Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

delthedriver

handbagmad wrote: »

hi everyone havent had the heart to post here for a long long time. I dont want to as all I seem to do is vent.
Im very agitated and feel like a complete failure in society. I feel like a waste of space and air.
I have thoughts whizzing around my head of all the things I really need to do to have a life back. But im ignoring them. Im frightened.
I have been out of work for over a year now and financially everything is just bad. Im petrified about the mortgage payments. Im afraid to go out now and afraid to meet people. I feel my brain is going to pack up.
I go to speak and cant find the words, ive began stuttering which I never did.
How did I get to this.??
The thought of going back to work actually makes me vomit with fear.
Im a year out of a bad relationsip,paying for a house that holds bad memories, wanting to be alone all the time frustrated and sad that my life is a failure. I see no brightness in my future.
im currently on effexor, having changed meds twice already this year. It just all seems to hard

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!
You are unwell at the moment but you will get better.
The broken relationship is now past tense. You are the most important person in your world and you must learn to live in the present. Be extremely kind and gentle with yourself.
So you are receiving medical help from your GP? Have you considered Counselling?
To ease some of your worries I think it may be appropriate to talk to your Mortgage lender, and explain your situation.
Regarding a return to work, what support are you receiving from your Employers? When you are ready to return , obviously with your GP's approval, is it possible to return on a phased basis over a number of months to allow feel comfortable back in the workplace?
Personally I have encountered many of the symptoms you are presently experiencing. Trust me when I say, Honestly Life will get better.
Please look after yourself, because you are worth it.:):):)

RubyXI

I take it as a bad sign that I'm trying to work out the logistics of hanging myself

Hersheys

phi3 wrote: »

I take it as a bad sign that I'm trying to work out the logistics of hanging myself

Yes. It is. I'm on pm if you want to talk but please talk to somebody. Your local on call GP, the samaratins, local a&e... Is there a friend you can talk to?

RubyXI

Hersheys wrote: »

Yes. It is. I'm on pm if you want to talk but please talk to somebody. Your local on call GP, the samaratins, local a&e... Is there a friend you can talk to?

I's fine. I don't want to seem pessimistic to my friend.

Hersheys

phi3 wrote: »

I's fine. I don't want to seem pessimistic to my friend.

We all say its fine from time to time but at least be honest here. No need to put on a brave face. We won't think you are pessimistic.

But please consider talking to somebody. You don't need to tell them that you're contemplating logistics, just have a chat about whatever is on your mind.

Esel

phi3 wrote: »

I's fine. I don't want to seem pessimistic to my friend.

Hey phi, did you ever go to see your doctor after writing to them? Or did they ever get back to you?

RubyXI

Esel wrote: »

Hey phi, did you ever go to see your doctor after writing to them? Or did they ever get back to you?

They wrote and said my doctor no longer works there. And the doctor that wrote said I should call and see her. But I went to her before (not about this stuff) and didn't like her so I've changed to another practice.

delthedriver

phi3 wrote: »

They wrote and said my doctor no longer works there. And the doctor that wrote said I should call and see her. But I went to her before (not about this stuff) and didn't like her so I've changed to another practice.

Please make contact with the new practice today. I'm sure they will facilitate you with an early appointment. It would be nice to feel a bit better over the weekend . You really need to be very gentle and kind to yourself, because you are worth it!:)

RubyXI

delthedriver wrote: »

Please make contact with the new practice today. I'm sure they will facilitate you with an early appointment. It would be nice to feel a bit better over the weekend . You really need to be very gentle and kind to yourself, because you are worth it!:)

I don't think I can. It probably wouldn't help anyway.

murria

phi3 wrote: »

I don't think I can. It probably wouldn't help anyway.

Good morning phi3. Hope you got some sleep last night. Did you get to speak to anyone at all?

RubyXI

murria wrote: »

Good morning phi3. Hope you got some sleep last night. Did you get to speak to anyone at all?

No, I'm a bit low on people to be honest.

Hersheys

phi3 wrote: »

No, I'm a bit low on people to be honest.

1850 60 90 90

Please give them a call phi3. They can help. A listening, understanding ear always helps.

As always I am on pm if you want to chat. Or I can meet in Dublin City centre today for coffee (or tea if it's your preferred poison) and a chat.

