Should men go to antenatel classes

falsehope

Hi,
Everyone I've talked to said it is better to leave the man behind for antenatel classes. Do women want the man there? I've been to the doc appointments and loved the scans. But can antenatel prepare you for something as big as this. I don't think so, to me it's cringeful day out!!
Just thought I'd ask for some agruements for and against.
cheers

lolly22

Hmm mine were two and half years ago so trying to remember but as far as i can remember there were two out of the what ever amout of classes we had that we were told to bring our partners, to show them how they can help during labour.

I think work wise he was entitled to a certain amout of hour's he could take off to attend an antenatel class but im sure every job is diff.

You say it's cringeful, tbh i left my antenatel classes to the last minute and at that stage i didnt care about anything other then having it over with so i guess it's up to you how comfortable you'd feel with him there, it is nice to have someone by your side though

Good luck

EileenG

I did two lots of ante-natal class, one in the Rotunda with no men present, and one with Cuidiu where the men were there for all of them. We both got far more from the Cuidiu ones. I often suffered from pregnancy brain, forgot lots of the stuff we covered in class, and DH would remember and calm me down when I went into a tailspin.

Also, I was so focused on the birth that I pretty much ignored most of the stuff that comes after, and I'd have been lost if DH hadn't been paying attention.

CathyMoran

My hubby will be going to all of mine except the breastfeeding one...most are after work which is handy...he has been there for everything and I am glad that he will be there...we start ours on the 15th.

EileenG

CathyMoran wrote: »

My hubby will be going to all of mine except the breastfeeding one...most are after work which is handy...he has been there for everything and I am glad that he will be there...we start ours on the 15th.

I'd bring him for the breastfeeding one too. Even if you have to do the actual feeling, he can learn about feeding you, and winding the baby afterwards, and stuff like that. Sometimes knowing what's involved will prevent comments like "Are you sure you have enough milk, that baby seems to be feeding a lot". Which are definitely grounds for manslaughter.

CathyMoran

EileenG wrote: »

I'd bring him for the breastfeeding one too. Even if you have to do the actual feeling, he can learn about feeding you, and winding the baby afterwards, and stuff like that. Sometimes knowing what's involved will prevent comments like "Are you sure you have enough milk, that baby seems to be feeding a lot". Which are definitely grounds for manslaughter.

Hmm, thanks for that...:D

nesf

I went along to all the antenatal classes. Nearly every woman there had the husband/partner along.

*shrugs*

deisemum

I'd recommend bringing your birth partner to all the classes including the breastfeeding ones.

Davidth88

I ( as a father ) went to one ( in a large hospital in Dublin ). it was the one class where fathers were asked to go because they showed you round the delivery suites etc, useful logistical stuff . I would encourage ALL fathers to go to that session at least.

However I found at the actual class bit that we were spoken to as ' ohh you are just a man what would you understand ' . YOu had lots of backhanded comments along the lines of ' ohhh and Dads YOU will have to help with the nappies too ' ( ha ha ha isn't that funny as if I bl**dy wouldn't !!, and if I wouldn't being told like that wouldn't make me do it anyway ).

To a great extent I actually found that attitude prevailed thoughout the hospital. You were tolerated rather than made welcome, except at the actual birth where I felt very welcome and involved ( although to a great extent of course you are not ) .


Never mind , it was still the happiest day of my life , nothing could take that away .

I learn't most of the practical stuff ( changing / making up feeds / winding etc ) from my wonderful sister in law who came up for a week after the birth to help out and show us the ropes so to speak. ( she has 3 ). I would love to say the Health Visitor was a help , but I am afraid no real practical advice there , she just questioned us until she found something ' wrong ' ( or that's how it felt )



Maybe I am a little over sensitive to these things ( but I dont think so )

Nevyn

I went to 1 antenatal classes when having my first and then quit.
I was 22 having my first and looked younger and while I was not married ( still am not )
but I was very much with my partner. I seemed to have been booked into the class for teen unmarried mothers and the attitude of the classes seemed to be, as you were stupid enough to get yourself pregnant lets hope your not so stupid you can not learn to look after a baby. Yes this was 12 years ago and was the satellite class for the Rotunda being held in James Connolly Memorial hospital and one of those giving the course was a semi retired nursing sister (a nun).

