Aussie flight deck log...

coldfire1x

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics roblems
encountered with the aircraftduring the flight that need repair or correction.

The engineers read and correct the problems, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the next pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. ( By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that never had a major accident.)

P = The problem logged by the pilot S = The solution and action taken by the engineers
~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement .
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level .

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly correctly, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit..
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

biko

coldfire1x wrote: »

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

It's a classic. I heard it about RAF, nevertheless funny.

Cicero

Keeping with the miltary theme, another classic (sorry if it's elsewhere or known to all, do feel free to delete- it's my 1st time in here):

another classic here:

GavRedKing

coldfire1x wrote: »

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics roblems
encountered with the aircraftduring the flight that need repair or correction.

The engineers read and correct the problems, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the next pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. ( By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that never had a major accident.)

P = The problem logged by the pilot S = The solution and action taken by the engineers
~~~~~~

P: Mouse in cockpit..
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Best ones.

I have heard it before though good laugh.

Longboard

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop".

Posy

Longboard wrote: »

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop".

Class.

kmart6

Haha love the Speedbird one!