dating a soilder

sunpearl

hi

im not sure if i should be posting my issues here but i dated a solider when i was 17 & he was 25. everything started out great but after only 4 short weeks i started to see another side to him which worried me & my friends told me it was normal for soldiers to act this way (bla bla bla & so on). we got involved in a fight over my weight (im a size 8) he wanted me to slim to a size 6 & even bought me a dress 1 size too small after i told he i woulnt drop a size (kinda hard for me to be writing this) he hit me several times i was in hospital for a week & spent months recovering. now im very defensive around soldiers & men in general.

so would like to ask was this normal for a solider or any man to do ?
was it my fault ?
should i have simply drop a size for him ?

would like to hear a man's opinion ! (as i already have an idea of what the girls will say) LOL

theirishguy

sunpearl wrote: »

so would like to ask was this normal for a solider or any man to do ?

its as simple as this, no and i would not even call him a soldier or a man i'd call him a coward! men who beat women are SCUM!

sunpearl wrote: »

should i have simply drop a size for him ?

well i think if he didnt like you the way you are then it wasn't meant to be!

i'm speaking from 8 years experience.

Irish_Army01

I'm going to first ask you if you contacted the Guards when he assaulted you?

Are you still with him?

To answer your question.. My Wife is a ten and that is slim.. I can only imagine what an 8 is let alone a 6.. So no you shouldn't drop a size for him or any one.

Absurdum

The guy is an idiot and a nutcase.

iceage

Give us his name and address, I'll call and give him the good news, teach him some manners and how to treat a lady and see can we make him fit into the size 6 dress :mad:... My dear if this is the case the guy is a knob, and your better off far, far away from him.

This is not the norm with Soldiers..or men in general for that fact. No excuse for this assh0les behaviour but it is him who should be apologising to you, and this might not be the best place to discuss this. Best of luck in ther future.

Contact the Law...you claim this sh!t assaulted you....have him done for it.

xsiborg

sunpearl i read your post with utter dismay for what you were put through. I understand where you're coming from- did the fact he was in the military make him this way? (controlling, violent)

absolutely no bearing whatsoever. the guy was a prick before he was ever a soldier. the one thing the army teaches is discipline! this guy was just a controlling f*ck and the fact he was in the military has no bearing.

you just happened to be unlucky to meet a guy with an inferiority complex that felt he needed to be in control on something, anything, and obviously he saw you as an easy target.

most men, military or not, have the utmost respect for women, this guy was just a coward who got off on picking on someone weaker. he obviously had issues before you met him, before he was ever in the military.

i'm glad you had the strength and self respect and dignity to walk away from him though. there's NO excuse for his behaviour, none!

theirishguy

iceage wrote: »

Give us his name and address, I'll call and give him the good news, teach him some manners and how to treat a lady and see can we make him fit into the size 6 dress.

+1




i 100% agree with you there!

Sarah**

I live around the Curragh Camp and this is no reflection of Military men. They are polite and chivalrous. I personally have never dated a Soldier but from being in the local shops and what not they are lovely people and always hold the door and let you infront of them in Q's. Very helpfull too!

"& my friends told me it was normal for soldiers to act this way"........Clearly your friends havent got a clue! It is not normal for anyone nevermind a soldier to hit a woman or to degrade you and ask you to loose weight!

Clearly this guy needs a visit! ..... Iceage has the right idea in mind! See how he likes fitting into the size 6 dress! I also think you need to report him.

This guy endangered your life and put you into hospital and you are wondering should you have reduced yourself to a size 6????

sunpearl

thanks for the quick replies everyone.

to clarify a few points -

NO im no longer with him.
YES i contacted the gardi & he was jailed for a while (not long enough)
NO i dont dislike men now but im wary as i hope is understandable.
YES ive moved on leaps & bounds. im 21 now & have my own business.
im in the legal profession now where i believe i can make changes.

i just tend to feel isolated at times & defensive when i go out even to the shops.

from your strong & most definitely MALE responses im happy im starting to see it wasn't my fault.

im still a happy size 8 which is a natural size for my build & i wont even think twice about changing anything about me as you guys seem to think im ok the way i am. WELL maybe i'll dry my hair blonde . as brunette's arnt as attractive as blondes (so i have been told) LOL :rolleyes:

thanks again any thing else - post it & i'll read it

for sarah - (not me im also sarah. LOL)
when i met him he seems so very decent & held doors ect ect so now i wondering if a man is simply being kind to get close enough to do this to me again.

but im sure your right but i cant help feeling uncomfortable.

theirishguy

sunpearl wrote: »

im still a happy size 8 which is a natural size for my build & i wont even think twice about changing anything about me as you guys seem to think im ok the way i am.

