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Poor parenting?

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  • 26-01-2010 6:05pm
    #1
    Little My
    Registered Users Posts: 364 ✭✭


    Is it bad parenting to leave a child with a grandparent for a month while the child's parents go on holiday?


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Well I know I couldn't do it, esp with the age mine are, if they were older teenagers and my parents were able for it, I might consider it.


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    #3
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    I wont judge the parenting here, but its not fair on the grandmother.


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    #4
    Bugnug
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 602 ✭✭✭Bugnug


    Little My wrote: »
    Is it bad parenting to leave a child with a grandparent for a month while the child's parents go on holiday?

    Never mind the parents or the grandparents. What about the child? Can you imagine how a child would feel being left behind for a month, that could have serious long term effects on the child. A child trusts its parents more than anything in its life and needs them there to feel sercure, safe and loved. Leaving a child behind for a month imo is bordering on child cruelty. I could understand a weekend depending on the childs age.


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    #5
    celsy
    Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭celsy


    I think it really depends on the child's age.

    A month is an especially long time for a child to be away from both parents.

    Like many things when your a parent this may just be something that has to wait.


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    #6
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    The child's relationship with the grandparent is a huge factor too. My in-laws look after our daughter 3 days a week, so the child is completely at ease with them.

    That said, unless the parents need to be away that long (for what, I ask?) then IMO they are in denial about their responsibilities and need to accept that life has changed.


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    #7
    Bugnug
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 602 ✭✭✭Bugnug


    The fact that the question is being asked here is a sure sign that the person involved does not feel comfortable with it and knows that its wrong. If they new it was ok to do they would be secure in their decision and it would not be an issue.


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    #8
    Thoie
    Registered Users Posts: 6,344 ✭✭✭Thoie


    When I was a kid we used go stay with my granny for a few weeks over the summer. My parents weren't going on holiday, and if it had come to it would have been able to collect us in a couple of hours, but it was never needed, we were always fine staying with granny. My parents got a bit of a break, granny got company, we got to do "new" things and play in new and unusual places - it was great.

    As Celsy says, it probably depends on the age - I was probably about 6 the first time, and that first time was just for a few days.


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    #9
    MissHoneyBun
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭MissHoneyBun


    Why do people like these bother having children if they're just going to treat them as commodities to be discarded whenever they feel like it? People are too selfish these days, they want it all without any sacrifice. I feel sorry for the children. And for the men and women who would give their right arm to have a family to take on holiday with them.


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    #10
    simu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    OP you might as well ask how long a piece of string is.

    Why did you start this thread anyway? Are you a parent who is wondering if you are being a bad one or do you just want to get all judgemental about some parents you know?


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    #11
    we'llallhavetea_old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,971 ✭✭✭we'llallhavetea_old


    i think a month is an insanely long time. its not child cruelty as one poster said but jesus it IS bad parenting in my eyes.

    i'd like to know why this would happen?


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    #12
    Nasty_Girl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,327 ✭✭✭Nasty_Girl


    When I was little my mum And dad both worked fulltime so for the month of July my brother and sister and I would live with my grandparents every year when we were of school going age.

    It was was lovely and fun and all but my parents would visit us every weekend and I just remembering tearing towards the car when we'd see them coming.

    I had wonderful grandparents, we'd play games, do activities, go for drives, we all loved each other, but my god there were times when I just wanted my parents. If they hadn't visited us each weekend I think it would have been a sadder experience.
    A month is too long in my opinion.


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    #13
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    It's pointless to consider it without knowing how old the children are or how well they get on with their grandparents.

    Personally, I think it's fine to leave a child with their grandparents if you want to go away but a month would be too long for me: not only to be away from the child but also to inconvenience a grandparent.


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    #14
    Little My
    Registered Users Posts: 364 ✭✭Little My


    simu wrote: »
    OP you might as well ask how long a piece of string is.

    Why did you start this thread anyway? Are you a parent who is wondering if you are being a bad one or do you just want to get all judgemental about some parents you know?

    Its a purely hypothetical question. I didn't supply any context as I just wondered what peoples initial reaction was.

    I had thought everyone would initally assume it was a selfish act that reflected poor parenting, but I think things like this depend on the context. I also think people today are very quick to judge. And attitudes to parenting have changed so much, what was deemed acceptable 20 years ago is now an anathema to most people.

    One family example - my uncle emigrated to the US in the 1960's, and throughout the seventies sent his four children back to Ireland for the summer. They were put on a plane in San Francisco and stayed with grandparents in Ireland for a month or two.

    I would assume this would not be deemed acceptable. But when I have talked to my cousins about it (they are in their late 30's, 40's now) they seem to have very good memories of this arrangement. It was scary, they were sent quite young to a different country on their own, but they remember and value the fact that they were able to get to know extended family and cousins.

    They didnt have any family nearby in the US, so this was a way of giving them some family relationships. It led to strong friendships between cousins that have lasted into adulthood. Parents couldn't have accompanied children for such an extended time due to work.

    The grandparents involved also benefitted from the arrangement. Although it must have been hard on them, it allowed them to get to know grandchildren and develop a strong bond which wouldnt have happened otherwise.

    I think most people today would say that this arrangement was poor parenting, but I have never heard my cousins or anyone in my extended family talk negatively about it.