Please don't be alone.

RubyXI

Hersheys wrote: »

1850 60 90 90

Please give them a call phi3. They can help. A listening, understanding ear always helps.

As always I am on pm if you want to chat. Or I can meet in Dublin City centre today for coffee (or tea if it's your preferred poison) and a chat.

Please don't be alone.

I'm better at being alone.
As someone once said, Comfortable but unhappy with being alone.

murria

phi3 wrote: »

I'm better at being alone.
As someone once said, Comfortable but unhappy with being alone.

It probably would help if you just spoke to someone though. Is there anything you can think of that we can do to help you Phi3?

RubyXI

murria wrote: »

It probably would help if you just spoke to someone though. Is there anything you can think of that we can do to help you Phi3?

Not really, think i'm just stuck with life as it is. Sometimes I can cope with it. Sometimes it gets too much.

Hersheys

Well in the times life gets too much would you consider chatting to your new GP about your options?

delthedriver

phi3 wrote: »

I don't think I can. It probably wouldn't help anyway.

Why ever not ? I have great faith in our doctors and modern medicine. Without them ........?

Please make the call

MickFleetwood

Could anybody tell me how effective/safe SSRI's are in general? I know it seems like a broad question but any help would be appreciated.

delthedriver

MickFleetwood wrote: »

Could anybody tell me how effective/safe SSRI's are in general? I know it seems like a broad question but any help would be appreciated.

Thank you for your question. To be honest it may be appropriate to discuss this one with your prescribing doctor. I am sure there will be many opinions out there, however I have great faith in the medical profession and would seek their views directly.:)

Esel

MickFleetwood wrote: »

Could anybody tell me how effective/safe SSRI's are in general? I know it seems like a broad question but any help would be appreciated.

This post should not be construed as medical advice. If a moderator decides it is inappropriate under the forum charter, I have no objection to it being deleted.

A broad answer, then. (IANAD).

Imo, they are generally safe. Some (e.g. Seroxat, generic name Paroxetine) have become somewhat controversial. Different SSRIs suit different people. They can all take up to 6-8 weeks to take effect.

Suicidal ideation has been proposed as a side-effect of many SSRIs, which might sound paradoxical. The theory, afaik, is that when the mood is lifted, the patient could then have the energy to act on suicidal thoughts. The patient should be monitored regularly and frequently by their prescribing doctor both for this reason and also to ensure that the drug is suitable and effective. Often, where one drug might not be effective, another one might.

Sudden discontinuation is definitely contra-indicated (i.e. bad) as SSRI discontinuation syndrome can be severe and can cause many very undesirable symptoms.

There are some other related anti-depressants available too e.g. SNRIs, NaSSAs, NRIs all with their own pros and cons.

Sometimes the above drugs have been found to be more effective in combination.

The above is my own opinion (all referring to 'uni-polar' depression i.e. not bi-polar depression - afaik use of SSRIs and similar medications are generally not recommended for bi-polar).

All the links given are to Wikipedia (some people have issues with using Wikipedia as a reference).

MickFleetwood

Esel wrote: »

This post should not be construed as medical advice. If a moderator decides it is inappropriate under the forum charter, I have no objection to it being deleted.

A broad answer, then. (IANAD).

Imo, they are generally safe. Some (e.g. Seroxat, generic name Paroxetine) have become somewhat controversial. Different SSRIs suit different people. They can all take up to 6-8 weeks to take effect.

Suicidal ideation has been proposed as a side-effect of many SSRIs, which might sound paradoxical. The theory, afaik, is that when the mood is lifted, the patient could then have the energy to act on suicidal thoughts. The patient should be monitored regularly and frequently by their prescribing doctor both for this reason and also to ensure that the drug is suitable and effective. Often, where one drug might not be effective, another one might.

Sudden discontinuation is definitely contra-indicated (i.e. bad) as SSRI discontinuation syndrome can be severe and can cause many very undesirable symptoms.

There are some other related anti-depressants available too e.g. SNRIs, NaSSAs, NRIs all with their own pros and cons.

Sometimes the above drugs have been found to be more effective in combination.

The above is my own opinion (all referring to 'uni-polar' depression i.e. not bi-polar depression - afaik use of SSRIs and similar medications are generally not recommended for bi-polar).

