Shooting scene & more

coldfire1x

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.

“It’s for my husband,” she tells the clerk.

“Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk. “Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him.”

House call

A doctor was awakened at four in the morning by a caller who demanded to know how much he charged for a house call.

“Twenty-five dollars,” muttered the sleepy physician.

“How much is an office visit?” demanded the caller.

“Fifteen dollars.”

“Okay, doctor,” said the caller. “I’ll meet you in your office in 15 minutes.”

Flight time

A woman phoned a flight inquiry office to ask if a particular flight had departed.

While the officer was checking the information, the office-cleaning

staff turned on a vacuum cleaner behind him.

“Never mind,” the woman said.

“I just heard it take off,” and she hung up.

Driving licence

A man went to get his driver’s licence renewed. The line inched along for almost an hour until finally he got his licence. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, “It’s okay. That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

Mermaid

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a tennis ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head...."

kmart6

Love the mermaid one!