehicle crash,they veer off a straight road.They are classd as road deaths,but I think it's not always that simple.

I have a 5 euro a week mobile subscription to Console, a charity for helping those that have lost someone to suicide.It's sad that they are all about cleaning up the aftermath,there is simply too much to do to prevent it.

To anyone who's been open about their problems,especially those with blogs.you know how I feel about you guys,you're an inpiration and made of tougher stuff than a lot of people.Never be afraid to hide that fact.

I think depression can be genetic, and some people more prone to feeling sad than others for no particular reason, but from what I know, it can also be triggered by emotional trauma etc.

The definition of depression is something along the lines of 'a mental state characterised by a sense of inadequacy and the condition of feeling sad'. So, yeah, you can still be considered depressed even if you can list a million reasons to feel that way. Afaik, depression isn't just feeling hopeless and not knowing why.

You're made of tougher stuff too, and I don't think you give yourself enough credit for your strength at all. Your blog is really inspiring too, ya know. Sometimes I'm sat in awe reading it because it's just so crazy how much you've been through but yet how much you keep giving. Lots of these -

flyswatter

Don't usually post anywhere other than STYA here. (gotta integrate more ) but all I can say to Hotaru, Novella, degausserxo et al is fair play. You're courage and tenacity to be dealing with your illness's is to be admired.

I guess I can empathize a bit with the posts in this thread. Throughout my teens I've lived a tortured life at times. Paranoid thoughts, delusions (is the news on TV and in newspapers there everytime I read/watch referring to me?) etc. It's interfered with my education. Had to move schools several times. A suicide attempt.

But I've been lucky to have a fine support staff (GP, hospital, consultants and most importantly parents) and consistent medication in order to manage my symptoms effectively.

Things have been looking up for a while now and am well on the way to recovery. I have a foundation of confidence growing day by day (whereas before I let other peoples opinions destroy me). The psychosis has almost evaporated and I hope it stays that way.

For anyone reading, don't let an illness define you as an individual. You are a wonderful person with unique gifts and talents and a recovery is possible. You've just got to believe you can make it.

Extrasupervery

I'd describe depression as being in a place where absolutely no one or nothing can alter your perception...when you're so down that nothing can make you laugh or smile at things you used to, where sleeping and eating and doing regular things become a thing of the past. When you don't give a ****....about anything. Specially yourself. Feeling so empty and just wanting so very very much to be happy. Or to not be at all. To just feel...empty. And hopeless. And worthless. And so so very sleepy in an odd way...like a demented heavy tiredness that won't go the fúck away. But of course these things differ in severity and all that.

I agree with the diagnose yourself idea to a certain extent - once people don't get carried away and see symptoms where there are none and play doctor themselves. Some people may drive themselves crazy self diagnosing. But yeah I've had ****ty experiences with many, many GPs who frankly couldn't give a shíte. It's incredibly disheartening when you've worked up so much courage to talk to someone and they basically blow you off. It's like HELP PLZ. ANYONE. No...? Okay then. I'll be over here. Cúnts. But yeah keep seeing doctors, keep talking to people, someone _will_ help. It probably won't be the first person you go to, but don't give up.

Banjo Fella

For me, depression would be when I feel so sad and so desperately helpless than I can't even cry. When I absolutely can't see the path that connects where I am now and where I want to be, and when I have no idea how to climb out of where I've fallen, and I'm not even sure if I want to. When I feel nothing, other than a sense of burning emptiness.