    I personally think the initial idea - that parents could leave a child with a grandparent while they go on holiday - just depends on the context. There is no real reason why it would do the child any harm, if they felt comfortable with the grandparent and the parents knew the child would be safe.


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    #15
    JoeyJJ
    Registered Users Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭JoeyJJ


    Going on holiday is different from the US scenario outlined above and times have changed the world is a different place now.

    My wife is going to a hen in the UK and booked for 2 nights she is considering getting a flight a day later so she won't be away from our 13 mth old for more than a night, people are different. But a month what the hell would a person consider doing for a full month without their childern on holiday. When my wife was on maternity leave she would stay in her parents house for a week (4 hour drive) I would have to drive back to Dublin and work the week and back down on Friday evening. That was hard leaving my child for a week but I knew it was the right thing for my wife to have more help. It was hard couldn't imagine going away for a month to have fun !


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    #16
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    JoeyJJ wrote: »
    Going on holiday is different from the US scenario outlined above and times have changed the world is a different place now.
    +1

    OP, if you're going to post hypothetical situations perhaps you should outline the situation you envisage more clearly. The story you outline in your second post and the situations suggested by your first post are completely different.

    Not really sure of the use of hypothetical questions, either. :pac:


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    #17
    joes girls
    Registered Users Posts: 20,448 ✭✭✭✭joes girls


    A whole month, without my kids....... i would be bored silly.


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    #18
    smelltheglove
    Registered Users Posts: 4,503 ✭✭✭smelltheglove


    OP the situation as stated above, between a couple going away for a month on holiday or sending their kids to stay with family in another country is completely different.

    Put it this way, pretend you are 10 again, mum and dad are going away and you have to go to nannys...? Youd hate it, or mum and dad have to stay home and you get to go on hols for a month to see your cousins, great!

    My family had a similar situation, my aunt lived abroad with her family. Every summer she would return with her kids for a few months. She would stay with my nanny and usually the younger 2 would stay with her. We'd usually have 2 in our house, sometimes 3. I would never have known these cousins if it were not for that, they would never have known their Irish family. The strange thing is, 3 out of 5 of them live here now.

    My nanny passed away last year and most of these cousins were at the funeral, the strange thing is, even though they lived half way across the world most of their lives, they had a better relationship than I had with her and I only lived a few minutes drive away.

    It is a completely different scenario. The difference is, leaving your kids for your enjoyment or losing your kids for their enjoyment.


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    #19
    themysteriouson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 99 ✭✭themysteriouson


    Pointless starting a thread with a hypothetical question and not telling people. Also there was so little information given by the OP in the first post of course people assumed you were talking about them going on holiday.


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    #20
    Little My
    Registered Users Posts: 364 ✭✭Little My


    themysteriouson wrote: »
    Pointless starting a thread with a hypothetical question and not telling people. Also there was so little information given by the OP in the first post of course people assumed you were talking about them going on holiday.

    I have enjoyed reading all the replies and think I have learned a little about how peoples perceptions differ, so am happy with the way in which I posed the original question.

    I think every family and every situation is different, so while its easy for someone to judge it does not mean they judge fairly.


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    #21
    Ludo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,015 ✭✭✭Ludo


    So basically you came here to test peoples reactions to a poorly explained hypothetical scenario and now are subtley chastising people for expressing an opinion which you asked for :rolleyes:


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    #22
    run_Forrest_run
    Registered Users Posts: 6,430 ✭✭✭run_Forrest_run


    It's selfishness of the highest order.
    It's not fair on the grandparents and not a million miles away from those parents who are getting the grandparents to mind their children while they are at work etc without even paying them the fair going rate. I see it all the time.


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    #23
    Little My
    Registered Users Posts: 364 ✭✭Little My


    Ludo wrote: »
    So basically you came here to test peoples reactions to a poorly explained hypothetical scenario and now are subtley chastising people for expressing an opinion which you asked for :rolleyes:

    I am in no way 'chastising people for expressing an opinion'. I asked for opinions to a hypothetical senario and have found the subsequent responses interesting.


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    #24
    Ludo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,015 ✭✭✭Ludo


    Fair enough if you were not chastising people but the quote below certainly made me think that you were. I apologise if I took it up wrong.
    Little My wrote: »
    I think every family and every situation is different, so while its easy for someone to judge it does not mean they judge fairly.


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    #25
    Little My
    Registered Users Posts: 364 ✭✭Little My


    Ludo wrote: »
    Fair enough if you were not chastising people but the quote below certainly made me think that you were. I apologise if I took it up wrong.

    Thanks for that. I wasn't chastising people. I was genuinely interested in replies.

    I said the thing about judging as I feel that people do judge situations quickly. Thats not to say I feel that the original senario is right or wrong, or that I feel peoples opinions were right or wrong.

    I wondered if anyone out there would approve of sending a child somewhere so they could have a holiday or if anyone has ever done anything similar. I am not arguing for its being okay or right, I just wondered what peoples general reaction would be. Boards may or may not represent the opinion of the public in general, it is a good sounding board.

    The reason I brought up the second scenario, which I did not feel what as completely different to the initial question as other posters have felt, was that, I felt, it offered a comparison in which the act was not judged so negatively.


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