Bipolar Disorder ask a question/discussion thread

rhonda15

abitlost wrote: »

Hi,
I've had problems since as long as I can remember beginning with always being in trouble in school. Got involved with the wrong crowd in teens and got involved with drugs etc.

I was constantly trying and trying for years to fix things and I know I always had in the back of my mind that when I was 25 I would be all sorted. As I opproached 25 (I'm that age now) three or four years ago I finally went to see a doctor to explain all symytoms and I couldn't talk - ended up with a diagnosis of depression....anyway on and on nothing improved and last year I got a diagnosis of ADHD....I'm not doing that well on my meds and I have now been diagnosed with hypothyroid so I just started meds for that.

I've always been afraid to discuss a possible bipolar problem with my psych as I'm like a feckin' sales person when I believe something so I've been looking for him to identify it via intuition which did not work and now I've been giving hints to start looking in that direction which are being ignored mostly.

I've to wait a while now to see how this hypothyroid thing turns out. I dunno what I'm writing this post for really. I rang my psych many times to say the meds were working for adhd but I'm half convinced that they put me into hypomanic episodes and possibly manic.

I remember when the meds started working first I was staying in the house on my own and I thought I saw something in the night - I rang up my friend and went down to sleep on his couch - got up at 6 coz I was cold and drove into town and went to sleep in my car. I was phazed up for about a week.

I've had many of these episodes dating back a good few years but last year since starting the meds I've had the most - albeit they were fairly mild compared to my inital one - I was really grandiouse - I put it down to my lack of experience feeling such a way and that any high states I now have I've learned from that.

I also have weird opinions and beliefs about some things - often I don't feel human at all and can be very socially anxious. Drink destroys me the way I feel the next day in that I don't drink at all. Everything I've done in life has been a failure yet I still think I'm right about everything - I've a messy personality which doesn't make alot of sense and that kills me - all I want to do is make sense.

Dunno how to say any of this stuff to my psych tho. I wish he was intuitive (my intuition would see issues right through my words) or maybe that isn't the way a professional is taught to deal with situations??

this is a major gripe of mine with the psychiatric profession

there are simple bipolar screening tests that they can give you to determine if you are in the bipolar spectrum

while these questionnaires are not definitive they are an indication that more monitoring of the individual needs to be done in this area

bipolar is very hard to diagnose they keep telling us - yet how can psychiatrists diagnose it without asking the right questions?

My doctor after years of going to him - finally put it all together but really I think a simple questionnaire in the first couple of visits can be very helpful.

who knows - I'm not trying to tell psychiatrists how to do their jobs but really there are only maybe 6/7 major mood disorders so they should really try to find a way to narrow it down rather quickly.

just googling bipolar disorder screen and you will come with a few of them

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/goldberg-bipolar/index.html

(I scored a 41 on the above)

LegacyUser

I was diagnosed bipolar about 5 years ago even though I never had a very manic episode but I did have period with much higher than normal energy levels, spending more money than usual etc. and definitely had the crippling lows with a cycle of one or the other every 4 months for about 3 years. After I went on treatment for bipolar my mood stabilised but my sleep pattern became dreadful and I nearly lost my job after a lot of absence and the poor sleep left me down about my future.

A year ago I started taking Melatonin and it has changed my life allowing me to sleep when I want to and not be in a tired fog all day. Before that I got a waking light alarm clock but that didn't help but sometimes I wonder do the two together help. It doesn't work for all obviously but there is research that some bipolar patients can be very sensitive to melatonin. I suppose I am one of them. And it is now available in Ireland but is not allowed on the medical card or drug payments scheme so is an add on to the €120 if you are paying that. In my case I would pay anything for it now. I'm off to bed now and will be asleep in 15 minutes - before it could have been hours. If sleep is a problem for you, might be worth talking to your doctor about it.

