any alcoholics out there? can i ask you a question

iguana2005

hi there - you know in the midst of your alcoholism what was it that made you stop drinking or what comments really hurt you - or did you remember? when you got up in the morning is alcohol the only thing on your mind?

the reason i ask? an elderly parent is drinking heavily and getting out of hand...have mentioned LOADS Of times about AA, stop drinking, taking away car keys, throwing drink down sink but its doesnt register.

flogging a dead horse? can a family doctor help? any help would be appreciated.

and i think we should sign a petition to stop aldi and lidl selling cheap PLONK for less then 5euro and feeding(what it seems) a horrendous trend of alcoholism from the young to the old here in ireland

CityMan2010

I work with alcoholics..its not an easy question to answer....I may not be the best person that you need to speak to but might be a start....PM me if u would like..

rob

iguana2005 wrote: »

hi there - you know in the midst of your alcoholism what was it that made you stop drinking or what comments really hurt you - or did you remember? when you got up in the morning is alcohol the only thing on your mind?

the reason i ask? an elderly parent is drinking heavily and getting out of hand...have mentioned LOADS Of times about AA, stop drinking, taking away car keys, throwing drink down sink but its doesnt register.

flogging a dead horse? can a family doctor help? any help would be appreciated.

and i think we should sign a petition to stop aldi and lidl selling cheap PLONK for less then 5euro and feeding(what it seems) a horrendous trend of alcoholism from the young to the old here in ireland

iguana2005

thanks for that - yeah have a good idea about addictions from reading up and studying...just was wondering if anyone had similar experiences or memories...damn alcohol and growing old - i hate to say it but they would be better off dead and pray the day comes soon...makes you wonder what God is thinking upstairs..

Master Bates

iguana2005 wrote: »

hi there - you know in the midst of your alcoholism what was it that made you stop drinking or what comments really hurt you - or did you remember? when you got up in the morning is alcohol the only thing on your mind?

the reason i ask? an elderly parent is drinking heavily and getting out of hand...have mentioned LOADS Of times about AA, stop drinking, taking away car keys, throwing drink down sink but its doesnt register.

flogging a dead horse? can a family doctor help? any help would be appreciated.

and i think we should sign a petition to stop aldi and lidl selling cheap PLONK for less then 5euro and feeding(what it seems) a horrendous trend of alcoholism from the young to the old here in ireland

Yeah, because it's the drink itself which is the problem.:rolleyes: It has nothing to do with the people at all.:mad:

iguana2005

iguana2005 wrote: »

i think we should sign a petition to stop aldi and lidl selling cheap PLONK for less then 5euro and feeding(what it seems) a horrendous trend of alcoholism from the young to the old here in ireland

I don't drink at all, and I think that is an absolutely terrible idea.

colrow

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't drink at all, and I think that is an absolutely terrible idea.

Well, if alcohol were just discovered today, I'm sure it would be banned.

I'd like to see a severe increase in the price of it to deter young people from getting hooked, and to save us and them from the consequences of excessive consumption, but to the serious alcoholice price would not be a barrier.

Elenxor

It never did. I can remember the exact day and year I stopped, but not the reason., so sorry, this is of no help to you.

seanybiker

I drink to block out a lot of things. Most days when i wake up I think of a few things and drink is normally one of them. I dont drink in the day though regularly I just go mental on it the majority of nights during the week. I go through phases though.

Threathining to take the keys of the car/bike of som,eone is extremely annoying. well it is for me anyways. The way I see it, Im an adult I can make me own mistakes now dont be treating me like an invalid.

Suppose its different for others.

law86

It must be hard to find the strength to give up if you feel that your life is coming to an end anyway, as is probably the case with your elderly parent. I gave up because I had to find a better way to live my life or else end it prematurely but it did consume all my head space. It was the first thing I thought about and I lived my life on a timetable of off-licence hours.

To Seanybiker, maybe the keys being taken from you was annoying but getting mown down by a drunk in a vehicle tends to be annoying too.

CaptainCrunch

Pretty much your entire post hurt me. You come across very arrogant and at the same time ignorant.

when you got up in the morning is alcohol the only thing on your mind?

No.

an elderly parent is drinking heavily and getting out of hand

Define getting out of hand.

have mentioned LOADS Of times about AA, stop drinking, taking away car keys, throwing drink down sink but its doesnt register.

So you have decided this person is an alcoholic. Is it not just possible they drink alot. There is a difference.
As for threatening to rob their keys, throwing away drink etc, your just adding fuel to the fire. If the person is an alcoholic, then while they dont need an excuse to drink, they will look for one to condone their actions. "My son/daughter hates me/doesnt think I can look after myself", is a pretty good reason excuse to drink in my opinion.

