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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.
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Really reassuring to see how many others are going through this, I spend so much of my day to day life feeling like a massive weirdo so it's nice to know I'm not alone.
I've suffered from social anxiety my entire life, although I've only recently been officially diagnosed. I was always sort of the shy awkward kid that nobody really noticed, and because of that I didn't have such an easy time in school. I wasn't really picked on, although a few things did happen, like I found a lot of nasty things written about myself online when I was about 13. It was more the constant isolation, a general feeling of apathy towards me that wore me down over the years. I didn't have many friends at all, and nobody really talked to me. For the six years I was there I was made to feel completely insignificant. If I ever had confidence secondary school completely killed it for me.
I'm 20 now, and unfortunately carried the anxiety over after school. I have a decent group of friends, and a long term boyfriend, but that hasn't changed anything in my head. I still feel completely worthless, I still avoid social situations like the plague, even with people I know well. I find things like going out too distressing to enjoy. I missed basically an entire year of college last year because of my problems, and ended up having to teach myself all of it, because of that I didn't do as well in the exams as I would have liked. I don't feel like an adult at all, I still feel like an awkward little kid and I'm scared that'll never go away.
I've been told that there's often a crossover with anxiety and depression and I'd say that could be the case for me. When I wake up in the morning my first instinct is to think 'Why bother? What's the point in doing anything?' I don't have any enthusiasm for life or motivation to do anything, all I want to do is stay by myself in my room all day..and then hate myself for not doing anything and being in my room all day. I took up running and thats' already starting to fall by the wayside, I just don't care enough, even though it makes me feel good when I'm doing it.
I've found that since I can't control my feelings, all that helps is fixating on something I can control.I go through periods of starving, exercising and obsessively weighing myself. It's like if I can get below a certain weight all my problems will be magically solved or something. :rolleyes: Another thing I've found, that gives me a release, is hurting myself, which I guess is kind of worrying. It started when I punched a wall in frustration, and hurt my hand, then realised it made me feel better. I mostly just slap myself across the face, but I did try cutting myself recently, really hope I don't get the urge to do that again. I occasionally think of suicide, but more often I'd think about it in a kind of abstract way, wondering how people would react, would anybody care.
I can still function normally, like most people wouldn't know anythings wrong, but I'm pretty all over the place emotionally and it gets hard sometimes. I dunno if anyone will read this, but it was pretty good to vent!0 -
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norwegianwood wrote: »Really reassuring to see how many others are going through this, I spend so much of my day to day life feeling like a massive weirdo so it's nice to know I'm not alone.
I've suffered from social anxiety my entire life, although I've only recently been officially diagnosed. I was always sort of the shy awkward kid that nobody really noticed, and because of that I didn't have such an easy time in school. I wasn't really picked on, although a few things did happen, like I found a lot of nasty things written about myself online when I was about 13. It was more the constant isolation, a general feeling of apathy towards me that wore me down over the years. I didn't have many friends at all, and nobody really talked to me. For the six years I was there I was made to feel completely insignificant. If I ever had confidence secondary school completely killed it for me.
I'm 20 now, and unfortunately carried the anxiety over after school. I have a decent group of friends, and a long term boyfriend, but that hasn't changed anything in my head. I still feel completely worthless, I still avoid social situations like the plague, even with people I know well. I find things like going out too distressing to enjoy. I missed basically an entire year of college last year because of my problems, and ended up having to teach myself all of it, because of that I didn't do as well in the exams as I would have liked. I don't feel like an adult at all, I still feel like an awkward little kid and I'm scared that'll never go away.
I've been told that there's often a crossover with anxiety and depression and I'd say that could be the case for me. When I wake up in the morning my first instinct is to think 'Why bother? What's the point in doing anything?' I don't have any enthusiasm for life or motivation to do anything, all I want to do is stay by myself in my room all day..and then hate myself for not doing anything and being in my room all day. I took up running and thats' already starting to fall by the wayside, I just don't care enough, even though it makes me feel good when I'm doing it.
I've found that since I can't control my feelings, all that helps is fixating on something I can control.I go through periods of starving, exercising and obsessively weighing myself. It's like if I can get below a certain weight all my problems will be magically solved or something. :rolleyes: Another thing I've found, that gives me a release, is hurting myself, which I guess is kind of worrying. It started when I punched a wall in frustration, and hurt my hand, then realised it made me feel better. I mostly just slap myself across the face, but I did try cutting myself recently, really hope I don't get the urge to do that again. I occasionally think of suicide, but more often I'd think about it in a kind of abstract way, wondering how people would react, would anybody care.
I can still function normally, like most people wouldn't know anythings wrong, but I'm pretty all over the place emotionally and it gets hard sometimes. I dunno if anyone will read this, but it was pretty good to vent!
Vent away lady!
Have you spoken to a doctor or therapist about how you are feeling? Particularly about the self destructive behaviours (eating/punching walls/slapping face) as these kind of behaviours can escalate.
There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about in talking to your gp about it - they have heard it all before! Nothing will shock them.
But do try get the behaviour under control. It's a slippery slope & can quickly spiral - speaking from experience!!0 -
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NegativeCreep wrote: »Really down the past while. Went out with friends and couldn't even talk at all to them. That's the first time that happened me.