LegacyUser

My Mother is 71 and bipolar. Up until recently she had not been ill for over 15 years and for the last 10 years was no longer seen by the Psychiatrist (was previously treated under the public health system at the local health centre). She recently suffered an epileptic fit and went into a mild episode; we eventually got her back into the public system and they treated her with “mood stabilisers”, this was 6 months ago. She is still not well, appears very down, suffering from hypochondria, completely self absorbed and overall appears very depressed. She has tried to “harm” herself on two occasions (this is a new phenomenon AFAIK), but nothing serious, just stupid, but none the less very worrying for us. Having just met her Psychiatrist, he maintains she is currently not suffering from bipolar as she is not displaying all the symptoms, he doesn’t even think she is depressed. We need help, she cannot be left alone, she does appear to be getting any better.

My Father also in his 70’s is finding it hard to cope. What can we do?

MUSEIST

rhonda15 wrote: »

this is a major gripe of mine with the psychiatric profession

there are simple bipolar screening tests that they can give you to determine if you are in the bipolar spectrum

while these questionnaires are not definitive they are an indication that more monitoring of the individual needs to be done in this area

bipolar is very hard to diagnose they keep telling us - yet how can psychiatrists diagnose it without asking the right questions?

My doctor after years of going to him - finally put it all together but really I think a simple questionnaire in the first couple of visits can be very helpful.

who knows - I'm not trying to tell psychiatrists how to do their jobs but really there are only maybe 6/7 major mood disorders so they should really try to find a way to narrow it down rather quickly.

just googling bipolar disorder screen and you will come with a few of them

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/goldberg-bipolar/index.html

(I scored a 41 on the above)

I agree with you up to a point.


I would not trust those online scales. I scored 38 and I am not bipolar but acording to that I definitely am.

rhonda15

MUSEIST wrote: »

I agree with you up to a point.


I would not trust those online scales. I scored 38 and I am not bipolar but acording to that I definitely am.

well the above questionnaire only screens for the mania/hypomania part, you need to do another screen for depression.

I would love to have bipolar without the depression and just keep the hypomania - have very rarely suffered true blown mania, the depressive part is really the worst for me.

PIOP

Just checking in. So far, doing ok again on the effexor. I've been reasonably stable lately, and this has made my life easier.

I've bought one or two books on the subject, I'll review them here and on my blog once I've read them, but on just a flick through of one or two, I think they'll be helpful. What they've also made obvious to me is that I should have known there was something wrong years ago - I'm reading through questionnaires where they say "if you answer yes to one or more, you may be bipolar" and, being honest with myself, I'm answering yes to an awful lot of them.

So I've taken some action to try to control it. I've got an app for my phone that synchronises with an online app for mood tracking. I've used it to plan out my long term goals, to identify my typical triggers, and to note my signs that I'm getting beyond control, and need some help. Hopefully, I'll be able to reference it before getting beyond control next time.

Basically, I'm just spinning my wheels at the mo - waiting to see if these meds prove to be enough, waiting to see if I can make it a whole month without a total breakdown, etc.

scifi77

THIS IS A FANTASTIC THREAD. I HAVE A FRIEND WITH BIPOLAR AND I'LL GET HIM TO READ THIS. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED.

sam34

PIOP wrote: »

I've bought one or two books on the subject, I'll review them here and on my blog once I've read them, but on just a flick through of one or two, I think they'll be helpful. What they've also made obvious to me is that I should have known there was something wrong years ago - I'm reading through questionnaires where they say "if you answer yes to one or more, you may be bipolar" and, being honest with myself, I'm answering yes to an awful lot of them.

take those questionnaires with a VERY large pinch of salt

a condition such as bipolar cannot reliably be diagnosed via a self-rated scale, particularly if you only have to answer yes to one question to be told you "may" have the condition.

nesf

sam34 wrote: »

take those questionnaires with a VERY large pinch of salt

a condition such as bipolar cannot reliably be diagnosed via a self-rated scale, particularly if you only have to answer yes to one question to be told you "may" have the condition.

Well those questionnaires can provide a good springboard for people to go have a chat with their GP who can make a better stab at diagnosing things and screen for the condition. Anything that spurs people towards professional help is a good thing.

