Friend VERY attached to my son..(7)

LegacyUser

My son has a pal in school - he's a nice kid, if a bit different to most others in class. I know he has not been diagnosed with any intellectual disability, but he behaves very differently to all his peers. Anyway, this little boy and my son have been pals for about 18 months now. The child seems to have become very attached to my son. We've had him over on playdates etc. He doesn't/won't go to anyone elses house for a playdate, only ours. He plays with no one else in the yard, except my son. My son recently had his tonsils out and was off school for two weeks. This boy stood in the corner of the yard at playtime and refused to play with anyone else for those two weeks (heartbreaking I know!). The teacher has even had a word with his mum (who I get on well with) advising her to encourage him to socialise with other boys from class outside of school, but he won't have it. Only ever wants to play with my son. Kicks up a fuss if she suggests bringing anyone else to his house, or him going to anyone elses house. When they're in the shop and he wants a toy/bar of choc, he insists his mum buys one (the same thing) for my son too.
This was all very sweet when they began playing together - but I'm not getting slightly concerned about how odd it's becoming. Has anyone else got experience of this and how did you handle it? I've noticed that my son is concerned about playing with other kids now in case this boy is hurt...

LegacyUser

Hi OP..something similar happened to my daughter when she was about 10. Like you, i got very worried as this other girl became quite obsessed with her. But I found that they just naturally outgrew one another. I wouldnt worry too much - this could just be a phase they're going through and will probably, naturally outgrow.

Deliverance

Sounds like you have raised a v.decent kid who is v.caring and has a strong sense of individuality. You should be proud of that. If more kids were as good as this then the little chap left alone would not be as alone as he was when your fella was not around.

CrazyRabbit

It's quite normal for 2 kids to become very attached to each other. I was practically 'joined at the hip' to my friend when I was 11/12. The two of us went everywhere and did everything together. People joked that we were 'twins'.

It does seem a bit odd though that the boy won't pal with anyone else. Is he being bullied, or unhappy at home? Perhaps your son is the only person he trusts. Of course, this is just speculation.

Moonbeam

Is the other child autistic?
Has he lost someone?maybe through death or divorce?
These could help to explain the situation.

You son sounds like a lovely caring young lad and you should be proud of him.

we'llallhavetea_old

hey op, maybe on the next playdate at your house you could organise another child from school to come and play with the two of them?

LegacyUser

Aw thanks for the compliments bout my angel (lol!!) - I never really thought of it as him being such a good kid (which he is..but he's mine so I'm gonna say that!!!).
The other little boy hasn't lost anyone and as far as I know, things are ok at home - I know his mam through the school but am not pally enough outside of school to figure out whats going on in the home.
Funny you mention about the autism though - I have noticed some very subtle signs of (Im not sure if I'm using the right term here, so apologies if I'm not) slightly odd behaviour. He does that thing with his fingers - you know where he rubs his thumb constantly against the tips of his four fingers? Everything has to be 'just so' if you get my idea - his school books are always in order in his bag (as opposed to my fella's!), his pencils, colours are always put in the right order in the pencil case - my son loses about 10 pencils per day. Hes very intelligent - much brighter than alot of boys in their class - but seems to do this 'baby talk' thing - you know if they're messing he reverts to 'baby talk' rather than just being like a funny 8yr old. My own son does that sometimes too, but only when he's in this little fella's company. As far as I know, the mum has no concerns about this behaviour though - I'm very friendly with the resource teacher in school and I know that none of this behaviour has been picked up through school. We live in quite a small town and I would have heard if he'd been diagnosed with anything at this stage.
I have had other kids over on the play date but he just sticks to my son even in other childrens company. My son (so far) doesn't have a problem with this at all so perhaps I am being overly worried. Worried about a situation that isn't actually a problem??? Or not??