How is it affecting you? If they insist on driving, then take the keys, dont threaten. As for AA etc, they have to make up their own mind about that.You cant force them. As for pouring drink down the drain, do you honestly think they wont go looking for more? That's just a waste of money. Better he/she is in doors drinking, than wandering off looking for some at any given time.

I am yet to see any evidence that this person is an alcoholic, all you have said is they drink heavily. Is it possible they are depressed? Talk to them about something other than drink, and see what they say.

CityMan2010

Captain, In contrast to yourself, I found Iguanas post rather sad, desperate.

I felt he/she had obviously being going through a lot of anguish/heartache/worry.

I could sense the absolute sense of desperation at the experience of facing the seeming incurability of the situation or indeed the perceived illness.

I interpreted nothing at all in Iguanas post as either arrognant or ignorant.

I would also feel that constructive help would be more appropriate in the circumstances.

CaptainCrunch wrote: »

Pretty much your entire post hurt me. You come across very arrogant and at the same time ignorant.


No.

Define getting out of hand.

So you have decided this person is an alcoholic. Is it not just possible they drink alot. There is a difference.
As for threatening to rob their keys, throwing away drink etc, your just adding fuel to the fire. If the person is an alcoholic, then while they dont need an excuse to drink, they will look for one to condone their actions. "My son/daughter hates me/doesnt think I can look after myself", is a pretty good reason excuse to drink in my opinion.

How is it affecting you? If they insist on driving, then take the keys, dont threaten. As for AA etc, they have to make up their own mind about that.You cant force them. As for pouring drink down the drain, do you honestly think they wont go looking for more? That's just a waste of money. Better he/she is in doors drinking, than wandering off looking for some at any given time.

I am yet to see any evidence that this person is an alcoholic, all you have said is they drink heavily. Is it possible they are depressed? Talk to them about something other than drink, and see what they say.

Shayman

iguana2005 wrote: »

hi there - you know in the midst of your alcoholism what was it that made you stop drinking or what comments really hurt you - or did you remember? when you got up in the morning is alcohol the only thing on your mind?

the reason i ask? an elderly parent is drinking heavily and getting out of hand...have mentioned LOADS Of times about AA, stop drinking, taking away car keys, throwing drink down sink but its doesnt register.

flogging a dead horse? can a family doctor help? any help would be appreciated.

and i think we should sign a petition to stop aldi and lidl selling cheap PLONK for less then 5euro and feeding(what it seems) a horrendous trend of alcoholism from the young to the old here in ireland

I'm an alcoholic. And, believe me, it's damn hard to have to admit that for the first time. I had to admit it a while back. There's no easy answer to your questions. If you love the person you have a few options:

1. Tough Love. Abandon them. Keep an eye on them from a distance. Sounds harsh but if they are an alcoholic they will continue drinking anyway.

2. Go and see their Doctor and explain your worries. Get his/her opinion on your next step.

3. Go to Al Anon - it's a support group for families and loved ones affected by alcoholism.

Throwing away the drink won't make any difference - if they want it they'll get more. Maybe get in the car and drive for it?

I could go on and on. Maybe if you PM me I can give you my phone number and we can talk.

Sorry, in nanswer to your first question I had my wake up call when I lost everyone I ever loved and pretty much all my possesions. Rock bottom! I would love to try and help you if you want.

S.

Cabra

I have a question about recovering alcoholics - I have a friend who has been off the drink now for about 4 years - I want to invite her to dinner with some other friends of mine - I was wondering about using alcohol in food - like for making sauces or for cooking fish - is this a no no?

whatdoicare

Cabra wrote: »

I have a question about recovering alcoholics - I have a friend who has been off the drink now for about 4 years - I want to invite her to dinner with some other friends of mine - I was wondering about using alcohol in food - like for making sauces or for cooking fish - is this a no no?

Definite No, no. A friend of mine is a long time recovered alcoholic and told me once she can't take certain medications or mouthwashes as they contain the same addictive drug that's in alcohol. Putting alcohol in anything might be a trigger for a relapse.

xoxyx

iguana2005 wrote: »

an elderly parent is drinking heavily and getting out of hand...have mentioned LOADS Of times about AA, stop drinking, taking away car keys, throwing drink down sink but its doesnt register.