But yes, the simplest question: "have you ever had a manic or hypomanic episode?" is easy to answer after you've been diagnosed and told what to look for and almost impossible to answer correctly before you've been diagnosed. I went for help for other problems, but I didn't realise I had hypomanic episodes regularly until much, much later (i.e. around 6 years after I first sought help) because well, I'd been having them for most of my life and thought they were totally normal things to be happening to a person, ditto with anxiety and such.

PIOP

@sam34 - don't worry, I'm not trying to diagnose myself. I've got an official diagnosis from a medical professional which, ironically, I strongly resisted at first because I didn't want to have a mental illness...

I suppose that what I was getting at is similar to what nesf said - i.e. that before I was diagnosed, I just thought that the way I was feeling, and the things that I was doing, were just normal. I was aware that I was sometimes depressed, but similar to nesf, didn't realise that mania was playing around there too until I happened to visit my therapist while manic (albeit mildly) and then afterwards, he helped me look critically at things I was doing, and suggested that bipolar should be examined as a diagnosis.

For years, I resisted the idea of getting help, preferring to think that the problem was the other people didn't get me, or were judging me unfairly, rather than think that there was something wrong with me. I suppose that's where I'd differ from a lot of people who want to wear a diagnosis on their sleeve - I never really looked for myself to be diagnosed as bipolar, it just happened as a result of being so desperately depressed at one point that I had to get help.

Now, looking back, when I'm reading the books and looking at the lists of behaviours and symptoms, I see all too clearly that what I was doing and feeling wasn't normal at all. I can see that my behaviour was, at times, downright crazy, and that it really wasn't normal at all. If nothing else, the book has prompted me to examine my behaviour, past and present, to try to identify symptoms, triggers, etc. While I can't always be sure what (if anything!) will trigger a shift in mood, there are some things that often trigger it, so I've made a note of them. I've also drawn my metaphorical line in the sand by thinking about my behaviours, and thinking about the kind of things I've been known to do when on my way into a manic phase (or a depressed phase, although I'm more active and, tbh, dangerous in a manic phase), so that I can try to spot them and seek help or medicate appropriately to prevent me from spiralling out of control.

I know that I won't always be able to control the mood swings, but I want to do what I can to limit the impact they have on my life.

irishbipolar

PBBPD wrote: »

Hi,
I was on to St. Pat's and would really like to use this time to take the Bipolar Programme and was wondering if anyone had experience with it.

Hi PBBPD,

I am actually on the Bipolar programme in St Pats at the moment. At the start I had to go on a foundation week. The main programme involves attending group sessions every Thursday for 12 weeks. Next Thursday will be my 4th week.

For my foundation week there was only 1 other person in my group. The main purpose of this week is to assess you and inform you what the programme is about.

The main part of the bipolar programme is the sessions on a Thursday. TBH, I get very anxious/nervous speaking at these group meetings - that is just me. The group themselves are very supportive and are a very nice group of people.

I suppose the main reason I attended this programme was because I was hoping I could turn my life around - go back to work, socialise, etc. After 4 weeks I have started to realise I won't get my old life back. Though I have started to go down a different route. I started to go to GROW meetings every week and I do some voluntary work. Its a start.

The programme is good. I had isolated myself over the last few years and the programme is "testing" my views/attiude - in a good way.

Here is the time table for every Thursday:-

10.00-10.30 Individual review with Clinical Nurse Specialist.

10.30-11.30 Review of past week with Mood Diary - discussion group. Introducing new members. Housekeeping. What went well over the week? What was challenging? Exploring problem solving. Sharing experiences. Hopes for today's sessions and gols for next week.

11.45-12.45 Self management.
Focus on:-
* sympton profiling
* identifying early warning signs of relapse
* developing specific coping skills
* formulating a response plan
* sleep hygiene
* engaging a spotter
* enhancing treatment concordance
* supporting adjustment

2.00-3.00 Lifestyle Balance Issues Group or Self and Relationships Group

Hope this helps.

PIOP

Sounds like the program could be really helpful. Are you learning useful things there?

irishbipolar

PIOP, I am in a way. The only problem I having is I get very nervous in group therapy so I am probably not taking everything in. We get hand-outs in each session and you would need to study those in your own time. One thing I don't want to do is attend the programme for 12 weeks and fall back into bad habits. I need to change my thought pattern to a more positive one.

