Honestly

Tar.Aldarion

Fink Goddie wrote: »

How does this help your point??

I would do a lot of things I wouldn't do sober, I still wouldn't do something disgusting like cheating.

shellyboo

Kimia wrote: »

Sorry I don't mean to be b*tchy. Buit's kinda obvious that you want to believe that cheating is not a big deal and maybe that's because you are interested in a guy who is possibly cheating on his girlfriend with you or may be about to. But it is a big deal and something that some people do and some people don't, same as everything I suppose. It's up to you as an individual to decide what kind of people you want to be around after that.

Agreed. Seems to me Fink that you're trying to justify it to yourself as something that "everyone does given the opportunity", when that's simply your experience and not the experience of others.

I have never been cheated on to my knowledge and I've never cheated. Is that due to lack of opportunity? God no. I've had plenty of opportunity, when sober and when drunk out of my head. It's just not something that I do, not because I might get found out, but because I don't think I'd like myself very much afterwards.

I'm not so arrogant as to presume that I have superior morals or willpower than the rest of the human race, so I presume I'm not alone in this. Some people cheat. Some don't. Not everyone is dying to cheat but lacking the opportunity.

Fink Goddie

shellyboo wrote: »

Agreed. Seems to me Fink that you're trying to justify it to yourself as something that "everyone does given the opportunity", when that's simply your experience and not the experience of others.

I have never been cheated on to my knowledge and I've never cheated. Is that due to lack of opportunity? God no. I've had plenty of opportunity, when sober and when drunk out of my head. It's just not something that I do, not because I might get found out, but because I don't think I'd like myself very much afterwards.

I'm not so arrogant as to presume that I have superior morals or willpower than the rest of the human race, so I presume I'm not alone in this. Some people cheat. Some don't. Not everyone is dying to cheat but lacking the opportunity.

You have male models after you every weekend then yeh??
Every girl has opportunities, jesus sure all a girl has to do is walk into coppers or flannerys and the guys are after everything in a skirt, depends on the quality of the opportunites, whether your tempted or not really.

As i said if i was going out with someone and Josh Hartnett started coming onto me, i probably would

Kimia

I am curious though - did you guys ever get it together Fink? I remember the story from the last thread.

shellyboo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You have male models after you every weekend then yeh??
Every girl has opportunities, jesus sure all a girl has to do is walk into coppers or flannerys and the guys are after everything in a skirt, depends on the quality of the opportunites, whether your tempted or not really.

As i said if i was going out with someone and Josh Hartnett started coming onto me, i probably would

It's not an opportunity to cheat if you don't actually want to have sex with the person in question - it's someone coming onto you.

And you know rightly that's not what you said. You said,

i'm saying that most men maybe women would cheat if they had the same opportunities that celebs have.

Basically, that cheating is about having the opportunity. It's not, for me. I'm not a special snowflake - there are others like me.

Why do you find it so hard to believe that others wouldn't cheat?

K-9

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

I would do a lot of things I wouldn't do sober, I still wouldn't do something disgusting like cheating.

Have to agree there. Just the way I am and yes I had the opportunities before. If I did cheat because of drink, I'd need to look at my drinking as a problem, not an excuse.

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You have male models after you every weekend then yeh??
Every girl has opportunities, jesus sure all a girl has to do is walk into coppers or flannerys and the guys are after everything in a skirt, depends on the quality of the opportunites, whether your tempted or not really.

As i said if i was going out with someone and Josh Hartnett started coming onto me, i probably would

I can see why posters think you are trying to justify things.

You seem to be agreeing with anybody who posts they would cheat and dismissing everybody else, because you think they are a minority.

Fink Goodie wrote:

Exactly, people think that everyone should live by the same rules, the til death do us part commitment and they judge anyone who has a different view.

Fink Goddie

shellyboo wrote: »

It's not an opportunity to cheat if you don't actually want to have sex with the person in question - it's someone coming onto you.

And you know rightly that's not what you said. You said,



Basically, that cheating is about having the opportunity. It's not, for me. I'm not a special snowflake - there are others like me.

Why do you find it so hard to believe that others wouldn't cheat?

Ah but Snowflakes melt!

Fink Goddie

K-9 wrote: »

Have to agree there. Just the way I am and yes I had the opportunities before. If I did cheat because of drink, I'd need to look at my drinking as a problem, not an excuse.



I can see why posters think you are trying to justify things.

You seem to be agreeing with anybody who posts they would cheat and dismissing everybody else, because you think they are a minority.

Didnt say i do it, or have done it. Didnt say there's nothing wrong with it.
I just think it can happen when someone is drunk, i do think most people, probably more so guys, would give in if they were presented with the amount of opportunities that celebs get.

shellyboo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Ah but Snowflakes melt!