All the links given are to Wikipedia (some people have issues with using Wikipedia as a reference).

Thank you for the response.

I'm starting on Prozac (Fluoxetine) soon. I've heard that giving bipolar patients SSRI's is to be avoided. The thing is, the past couple of days I've been showing symptoms that are somewhat similar to that particular illness.

I'm against self-diagnosing and I'm not saying I have this or don't have that etc etc but I'm wary of taking a drug if it will have adverse effects on me.

Thanks again.

Esel

MickFleetwood wrote: »

Thank you for the response.

I'm starting on Prozac (Fluoxetine) soon. I've heard that giving bipolar patients SSRI's is to be avoided. The thing is, the past couple of days I've been showing symptoms that are somewhat similar to that particular illness.

I'm against self-diagnosing and I'm not saying I have this or don't have that etc etc but I'm wary of taking a drug if it will have adverse effects on me.

Thanks again.

It would be very advisable to discuss your concerns with your doctor.

Regarding side-effects (of many drugs, not just anti-depressants): one could easily get scared reading the list of side-effects for any particular drug. However, you have to bear in mind that these are listed in order of frequency of occurrence from very common to very rare, and that a lot of the common ones often disappear after a while. Don't let it put you off needlessly anyway.

I love Cake

Hi all! Long time lurker alert!

Depression has been my master since my teenage years, my heart still beats despite my best efforts. I have stumbled through three severe bouts of intense blackness thanks to my immediate family. Throughout my life I have formed numerous close bonds only to see these connections shattered by the fallout from my depression. Whenever I have succumbed to the black dog my friends were noticeably absent. Is this a common complaint?

I would disappear from the world for months on end and pray for death, during these harrowing periods I received little or no contact from my comrades. This happened with my school friends and with my close peers from two different universities.

In the past I have held a deep sense of shame regarding my illness and never sought solace from any of my friends but is it normal to just discard a person? I would have put my life on the line for the majority of them yet at the first sigh of adversity their friendship dissipated. I would genuinely love some opinions on this subject as I am incredibly bruised by these incidents, am I to blame?

When I am not in the throws of depression I am an engaging and caring person, I have always been quite popular but I now find myself in the situation of being in my mid 20's and having no friends. It makes my efforts to recover seem futile.

MickFleetwood

Esel wrote: »

It would be very advisable to discuss your concerns with your doctor.

Regarding side-effects (of many drugs, not just anti-depressants): one could easily get scared reading the list of side-effects for any particular drug. However, you have to bear in mind that these are listed in order of frequency of occurrence from very common to very rare, and that a lot of the common ones often disappear after a while. Don't let it put you off needlessly anyway.

I'm going to do just that the next time I see my psychiatrist.

For what it's worth I've taken a drug before (not any anti-depressant or anything of the sort) but the potential side-effects of that were far more widespread and dangerous than with Prozac. Fluoxetine actually appears incredibly mild compared to the medication I took in the past, which I got out of alright. It's not really the side-effects that make me apprehensive as with all powerful drugs there's going to be a book's worth of potential side-effects. It's just reading about how people remain mentally foggy and often how their depression worsens after finishing their course is what's making me worry.

I value mental clarity very much and I'd be completely against anything that would dull my mind or personality like that. What do you think? I also don't want this pill to send me up with walls with manic-like symptoms, as I've read can happen. Recently I've been sort of like that; racing thoughts, trying to do everything at once, high self-esteem, can't stop talking, lack of sleep yet still hyperactive, etc. I just want to keep myself as secure as possible with this stuff.

downonthefarm

its all a matter of choice i suppose mick,if you think you can cope without medicine than more power to you.

Esel

MickFleetwood wrote: »

I'm going to do just that the next time I see my psychiatrist.

For what it's worth I've taken a drug before (not any anti-depressant or anything of the sort) but the potential side-effects of that were far more widespread and dangerous than with Prozac. Fluoxetine actually appears incredibly mild compared to the medication I took in the past, which I got out of alright. It's not really the side-effects that make me apprehensive as with all powerful drugs there's going to be a book's worth of potential side-effects. It's just reading about how people remain mentally foggy and often how their depression worsens after finishing their course is what's making me worry.