Its 5 years since I have been in hospital and 6 years since I have worked. I have dug a huge hole for myself that I have to try and get out of. I have a FAS course lined up for next year and the group are trying to encourage me to do it - to take it step-by-step. I know going back to work is the right thing to do but it seems so hard to get there.

But overall the programme is very good but one needs to work/study on the handouts in-between group sessions in order to get the most benefit.

sasha100

hey all,
aside from medication how do manage with this kind of thing? Ive been diagnosed with something similar but feel its a bit labelled and dont think medication is the whole answer. Ive had pschosis and sometimes sort of live in a fantasy world(this is my normal life)l, dont know quite how to explain that. I cant quite manage people, abit of a social outcast! its weird cos I do like people but just eondering how other cope or is it anything similar!!

nesf

Therapy and counseling work extremely well for some people. Personally I prefer to work through the mental stuff on my own but to each their own. Your psychiatrist will probably take a holistic approach to your treatment and not just rely on medication so just take some time to read about your illness and come to terms with understanding psychosis, what triggers it for you and what things bring some relief.

hopwitch

Just to say hi to everyone that contributes to this thread - I've just come across it and haven't had time to read all the posts yet, but hope to be able to contribute usefully once I have. I've lived with this beastie for 30 years so I'm fairly well acquainted with the sneaky tricks it can play - and as I'm a very rapid cycler (several extreme mood swings per day) there's never a dull moment!

hopwitch

ok .... so now I've read all the posts I'll chip in with my two pet hates .... I hate the fact that there's no magic cure, so I know I'll have this for the rest of my life - and when I stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to think about all the people with long term physical illnesses such as MS then comes my next pet hate - this doesn't show on the outside, but has such an all encompassing effect on your life. You don't get the help and support that you've half a chance of getting if you've a physical illness, and when things go to hell in a hand cart you're faced with general opprobrium. It's bad enough that I feel useless and stupid and lazy and inadequate most of the time, without other people telling me the same thing. Having said all that, there is an upside .... the good times are bloody fantastic - and all without spending a fortune on illegal drugs! But, to be honest, that's just whistling in the wind - even the good times don't make the bad times worth living through, and most of the time I'd really rather be dead - and the rest of the time I'm asleep. And I really resent the fact that there are people who lay a guilt trip on me and say how distressed and upset they'd be if I did kill myself, but don't actually wave the magic wand that I just know they've got hidden up their sleeve and make it all go away. And yes, I know that's irrational, but I've been a good girl today so I'm rewarding myself with 30 seconds of irrational ranting. I feel so much better now

rhonda15

hopwitch wrote: »

ok .... so now I've read all the posts I'll chip in with my two pet hates .... I hate the fact that there's no magic cure, so I know I'll have this for the rest of my life - and when I stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to think about all the people with long term physical illnesses such as MS then comes my next pet hate - this doesn't show on the outside, but has such an all encompassing effect on your life. You don't get the help and support that you've half a chance of getting if you've a physical illness, and when things go to hell in a hand cart you're faced with general opprobrium. It's bad enough that I feel useless and stupid and lazy and inadequate most of the time, without other people telling me the same thing. Having said all that, there is an upside .... the good times are bloody fantastic - and all without spending a fortune on illegal drugs! But, to be honest, that's just whistling in the wind - even the good times don't make the bad times worth living through, and most of the time I'd really rather be dead - and the rest of the time I'm asleep. And I really resent the fact that there are people who lay a guilt trip on me and say how distressed and upset they'd be if I did kill myself, but don't actually wave the magic wand that I just know they've got hidden up their sleeve and make it all go away. And yes, I know that's irrational, but I've been a good girl today so I'm rewarding myself with 30 seconds of irrational ranting. I feel so much better now