You can defeat it, though, one battle at a time! The colour can return to life, and if anything serves as evidence that this is true it's the posts of everyone in this topic. You guys are all so awesome, it takes a special sort of bravery to talk about something like this in such personal detail.

del88

My cousin committed suicide this day last week...
Went up to his apartment tonight to box up and collect all his belongings....saddest thing I've ever had to do....he never told anyone how he was feeling....so if anyone reading this is really low and have lost hope, please, please, please talk to someone ....your more loved and worth so much more then your present state of mind might be telling you...


http://www.aware.ie/

http://www.suicideprevention.ie/

http://grow.ie/

http://www.suicideireland.com/

Extrasupervery

Ginja Ninja

del88 wrote: »

My cousin committed suicide this day last week...
Went up to his apartment tonight to box up and collect all his belongings....saddest thing I've ever had to do....he never told anyone how he was feeling....so if anyone reading this is really low and have lost hope, please, please, please talk to someone ....your more loved and worth so much more then your present state of mind might be telling

I don't mean to sound insensitive but stop worrying about everyone else and make sure you first of all and then his family are okay.

I'm not trying to be cruel here,I get that your first reaction would be to help,but make sure you can accept it in your mind and are relatively "comfortable" with it before you get too involved.

This is all just my opinion/experience but for the first 2/3 weeks everyone is crowding around the family and they are all trying to help[you've probably noticed it] but it's after that initial fortnight that people drift away and sort of expect you to be getting over it[that's phrased badly but you know what I mean].That's when you need to be sorted and prepared to be a shoulder to lean on,even if it's only as a distraction when you come around for a cup of tea an hour now and then.

It really helps if you can do some of the practical stuff too,I remember one of the hardest things I had to do was feed the cattle,as you can see the spot where one of my brothers was found from the shed.

to sum it up:
Sort yourself out
help with some of the practical things[make food,clear out his stuff like you did,that sort of stuff]
Keep at it,they will still hurt until the month's mind and a few weeks after,that's when you will be worth gold to the family.
Rant/rave/moan/whine/cry here on Boards if you need to,PM me if you ever want to talk,but don't bottle it up,it helps no one.

I'm sorry if this seems a bit blunt or callous,but I know I would have given anything to have someone who went through to give some advice when I lost my brothers,maybe it can help you a little.

M PM's are always open and I'm sorry if this hits a nerve with anyone else

cheesefiend

My mam had SAD for ages but we didn't even realise at the time because we were young, looking back though it was so obvious. She thought at the time that she could get through it without medication and spent a couple of years trying different things like lights that shine really bright in the morning to trick your mind its summer. I think she was ashamed or something but eventually she started medication and she's so much better for it. The only thing is now when she tries to come off it's so much worse so I think she's had to go on them permanently.


When she told me about it she said that it was only when she went on the medication that she realised it was no big deal and absolutly nothing to be ashamed of. So many people suffer from mental illness in one form or another it shouldn't make people as uncomfortable as it does.

I have so much respect for people who are open and honest about their experiences because it helps other people to come to terms with what they might be going through.

del88

Ginja Ninja wrote: »

I don't mean to sound insensitive but stop worrying about everyone else and make sure you first of all and then his family are okay.

I'm not trying to be cruel here,I get that your first reaction would be to help,but make sure you can accept it in your mind and are relatively "comfortable" with it before you get too involved.

This is all just my opinion/experience but for the first 2/3 weeks everyone is crowding around the family and they are all trying to help[you've probably noticed it] but it's after that initial fortnight that people drift away and sort of expect you to be getting over it[that's phrased badly but you know what I mean].That's when you need to be sorted and prepared to be a shoulder to lean on,even if it's only as a distraction when you come around for a cup of tea an hour now and then.

It really helps if you can do some of the practical stuff too,I remember one of the hardest things I had to do was feed the cattle,as you can see the spot where one of my brothers was found from the shed.

to sum it up:
Sort yourself out
help with some of the practical things[make food,clear out his stuff like you did,that sort of stuff]
Keep at it,they will still hurt until the month's mind and a few weeks after,that's when you will be worth gold to the family.
Rant/rave/moan/whine/cry here on Boards if you need to,PM me if you ever want to talk,but don't bottle it up,it helps no one.

I'm sorry if this seems a bit blunt or callous,but I know I would have given anything to have someone who went through to give some advice when I lost my brothers,maybe it can help you a little.