I feel for you, but none of these things will help. It's for your parent to decide to give up, not for you to force the decision on them.
Are you a carer for your parent? If you are, and it's getting out of hand, it may be time to get an outside carer in. Try Al Anon - it's for relatives of people with drinking problems. They can advise you, but they will reiterate what I say - you can't make your parent give up the drink.
The only thing you can do is be supportive as much as you can.
It sounds like you care a lot. It's heartbreaking, but alcohol can change a parent to the extent that they'll walk over you for the next drink.
Remember the good times and do what you can. It's great that your parent has a child who cares so much.

xoxyx

Cabra wrote: »

I have a question about recovering alcoholics - I have a friend who has been off the drink now for about 4 years - I want to invite her to dinner with some other friends of mine - I was wondering about using alcohol in food - like for making sauces or for cooking fish - is this a no no?

I wouldn't worry about it too much if you're talking about a cup of wine in a sauce. The cooking will take out much of the alcohol anyway, and whatever's left won't be enough to trigger a physical reaction.
Recovering alcoholics can't have a small glass of wine (for example) because they will have that glass and be grand. A few weeks later, they'll remember this and have another glass of wine when out. A month later, they may think they can have two. Sooner or later trouble ensues.
You don't get the same reaction from sherry trifle, unless you're looking for an excuse to go back on the lash!

FloatingVoter

I'm off the booze 16 months now. After 20 years of solid heavy drinking I spent the last ten of those years drinking morning, noon and night. In my case, it wasn't just alcoholism, it was diagnosible as dypsomania (yes,it really exists). October 2008, I wound up in James hospital at deaths door. It really was a case of choosing life over death. There was nothing religious or heroic about it. I just didn't want to be a statistic with nothing to show for my 35 years except a grieving mother and a bar tab.

As for your particular case, I agree with the guy who said bury the car keys (threats won't work). As for AA, thats something you choose for yourself. I never went but then different strokes/different folks.

Whatever else happens,OP, good luck and I hope it works out for you and your loved one.

force majeure

This is a though one, while all I can say is I am no expert you need to try and connect with the old as most off the time they have something they would like to unburden. Is for example a recent event or is it noticeable for some time, if it has being building up recently its likely they need to talk about something so try and approaching them with small talk first and letting them flow after that. If on the other hand its a long term thing its time to ask the pros for some help as serious alcoholics need proper help that may be outside your scope. I am no prof myself just talking from my own thoughts from the last 15 years hope its off some use
Adrian

PS fell free to ask for more assistance.

meathawk

It seems like OP is trying to find a way to make this relative experience an artificial rock bottom, which won't exactly work. Only the person in question is capable of experiencing a new lowest point when it comes to drinking. And if that doesn't happen forcing them into AA when they're not ready or a rehabilitation clinic when they haven't admitted anything will not work I'm afraid.
Sometimes, from what I've read, alcholics need to take a step back in the midst of their drinking and think about who they are harming and who they are letting down and why they are there. After that maybe a sound decision on their part might occur.

moceri

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. It is best not to tackle the issue when when you are angry and frustrated or when your loved one is "under the influence". You got to find a way in and connect with this person. Drinking is often symptomatic of Depression which exacerbates the low feeling. Lecturing and telling off is not the solution but making them feel safe to talk through the reasons for their drinking. Tell them about how their drinking is affecting your relationship. Emphasise the positive aspects of how things where between you when they were not drinking. Encourage them to do hobbies/activities with friends where alcohol is not involved.

CatchLight

Hi Iguana!

I'm not an alcoholic but I do have an alcoholic in the family and i understand how hard it is.

I used to do the whole stealing the drink off them, hiding their money and keys, loads of other stuff too and this was more than 15 years ago. I figured at the time it'd be better if they didnt have access to the car because it wouldn't just be their life they were putting at risk and I couldn't live with myself if they knocked someone down (of course the alcoholic called me selfish for this).

But after reading about it and talking to the professionals, I decided to take a backseat and let the alcoholic get on with their life. I let them destroy themselves, drink drive, fall over, etc etc etc. I'm sure you know the story. Needless to say the situation hasn't improved.

Despite the car crashes, the brain damage, the countless visits to A&E, multiple failed visits to rehab... they still do not want to stop drinking. As everyone says, they have to reach rock-bottom, which is different for every alcoholic.

I just read what i wrote and this probably is no help to you, sorry, but the alcoholic has to decide for themselves to stop drinking. Very frustrating when you can't help, I know.

cue

iguana2005 wrote: »

can a family doctor help?

Most definitely. An honest diagnosis from doctors is often-times the turning point in sending alcoholics for help. The doctor must have knowledge of alcoholism and be able to suggest the possible solutions.

This obviously depends on the alcoholic being honest :eek: with the doctor about their drinking.

Elenxor

I would strongly urge you to join Alonon (they are in the phonebook) you will meet thousands of other relatives of active alchololics and learn how they manage to live and stay sane... I hope this is of some help to you.