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Attitudes to discipline

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    #32
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    If I had read this thread eighteen months ago I would have responded differently, but things have happened in the meantime that have caused a big-time change of mind. My sister and her worlds-biggest-spoiled-brat of a child came to stay in my home for four months and let me tell you, by the time that nightmare was over I had very different ideas about child discipline!

    This particular childs behaviour was actually caused by a complete lack of discipline and by the time her mother had got through ruining her a good clatter in the arse would have done her the world of good. I don't expect many people to agree with me and that's fine by me - I was in my home in the winter of 2008, 'many people' weren't!


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    #33
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I don't know see why effective discipline must equate to violence though. :confused:

    We don't smack and we have well behaved kids (most of the time!), I wasn't smacked and I wouldn't have dared do some of the things I see some kinds do before a parent whacks them one...

    Effective discipline means effective parenting, as Crazy Rabbit posted - a well behaved, well adjusted child for the majority of the time is about so much more than giving them the belt when they trip up.


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    #34
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    Ickle Magoo wrote: »
    I don't know see why effective discipline must equate to violence though. :confused:

    Oh I get that totally Ickle Magoo, the ideal scenario with the child I'm talking about is that she'd have been disciplined properly from the earliest stages, but the sorry truth is that she wasn't.

    Her mother was and is an impossibly indulgent parent, so much so that her daughter was raised to believe it's alright to walk into peoples homes and start smashing glasses and ornaments for her own amusement:eek: (among innumerable other crazy and unsupportable behaviours) and for a child like that I'm sorry to say the best (and probably only) effective late-stage intervention would be a swift hard smack in the arse.


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    #35
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Yeah, I know the type of child you mean...we have a family member who lets her kids draw on the wall because it's the kids "expressing themselves"...not just their walls though, people they stay with or visit, too! :eek: There are now members of our family that only see these people in a neutral venue! :pac:

    I don't think being an impossibly indulgent parent then tempering it with smacks or kicks up the @rse will make matters any better either, probably make them worse, tbh. I'm sure I've said this before on this forum so forgive me if I'm just repeating myself but I view parenting as a bit like any other management job. Too lax and they take the píss, slack off and steal from you, too harsh and you loose all the fun and they loose the work hard ethos and loose respect, hit the balance just right and they work hard because they want to please you and they hold you in high regard and have a lot of respect for the boundaries you have implemented. It is a bit of hellish juggling act at times!


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    #36
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    Yes I see what you mean, her mother clattering her would only be adding an extra negative element to an already negative parenting style. Actually it wasnt her mother giving her the slap in the arse I was visualising during those months - it was me! :D Honestly, a person who wasn't in that house during that time would have no idea of the stress levels I'm talking about. I honestly don't want to relive it all but this child simply behaved like an animal escaped straight over the wall of dublin zoo. Sorry to say no doubt her mother's hopelessly lazy parenting will end up biting the pair of them on the arse.


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    #37
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Yeah, I sometimes wonder what kind of teenagers some of these kids will turn out like - I'd love to be a fly on the wall! :D


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    #38
    cbyrd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    I agree with Khannie, i don't hit my kids but i reserve the right to, like that i got a couple of quare smacks with a teatowel brandishing nana (who we lived with 2nd mammy type thing) it didn't do me any harm and i do remember them, but i always said i prefered a slap to a lecture quicker and less painful;)
    I can explain to my eldest 2 now why i want things done right now as opposed to in an hour with everyone upset cos i had to give out and lose the plot before it was done!!:D Although now i have learned to pick my battles and only go for the ones i'm sure to win!! otherwise i do let some stuff go. They know by the look i give them what level of trouble they are in and it works wonders when we're out and about and i don't want to be seen to be on they're case, I am they're mother not they're best friend, there'll be plenty of time for that when they're grown up and i can relate to them as adults. Until then i'm responsible for getting them there and i don't think going easy on them the whole time is going to do it. Yes i'll be unpopular with them when i'm disiplining them but they'll be better people in the future for it! At least i hope they will:D
    The most frightening thing is sounding like my parents while i'm doing it.. the one thing i always swore i'd never do when i was on the recieving end of it!! :D


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