+1
this is somewhat related to this thread, a couple weeks ago there was a men beating his pregnant girlfriend 3 door's down from me, i got involved gave him a few smacks and i got arrested by the guard's he got off scot free just go's to show how messed up our legal system is!

Irish_Army01

I'm presuming he is no longer a Member of the Defence Forces if he was jailed.

Chalk it down as a bad experience and concentrate on your life ahead of ya. Your only 21.

Morpheus

The cheek of you, brunettes arent as attractive as blondes? hmmph, i cant keep the women off me, they love my brunette hair har har har

Seriosuly, sorry to hear this happened to you and as above they guy should have been at least castrated less he spawn a maggot to grow up like him, having respect for others and discipline is taught as a baseline characteristic that a soldier should have, this guy was using his (unfortunate) membership in the defence forces as a reason for something that obviously naturally lurked below the surface anyway.

Im always horrified to hear that a man can raise a finger against a woman and to suggest you drop a size to suit HIS image of what you should be is sickening.

well done on getting this far AND starting your own business, im a lot older and sadly a slave for someone else (i love my bosses in case they read this!)

you go girl! As hollywood tries to beat into our heads, You will find a bloke out there who loves you for what you are!

Manic Moran

Contrary to an apparently popular opinion, soldiers are men first. When we're not out doing our jobs, we're your common or garden person who likes a pint, playing computer games, being a dad, or whatever else any other man tends to want to do.

The real downside to dating a soldier is the chance that he's going to be gone for an extended period of time, such as a six-month tour abroad.

NTM

Irish_Army01

Hey I did all that opening doors when I first met my Wife, but it does stop eventually . ;-)

I'm with my wife 12 years now and I have never or will strike my Wife and we have had arguments of all arguments!

He was a coward and I think you'll know if your with some one and they want you to change and your not comfortable about it, you'll walk away.

Gillo

sunpearl wrote: »

so would like to ask was this normal for a solider or any man to do ?
was it my fault ?
should i have simply drop a size for him ?

No it's not normal for any man, unfortunately though you'll find a small number of men are dicks. If you ever have to ask yourself those questions, it's time to get out of the relationship pronto.

Any soliders I've known are nice guys, so no need to be afraid to date another one. Hey there's one who posts a hell of a lot on this site, I only know him here but he comes across as the nicest guy who'd ever know. Most people will probably know who I am refering to.

sunpearl

i personally love guys with darker hair. :rolleyes:
im drawn to a protective guy but im wary that protection can become aggression. talking with you guys is slowly but surely changing my perspective on soldiers. im feeling a little more relaxed now as i thought when i started this tread guys would side with my EX but you all seem so very genuine.

as for him not being in the amy any more i wouldn't know as i have well kept my distance & even moved a few times to be on the safe side.

i also wanted to add that my father was in the army but only for a short while of 3 years in Africa (yes that's right Africa) but we are English through & through
he served in africa as he had moved there when he was in his 20's before i came along . LOL. he tells me that the guys he served with where all so nice but i alays thought it was because it was a different country & race of people.

you should see his service photos - he is one of only 5 white guys. LOL. i love these photos to see different races coming together as a united front.

BigDuffman

The chap is scum...plain and simple. Him being a soldier is of no relevance to him acting the way he did. He would be the same if he was an accountant, street sweeper or hair dresser (wel....:P).

A soldier is just a job not a personality. As there are tossers in every walk of life.

Only difference him being in the military would make is,that he must of been a piss poor soldier who did not feel big enough amongst his peers that he had to take his aggression out on a woman. As he sure as hell wouldn't try it with other soldiers.

And btw giving out about a size 8? That chap must have a thing for teenage boys. The majority of men prefer their women to look like women...skinny young pre-pubescent boys. Its women and womens mags that portray the "sexy skinny" image. (same way that us men really dont give a sh!t about your shoes!)

Sarah**

Sunpearl - Im prob the only girl here posting and just couldnt help it due to the nature of the post, but kudos to all the men here! Gotta love the boardies!

Keep on doing what your doing! You are doing great and if I had half the strength you have Id be doing well.

Im so glad your heart didnt rule over your head in this matter.

Well done and hopefully in future should you happen to meet a soldier who you are interested in, the conversation had here today will remind you that Soldiers are men and it just so happened that that man(and he really doesnt deserve to be called that) was a rare breed and not like the others!

theirishguy

sunpearl wrote: »

moved a few times to be on the safe side.

why on earth would you move surly you have a few male friends that wouldn't mind taking out the trash if you get my drift:cool: you should have made him move! i REALLY hate SCUM like this.