Being the eldest of 5 I knew a fair bit and had been reading avidly every book I could get my hands on, so I quit telling them both exactly what I thought of their class and made a complaint with both hospitals. The every woman's guide to pregnancy book then became my bible and I learned as much as I could which made for some intresting conversations with the mid wife at 4am as I laboured over night.

Looking back, my co parent would have benefited from classes. He's never changed a nappy and it was for him a steep learning curve.I know in other countries there is the option of Dad's only classes, I wonder if anywhere here offers that.

pickarooney

I went to a couple for each of my kids. The second midwife was much more hands-on and went into greater detail about exactly what was happening at what point, which was really lucky as I was able to stay focused and be of some use to my girlfriedn as the baby began crowning with the midwife on her way through the early morning traffic

I went to one Dads-only class for my son (first born) but it was kind of rubbish - a sort of touchy-feely exercise about our rôles as fathers and such and such. Some people may have benefited from it though.

fitness fan

I wnt along to the clesses when my wife had our first little girl. Have to say I learned a lot from the midwife but hated the attitude of other parents to be in the same boat as us, you know the type 'we read a book we know it all'.
I'd say bring him along and see how it goes sometimes it's good to know what to expect :eek:

stovelid

I went along with my wife and (both) found them pretty crap.

I think this was more to do with the classes and the person giving them than the idea of antenatal classes itself.

I echo the view that it was pretty much all couples there too.

Tabnabs

I went to most of them with my wife. Mostly couples attended, but not exclusively so. It would have been helpful if they had issued some sort of itinerary as there are some that don't need the father to attend (IMHO). It was funny hearing some of the comments from expectant parents in the labour ward subsequently. Some people either weren't paying attention or need a refresher course (no, the baby won't fall out if you get out of the bed...).

I learned a lot and it was worth it.

Deliverance

falsehope wrote: »

Hi,
Everyone I've talked to said it is better to leave the man behind for antenatel classes. Do women want the man there? I've been to the doc appointments and loved the scans. But can antenatel prepare you for something as big as this. I don't think so, to me it's cringeful day out!!
Just thought I'd ask for some agruements for and against.
cheers

I went to mine with the missus. It was cringeworthy to be honest and not v.informative. Nothing really prepares you for the event. Plus the classes in my case were not great. I spent the time answering questions as a smartass that did research beforehand sucessfully. Then the person running it asked what you should say to the woman during the birth process. I as the smartass fell into the trap and announced the dreaded word 'relax'.

Needless to say I got hammered by the tutor and all the women. I got seriously derailed from the smart ass to the dumbass typical man. But the point was valid all the same.

I never once asked her to relax during the birth;) Oh and yes I did learn something from the experience so it was actually worth it.

littlebug

My husband didn't come with me. I can't remember now if it was by choice or force of timetable. I was the only person there who didn't have a partner with me so I felt a little obvious but I wasn't too bothered really. To be honest I didn't learn anything there myself that I hadn't already read and neither would he have. I didn't bother second time round.

Grawns

Didn't bother with them, I love a good book me:)

January

I haven't bothered to go this time or last time... I read about birthing techniques though!

Pimp Ninja

They were benificial for me when I attended.

There is also an obligation for your employer to give you 2 paid days off to attend these classes

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/before-your-baby-is-born/antenatal_classes

expectant fathers have a once-off right to paid time off work to attend the two antenatal classes immediately prior to the birth.

http://www.asti.ie/pay-and-conditions/leave/maternity-leave/

Expectant fathers now have a once-off right to paid time off work to attend the two antenatal classes immediately prior to the birth. This entitlement does not extend to every pregnancy. The provision for paid time off work to attend ante-natal classes for expectant parents was brought into effect in SI 653 of 2004 Maternity Protection (Time off for Ante-Natal Classes) Regulations 2004.