Man, you've articulated very well the biggest drag about this illness. It is so cruel in that this "invisible" illness which is has a strong biological origin cannot be easily understood by others - you can't "show" them your hurt, but must suffer in silence for the most part.
Heck even my family have a very tough time understanding sometimes. I also get very frustrated and impatient with myself - I'm know I'm quite bright but I also have to accept and acknowledge my limitations and that because of this illness I will never fully reach my potential or maybe not in the way I wanted (at least that's how I feel).
Sometimes I have just got to take a step back and congratulate myself for even being here at all (I have been seriously suicidal more times than I can count - it's a miracle). But yeah - ultimately it is a very lonely experience and a great burden to carry sometimes.

hopwitch

You're absolutely right rhonda15 - the very real risk of suicide is one of the least talked about aspects of bipolar and you should congratulate yourself on a daily basis for still being here, because every day that you are still alive is another day when you might learn another trick for using the good bits about bipolar. Have you come across the Da Vinci theory? It supposes that there is a link between creative intelligence and bipolar - and it is certainly true in my experience that bipolar people seem generally to be very, or even highly intelligent, artistically creative, laterally thinking, interesting people. We seem to have a strongly developed social conscience and I would draw a distinction between mental illness and bipolar disorder. How often have you shielded your friends and family from the excesses of your mood swings - I bet you do it most of the time. I find that I use depression to damp down a manic swing if I can catch it before it gets out of hand, and also provoke hypermania if the depression sneaks up on me, but only in order to preserve the appearance of normality, as it is viewed by the majority of the people round me. What I would really relish the opportunity to do is to be able to jump up and down in the excesses like a child playing in a puddle during a thunder storm - I am at my most creative when my mood is black, and at my most joyful when I'm high .... neither extreme has to be destructive, and would not be so if I didn't have to conform to the behaviour expected by the majority. Having said that, the sheer mental energy it takes to constantly monitor and second guess myself is exhausting - and I believe that it is this that brings on a serious suicidal episode, rather that the disorder itself.

A thought ... a question to ponder. Are we right to go along with the popular notion that bipolar disorder is a form of mental illness, that we should be medicated into conforming with the mean, or do our eccentric thought patterns actually have something to offer society? I know that being bipolar has given me certain advantages - my short attention span combined with intense curiosity means that I have acquired a great many practical skills, the ability to relate to almost any stranger within minutes of meeting them and the ability to process information very quickly. Of course, I don't sustain this activity for very long, but when I do do it, I do it very well.

What advantages do you think being bipolar gives you? I'm willing to bet that we are actually an amazing group of human beings, with the ability to see into the deepest, darkest depths and survive, and also the ability to stand on the highest mountain and watch the sunshine sparkle on the clouds.

Thanks for the tread.
Forgive me but i haven't read all the post but i do have a couple of questions for someone with manic bi-polar, my wife is in hospital in the grip of a bad manic episode, i was wondering does she know i am there, is there anything i can do to give her comfort and when is it right to let our 3 year old see her, she has been gone a week now and I'm not sure at what stage my wife has to get to for it to be right, thanks, Gary.

hopwitch

Hi Gary - I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that our thoughts are with you ... bipolar disorder can be a nightmare for the family and friends, and carers generally get far less support than they deserve or need.

Now I shall write from a purely personal point of view. I wouldn't have wanted any of my children - at any age - to visit me in hospital until I was relatively stable, for two reasons. Firstly, most of the psychiatric units I've been in were quite Dickensian and were scary and intimidating for adults, let alone a child. Also, I wouldn't have wanted to risk my children being scared by the behaviour of other patients. I suppose the most important factor was that I wouldn't have felt able to behave appropriately in front of my child - I wanted to protect my children from the excesses of the disorder, and the added strain and anxiety would not have contributed to my recovery. Having said all that, so much depends on the circumstances - I would suggest that you have a chat with the nursing staff, your wife's consultant if you get a chance, and your wife herself before making any decisions.