LookBehindYou

That guy was scum. There is scum in all walks of life.
I bet he was not so brave in the army.
One of the lads on an earlier post ad the best solution for him,, pay him a visit.

Boston

sunpearl wrote: »

hi

im not sure if i should be posting my issues here but i dated a solider when i was 17 & he was 25. everything started out great but after only 4 short weeks i started to see another side to him which worried me & my friends told me it was normal for soldiers to act this way (bla bla bla & so on). we got involved in a fight over my weight (im a size 8) he wanted me to slim to a size 6 & even bought me a dress 1 size too small after i told he i woulnt drop a size (kinda hard for me to be writing this) he hit me several times i was in hospital for a week & spent months recovering. now im very defensive around soldiers & men in general.

so would like to ask was this normal for a solider or any man to do ?
was it my fault ?
should i have simply drop a size for him ?

would like to hear a man's opinion ! (as i already have an idea of what the girls will say) LOL

At 17, though you were old enough to consent, you're still a minor and your parents responsibility. I don't think this behaviour is typical of men or military men. However, I would say the type of man who pursues a relationship with a 17 year old girl when there's an 8 year age gap, is looking for someone to control and manipulate. Abusiveness, be it emotional or physical is likely. Is it your fault? No. One cannot be expected to realise these things in advance. Well done for getting out of the situation quickly and getting him charged. The record will make it easier for the next woman to get the gardai to take action.

iceage wrote: »

Give us his name and address, I'll call and give him the good news, teach him some manners and how to treat a lady and see can we make him fit into the size 6 dress :mad:... My dear if this is the case the guy is a knob, and your better off far, far away from him.

No offence, but its not your place nor your job to meet out justice. You go around and kick the crap out of him, is his friends and family entitled to kick the crap out of you even kill you?

theirishguy wrote: »

+1
this is somewhat related to this thread, a couple weeks ago there was a men beating his pregnant girlfriend 3 door's down from me, i got involved gave him a few smacks and i got arrested by the guard's he got off scot free just go's to show how messed up our legal system is!

Let me guess, the girlfriend backed up his side of the story? This is why you don't get involved in domestics. I've seen people being attacked by both people after they stepped in to help the woman. I've heard of worse happening. Unless a person is calling for help, or a child is being assaulted don't get involved. Legally you can only use physical force if you yourself or someone else is in imminent danger. If the gardai arrive on scene it doesn't matter if she's clearly been beaten, if she says nothing happened, you'll get arrested. Nothing wrong with the legal system, it has to be unbiased and based on evidence. It could have been worse, she could have said you assaulted her and her partner, then you'd be looking at serious time for attacking a pregnant woman.

BigDuffman

Boston wrote: »

Let me guess, the girlfriend backed up his side of the story? This is why you don't get involved in domestics. I've seen people being attacked by both people after they stepped in to help the woman. I've heard of worse happening. Unless a person is calling for help, or a child is being assaulted don't get involved. Legally you can only use physical force if you yourself or someone else is in imminent danger. If the gardai arrive on scene it doesn't matter if she's clearly been beaten, if she says nothing happened, you'll get arrested. Nothing wrong with the legal system, it has to be unbiased and based on evidence. It could have been worse, she could have said you assaulted her and her partner, then you'd be looking at serious time for attacking a pregnant woman.

+1

I've had nothing but bad experiences of domestics such as that. When I was working doors. Saw a particularly nasty one, saw a chap deliver two powerful digs to some dainty bint. Needless to say we unthinkingly (stupidly) stepped off the door intervened, he swung, we took your man down. Whilst I was holding your man down waiting for the gardai, the said silly girl came up behind me and clawed right up my face, leaving bloody gouges up my cheek and across my eyelid.

All the while her kicking and screaming at us in defence of her scumbag bf. Gardai (whom we had rang) eventually arrive and the pair claim that they were assaulted by us. And further near legal silliness ensues!

As a result, very unlikely to get involved in any domestic. In short its saddens me that some girls weren't brought up to think more of themselves than to stand around taking a beating.

In saying this, the case with the Original Poster is obviously not the same. But with regards to intervening in domestics, think twice and thread carefully.

theirishguy

Boston wrote: »

Let me guess, the girlfriend backed up his side of the story?

yup that's exactly what happened

iceage

[QUOTE=Boston;64221130No offence, but its not your place nor your job to meet out justice. You go around and kick the crap out of him, is his friends and family entitled to kick the crap out of you even kill you?[/QUOTE]

None taken Boston and going around to a guy and "kicking the crap out of him" your words I might add not mine, really isn't on but if said plonker decided to have a go and throw a punch whilst I was re-educating him......well thats just a completely different bag of cats isn't it.