Noticing some symptoms of depersonalisation now too. Like I'm watching myself do things and don't have any control. The rest of the time I can't get out of myself. I just want it all gone.
Depersonalisation sucks
having a depersonalised day today - too many coincidences taunting my irrationability. 0 -
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Friday 13th September, Red Cow Hotel, Naas Road, Dublin
Hi All,
Earlier in the year a number of OPS mentioned that they would be interested in meeting up informally for coffee and a chat.
The date is Friday 13th September, in the Bar , Red Cow Hotel @ 8.30pm
It would be nice to meet as many OPS as possible .
Best wishes always
Sincerely,
Del
I posted this last night on the Thread , Let us all laugh at people with Depression. Apologies I forgot to post it here too.
I know many of us dip in and out of both threads, so to ensure we don't leave anyone out it is here now.
Please come along, everyone welcome.
We are all soldiers fighting the war called Depression!:)0 -
norwegianwood wrote: »Really reassuring to see how many others are going through this, I spend so much of my day to day life feeling like a massive weirdo so it's nice to know I'm not alone.
I've suffered from social anxiety my entire life, although I've only recently been officially diagnosed. I was always sort of the shy awkward kid that nobody really noticed, and because of that I didn't have such an easy time in school. I wasn't really picked on, although a few things did happen, like I found a lot of nasty things written about myself online when I was about 13. It was more the constant isolation, a general feeling of apathy towards me that wore me down over the years. I didn't have many friends at all, and nobody really talked to me. For the six years I was there I was made to feel completely insignificant. If I ever had confidence secondary school completely killed it for me.
I'm 20 now, and unfortunately carried the anxiety over after school. I have a decent group of friends, and a long term boyfriend, but that hasn't changed anything in my head. I still feel completely worthless, I still avoid social situations like the plague, even with people I know well. I find things like going out too distressing to enjoy. I missed basically an entire year of college last year because of my problems, and ended up having to teach myself all of it, because of that I didn't do as well in the exams as I would have liked. I don't feel like an adult at all, I still feel like an awkward little kid and I'm scared that'll never go away.
I've been told that there's often a crossover with anxiety and depression and I'd say that could be the case for me. When I wake up in the morning my first instinct is to think 'Why bother? What's the point in doing anything?' I don't have any enthusiasm for life or motivation to do anything, all I want to do is stay by myself in my room all day..and then hate myself for not doing anything and being in my room all day. I took up running and thats' already starting to fall by the wayside, I just don't care enough, even though it makes me feel good when I'm doing it.
I've found that since I can't control my feelings, all that helps is fixating on something I can control.I go through periods of starving, exercising and obsessively weighing myself. It's like if I can get below a certain weight all my problems will be magically solved or something. :rolleyes: Another thing I've found, that gives me a release, is hurting myself, which I guess is kind of worrying. It started when I punched a wall in frustration, and hurt my hand, then realised it made me feel better. I mostly just slap myself across the face, but I did try cutting myself recently, really hope I don't get the urge to do that again. I occasionally think of suicide, but more often I'd think about it in a kind of abstract way, wondering how people would react, would anybody care.
I can still function normally, like most people wouldn't know anythings wrong, but I'm pretty all over the place emotionally and it gets hard sometimes. I dunno if anyone will read this, but it was pretty good to vent!
Welcome Norwegianwood! Please rant to your hearts content, that is what it is for, really! But saying that, there is a very positive and encourging side to this thread. It's nice being somewhat connected to people with similiar problems and share advice with each other.
For starters, I'd advise you to visit your GP. There service is available to be used and they're trained to deal with all sorts of problems. At your intial appointment they will ask you mandatory questions (eating/sleeping habits) and listen to your concerns. They will be able to diagnose and implement a treatment plan. Usually this involves prescription medication and a referall to a CBT (psychotherapist). If you are worried about taking medications speak to your GP or pharmacist and they will talk you through it. Coming from someone with very similar circumstances, I found it a relief to diagnosed. Most of my childhood and all of my teenage years I spent viewing myself as a weak person. But that is the illness, not the person shadowed underneath it. You CAN get better, it takes time and effort, but it is most certainly possible. And trust me, once you begin recovering, you won't look back! Good luck, and any questions just ask! :P0 -
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Thanks for the happy birthdays, even if they were out of pity and ye don't know me. Better than anything else I've got today
You are very welcome. Hope it brought at least a smile:)
Birthday's can be an akward subject , I know as I face a significant birthday soon.;)
In reality we should celebrate every day as our birthday , because it is good to be alive.
When we are feeling anxious, lonely or generally feeling down, it is hard to be upbeat or enthusiastic about things.
We need to put ourselves first, look after number 1 until we regain our strength of mind and body.
We are here for you, so please feel free to post and help offload whatever may be causing you to feel so unhappy.
I have learned by writing things down , it has helped focus my mind on what issues are bothering me, sometimes friends here share advice or stories of similar issues and how they got help in resolving them.
Your GP can also be a wonderful contact to speak with. They regularly come in contact who may be feeling , below par for all sorts of reasons.
I cannot praise my GP highly enough for getting me back on the road to recovery when I was diagnosed with Depression.
Apologies for whittering on, but I genuinely hope we at least broght you a today!
Best Wishes
Del0 -
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