What a super response.

Fink Goddie

shellyboo wrote: »

What a super response.

Knew you'd like it!

K-9

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Didnt say i do it, or have done it. Didnt say there's nothing wrong with it.
I just think it can happen when someone is drunk, i do think most people, probably more so guys, would give in if they were presented with the amount of opportunities that celebs get.

But you seem to see it as the norm.

I don't buy the drink excuse. If drink makes you do something out of character, then drink is the problem. Too many people blame the drink rather than take responsibility themselves.

I can understand a one off, but if it becomes a regular thing, well, it isn't drink!

sorrywhat

K-9 wrote: »

But you seem to see it as the norm.

!

I think thats the whole problem with this thread.

Fink thinks its the norm and acceptable along with maybe 1 or 2 more wavered opinions.

Where as everyone else is like WTF.

Grow up like.

Silverfish

This is getting far too personal. Any more snide comments or swipes at people will result in infractions or bans.

I would remind people to remain CIVIL when posting.

Novella

This whole thread is an absolute mess, I just don't know why you bother. When I start threads, I am interested in hearing things from both sides and have to admit, I have taken on-board loads of different opinions from posters on here. I find it quite interesting.

We all get it. You have your opinion. You like to be the opposite of the majority, in general. You would pretty much argue with anyone and with anything else.

Great, you'd cheat. That's wonderful. You wanted to know if others would if their OH never found out. Many people said no, they never would. That is fine too. There is absolutely no reason for you to continuously reiterate what you've already said. WE KNOW. You are not changing anyone's minds.

You need to realise that you are not always right. Different strokes for different folks. Just because you think a certain something does not make it gospel and it doesn't make anyone else's opinions less valid.

Maybe this is just me and maybe I'm completely outta line here but I do feel that you started this thread not because you were interested in what people thought, but because you wanted another argument which is the case in the majority of threads you post in.

Fink Goddie

K-9 wrote: »

But you seem to see it as the norm.

I don't buy the drink excuse. If drink makes you do something out of character, then drink is the problem. Too many people blame the drink rather than take responsibility themselves.

I can understand a one off, but if it becomes a regular thing, well, it isn't drink!

Yeh you cant blame drink for it happening all the time, i agree with that.

sorrywhat wrote: »

I think thats the whole problem with this thread.

Fink thinks its the norm and acceptable along with maybe 1 or 2 more wavered opinions.

Where as everyone else is like WTF.

Grow up like.

Dont reply to the thread then! simple as.

sorrywhat

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Dont reply to the thread then! simple as.

So you can voice your opinion and I cant?

Fink Goddie

Novella wrote: »

This whole thread is an absolute mess

You need to realise that you are not always right.

Maybe this is just me and maybe I'm completely outta line here but I do feel that you started this thread not because you were interested in what people thought, but because you wanted another argument which is the case in the majority of threads you post in.

Hey its not me telling people they should grow up or taking b1tchy swipes like kimia etc did.

Dont post in or read my threads so if thats how you feel!

Fink Goddie

sorrywhat wrote: »

So you can voice your opinion and I cant?

Give your opinion on the subject, but your just giving out about the thread, dont post in it if it bothers you that much!

krudler

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Everybody cheats on somebody at some stage. I thought that was pretty clear from that post.

I've never cheated on anyone, and i wont either. Cheaters are scumbags of the highest order, I'd rather someone just broke up with me than cheated, have been cheated on twice before, once was right in front of me in a club, she was a cnut though, the other she told me about during a fight, she got dumped on the spot and i never looked back, i found out afterwards that she wound up going out with the guy she cheated on me with and he treated her like absolute dirt, and he fcuked off when she became pregnant and was sleeping with other people, including one of her friends behind her back for months, now I'd normally consider myself a compassionate person, but that bitch got what was coming to her as far as i'm concerned, karma is a bitch

Fink Goddie

krudler wrote: »

I've never cheated on anyone, and i wont either.

Never say never, we'll get 15 vodkas into ya and get Eva Mendes or Megan Fox to chat you up and we'll see what happens

krudler

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Never say never, we'll get 15 vodkas into ya and get Eva Mendes or Megan Fox to chat you up and we'll see what happens

I wouldnt care how good looking someone was, i'm not going to betray the trust of the woman who could be my future wife to spend a night with someone i couldnt care less about for a shag

Fink Goddie

krudler wrote: »

I wouldnt care how good looking someone was, i'm not going to betray the trust of the woman who could be my future wife to spend a night with someone i couldnt care less about for a shag

Well fair play to ya if you wouldnt, who knows if you'll still feel that way after being married to the person say 7 years down the line, when things start getting a bit stale.

krudler

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Well fair play to ya if you wouldnt, who knows if you'll still feel that way after being married to the person say 7 years down the line, when things start getting a bit stale.

