Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

elainee40

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

That's good, if they've helped before they should help you now. Did they help before?

They did, but after i got use to the dose i had to be bumped up to stronger dose. I was on the for about 8 years, so was massive massive achievement to come off them.

I went to my GP today who out of the whole practice (6 gps) hes the only one i seem to consently have, normally just shout names off a list.

Anyway, he had been great support in the last 5 years (new in the area we moved in) and he asked why, he knows my husband due to his health issues so he does know a good lot inside and outside of us, i explained what was and happened in the last few months in my marriage.
He told me i am better, i deserve better in a relationship and that from everything ive gone through from the age of 19 (physical domestic relationship, miscarrage, prem baby etc) i deserve better, and all the support i gave my husband while in hospital.

The last week ive wanted to punch my husband every time ive saw him as im so angry and upset. And yesterday said i need a doctor to myself.
Im losing the cool with my kids, im screaming and shouting at my husband, not eaten in days. feel like im looking from the outside in, i have though of ending it a few times in last few days too.
I love my husband but im so hurt

Call Me Jimmy

Sounds rough. I suppose things are complicated with a marriage and kids. I've no experience really, but you must be seriously stressed. I can't imagine living with someone when you are not getting on (to put it mildly).

I don't suppose you consider meditation or setting aside time to slow down mentally? Sometimes it helps when my mind is racing to come back to mindfulness, like awareness of breathing, body sensations etc... But I can't really talk lately, I'm so apathetic...

EDIT: Actually that outside in phrase exactly describes how I feel at the moment. And thoughts of ending it can be appealing at these types of times but I'll just say what you know, you got out of an abusive relationship, you have a lot of strength, you know you can do whatever is necessary for yourself and your kids if it's not working out in the marriage.

stop animal cruelty

Been having a tough few days this week. Finishing work tomorrow so back to unemployment

Not really looking forward to christmas, no one in my family talks. All my friends are in college so cant get out much.

Theres times when you can snap out of it & start reminding yourself how lucky you are to have a roof over your head & food on the table etc but sometimes its not enough. Feel like lm missing out so much in life. never had a boyfriend over even close to it :S

Been thinking about the S word too, tho l know its never the answer but theres times when l feel things won't change or work out the way l want to. l have no idea what career l want. All lm sure of is that l want to get married & have kids but that mighten even happen.

Also think my friend might be scoring a guy like l like in her class in college. l dont trust her but l think lm only friends with her cause havent got many.

Life f****** sucks.

elainee40

thank you jimmy x

stop animal cruelty

Hersheys wrote: »

I'm really low today. I should be happy - good things happened. But I keep remembering I don't deserve happiness & that's not a fun way to be.

I told my counsellor I was experiencing suicidal thoughts. She listened for maybe 5 mins and then said "ok Hershey's, times up. Should we meet again after Christmas?" - I could have cried. In fact I did. And I haven't felt right since.

Last night was really, really tough. Yet again I've another draft of a letter to go in the shredder in work.

But deep down I know it's not the answer & I know I'm not going to do it but I really, really, really cannot deal with these thoughts.

What a bitch of a counsellor! if l were you l'd look for a new one, that is no way to treat a client.

Hope you pull through & be ok

handbagmad

Very down today really bad thoughts my brain is on overdrive. There is so much negativity in this house anytime I feel ok there is "someone" here to piss all over it. I'm really just sick of it all. I dont want material things I just want some one to hug me talk to me and tell me i'm wanted and mean it.
Saying an empty "i'm sorry,i love you" after behaving like a spoiled prat doesnt cut it anymore. Another bit of me has been chipped away

cloud493

Haven't been having the best week this week. I'm not 100% sure what to do, really. Can't stand this time of year.

NegativeCreep

Feel like shit now and I was doing so well I think it's cause I'm finished college for a month and a half now for christmas

Kaching

cloud493 wrote: »

Can't stand this time of year.

I now understand why animals hibernate

cloud493

Christmas shopping is the worst thing, so many people :mad: I had Sophie with me, and she hates it too, so it wasn't that bad, but still.

neemish

Hi all :-)


Filled with self hate at the moment. Saw a picture of myself earlier and wanted to cry. Im quite overweight but am doing nothing to help myself. Meds make it worse. I hate my body. And not just cos of the weight.


Hope you're doing ok.
Cloud, does Santa still come to your house

cloud493

He sure does we were discussing what to leave him out this year.

neemish

cloud493 wrote: »

He sure does we were discussing what to leave him out this year.

Yay!! We always put some glitter on the lawn to guide the reindeer. It's the little things...

cloud493

I said to her today 'you traditionally leave santa milk and cookies, like we did last year' She said 'get him the nice white chocolate ones from tesco he'll like them'

neemish

cloud493 wrote: »

I said to her today 'you traditionally leave santa milk and cookies, like we did last year' She said 'get him the nice white chocolate ones from tesco he'll like them'

So cute. And thoughtful

cloud493

She is I have all her presents wrapped and tucked away.

neemish

cloud493 wrote: »

She is <3 I have all her presents wrapped and tucked away.

