Have you ever had depression?

ihavequestions

I'm depressed every day, it is so horrible. I think about suicide everyday and have attempted it twice, whuch makes me feel even worse. I can't afford councelling (don't know would I like the idea of it anyways) . I hate my life and myself SO much. I can't think of one thing in my life worth living for! I just want to fast forward 10 years where everything will be different and I will have FULL control on my life.

Extrasupervery

Whereabouts do you live? Free counselling services are available...some places. And if you don't like the idea you can at least give it a try, right? It might turn things around for you. The most important thing is to just get it out - how you're feeling. Tell people you trust, tell us here (it'll help immensely. Promise) or just write it all out.

And if you feel that there's nothing more you can do, no one you can talk to - listen to the part of you that wants help, and get it any way you can. Calling someone or reaching out for help is probably going to be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but it'll be the best decision you ever make (coming from the girl who has hung up on The Samaritans and stubbornly refused help for a loooong time).

Good luck

Konata

ihavequestions wrote: »

I'm depressed every day, it is so horrible. I think about suicide everyday and have attempted it twice, whuch makes me feel even worse. I can't afford councelling (don't know would I like the idea of it anyways) . I hate my life and myself SO much. I can't think of one thing in my life worth living for! I just want to fast forward 10 years where everything will be different and I will have FULL control on my life.

Hey, it's okay, you're not alone in feeling like that.

Are you under 18? If you are, you can get counselling for free. I know you say you don't like the idea of it, but trust me - it helps. Finding a counseller that suits you and who you are comfortable with can make the world of difference. Counselling ain't always what you expect it to be either - it's always worth a try anyway.

Do you have any friends or family that you could speak to about the way you feel? Someone out there wants to help you, there's always someone.

Other ideas are to try ringing a helpline? They can offer you other suggestions as to how to help yourself aswell.

Remember, this too shall pass.

Novella

ihavequestions wrote: »

I'm depressed every day, it is so horrible. I think about suicide everyday and have attempted it twice, whuch makes me feel even worse. I can't afford councelling (don't know would I like the idea of it anyways) . I hate my life and myself SO much. I can't think of one thing in my life worth living for! I just want to fast forward 10 years where everything will be different and I will have FULL control on my life.

Everything Extrasupervery and Hotaru said.

And if you really think that there's no one you can talk to, family and friends wise, talk to us. There are so many nice people in this forum who will listen and who will pretty much do whatever they can to make you feel better.

Hang on in there, because it will get better.

ihavequestions

I'm from Kerry. I have told someone before about my problems, a friend who I wsa really close to at the time, and his help was brilliant but then I fell for him. Its like I know that its appreciation as well as love I feel but it won't go away. He didn't return the feelings and we grew apart as he thought some of my issues were "attention seeking" which really hurt me. That was 3 years ago, and I think about him everyday which is KILLING me , now he is part of my depression.
I think I will have to really build myself up to talk to someone like the Smaratains.
Thanks

Extrasupervery

Do talk to The Samaritans! They just listen, really, which is all you need - they'll make you feel safe*. And they're all called Jo. Can't work there unless you're a Jo - no wonder they're always short staffed.

http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/find_my_local_branch/ireland/kerry.aspx

Whenever you're ready - and preferably when you won't be disturbed. We're always here too, not like...Novella, Hotaru and myself >.< just the general nice people of C and H.

Extrasupervery

Edit edit - can't remember whether it's The Samaritan people or Childline who call themselves Jo. HAAA my childhood was fun.

*hides*

Ginja Ninja

if you're under 18;
http://www.childline.ie/
either way;Samaritans
http://www.samaritans.org/
1850 60 90 90

they're here to listen and if you're not up to it.There are people in this forum who have been in a similar situations,I don't want to name names [if you read this thread you'll see who is okay with it] I for one have been there.My PM's are always open.