Then I'd do everything i could to improve my marriage, sleeping with someone else wouldnt benefit anyone so what would be the point?

The longest relationship I've been in is over 3 years, of course we got past the honeymoon stage and into the "comfortable" stage where you wind up maybe taking each other a bit for granted, or losing a bit of the spark you first had when you meet someone new, but at no stage did I ever think "this is beginning to get a bit samey, I know, I'll go bang someone else, that'll perk me right up" I'd rather take a couple of weeks apart and see if missing each other would reignite things, or go on a holiday or do something to try save the relationship, not throw it all away by going off with someone else

Cheaters can justify their actions all they want, drink, weak willed, relationship got stale, blah blah blah, but at the end of it all they're just selfish cowards

Raze_them_all

krudler wrote: »

Then I'd do everything i could to improve my marriage, sleeping with someone else wouldnt benefit anyone so what would be the point?

The longest relationship I've been in is over 3 years, of course we got past the honeymoon stage and into the "comfortable" stage where you wind up maybe taking each other a bit for granted, or losing a bit of the spark you first had when you meet someone new, but at no stage did I ever think "this is beginning to get a bit samey, I know, I'll go bang someone else, that'll perk me right up" I'd rather take a couple of weeks apart and see if missing each other would reignite things, or go on a holiday or do something to try save the relationship, not throw it all away by going off with someone else

Cheaters can justify their actions all they want, drink, weak willed, relationship got stale, blah blah blah, but at the end of it all they're just selfish cowards

Justify it to what end? I like women in general, not just one woman, i'll not deprive myself of something I want, clearly If I want to sleep with someone else the one I'm hypothetically with just isn't doing it for me

Ickle Magoo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Well fair play to ya if you wouldnt, who knows if you'll still feel that way after being married to the person say 7 years down the line, when things start getting a bit stale.

Why should things have to get stale? Sex often improves significantly over time, btw.

Ickle Magoo

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Justify it to what end? I like women in general, not just one woman, i'll not deprive myself of something I want, clearly If I want to sleep with someone else the one I'm hypothetically with just isn't doing it for me

I don't think anything justification is required as long as your partner knows you are not going to deprive yourself of something you want and you wouldn't bother trying to make things better with her or dumping her first.

Raze_them_all

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I don't think anything justification is required as long as your partner knows you are not going to deprive yourself of something you want and you wouldn't bother trying to make things better with her or dumping her first.

Why do relationships have to be in a bad state for cheating to happen? What if things were great and they didn't need to be made better that they just saw someone they wanted and went for it?

Ickle Magoo

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Why do relationships have to be in a bad state for cheating to happen? What if things were great and they didn't need to be made better that they just saw someone they wanted and went for it?

Well, they don't, I was posting in regard to your "the one I'm hypothetically with just isn't doing it for me" comment.

Raze_them_all

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Well, they don't, I was posting in regard to your "the one I'm hypothetically with just isn't doing it for me" comment.

Sorry I'm wrecked may of read that wrong. Will re read and possibly recomment when I''ve slept.

Ickle Magoo

:D

Michael B

I honestly don't think it's in me to cheat. I really don't. I've probably had some of the biggest temptations where I could have easily cheated but it's not in me. If I found myself wanting to cheat then I'd break up with my girlfriend because it's obviously not working. But right now the thought of hurting her makes me sick.

And I don't for a second believe everyone has or will cheat in their life. No way. Raze them all if that's what you want to think fair enough but it's pretty sad you think that way to be honest. Maybe you'll learn some day that some people actually have morals.

Michael B

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Why do relationships have to be in a bad state for cheating to happen? What if things were great and they didn't need to be made better that they just saw someone they wanted and went for it?

Then become single if you want to do that. There comes a time when you find someone you love so much that you don't just go for it with someone else because you fancy them. Your lack of faith in good, strong relationships tells a lot to be honest. I hope you find one some day.

Raze_them_all

Michael B wrote: »

I honestly don't think it's in me to cheat. I really don't. I've probably had some of the biggest temptations where I could have easily cheated but it's not in me. If I found myself wanting to cheat then I'd break up with my girlfriend because it's obviously not working. But right now the thought of hurting her makes me sick.

And I don't for a second believe everyone has or will cheat in their life. No way. Raze them all if that's what you want to think fair enough but it's pretty sad you think that way to be honest. Maybe you'll learn some day that some people actually have morals.

So I've no morals? how do you come to this conclusion?