In order to take this time off work, the employee must notify their employer in writing at least two weeks before classes commence, outlining the dates and times of the classes. Employers can request written evidence of the classes. This new provision allowing expectant parents to take time off work to attend antenatal classes only came into effect on 18th October, 2004.

So if anything, at least take 2 days paid leave to go baby shopping :-

Moomoo1

we went. Everyone there had partners. It was quite informative I thought, although it only (with some exceptions) tells you of how thing go right, not of how things go wrong. But the opportunity to ask questions specific to us at the end was quite useful I thought.

pickarooney

Pimp Ninja wrote: »

They were benificial for me when I attended.

There is also an obligation for your employer to give you 2 paid days off to attend these classes

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/before-your-baby-is-born/antenatal_classes


http://www.asti.ie/pay-and-conditions/leave/maternity-leave/


So if anything, at least take 2 days paid leave to go baby shopping :-

WTF? There's two days paid leave for ante-natal classes but 0 days for paternity leave?

ebmma

Went to antenatal class with Holles st Community midwives last week and found it great. Midwife was very very direct (iykwim) and very good at explaining stuff. We got brought down to the delivery room as well. OH loved it, he was actually disappointed he couldn't go to 2nd one (they only do 2 2hour ones in the evenings) because of work.

There were new mom and dad with a baby at the 2nd class to talk through their experience and answer questions. Which I thought was a nice touch...

So I think that depends on classes.

As to learning everything from books - there's some stuff that they don't have and they certainly don't cover policies of the hospitakl you are going to...So even just for that they are worth smth.

unkel

If you're from around the Dublin area, I'd recommend the one day antenatal course from Doreen Buckley. It's a very intensive day and it works best if you've read up on things antenatal before. I wanted to get fully involved, but no thanks to the 14 sessions of doing the "puffing and panting" together

pickarooney wrote: »

WTF? There's two days paid leave for ante-natal classes but 0 days for paternity leave?

Ireland is the only country in the EU (15) with 0 days paid paternity leave. Disgraceful.

nienna2010

My husband came to my antenatal classes with me bar one as it was the girls only class. We found them quite good although lacking in some area's like breathing exercises etc, but I was delighted to have him with me

deisemum

nienna2010 wrote: »

My husband came to my antenatal classes with me bar one as it was the girls only class. We found them quite good although lacking in some area's like breathing exercises etc, but I was delighted to have him with me

Just curious but why is there a girls only class? I cannot imagine why there's such a thing.

nienna2010

deisemum wrote: »

Just curious but why is there a girls only class? I cannot imagine why there's such a thing.

To be honest, I'm not totally sure. Our usual midwife who had done the first two classes couldn't make the 'girls only' class and the lady who stepped in didn't seem to know why either!

It was handy enough though I guess as the girls could ask more intimate questions that maybe they didn't feel they could infront of the partner. I guess to go through worries like 'will my husband/partner still find me attractive?' and so on.

gcgirl

My logic is if he was there for the conception he should be there, Personally i did not go and was complemented on my breathing technique i read some of the book and managed to keep my head through most of the first labour and you can only stay so long on 3cm before a trip to theather is on the cards for a emergency C-Section! good luck

Trev M

I went to all the classes in Holles street and was very happy I did - Personally I found it very useful and informative I thought the nurses there were fantastic and gave us brilliant information. The more you interact, the more you get out of it was my experience. I think the breast feeding one is important for Dads to go to so you understand the issues at play and can offer suppport to your other half when its needed. I'll go again for our next one:) I look back now with fond memories as it was all part of the things we did to prepare for becoming a parent.

CathyMoran

We are going to our first one this evening...scared, will post and let you know...

ebmma

CathyMoran wrote: »

We are going to our first one this evening...scared, will post and let you know...

Oh, please don't be scared! It's just talking and then questions and answers!
Hope you find them useful :)