I'm sure your wife knows that you're there, even if she is very heavily medicated. Again, speaking only from my own experience, I found it comforting to have visitors, but only if they didn't actually expect me to contribute (and the only visitor I really enjoyed seeing was my dog!) I would suggest that you use the time while your wife is admitted to be really good to yourself - make sure you get plenty of rest and try not to fret - and don't be too proud to ask friends and family for help if you need it. And that includes coming back here and nagging us until one of us says something helpful

Thanks for the reply, the nurse was all for taking in my daughter but i wouldn't want her to see me like that either, so i am just trying to get my head around it and do right by my wife, i like the idea of bringing her dog in especially as he's a 11 stone drolling bullmastiff.

hopwitch

I'm green with envy ... I'm dogless at the moment and reduced to sneaking up on my friends' dogs for a cuddle lol. The non-judgemental love of an animal is very much underestimated - my canine visits had to wait until I was well enough to sit outside as the staff wouldn't allow him onto the ward, but other patients said they got a lot of comfort from sitting with him too.

Geansai Rua

CrystalShip wrote: »

Hello All,


Anyway, I am usually low (90%), subdued but can then get a day or half a day of being hyper, full of energy, engaging and happy, then the next day I wake up back in the pits. I occasionally (once a year) experience a day or two of complete calm & control and I wish I could bottle it.


Here's a list of what I experience:

Random/unprovoked anger and irritability (and later I think"what was that about?")
I'm often completely wrecked tired, even when I've slept well
I'm hyper sensitive to noise and unpredictable/changing situations- this makes me anxious
I have a crap memory and awful concentration!
I try to avoid going out to social events, even answering the phone- it puts me on edge
I contemplate suicide but I know I don't want to die and it will pass
I have poor speech fluidity- I think that's an anxiety side effect
Events can temporarily jolt my mood- an event/success at work/an unexpected dramatic situation. It clicks a reset button or perhaps releases a hormone that counteracts the others floating around and makes me feel calm.
I actually feel more relaxed in a situation of chaos, like I can take a day off from being anxious cos everyone else is for a change. Ha.
Oh, I don't take risky behaviour but I've been irresponsible with money.
I don't have addictions but smoke occasionally.


C.S.

Is this list an idea of what everyone here experiences. I am not diagnosed or anything but I have only heard about this illness recently and I identify with almost every single point you have raised here.
I am very very irritable at some stages and will become angry at anyone who gets in my way. Sometimes getting oddly upet over nothing and crying for hours.
I am always, always tired. Doesnt matter how much or how little sleep I get.
I am so hyper sensitive of noise. I can pick out a person chewing with their mouth open in a crowd of fifty people! I cant sit near anyone that makes any kind of noise with their body. Weird I know!
No memory problems but I can just zone out if someone is talking and not have a clue what is going on. I have always put this down to just being tired.
I used to be quite social but I find now that I have hardly any friends because I am so reclusive, and am always in my own head.(kind of hard to describe)
I always kind of stutter and stumble over words. This is unbelievably embarrassing.
This is the major one though. One little thing can change my mood just like that. Like when I was on a plane on the way back from holidays and the woman in front of me reclined her chair. I flipped. I cried and I was inconsolable. It was ridiculous but I couldnt stop myself. Or another time I told my dad a joke, he didnt laugh and said it wasnt funny. I had to go to bed because I was so down I really couldnt speak to anyone.
I am suicidal regularly. It is always the first thing that comes into my head when Im down.

Now Im not saying that I am bipolar or anything and I know nobody here could say for definite that I do or not.
I just found it so strange that I found a post that almost reflects my life for the last three years.
Are these things common among people here?

rhonda15

Has anyone here gotten disability allowance for their bipolar? Have been out of work for years because of the illness and should probably have been getting disability all along.
I want to apply. I was wondering if someone could give pointers on the process.
Thanks in advance.

hopwitch

I certainly got the equivalent when I was living in the North - so I imagine you should be able to down here - I shall read any replies with interest as although I'm working part time at the moment, there may come a day when I can't. Thanks for raising the issue - it's bound to affect a lot of people here.

rhonda15

Geansai Rua wrote: »