I know it can seem strange,but even ranting to some faceless stranger over the internet can help far more than you'd believe.Don't be afraid to let it all out,we are all happy to listen.

it can be hard,especially if you got attached to a person you've opened up to before,don't let it get you down,there are other people out there that love you and you'll meet someone will love you just the same.

Keep our chin up and send someone a message if you're thinking of doing something everyone around who loves you will regret

grenache

I've been on Efexor since i was 19, its a pretty lonely existence but you make do with what you have. The worst thing anyone can do is feel sorry for themselves.

Violet_F

Just to mention that if u prefer not to aactually "talk" to someone, but still want some support, u can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org or text time on 087 2609090.

V.

grenache

Violet_F wrote: »

Just to mention that if u prefer not to aactually "talk" to someone, but still want some support, u can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org or text time on 087 2609090.

V.

I presume that's not a premium service text number?

AshSmith

I voted 'i don't know'
Since about early 2008 something happened in my personal life (which for some reason set me off on my depression) I really don't know if I am.

Some days I dont want to get out of bed, I dont try new things ever out of fear,some days i just cry all the time, i've self harmed before, i am never ever happy about anything, some days my mood changes in a split second, i second guess everything, i have severe anger issues, everthing about everyone annoys me for no reason, i'm self destructive (I sabotage things in my life for no reason) My parents are unsupportive about everything, all i hear from them is how overweight I am etc how much i fail at life, they hate how some days I want to stay indoors and dont understand me or even want to

It's hard to describe how i feel by writing it down, but todays a good day so my emotions arnt running high.

Grindylow

Yeah, I don't think I am either.

I suffer from Anxiety which I'm told can be similar [so it's hard to tell the difference really.]

Maybe I am a bit though. I'm not friends with anyone anymore, and have spent my entire summer doing nothing so do get pretty upset sometimes -.-

ohthebaby

I like this thread and the sentiments in it. Not the troubled ones of course, I wish they didn't exist, I mean the good and helpful ones. Everyone here is always ready to help and just be lovely and it is so nice to be a part of something as nice as C & H.

I posted in this thread aaages ago. I don't really want to read back over what I wrote so I'm not sure when but I think it was after Christmas. I had been pretty down for a long time back then but didn't classify my feelings as depression or anything really close to it (I think) just a general low. I think I had blamed college and stuff for how I felt but it's only lately that I think there's other stuff too. The fact that this sadness or whatever hasn't really lifted since then has made me question whether or not it is in fact something more serious than just a low point. It's not as if I'm living in one constant low, I have great fun at times and really do enjoy life but there's always a dark cloud in the sky, if you know what I mean. I'm up and down and up and down every hour of the day. I don't know if it's depression exactly but I don't think it's something that I can really get through on my own. So yeah I said before I was going to tell my mother, I kind of did but not really but will be telling her properly for sure soon. My brother had a bit of a melt down the other night so I'm going to wait a few days but I think it has to come out properly really soon so I can try work through it or whatever. Like I know I'm lucky and haven't got it as bad as a lot of people here who I admire and respect so so much, you guys rock and I'm sure I don't even know half of what you've been / are going through.

Anyway no real point to this post only to say how lovely and kind the people here are and just jot down a few thoughts of my own.

Ginja Ninja

Just a theory that might help people if you're feeling down
http://www.psycheducation.org/hormones/Insulin/exercise.htm

Exercise makes you feel better,proven fact[well "theory" as with any science] the effort releases endorphines[happy hormones] similar to chocolate,but healthier obviously and has a more prolonged effect.It alway releases some stress for me anyway,try and find something you enjoy doing.

Also,I read somewhere before[can't get the link] of a study that shows epople who smile are happier(I know that sounds dumb) but the actual act of smiling makes you fell better and happier in general[some psychological feedback ]
the patients had to grip a pencil between their teeth,forcing a grin-like facial expression and held it for like 10 minutes[I know it sounds silly,but what harm could it do?]