M PM's are always open and I'm sorry if this hits a nerve with anyone else

Thanks for that...some good advice there....
I'll be ok...I have a very close family so my aunt has lots of support and everyone is rallying around...
My cousin was obviously in a very dark place at the time and i just wish he would have giving us a chance to help...we would have done anything to get him through what ever troubles he had....a nicer ,gentler guy you could never meet...so i just hoped that someone reading my post might reach out and talk to someone .
Thanks for the offer of the PM....and sorry to hear about your brothers.

jumpguy

This may possibly one of the most ignorant (and perhaps inappropriate) questions I've asked in a long time, but feckit anyway:

Is there a link between depression and intelligence?

Pygmalion

jumpguy wrote: »

This may possibly one of the most ignorant (and perhaps inappropriate) questions I've asked in a long time, but feckit anyway:

Is there a link between depression and intelligence?

From what I've heard yes, but I bet all the people doing these studies were depressed and just wanted to cheer themselves up >.>

*duck*

Also I'd say it depends very much on how you measure intelligence.
People with high IQ can be completely useless when expressing themselves or placed in social situations, sometimes by choice, sometimes they just lack understanding.
You only have to look at the like of Newton to see how much some of the geniuses in society lived in isolation.
The guy who just recently solved the Poincare conjecture is living in poverty in his mother's attic and refusing interviews or prize money ($1000000 from one organisation alone).

If you define "intelligence" as a synonym for "knowledge" then I'd say you'd find that most "intelligent" people are the ones who spend much more time studying/working than socialising or having fun.

So basically I think it boils down to people being geniuses because their brains are hard-wired different to other peoples, or through tons of hard work (or a combination of both), you could blame either for depression.

Pygmalion

Pygmalion wrote: »

From what I've heard yes, but I bet all the people doing these studies were depressed and just wanted to cheer themselves up >.>

*duck*

Also, everybody who does these studies are statisticians so they were likely trying to justify their depression with a reason other than that they're statisticians. :P

Colm!

I've been "low" at points in my life, most of my childhood I was unhappy and moving into my teenage years less so, but I'm fairly sure I was never depressed. Certainly never found myself in a situation where I needed help or medication.

Fozzydog3

jumpguy wrote: »

This may possibly one of the most ignorant (and perhaps inappropriate) questions I've asked in a long time, but feckit anyway:

Is there a link between depression and intelligence?

look up depressive realism i believe its called its sounds like thats what your getting at but yeah i have noticed most of my fave directors , artists , musicians and interestingly comedians had depression

Fozzydog3

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

look up depressive realism i believe its called its sounds like thats what your getting at but yeah i have noticed most of my fave directors , artists , musicians and interestingly comedians had depression

but i must warn you its awfully depressing

wayhey

Could we maybe edit hitlersson's first post and put in the contact details of the Samaritans or something? I think everyone's had a few nasty patches in their lives, sadly more than others.

Seriously, anyone out therereading these posts and feeling depressed, contact The Samaritans. They're an amazing group and you'd think it sounds like crap until you actually do it but talking to someone, even a complete stranger, makes you feel so much better, honestly like a weight's been lifted. I was never suicidal or on medication or anything but like I said, rough patch... absolutely amazing organisation, don't get half enough praise I think.

wayhey

wayhey wrote: »

Could we maybe edit hitlersson's first post and put in the contact details of the Samaritans or something? I think everyone's had a few nasty patches in their lives, sadly more than others.

Seriously, anyone out therereading these posts and feeling depressed, contact The Samaritans. They're an amazing group and you'd think it sounds like crap until you actually do it but talking to someone, even a complete stranger, makes you feel so much better, honestly like a weight's been lifted. I was never suicidal or on medication or anything but like I said, rough patch... absolutely amazing organisation, don't get half enough praise I think.