Nevyn

Just a note children are not simply autistic, autism is a wide spectrum of behaviors and many people/children are somewhere on that spectrum but if they are not having trouble
functioning and learning then they don't get put forward for to be assessed.
Some children are just a bit different and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Are you worried that your son's friendship with this child is holding him back in someway?

Milesandmiles

Hi, it's possible that the little boy is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. My bro who is autisitc did pal with certain members of the family (we come from a large family) to the exclusion of others. Obviously your little boy is kind and sensitive. If his friend is somewhere on the spectrum your little boy will only benefit from the two of them being pals (unless there's something specific you're concerned about). I assume your little fella has other pals as well.

In the case of my brother, when his favourite sibling outgrew him he just moved on to the next in the family. Chances are this little boy will do the same and your son will have learnt from the experience.

LegacyUser

To be honest, when you ask am I afraid he's holding my son back, I suppose I am somewhat. My son loves football for example, and plays regulalry at home - this little boy isn't at all interested and when they try to get a game together in the school yard, my son tends to stick with this boy and they both get called 'sissy' (or the current equivalent!) for not playing football. My son insists that he'd prefer to stick with this boy because he hates to think of him on his own.
While I believe this is a beautiful personality trait that my little man has, I'm not sure how it will pan out.
Im probably sounding like an awful person myself now, but its like my son is putting this childs wishes ahead of his own and I'm afraid that as they get older, my son may want to actually play footie (for example) but the other kids won't be interested in letting him play. god Im sounding like such an overprotective mam, aren't I? Im terribly fond of this little boy - he's adorable. Thats not my intention at all!! I was slightly concerened about this myself, as I'd seen my son behave differently when this boy is around - however, when the teacher also commented on it, Im begining to wonder if I should do anything...

Deliverance

Unregistered wrote: »

To be honest, when you ask am I afraid he's holding my son back, I suppose I am somewhat. My son loves football for example, and plays regulalry at home - this little boy isn't at all interested and when they try to get a game together in the school yard, my son tends to stick with this boy and they both get called 'sissy' (or the current equivalent!) for not playing football. My son insists that he'd prefer to stick with this boy because he hates to think of him on his own.
While I believe this is a beautiful personality trait that my little man has, I'm not sure how it will pan out.
Im probably sounding like an awful person myself now, but its like my son is putting this childs wishes ahead of his own and I'm afraid that as they get older, my son may want to actually play footie (for example) but the other kids won't be interested in letting him play. god Im sounding like such an overprotective mam, aren't I? Im terribly fond of this little boy - he's adorable. Thats not my intention at all!! I was slightly concerened about this myself, as I'd seen my son behave differently when this boy is around - however, when the teacher also commented on it, Im begining to wonder if I should do anything...

There are plenty of football activities and clubs that your kid can join outside of school. i.e. join the local footy junior team or even ballet classes if he so wishes;) The school yard is not the be all and end all of learning.

What happens in the school yard stays in the school yard;) the fact that your little fella is wise enough and good enough to actually be principled enough at his age to support a chap that is in need is commendable. See that first and support it, in fact be proud of it. To me that is an amazing little fella who has character and substance.

If you in any way say to him that he should avoid the chap in need would damage his great realised principles that he has learned surely? If anything he should be taught on how to bring the chap into the games in the school yard. Possibly by yourself having to make contact with his parents? I'm sure that they are and will be delighted in that respect. I'm sure that the parents of this little chap will love to meet the parents of the fella who helps their kid out so much. That is my take on it in a positive way.

I think that I absolutely understand your concerns, but personally If I had a son like yours at his age I would actually feel proud.

LegacyUser

Do you know I'm quite embarrassed now that I genuinely hadn't thought of it like that. I really hadn't. I was more concerned that my son may end up with no other friends either, rather than being proud of him and proud that he has such a good nature.
Thanks for giving me such a different angle of this issue, which I was beginning to believe, was a problem. I can absolutely see it from my sons point of view now, and am indeed, very proud of him.
Thanks again.