Just some tips that help me the odd time and that random smile thing I've yet to try

Colm!

ihavequestions wrote: »

I have told someone before about my problems, a friend who I wsa really close to at the time, and his help was brilliant but then I fell for him. Its like I know that its appreciation as well as love I feel but it won't go away. He didn't return the feelings and we grew apart as he thought some of my issues were "attention seeking" which really hurt me. That was 3 years ago, and I think about him everyday which is KILLING me , now he is part of my depression.

This post has me so, so worried .
I knew a girl once, met her this April. There were issues in her family (never knew her father, family moved to Ireland when she was young, brother coping with disability). Added her on Facebook, we talked a lot online. Really we had nothing in common but a love of writing: she, hopelessly writing a novel and me, writing down poems on a piece of paper. In ways, that was enough, and I talked to her pretty much every day. She quit smoking, gave up bad habits, tried to get herself back on track. I helped her.
And she said she never did believe in love. She said she wasn't looking for one-night-stands and anything that wouldn't work. And I liked her but understood her. But she changed her mind immediately and offered me sex. Both of us were around the age of fifteen, and I kept my distance. Well, actually, I threw her out. She was upset, she cried and she cried... I tried to bring her back into my life. And one night someone threatened to kill her, I stayed up all night trying to reassure her. But I couldn't handle it all, and this time quietly said goodbye.
That's why your post scares me, because I fear that I may have hurt someone I cared for. I couldn't handle her problems and neither could she. She trust me with something I never wanted. And although leaving her was what was best for me, I still felt guilty. I read this now and I'm almost crying because I know now the full extent of how hurtful I may have been.

I just hope that I wasn't. FML.

Pygmalion

Ginja Ninja wrote: »

Exercise makes you feel better,proven fact[well "theory" as with any science] the effort releases endorphines[happy hormones] similar to chocolate,but healthier obviously and has a more prolonged effect.It alway releases some stress for me anyway,try and find something you enjoy doing.

Lads, would it be entirely inappropriate to point out that masturbation is like exercise times a thousand when it comes to endorphines?
Not exactly the thread for a discussion on it I know (and please no-one start one :pac:), but it's true. [citation needed]

Also curry and other spicy foods.

Also on that note, I can't find the study, and I only actually heard it second hand, but I read recently somewhere that exercising for an hour 3 times a week for 5 weeks has roughly the same success rate at treating depression as 5 weeks of SSRI medication.

Konata

Pygmalion wrote: »

Also on that note, I can't find the study, and I only actually heard it second hand, but I read recently somewhere that exercising for an hour 3 times a week for 5 weeks has roughly the same success rate at treating depression as 5 weeks of SSRI medication.

Wouldn't be hard since SSRI meds take about 5 weeks to start working :P

Pygmalion

Hotaru wrote: »

Wouldn't be hard since SSRI meds take about 5 weeks to start working :P

It was probably a better measure than that then :P, I believe whatever length of time it takes to work it was a couple weeks longer. I just assumed it took 2-3 weeks for some reason :P.

EuropeanSon

No. I'm too awesome to get depressed. :P

Extrasupervery

Pygmalion wrote: »

It was probably a better measure than that then :P, I believe whatever length of time it takes to work it was a couple weeks longer. I just assumed it took 2-3 weeks for some reason :P.

It depends on the dosage, the individual and the drug really.

And to people considering speaking up about this to someone - fair fúcks. You won't regret it.

Novella

Plus, just to add, a seriously depressed person is not gonna be convinced very easily to go for a run or whatever. I've heard the exercise thing a million times. I do get it, I understand, but when getting out of bed literally takes hours of saying to yourself, "Just do it, get up, please get up, please, get up, get up", exercising is probably very unlikely to take place.