There's also some incredibly nice and helpful people here for the purposes of talking with strangers.
Use the PM button if you don't feel like ringing the Samaritans, although there's no reason you shouldn't.

almostnever

jumpguy wrote: »

This may possibly one of the most ignorant (and perhaps inappropriate) questions I've asked in a long time, but feckit anyway:

Is there a link between depression and intelligence?

I've read studies that suggest there is a strong link between the two, and others that say if there is a link, it's tenuous. I think it's just one of those controversial things that is difficult to really prove one way or the other, at least for the moment.

Woow_Aqualung

I've had depression . What I hated was when people would say "Sure what have you to be depressed about?" and then lecture you about what hardships they have faced. A common misconseption about depression is that it's not like regular sadness, in the way that you aren't rationally sad about something, and can't be reasoned with by comparing your life to that of some less fortunate. But I'm happy with life now.:D

Woow_Aqualung

jumpguy wrote: »

This may possibly one of the most ignorant (and perhaps inappropriate) questions I've asked in a long time, but feckit anyway:

Is there a link between depression and intelligence?

In primary school we were talking about death in class, and our teacher told us "There are people who think too much about death, and people who don't. And I can tell you that the people who don't think too much are far happier". When I think about this, most of the times I've been down was because I was thinking about how depressing life can be, such as how people starve to death. I suppose a very intelligent person who would think about this type of thing a lot would be more liable to be depressed.

Plautus

Hey all. Just saw this thread and decided I'd share about my own ordeal and overcoming it. Sorry about the length, but only read it if you want to (or have insomnia, like I do!)

Getting a diagnosis was a bit ... difficult, like others have intimated here. The family doctor first saw me over a year and a half ago now, when I was going through what I can only describe as a real crisis just before the start of the second term of what was supposed to be my final year in university. Refused to give a diagnosis; said I was merely suffering 'panic' and 'nerves'. Prescribed anti-depressants but never told me they were anti-depressants or advised me as to the side-effects. It took my own research to find out that it was fecking Effexor, which isn't usually a first-line drug.

I had let work get piled up on top of me. My motivation was sapped; I believed I could do nothing right at that stage and that I was useless. This hateful inner monologue was perfectly normal: my counselor has since described it as a belief, which others who've attended her also describe, that if you're not tangibly 'suffering' or performing major exertion you feel you've done 'nothing'.

It's close to perfectionist thinking. The mountain's too big: something's not worth doing that can't be done right and you put it all off.

I was a good student - I had some external reinforcement of this because I'd been top of my class for the previous two years - but now that I remember it, at the time I was ill I was convinced that it was all a grand deception job: that I'd 'conned' them and 'hoodwinked' the college authorities because I felt I hadn't done a stroke of work to merit what I felt was an undeserved accolade.

Anyway, I also felt I had no choice but to withdraw from university. I wanted to run away from it all because I'd become so sick of academic work and it made me feel worthless.

---

I re-started the final year of my degree programme in September of 2009; I'd not taken the medication which the family doctor had prescribed me but had seen a private counselor for the intervening period outside of college. I did feel better with space and time but I had done nothing to essentially change the destructive spiral of thoughts.

I can only say it in hindsight but it was a power of wills I was continuously losing to try and stave off negative thinking. My academic work however went along swimmingly until precisely the same point as the previous year.

This time though, I was absolutely determined that this was a real illness. I wasn't going to be fobbed off. I felt bad, really much worse than the previous occasion in some ways. Again, with hindsight I can see it was casebook depression - I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably for half an hour at a time, alternating between a state of stability where I was reassuring myself and then being overwhelmed by some dark force which immediately dragged me back down and purported to show me the bleak 'reality' without hope that was in fact in store for me. My appetite disappeared, my sleep became disturbed and I didn't want to sleep anyway as that would give me more 'time' in the face of some vague dread that I was anticipating. This was starting to become eh ... not very much based in reality at all, shall we say. I was calculating a train of events riffing off of being unable to complete my degree that invariably culminated in death or life-long helplessness and loneliness.

