Should I bother?

Blue_Seas

So... it's complicated. Yay for cliches~!
I have a girlfriend but she lives up in Derry. Was introduced to her by someone close who met her on Twitter. We haven't ever met but we talk for ages and eventually told each other that we liked each other so... couple now XD

So I was wondering if I should even bother telling my parents until I actually get to meet her? I'll see her during the Summer for the first time, I was debating whether or not to tell them then. I believe I'm bisexual but gah... at fifteen would that be accurate? I've pretty much always thought girls were beautiful and guys were cute so I'm doubting that this is just a phase. I don't even know why I want to tell my parents, or even just my mom, but I feel that I should.

What do you guys think? Wait until I meet her (or I'm older) or just tell them? A couple of close friends know but no family knows yet. No-one at school knows and I will for sure be waiting until I meet her to tell them, the close-minded so-and-sos who won't get it... >.<

Dwn Wth Vwls

I really think you should wait. I don't think your parents are going to understand "I have this girlfriend from twitter but I haven't met her yet.". Also, you really won't know if you get on well in person until you do meet. Some people get on amazingly well online, but there's just no chemistry in person.

There's really no rush. Lots of people don't even realise they have these feelings until they're 16 or much older, so you're already doing pretty well. Just give yourself a chance to get used to it yourself before you tell other people, or if they decide to argue about it they might confuse you.

eagle_&_bear

Wait until you meet her and see how you actually get on in person.

The internet is a marvellous thing but its not reality- it is whatever you want it to be. I would think it'd be better, just for a little while, to hold off telling your parents and see how you two get on in person.

Don't hold all your cards out at the first hurdle. Sometimes it only leads to you being hurt

Sorry to be pessimistic but it happens and once you tell people, you can't un-tell it (if you get me)

Boston

I really don't think a 15 years old should be meeting up with a random person from the internet without their parents being aware of it. How much do you really know about this girl? She could be dramatically older then you and wish to take things to places you not comfortable. She could be a complete head case.

The next bit is going to sound very condescending, I'm sorry its not meant to be. Intelligent young teenagers like yourself think they have the world figured out only to realise at 18 how little they really knew. Don't put yourself in a risky situation, don't expose yourself to sexual predators. You can't really know someone you've never met, the internet is a great medium for presenting disparate persona's to people.

In conclusion, the issue here isn't coming out, its staying safe, tell your mother who you're meeting up with and why.

Blue_Seas

Thank you all for your help
I get what you mean about un-telling someone. I also understand the point about not meeting her yet but I've spoken to her through Skype, msn and have her added on facebook aswell as some of her friends. I've seen pictures of her and friends but she didn't send them to me saying "look these prove I'm a real girl", I had her added on a website where you can upload Art and Photography (anyone heard of DeviantART?).
I'm not an absolute idiot however and I know how to stay safe online XD. The first time I meet her will be with my own friends (who know her) at a large event with lots of other people and adults. I know how sometimes people may not 'click' when they meet without a screen to divide them but I would like to give it a try.

I agree that the main issue here may not he specifically the "coming out" part but it is a big factor.

Regardless I thank you for taking time out to try and help me.

Aard

You don't necessarily have to tell your parents the nature of the meet-up with this girl, but I would strongly advise you tell them that you're meeting up with her.

Cabbage Brained

Regarding telling your parents and everyone else that you're gay, I'd definitely wait for a while. As others say, there's no rush at all. Make sure this is how you definitely feel, and take some time to come to terms with it yourself before telling everybody else. School can be a pretty hard place to come out in too.

Regarding meeting up with somebody from the internet, do your friends know her from the real world or only from the internet? Is she the same age as you? If the answer is yes to both of these questions, then I think you should meet up. As other posters have said though, you should let the folks know you're meeting up with a girl who you've only chatted to online. You don't have to tell them why you're meeting up.

Blue_Seas

My friends know her from the internet but she is my age and my mom knows about her (not that we like each other though, she just knows I talk to her and she's my friend) and they also already know about the event I'll be meeting her at.

Thanks for the help! I'll wait a while, have only told very close friends that I like her anyway.

Boston

Blue_Seas wrote: »

My friends know her from the internet but she is my age and my mom knows about her (not that we like each other though, she just knows I talk to her and she's my friend) and they also already know about the event I'll be meeting her at.

That seems fairly sensible.

Anyway, detailed reply.

From the sounds of things you don't sound certain of what you are. Thats not to say you're confused about how you feel or that your feelings aren't real, just that things are changing for you and you're not sure if you're into guys, girls, or both. Furthermore it seems like you're not too pushed to resolve this one way or another nor that being "closeted" is having a hugely detrimental affect on you, which is great, you've plenty of time. If you were on here talking about how not being out was upsetting you, alienating you from people, damaging your mental health or making you feel alone, it would be simple. I'd tell you to come out, now, immediately. As that isn't the case I say wait.

You're probably comfortable at the moment just liking girls and maybe thinking guys are cute, but the minute you come out widely to people, especially young people, they will want to know exactly what you are. Are you gay or bi-sexual, are you attracted to all girls or just some, when will you start wear flannel, ect ect. Put you in a box and label that box. Expect you to have all the answers now. If at any stage you decide to go against the box or label it will be used to dismiss you and your emotions as a phase or worse, attention seaking.

Just relax, take it easy and see how things develop. Come out if you feel the need to do so, rather the because it's seen as the next step.

Blue_Seas

That's a great response, thanks