We have to try and concentrate on the positive. And enjoy the time with kids

cloud493

I know, thats why I'm making any effort at all, instead of curling up into a ball and dying. Doing it for her.

River Song

I freaking hate this time of year. Not Christmas, the end of the year, because I get to look back and see all the **** I've done and all the people I've hurt and stupid crap like that. It's only hit me the last few days, since Wednesday-ish, and I'm just falling apart all over again. I thought I was doing okay since I stopped taking my tablets but it's just too much. I think I'll go to the doctors monday, get her to put me back on them. Gah.

Dunny

Hate xmas, awful time of year, music has me sane.

handbagmad

My new years wish,I wish for me..
For me to just wake up and see
That I can face this world with a smile
And realy think that life is worthwhile

To look in the mirror and not be ashamed
At my looks my thoughts,my goals or even my name,
To think that I am wanted here
To think that some one wants me so near.

I hope for all the sufferers near and far
tonight look upon a bright shinning star
To find the strength and healing within
For a new story and chapter to begin.

Sorry folks i'm overwhelmed with stoopid emotions tonight xx

Hersheys

Insomnia. Mental thoughts. Bad combination. Also hate Christmas time. Annoying.

handbagmad

Hersheys wrote: »

Insomnia. Mental thoughts. Bad combination. Also hate Christmas time. Annoying.

hi hersheys hope you's are ok! fcuking hate this time of year too. x

Hersheys

handbagmad wrote: »

hi hersheys hope you's are ok! fcuking hate this time of year too. x

Had a very panicky night & a very disrupted sleep.

I hate the big family gatherings. Nearly always a fight at them

Gremlinertia

I've been way off form for a while now. Very down.. Looking at electric cabinets at work and thinking f**k it why not. I've never really been like that at work before - work is where i'm usually safe, an overnight shift tonight, it won't be fun...

Next up, i see a few of ye are not feeling great about the 25th of this month - this is where i'm lucky, i refer to it as the 25th, there's no difference with work or home.. Just two cards is all. Just another day.

HalloweenJack

Been on the verge of tears the last few days, can't get it out though which is most frustrating. I've been feeling fairly sluggish lately.

Went to a dinner party in my friend's house earlier on and I was the only one not drinking (a conscious decision on my part) and I got a few odd looks as I'm known as a heavy drinker. I felt a bit uncomfortable after a while. It seemed like every time I went to refill my drink (pineapple juice), someone would say 'Oh, that's not like you, Jack' or 'Aren't you going to add something to that?'.

It's been weighing on my mind since I left. I don't want to be known as a big drinker.

I was feeling so deflated earlier on that I didn't want to start drinking as I knew I'd end up having loads but everyone noticed I wasn't drinking and almost made me feel like I wasn't being myself without a drink in my hand.

Need to big myself up for the final week of work before a two-week break. Will be going home for a week at Christmas and I'm in two minds about it. I'm looking to seeing my friends and some of my family but there's other parts I'm dreading, like the inevitable boredom on Christmas day and Stephen's.

Da Shins Kelly

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Been on the verge of tears the last few days, can't get it out though which is most frustrating. I've been feeling fairly sluggish lately.

Went to a dinner party in my friend's house earlier on and I was the only one not drinking (a conscious decision on my part) and I got a few odd looks as I'm known as a heavy drinker. I felt a bit uncomfortable after a while. It seemed like every time I went to refill my drink (pineapple juice), someone would say 'Oh, that's not like you, Jack' or 'Aren't you going to add something to that?'.

It's been weighing on my mind since I left. I don't want to be known as a big drinker.

I was feeling so deflated earlier on that I didn't want to start drinking as I knew I'd end up having loads but everyone noticed I wasn't drinking and almost made me feel like I wasn't being myself without a drink in my hand.

Need to big myself up for the final week of work before a two-week break. Will be going home for a week at Christmas and I'm in two minds about it. I'm looking to seeing my friends and some of my family but there's other parts I'm dreading, like the inevitable boredom on Christmas day and Stephen's.

I can sympathise somewhat with this. I'm slightly concerned about my drinking behaviour at times. I am a truly horrible drunk sometimes. Been known to get violent and then not have any recollection of it.

NegativeCreep

Sooooo glad to see I'm not the only one who's disgusted at their drinking behaviours! It's like I literally have no inhibitions, It's quite embarrassing but there's n way I can quit the drink!

cloud493

She can't hate me if there's nothing to hate. Thats logical.

darkhorse

handbagmad wrote: »

My new years wish,I wish for me..
For me to just wake up and see
That I can face this world with a smile
And realy think that life is worthwhile

To look in the mirror and not be ashamed
At my looks my thoughts,my goals or even my name,
To think that I am wanted here
To think that some one wants me so near.

I hope for all the sufferers near and far
tonight look upon a bright shinning star
To find the strength and healing within
For a new story and chapter to begin.

Sorry folks i'm overwhelmed with stoopid emotions tonight xx

Thats lovely. Did you make it up yourself.