I presented to the university counselor I had first seen a year ago once again in an agitated and frightened state. I was rocking back and forth, clasping my face in my hands, crying, sobbing - I sounded and felt like I was in real physical pain. I was of course: that's what not eating and sleeping will do to you.

An emergency appointment with a doctor was arranged for the following day. I was asked then if I had contemplated suicide – I had, but it was only ideation – i.e. giving serious consideration to doing it but not bringing it to any further stage of planning or implementation.

The doctor I saw lifted a weight off my shoulders by telling me what my own GP had refused to tell me – that I most certainly had depression but that a meeting with a consultant psychiatrist should be arranged to get as nuanced a diagnosis as possible. I consented and began a course of Lexapro the same day, which the doctor advised would have tangible benefits but could take up to four weeks to become effective; with even better results six to eight weeks down the road. She reassured me by the level of understanding she displayed on the spot – telling me that it was going to be difficult and that she knew how one might be in a limbo of being de-motivated yet dreadfully anxious about being inactive and fearing all manner of consequences.

---

That's what it was like for the next two weeks. I'd lie inconsolable in bed for a lot of the day, staring out at the bleak winter or watching 24 hour news on the internet (not exactly helpful, I know) and mentally suffocating. I did drag myself to lectures because the doctor advised that I keep it up but each and every time I went along I felt unable to concentrate, undergoing 'ups and downs' in very short spaces of time (say 20 minutes) and had a nagging feeling that the whole enterprise was futile. One day my usual counselor wasn't able to see me and I simply had to get an emergency appointment: I was a human ball of worry and hyperventilating. All I remember is muttering incomprehensibly about how I wasn't going to be able to finish my dissertation at all (this was January, the dissertation wasn't due until the end of April) and that my life was over.

Once I got to see the psychiatrist the dosage was immediately upped and she told me about the effects of endorphins released through some kind of strenuous exercise, in other words anything that got you to sweat and pant, which could have a great calming effect and help to clear the mind. To my surprise, it did help. By about the start of February, with the skies brightening and the regime I'd been prescribed working for me I was starting to feel hopeful.

I then liaised with the disability support service who organised for me to defer one of my summer exams and a piece of project work that were both compromised by the write-off month of January. From then on I started to feel as if everything was more do-able. By about the middle of the month I was once again fervently writing. I cautiously began to believe I was getting back to my old self.

I was attending counseling throughout this period and thrashing out my negative patterns of thought: this time though it was much easier to identify and arrest them thanks to the stability provided by the medication. The medication I was prescribed this time was also far more appropriate than an SNRI like Effexor: it was a highly targeted SSRI with minimal side-effects. I felt like a zombie for the very brief time I was on Effexor, with wildly dilated pupils, zero sex drive and a strange 'detached' feeling.

Unlike the last time, I had also hidden this latest 'episode' from my mother. The year previously I made the mistake of telling her how I was feeling. She castigated me out of hand as 'running away from my problems', basically inferring that I had made it up and asking with tones of indignation and incredulity if I had really 'gone upstairs, so'. When I verbally retaliated (and the Effexor really did make me aggressive for some reason) she made herself into the victim and called me a good for nothing bastard who used her for money and little else. Indeed, she wondered aloud why I wasn't one of those people who, instead of dwelling on the past, apparently, picked themselves up and got on with it and 'forgot'.

For my part I didn't know specifically what she was suggesting I forget – my very present difficulties, my very real and present pain or the past that was indeed contributing to it: her over-bearing style of parenting and my father's alcoholism never interfered with our material welfare when I was growing up but otherwise furnished my brother and I with a broken, dysfunctional family in need of the clearing of the air a divorce might have brought. It was from that point on that I decided I would let her know little of my true feelings in the future.