Like most situations these days theres always more than one way to put a guy back in his box. The trick is to make sure its in self defence and you put the fear of God in him!

citizen_p

sunpearl wrote: »

so would like to ask was this normal for a solider or any man to do ?

was it my fault ?
should i have simply drop a size for him ?

would like to hear a man's opinion ! (as i already have an idea of what the girls will say) LOL

1 fuk no, report him
2 no... wtf a size six
3 leave him

Manic Moran

im feeling a little more relaxed now as i thought when i started this tread guys would side with my EX but you all seem so very genuine.

Surely you don't think that reasonable people would think that your ex was right? Or are guys (or at least military guys) not reasonable?

NTM

sunpearl

im loving some of the comments on here ! its really putting a smile on my face

NO i didn't have any males friends at the time so i had to muscle to fall back on. i never told my parents we where dating as i guess he was worried about the age issue but they sure knew after-wards.

also the issue of consent never crossed my mind as we had only been dating for 4 weeks & we never slept together as i was raised a little old fashioned.

my father however did pay him a visit after following him to his local drinking hole LOL & he was arrested but the charges where dropped after taking into consideration the frustration of the situation my father was in.

and to clear things NO i dont look like a skinny guy LOL
although im a size 8 i am a women. LOL. im also not the tallest of creatures at only 5 ft 8 inches he towered over me at 6 ft 2 inches & he easily had twice my body mass.

also BIGDUFFMAN - i never cared to much about my shoes LOL.
if im not rolling around in the hay (im a horse owner so behave) im cleaning oil from my fathers classics. ive changed alot since it happened & it really made me grow up fast.

and for sarah - im delighted to hear from the girls too & see what you think all opinions are helping !

Stovepipe

Hi all,
You did the right thing getting rid of him.It would only have got worse over time.As for intervening in domestic disputes, the Gardai, as far as I know, do not now need the agreement of the victim to arrest somebody for domestic assault.They're as frustrated as anyone when it comes to domestics.Best thing to do if you witness one is to pass details to the Gardai.
regards
Stovepipe

Local-womanizer

Stovepipe wrote: »

Hi all,
You did the right thing getting rid of him.It would only have got worse over time.As for intervening in domestic disputes, the Gardai, as far as I know, do not now need the agreement of the victim to arrest somebody for domestic assault.They're as frustrated as anyone when it comes to domestics.Best thing to do if you witness one is to pass details to the Gardai.
regards
Stovepipe

Its a tricky situation domestic abuse is,and I'am only after studying it this year in college! Must look up the power of the Gardai but as far as I can remember the Gardai can only step in without the notification or agreement from the victim when there is a protection order against the abuser. But to get a PO the victim needs to seek that from the courts on themselves. Also the HSE can apply for one on behalf of a abuse victim but this is usually only done regarding older children against there elderly parents or parents against children. A PO puts in place the threat of arrest if phyiscal violence or threat of violence is used.

In Spain,if the Police as much as suspect a man is beating his Gf/Wife they can arrest,even if the women denies such going-ons,such as is the seriousness of Domestic abuse in Spain,and the high murder rates involving partners or spouses.

But one thing that is very common in alot of cases is how the Abuser manipulates their victims mind into making them think they are in the wrong. It takes alot of support from family, friends, Gardai and solicitors to get a person to see that it is not their fault.

seanybiker

That is not a man or soldier your talking about. That is an out and out scum bag. Size 8 is a grand size. My girlfriend is between 8 and 10, she is a little yoke altogether ha ha . I think you should take up the offer earlier in the thread and give someone his name and address. See how though he is with an actual man. Please dont tar us all with the same brush. Im saying that as a man not as a soldier, mainly cos I am a man and not a soldier. You will find someone nice.

NoQuarter

I must be the only one who thinks this thread is a joke?

Its like something out of PI but worse, and the question is ridiculous too! "Is this normal for any man or soldier to do?" I mean sorry but that question just reeks of ignorance! OP your friends are idiots. I dont honestly believe any 21 year old could have as little common sense as that?

And the OP now has her own business and is involved in the legal profession? With grammar like that and an inability to spell soldier? I highly doubt it! I mean if its true then my sympathy with the OP but I smell a troll.

Im sure all you knights in shining armour will come to her rescue now of course!

iceage

Some of us asking ourselves the same questions since yesterday.