I value mental clarity very much and I'd be completely against anything that would dull my mind or personality like that. What do you think?

I don't think that a dulling effect would be normal, and if it does happen a change of drug might be indicated.

You mention 'finishing a course'. Afaik, you can expect to be on AD medication for a period of many months at least. They don't work fast, and it is considered unwise to seek to stop taking them just because you are feeling good. Discuss this with your doctor, and only discontinue under their supervision (tapering off gradually - a different tapering regime for different drugs usually). Afaik, Prozac/Fluoxetine is one of the easier ones to come off due to its long half-life.

Esel

MickFleetwood wrote: »

I value mental clarity very much and I'd be completely against anything that would dull my mind or personality like that. What do you think? I also don't want this pill to send me up with walls with manic-like symptoms, as I've read can happen. Recently I've been sort of like that; racing thoughts, trying to do everything at once, high self-esteem, can't stop talking, lack of sleep yet still hyperactive, etc. I just want to keep myself as secure as possible with this stuff.

Just replying again as I noticed that you added to your post while I was composing my reply to it.

Definitely something to discuss in detail with your doctor.

I have to say you seem really on the ball regarding your state of mind.

Esel

I love Cake wrote: »

Hi all! Long time lurker alert!

Depression has been my master since my teenage years, my heart still beats despite my best efforts. I have stumbled through three severe bouts of intense blackness thanks to my immediate family. Throughout my life I have formed numerous close bonds only to see these connections shattered by the fallout from my depression. Whenever I have succumbed to the black dog my friends were noticeably absent. Is this a common complaint?

I would disappear from the world for months on end and pray for death, during these harrowing periods I received little or no contact from my comrades. This happened with my school friends and with my close peers from two different universities.

In the past I have held a deep sense of shame regarding my illness and never sought solace from any of my friends but is it normal to just discard a person? I would have put my life on the line for the majority of them yet at the first sigh of adversity their friendship dissipated. I would genuinely love some opinions on this subject as I am incredibly bruised by these incidents, am I to blame?

When I am not in the throws of depression I am an engaging and caring person, I have always been quite popular but I now find myself in the situation of being in my mid 20's and having no friends. It makes my efforts to recover seem futile.

I don't think from what you said that your friends discarded you. Neither do I think you are to blame.

They may well not have known why you disappeared off the radar. People can read things into situations sometimes. They may have thought "I haven't seen/heard from ILC for ages - I wonder did I do anything wrong?". Not saying that's what happened, but it is one scenario.

You said you have never opened up to ('sought solace from') any of your friends. Why, though? Talking is generally very good in this situation. I know that's easy to say, and it can be the last thing you want to do when you are really down.

You said that your connections to your friends have been 'shattered by the fallout from your depression'. I'm not asking you to answer the following question here, but it is something to think about. Did you do/say hurtful things to your friends when you were depressed that might have caused them to shrink away?

Anyway, I think you could consider trying to re-establish contact with some of them. You will know which ones. It might be hard for you to open up, and you will be risking further rejection, but it could be worth the risk. If they are local, and you feel up to it, you could just 'bump into them' in the local pub and say Hi. You don't have to pour your guts out, but briefly tell them how things have been for you. You might be pleasantly surprised at their response. Friendship (and re-establishing it) takes work, and sometimes you have to be the one to make the first move.

Marzipan85

Regarding side effects on medication, from my experience, you're better off not even reading them! Everything is in there bar spontaneous combustion. Your doctor will always be there monitoring you anyway if you are starting to take them, so let them deal with reading the side effects! The severe side effects are very rare anyway.

Call Me Jimmy

In my opinion, depression is hardest on friendships because quite simply people like to enjoy themselves. If we feel good or well we want to enjoy ourselves. When someone is down it just means it's harder to have fun with people. Sure real friends should not just walk away as soon as you stop being fun but in fairness after a long enough time period, if someone is consistently down and can not lift themselves at all in the company of others, what would you expect your friends to do?

I have kept my friends in an unadvisable way I think: I only see them when I'm feeling decent/good and we're guys so we don't exactly be texting and talking in the interim much if it all.

One thing I always keep in mind is that yes, I am depressed but it's not like their lives are rosy either, their problems are essentially as big as mine although not as limiting.