Michael B wrote: »

Then become single if you want to do that. There comes a time when you find someone you love so much that you don't just go for it with someone else because you fancy them. Your lack of faith in good, strong relationships tells a lot to be honest. I hope you find one some day.

I don't have a lack of faith in good strong relationships. I see plenty out there and good for them that's their choice. I like being single, The very rare times I actually get with someone I get bored very very easily. Some people like being in relationships, some don't. Different strokes for different folks.

also how could one opinion I've stated ever tell you alot?

panda100

Michael B wrote: »

And I don't for a second believe everyone has or will cheat in their life. No way. Raze them all if that's what you want to think fair enough but it's pretty sad you think that way to be honest. Maybe you'll learn some day that some people actually have morals.

I think its unfair to tell someone that the way they choose to live their life is 'pretty sad'. Not everyone believes in monogomous,one person for life relationships. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong or sad If someone decides they dont want to be in this type of relationship.
It would be unhealthy for me and my partner If I was only allowed to be with them for life. I am the type of person who while wants intimacy and love with one person also craves something more. We all have different types of personalitys and as complex beings we just cant fit all into a one-type-fits-all mould of what relationships should be.

For me kissing or sleeping with someone else is not the be all and end all of a relationship.There are many other things that can destory intimacy,respect and trust between two people imo.

krudler

Panda110 wrote: »

I think its unfair to tell someone that the way they choose to live their life is 'pretty sad'. Not everyone believes in monogomous,one person for life relationships. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong or sad If someone decides they dont want to be in this type of relationship.
It would be unhealthy for me and my partner If I was only allowed to be with them for life. I am the type of person who while wants intimacy and love with one person also craves something more. We all have different types of personalitys and as complex beings we just cant fit all into a one-type-fits-all mould of what relationships should be.

For me kissing or sleeping with someone else is not the be all and end all of a relationship.There are many other things that can destory intimacy,respect and trust between two people imo.

Surely having sex with someone else while in a relationship instantly destroys any trust between the people involved when one of them thinks its ok to go off with someone else?if you need something else in a relationship other than what the person you're with can give you then dont be in a relationship, end of. Stop trying to have your cake and eat it, you said before that if someone cheated on you you'd break up with them but you think its ok to do the exaact same? hypocrite much?

K-9

krudler wrote: »

Surely having sex with someone else while in a relationship instantly destroys any trust between the people involved when one of them thinks its ok to go off with someone else?if you need something else in a relationship other than what the person you're with can give you then dont be in a relationship, end of. Stop trying to have your cake and eat it, you said before that if someone cheated on you you'd break up with them but you think its ok to do the exaact same? hypocrite much?

If the other partner knows and his ok with it, as in Panda110, what's the problem?

My problem is going behind their back and doing it, as in a "what they don't know wont hurt them" type way. They know it will hurt the other person if they did find out, they just don't care. Their own want is more important.

booksale

I dont think I would cheat just for sex, with a hot guy. Sex is not the most tempting thing for me. I would be happier not to be a slave of sex than sleeping with a sexy hot guy. And I don't really have the desire to have sex with a person I don't really love.

I can't 100% gurantee that I won't if I marry for 10 years and the love fade in the marriage and have to worry about kids and being ignored by husand and so and so. I think if this happen, most likely I will cheat with someone I have emotional bonding with rather than a stranger in a night club... But I will HATE myself doing so for my whole life I know. And I will call myself a coward. I will try my 110% best not to though.

People who cheat take the opportunities to have fun/hot sex/ live a more 'colourful' life, but they also miss out the opportunities to enjoy the excitement and challenges to be in a sometimes boring, annoying yet commited, self-controlled, solid, exclusive relationship.

Well, let me come back to this thread the last minute before I die then I can really tell you whether I would or wouldn't. But I wish myself never never cheat and I can enjoy a relationship that win over the temptation and enjoy to be a person that is not a slave of sex and temptations.

DancingDaisy

I do think a few people seem to be confusing cheating with an open relationship. If there is an agreement by both parties in a relationship that sleeping with another person is okay, then I don't see that as cheating, and I don't see anything wrong with it.

I think the worst thing about cheating is breaking the trust of the relationship and going behind a partners back. I think that if you are somebody who cheats and can't seem to help themselves, then you have a responsibility to tell someone that you are getting into a relationship with. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Lia_lia

DancingDaisy wrote: »

I do think a few people seem to be confusing cheating with an open relationship. If there is an agreement by both parties in a relationship that sleeping with another person is okay, then I don't see that as cheating, and I don't see anything wrong with it.

Yeah, that. I'm completely fine with the open relationship thing. One of the guys I was er..scoring over Christmas is in an open relationship. It weirded me out a bit at first but then I was fine with it after a bit.