Ginja Ninja

Novella wrote: »

Plus, just to add, a seriously depressed person is not gonna be convinced very easily to go for a run or whatever. I've heard the exercise thing a million times. I do get it, I understand, but when getting out of bed literally takes hours of saying to yourself, "Just do it, get up, please get up, please, get up, get up", exercising is probably very unlikely to take place.

oh I know that,all too well.But when you can manage it,if you can manage to focus on it.It helps having something to give you some order and sense of accomplishment [it's a biological thing,so it MAKES you feel better,if that makes sense?]

It works for me anyway,even if all I did was mess up and feel like nothing but a waste of space,I focus on"yes,I did so much wrong,i'm stupid,I'm ugly,I'm whatevr,but at least I did 20 chin ups".Writing it down can help [blog ]
Tell yourself you did something good/well,write it down now for future use.At the end of the day the best person to save you from yourself IS yourself

Acacia

There is a history of depression and suicide in both sides of my family, and for whatever reason, there seems to be a lot of mental illness issues in the group of people I socialise with... don't know if that's because we're all mad hatters , or just our younger generation is more open about talking about mental issues. I think more people need to be encouraged to talk about it... it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I can't decide if what I suffer(ed) from is actual depression or just low-self esteem issues. It was definetely a lot worse in school (surprise, surprise!). When I look back on how I felt back then ( I recently found one of the diaries I kept in school and it just made me feel crap reading about how I used to feel) I wonder how I managed to get through each day. I was just unhappy all the time. But I never self-harmed or tried to kill myself, though the thought would occur to me now and then. I don't know, it's like I wasn't even bothered to kill/hurt myself... I used to just have negative thoughts about everything, all the time. Looking back I wonder how I managed to keep going, really.

I'm a lot better now though, probably because this year I decided to see a counsellor. It was really good to be able to get all my 'issues' out in the open. I didn't go for very long but maybe that was all I needed. I'm feeling a lot better these days.

So, yeah, I don't know if it was 'depression' or just general crappy-teenagery-ness (am 21 now)... in either case, talking to a professional really helped. It's also good, if you can, to talk to somebody older who's maybe been through it themselves.

Banjo Fella

I was going to post this a while ago but I backed down at the last minute and cut and pasted it in case I changed my mind. I wrote out what I was feeling, sometimes I do this when I'm down... but on reading over it I always think I sound so ungrateful and unappreciative of how fortunate I am. Still, I did write this. I could hide it away somewhere on my hard-drive, but that would be much the same as bottling things up again. For once I think I should voice these thoughts somewhere. That way they're in the open, it makes the feelings a lot more real and I can't run away from them. So, here we go...

---

Damn emotions, I have so much difficulty comprehending them sometimes. I feel fine most of the time, but then there are these spells when I feel so low and loathe myself so much. They keep returning. I retreat into myself and live in my room with the curtains still drawn from the night before. It'll be hours before I work up the strength to shower, eat and take care of myself, because time doesn't really matter. I'm like this socially, too... there are all these friendly people around me that I really love, but I close myself off to them and don't connect myself with them in conversation like I really should. I'm afraid of them getting to know me, and letting them down, and getting myself hurt. I still obsess about the friends who I have failed.

The most productive thing I'll do will be sleeping again later, and soon, as more and more days pass like this I'll be older and no closer to accomplishing what I really want in life. I have every opportunity, nothing I should really complain about, and my parents are the way they are with me because they want me to think about my future realistically... however I feel empty and drained of all enthusiasm because there are aspirations I just won't let go of but cannot deal with yet. I feel so inert and pathetic, I hate who I am on days like these.

I'll be seeing a counsellor in just a few days, so that should hopefully help me understand myself. It's my first time going to one, so I'm both excited and worried that I'll be as useless at expressing myself as usual. It could be a very long 50 minutes if I can't speak openly.

Konata

Banjo Fella wrote: »

I was going to post this a while ago but I backed down at the last minute and cut and pasted it in case I changed my mind. I wrote out what I was feeling, sometimes I do this when I'm down... but on reading over it I always think I sound so ungrateful and unappreciative of how fortunate I am. Still, I did write this. I could hide it away somewhere on my hard-drive, but that would be much the same as bottling things up again. For once I think I should voice these thoughts somewhere. That way they're in the open, it makes the feelings a lot more real and I can't run away from them. So, here we go...

