Are you a Good parent?

leom · 19-01-2010 11:34am #1

I know it is very tough question? But I wonder, is it me who is worried about not being good father or every one around thinks same way?

metrovelvet · 19-01-2010 11:45am

Everyone thinks that.

Nevyn · 19-01-2010 11:49am

Better then whom or what?
Or is the quesiton to we want to be better parents then what we percieve ourselves to be?

Davidth88 · 19-01-2010 11:53am

Sorry I don't understand the question.

better than whom ?

Dades · 19-01-2010 12:19pm

OP are you worried you are currently a bad father, or that you will make a bad father?

leom · 19-01-2010 12:20pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Better then whom or what?
Or is the quesiton to we want to be better parents then what we percieve ourselves to be?

I should say good parent instead

leom · 19-01-2010 12:22pm

Davidth88 wrote: »

Sorry I don't understand the question.

better than whom ?

good father rather

joes girls · 19-01-2010 12:28pm

Better-not sure!
The way i look at it, the way im bringing up my children, can be very different than the way you are.
Im sure i could do better, but im there for them. i will sit and listen to them, they know they can talk to me about anything, yes i might hit the roof, but we always talk it out and that way i know whats going on in their life.
Who do you want to be better than, you have to do whats right for you as a dad, and not what other dads do.
Just always let them know you are there for them, give them a good set of ground rules, teach them respect, always make time for them, dont let a busy life take that.Then i think you will be doing fine.

leom · 19-01-2010 12:35pm

joes girls wrote: »

Better-not sure!
The way i look at it, the way im bringing up my children, can be very different than the way you are.
Im sure i could do better, but im there for them. i will sit and listen to them, they know they can talk to me about anything, yes i might hit the roof, but we always talk it out and that way i know whats going on in their life.
Who do you want to be better than, you have to do whats right for you as a dad, and not what other dads do.
Just always let them know you are there for them, give them a good set of ground rules, teach them respect, always make time for them, dont let a busy life take that.Then i think you will be doing fine.

Great advice... thanks, its just I am worried that probably I could do little better, so that i can make them better human being.

leom · 19-01-2010 12:35pm

Dades wrote: »

OP are you worried you are currently a bad father, or that you will make a bad father?

May be i am good father, but how do i know if i am or not ?

joes girls · 19-01-2010 12:42pm

leom wrote: »

I am worried that probably I could do little better, so that i can make them better human being.

Im sure every parent feels like that, your not on your own.
Just look at your kids, if they are happy, then your doing fine.

Nevyn · 19-01-2010 12:44pm

I think good parent to be a bit subjective.
Am I the best parent I can be? prolly not.
I am human I am flawed I make mistakes and usually with anything else screwing up now and then I can forgive myself, but when it comes to my kids and how imporant they are to me and how much impact I know I have on them and in shaping who they will be and in shaping thier world with how we lives our lives, I dont' think that I do a good enough job, I always think I can be better do better and it's hard not to get down or entraped in negative thinking about it.

We have to look for milestones and markers and measure our children's process to see if we are being good parents and if we need to do better.

My children are healthy, happy, achieving at school, have manners, are compassionate,
are mostly well behaved, talk to me about thier day and run to me with thier problems.
IF things say this way for the next few years then I will be happy that I am being a good parent but most likely I will always worry that I could/should be better and doing more.

Davidth88 · 19-01-2010 1:45pm

Ohh now I understand.....

being a father is really quite difficult ( or so I have felt ), but really rewarding and by and large great fun !

Why difficult ?

Well , to a great extent the Mother's place is very well defined ? Usually she is the primary carer etc.
The Father's role is a little more ill defined. So what I do is support my wife in every way possible, ie do my share around the house etc . I have to take time to enjoy the children, make sure you actually play with them ( which is quite different to minding them ).

How do I know if I am being a good father ?

I think if you are enjoying being a parent , and your child/children enjoy being with you and look to you to help things you are on the right path.

Believe me , the first time your little one comes up with a toy ( or anything ) that is broken and says ' Daddy you can fix this ' or similar , your heart melts.
( now the 20th time with the same thing , or the time it's a antique vase or something a little different )

Relax and enjoy your child , we all make mistakes but by and large kids don't break.

leom · 19-01-2010 1:56pm

Davidth88 wrote: »

Ohh now I understand.....

being a father is really quite difficult ( or so I have felt ), but really rewarding and by and large great fun !

Why difficult ?

Well , to a great extent the Mother's place is very well defined ? Usually she is the primary carer etc.
The Father's role is a little more ill defined. So what I do is support my wife in every way possible, ie do my share around the house etc . I have to take time to enjoy the children, make sure you actually play with them ( which is quite different to minding them ).

How do I know if I am being a good father ?

I think if you are enjoying being a parent , and your child/children enjoy being with you and look to you to help things you are on the right path.

Believe me , the first time your little one comes up with a toy ( or anything ) that is broken and says ' Daddy you can fix this ' or similar , your heart melts.
( now the 20th time with the same thing , or the time it's a antique vase or something a little different )

Relax and enjoy your child , we all make mistakes but by and large kids don't break.

wonderful, thanks

Eoineo · 19-01-2010 2:33pm

Would the correct question not be "are you a good enough parent?"

Davidth88 · 19-01-2010 4:31pm

Eoineo wrote: »

Would the correct question not be "are you a good enough parent?"

By definition the answer is always no

Eoineo · 19-01-2010 4:51pm

If you're interested you should try looking up Donald Winnicott for his perspective on the "good enough mother".

metrovelvet · 19-01-2010 4:58pm

Yep. Winnicot. Bad breast. Good breast. Very interesting stuff.

eviltwin · 19-01-2010 5:07pm

Nobody is perfect but then where does it say that you have to be? My parents were flawed in many ways but would I have changed them? No. They did a great job in raising me and my siblings. Does that make a good parent? If so then they did the job. Am I the same kind of parent they are? No, I hope I have learned from their mistakes and not brought those bad habits into my own family but I suppose the only ones really qualified to answer the question are our kids.

leom · 19-01-2010 5:12pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Nobody is perfect but then where does it say that you have to be? My parents were flawed in many ways but would I have changed them? No. They did a great job in raising me and my siblings. Does that make a good parent? If so then they did the job. Am I the same kind of parent they are? No, I hope I have learned from their mistakes and not brought those bad habits into my own family but I suppose the only ones really qualified to answer the question are our kids.

If you ask my kids they are never happy! My son wants me to buy Honda car, because one of his friend's father has it. He is not happy me having Avensis

stovelid · 19-01-2010 5:58pm

I have no idea. I know I'll make mistakes (and perhaps have), but I'd do anything for my kid and am trying my best to impart decent values to him. That's all you can hope for really.

Durkheim · 19-01-2010 9:17pm

People always say love is enough, well I don't think so. Being a good parent is about questioning and examining your own behaviour, not all the time but deeply on occasions so you can really assess where you need to improve. Our child will always love us no matter what. She needs you to survive, a three year old is probably aware of this. Parenthood, except in some rare cases is based on love and a strong bond. Exceptional parents are the ones that know their weaknesses and deal with them.

Deliverance · 20-01-2010 3:42am

leom wrote: »

I know it is very tough question? But I wonder, is it me who is worried about not being good father or every one around thinks same way?

The curse of being a good parent is constantly having to ask yourself these questions. A good parent does this all the time and it never seems good enough, and it never is really.

It is good to take a step back at times and realise how good a parent you are. Plus don't forget that you're an individual with your own life as well.

Are you a Good parent?

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