It was incredibly sad – my own mother was now the gravest threat to me whom I felt I had to guard against. She calmed down afterward, and made the right noises, but it all seemed a bit hollow and sheepish compared with the vitriol that had animated her earlier. I resolved then that I would, privately, not forgive her.

I still haven't. Only my father - whom she repeatedly belittled and belittles - stood by me through the entire thing and so it was only him that I told of my difficulties this time around. The difference in outcomes has been stark: I'm now looking forward to finishing my degree and going on to do further research. I genuinely feel, with occasional down days, that I am not back to my old self but a much improved self that knows the dangers of low self-esteem and self-loathing and what the abyss felt like.

If I could say one thing about it all it's that I'd never lie to anyone (well, one person excepted) about what I went through. It gave me much greater understanding of and sympathy for the human condition and really made me much less callous about myself and others.

sheep-go-baa

I am inclined to say that I do have depression but I think i'm not really entitled to say that for sure as I've never seen a doctor about it. I can just never bring myself to do it.

Extrasupervery

Go see a doctor ^ And if they're shít, which they very likely may be, (no offence doctors and future doctors, mental health is treated atrociously in this country. Go change it) then go see another. And another. And say LISTEN TO ME MOFO. And they will. I finally got a doctor to listen to me, she prescribed me lexapro and is sending me off to some psych...something-y person. No idea how any of this will pan out but having eventually done something about it makes me feel more in control already, which has got to be a good thing. (Even if silly antidepressant pills have silly side effects. Boo.)

A Neurotic

Extrasupervery wrote: »

(no offence doctors and future doctors, mental health is treated atrociously in this country. Go change it)

I'm on it :P

sheep-go-baa

Extrasupervery wrote: »

Go see a doctor ^ And if they're shít, which they very likely may be, (no offence doctors and future doctors, mental health is treated atrociously in this country. Go change it) then go see another. And another. And say LISTEN TO ME MOFO. And they will. I finally got a doctor to listen to me, she prescribed me lexapro and is sending me off to some psych...something-y person. No idea how any of this will pan out but having eventually done something about it makes me feel more in control already, which has got to be a good thing. (Even if silly antidepressant pills have silly side effects. Boo.)

I'm kinda psyching myself up to do it, will get there soon hopefully
But the only thing is I'm only 17 and just cannot tell my family, not happening for me. Does anyone know if I can just go in by myself?

Fad

sheep-go-baa wrote: »

I'm kinda psyching myself up to do it, will get there soon hopefully
But the only thing is I'm only 17 and just cannot tell my family, not happening for me. Does anyone know if I can just go in by myself?

If you can afford the appointment fee, I dont think they'll contact your parents without asking you.

Extrasupervery

sheep-go-baa wrote: »

I'm kinda psyching myself up to do it, will get there soon hopefully
But the only thing is I'm only 17 and just cannot tell my family, not happening for me. Does anyone know if I can just go in by myself?

Yes you most definitely can! If you don't want your family to know then perhaps you should consider going to someone who isn't your family doctor? If that's possible.

Good luck!

SarcasticFairy

sheep-go-baa wrote: »

I'm kinda psyching myself up to do it, will get there soon hopefully
But the only thing is I'm only 17 and just cannot tell my family, not happening for me. Does anyone know if I can just go in by myself?

I'm almost entirely certain that once you're over 16, they cannot tell your parents without your permission without breaching all kinds of confidentiality agreements, so you can almost definitely go on your own without them finding out

EDIT: I was just clarifying Extrasupervery's point in that while it'd prolly be beneficial to go to a different doctor, if you wish to go to your own one, they aren't legally allowed to randomly spew anything you tell them, back to your parents!

almostnever

sheep-go-baa wrote: »

I'm kinda psyching myself up to do it, will get there soon hopefully
But the only thing is I'm only 17 and just cannot tell my family, not happening for me. Does anyone know if I can just go in by myself?

Once you're 16 or over, you can go by yourself and the doctor won't say anything to your family if that's what you want. Best of luck!