---

Damn emotions, I have so much difficulty comprehending them sometimes. I feel fine most of the time, but then there are these spells when I feel so low and loathe myself so much. They keep returning. I retreat into myself and live in my room with the curtains still drawn from the night before. It'll be hours before I work up the strength to shower, eat and take care of myself, because time doesn't really matter. I'm like this socially, too... there are all these friendly people around me that I really love, but I close myself off to them and don't connect myself with them in conversation like I really should. I'm afraid of them getting to know me, and letting them down, and getting myself hurt. I still obsess about the friends who I have failed.

The most productive thing I'll do will be sleeping again later, and soon, as more and more days pass like this I'll be older and no closer to accomplishing what I really want in life. I have every opportunity, nothing I should really complain about, and my parents are the way they are with me because they want me to think about my future realistically... however I feel empty and drained of all enthusiasm because there are aspirations I just won't let go of but cannot deal with yet. I feel so inert and pathetic, I hate who I am on days like these.

I'll be seeing a counsellor in just a few days, so that should hopefully help me understand myself. It's my first time going to one, so I'm both excited and worried that I'll be as useless at expressing myself as usual. It could be a very long 50 minutes if I can't speak openly.

Well done on writing out all that - it's not easy to be so open.

Also, good job on going to a counseller. It's important to look after yourself, even if it feels like too much effort. Be as open and honest as you can with the counseller - it might be hard but trust me, it's the only way to go.

G'luck

A Neurotic

Banjo Fella wrote: »

I was going to post this a while ago but I backed down at the last minute and cut and pasted it in case I changed my mind. I wrote out what I was feeling, sometimes I do this when I'm down... but on reading over it I always think I sound so ungrateful and unappreciative of how fortunate I am. Still, I did write this. I could hide it away somewhere on my hard-drive, but that would be much the same as bottling things up again. For once I think I should voice these thoughts somewhere. That way they're in the open, it makes the feelings a lot more real and I can't run away from them. So, here we go...

---

Damn emotions, I have so much difficulty comprehending them sometimes. I feel fine most of the time, but then there are these spells when I feel so low and loathe myself so much. They keep returning. I retreat into myself and live in my room with the curtains still drawn from the night before. It'll be hours before I work up the strength to shower, eat and take care of myself, because time doesn't really matter. I'm like this socially, too... there are all these friendly people around me that I really love, but I close myself off to them and don't connect myself with them in conversation like I really should. I'm afraid of them getting to know me, and letting them down, and getting myself hurt. I still obsess about the friends who I have failed.

The most productive thing I'll do will be sleeping again later, and soon, as more and more days pass like this I'll be older and no closer to accomplishing what I really want in life. I have every opportunity, nothing I should really complain about, and my parents are the way they are with me because they want me to think about my future realistically... however I feel empty and drained of all enthusiasm because there are aspirations I just won't let go of but cannot deal with yet. I feel so inert and pathetic, I hate who I am on days like these.

I'll be seeing a counsellor in just a few days, so that should hopefully help me understand myself. It's my first time going to one, so I'm both excited and worried that I'll be as useless at expressing myself as usual. It could be a very long 50 minutes if I can't speak openly.

Fair play to you. That can't have been easy.

Extrasupervery

Seeing a counsellor will make you feel so much better

And don't worry about 50 minutes of silence, he/she will be very, very easy to talk to. From my experience. Well done! I do hope you feel better soon

Ginja Ninja

A huge amout of respect for being able to post that.[I didn't think thanks was enough]

Banjo Fella

Thanks for the words of support, guys, it's very much appreciated. Heartage!

It's very reassuring to hear about your positive experiences with this sort of thing. I'll try to be as open and earnest as I can with the counsellor... and hopefully it won't be so bad.