Is this list an idea of what everyone here experiences. I am not diagnosed or anything but I have only heard about this illness recently and I identify with almost every single point you have raised here.
I am very very irritable at some stages and will become angry at anyone who gets in my way. Sometimes getting oddly upet over nothing and crying for hours.
I am always, always tired. Doesnt matter how much or how little sleep I get.
I am so hyper sensitive of noise. I can pick out a person chewing with their mouth open in a crowd of fifty people! I cant sit near anyone that makes any kind of noise with their body. Weird I know!
No memory problems but I can just zone out if someone is talking and not have a clue what is going on. I have always put this down to just being tired.
I used to be quite social but I find now that I have hardly any friends because I am so reclusive, and am always in my own head.(kind of hard to describe)
I always kind of stutter and stumble over words. This is unbelievably embarrassing.
This is the major one though. One little thing can change my mood just like that. Like when I was on a plane on the way back from holidays and the woman in front of me reclined her chair. I flipped. I cried and I was inconsolable. It was ridiculous but I couldnt stop myself. Or another time I told my dad a joke, he didnt laugh and said it wasnt funny. I had to go to bed because I was so down I really couldnt speak to anyone.
I am suicidal regularly. It is always the first thing that comes into my head when Im down.

Now Im not saying that I am bipolar or anything and I know nobody here could say for definite that I do or not.
I just found it so strange that I found a post that almost reflects my life for the last three years.
Are these things common among people here?

You should talk to your GP about your symptoms (especially your suicidal tendencies and rapid mood swings) and get him to refer you to a psychiatrist who should be able to help you.
You definitely need to see a psychiatrist - it seems you are struggling with major mental health issues alone.
Do not let your GP fob you off - insist on a referral to a psych.
Try to do it today.

Don't be afraid to take this first step.
I suffered my first bout of depression when I was 13 and didn't get serious help until I was 25/26 - many years of needless suffering.
I still have depressions and moodswings but the lows are not so low because of the medication and my moods are mostly manageable.
You sound young and I want to tell you - Don't waste precious years like I did because believe me this problem will not go away and in my case it got significantly worse as I got older to the point where I was almost hospitalised on numerous occasions.
There is help out there - take it! And have no shame - you are simply taking care of yourself.

PIOP

I just wanted to pop in and update everyone/anyone who's interested. I'm still chugging away on the effexor, and so far, since my dosage was increased, I've been doing very well. Right now, I'm feeling much more stable than ever before, and much more able to cope with various stimuli - for example, over the last few weeks, there have been a few minor disasters at work and at home, and thankfully, I have managed to maintain reasonable stability through it all, no wild ups or downs, nothing. I really feel a bit like a different person.

I hope that this dose will continue to work well for me, because right now, I feel more together than I have ever been before, and it's amazing - to just be able to go with the flow when things change without a rage or a stress, to be able to decide things on a whim without a panic attack, to be in a situation that makes me uncomfortable and manage it. I've even started tackling some of my anxiety issues again, putting myself purposely in positions I know I'm not 100% comfortable in. A few months ago, I couldn't have done that. Really, a few months ago, I was teetering on the brink, and then, without warning, I suddenly fell right in.

I am glad that, in a fit of whimsy, I decided to tell my friend. Even though I was completely manic and uncontrollable when I told him, and wasn't expecting it to result in a doctor trip and certified rest, and all of that, I'm still glad I did, because if I hadn't, I feel certain that I probably wouldn't still be alive. If I'm honest, that's a really sobering thought.

I hope that everyone else is still doing ok, getting along, and getting closer to finding some combo of meds/therapy/treatment that works for them.

nesf

Depressed at the moment, sleep cycle completely reversed (sleeping between 1pm and 1am most days ). I hate winter induced depression, was doing fairly well up until 3 weeks ago.

hopwitch

And here was me thinking I was the only one with the Samaritans on speed dial! The depression is hideous at the moment - it's like being in a waking nightmare the whole time with images that would do justice to the Saw films sloshing through my mind .... but the sleeping's just fine for me at the moment, just very childlike ... sleepy at dusk and waking just before dawn. Completely different to the last few months of 3 am to 1 pm and a lot more useful as far as work is concerned. Next problem, summon up the enthusiasm to actually do any work.